I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[crusador90]

I don't understand why men who have sex with any girl at all are deserving of more respect than guys who have not.
Even though I'm well past that age where that should matter and I don't have peers who call me out on not pursuing relationships or even one night stands with women, I still wonder why this exists in the first place.

 

[darklilac]

Men are depicted as and expected to be aggressors, being sexually aggressive is the "proper" way to be a man. If you aren't, then you are looked down upon by other men. On the off hand, women who have sex with lots of men are seen as disgusting sluts, so really that makes no sense. Men have to be having sex with someone, right?

It's a messed up expectation sprouting from the patriarchy and how men are supposed to be dominant.

Personally someone's sex life and who they sleep with isn't anyone's business, and I don't know why the world cares so much about it.

 

[Strazdas]

As a male virgin i dont understand either.

 

[Vault101]

also they Idea that if you don;t get sex then theres somthing wrong with you,

honestly people shouldn't make a big deal out of it...its private

 

[Thaluikhain]

Cause society has some fucking stupid ideas sometimes.

Now, I could sort of understand it if the same applied to women, or if it only applied to gay males, at least it'd be somewhat consistent.

But yeah, it's bullshit, and it's something of a real problem. Notice how every fucking movie ever made ends with the guy getting the girl (and I do mean "getting")...yeah, bit of an issue.

 

[Spambot 3000]

Because some idiots think their worth as a human being has exponentially increased because they've had sex at least once and now they must keep the illusion up by belittling anyone who hasn't.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Apparently if you're a female virgin, you're some sort of holy grail.
Whereas if you're a male virgin, you must be some basement-dwelling, neck-bearded, social outcast.

It's one of the best examples of modern-day sexism.

Except if she's a virgin because she's a "prude". Then she's a man-hating lesbian and/or frigid.

 

[Zhukov]

Oh, come on.

It's not that bloody complicated.

The vast majority of male virgins are virgins because for one reason or another they have failed to attract a mate. (They will of course deny this with the ferocity of a thousand blazing supernovas, but they're not fooling anyone.) So they are made fun of for their failure in the same way others are fun of for theirs.

Then they get together in the musty corners of the internet and claim not to understand what anyone's talking about and reassure each other that, no really, they're just not focussed on relationships right now and society just doesn't understand.

...

It's obviously not a nice thing to do to people, but that's why it happens.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I don't understand why men who have sex with any girl at all are deserving of more respect than guys who have not.
Even though I'm well past that age where that should matter and I don't have peers who call me out on not pursuing relationships or even one night stands with women, I still wonder why this exists in the first place.

Your more likely to be judged negatively by your male peers, but trust me it pays of big time when it comes to women later on.

I would recommend you educate yourself on how to pleasure your preferred sex though, but I know from experience many women find virgin guys hot. Sort of like unopened presents I guess or something.

 

[SinisterGehe]

As Asexual I cant understand this at all. I think it is admirable if someone who has sexual impulses is able to control them completely to the point that hes is conscious about hes needs/desires but wont act upon them until he and hes partner wants.

I am myself completely unable to understand how does the fact that I am Asexual make me a less of a man. Yes I am a virgin in hes 20's and I don't give a fuck about fuck (pardon). But if I look at the mirror and my DNA I see a man.

The shaming in my opinion comes from men who are driven by their desires and are unable to understand if someone is able to control them. They feel that those people are different and as we know most people are afraid of that what is different.

I think those men that make fun of male virgins are the lesser men. Manhood is not defined by your masculine needs, but by your ability to control those needs.

But who am I to say anything about this subject - I am broken human after-all.

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

 

[Zhukov]

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

You cannot be serious.

You think it's unfair that people end relationships with you when they realise that there isn't going to be any sex?

You can be as asexual as you want, but expecting non-asexual people to just give up on one of the most powerful biological imperatives they have because you're not interested is nothing short of ridiculous. And I mean that word literally, as in "worthy of ridicule".

In that situation, surprise surprise, they're going to drop you like a hot rock and go looking for someone who's interested in the same thing they are.

 

[Vault101]

Cause society has some fucking stupid ideas sometimes.

Now, I could sort of understand it if the same applied to women, or if it only applied to gay males, at least it'd be somewhat consistent.

you pretty much already said it..but to say it again

Apparently if you're a female virgin, you're some sort of holy grail.
Whereas if you're a male virgin, you must be some basement-dwelling, neck-bearded, social outcast.

from my perspecitve its actually alot more complicated on the female end of things

in highschool(the age where people actually give a shit about this kind of thing) I got the impression being a virgin made you naive (and somtimes was shameful), because you know obviously if you havnt had sex then your a sheltered little flower who doesn't understand the world/sarcasm and having sex made you a slut/skank..

and GOD FORBID you got illcit material passed around on phones/interes..that made you a filthy skank deserving of ridicule (no one ever mentioned the guy/s distributing/veiwing though..for some reason)

yeah..pretty fucked up all round

Oh, come on.

It's not that bloody complicated.

The vast majority of male virgins are virgins because for one reason or another they have failed to attract a mate. (They will of course deny this with the ferocity of a thousand blazing supernovas, but they're not fooling anyone.) So they are made fun of for their failure in the same way others are fun of for theirs.
.

while that is true..some peoples juvinile friggen obsession with it would get annoying (omg u not have sex lolololo) like I said such a thing is private and it actually annoys me people make such a big deal out of it which makes the idea of "going there" even more scary

 

[SinisterGehe]

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

You cannot be serious.

You think it's unfair that people end relationships with you when they realise that there isn't going to be any sex?

You can be as asexual as you want, but expecting non-asexual people to just give up on one of the most powerful biological imperatives they have because you're not interested is nothing short of ridiculous. And I mean that word literally, as in "worthy of ridicule".

In that situation, surprise surprise, they're going to drop you like a hot rock and go looking for someone who's interested in the same thing they are.

I don't want to share too much of the information between my and their relationships. But fact was if they were having fun and we were "Together" in every meaning of the sense and then they just give up when they realize the fact that when I mean "I don't want to have sex" really mean that. There were ok with it at first but after a while they weren't. So why come to me and say "Ah good I am looking just a relationship" then dump me when you realize there wont be sex in it. hell i even told them that I was Ok if they wanted to have sex with others, I just wanted someone who cares and I can are for.
- That is what I found unfair. them saying they were ok - but they weren't.

You can't go and judge the relationships I have had because you know jack shit and even less about them. We had shared interest we did things together, we were partners and in relationship. I find it unfair for someone to take it that far and then around the corner just drop it.

If they would drop me like a hot rock when they realize I am not they are looking for, why did they let it go for so long? Almost an year at best.

If there can be relationships without sex, even marriages. And sex without relationships. Then why the fuck i can not have a just a relationship?

Also isn't social relationships just as important as romantic relationships? Because far as I know even animals have social partners and sexual partners, separated from each other. If animals have such biological need, why don't we? After all we are share the same biological needs.

Don't judge me without knowing my full backstory... Makes you look like total asshole - to be honest.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Apparently if you're a female virgin, you're some sort of holy grail.
Whereas if you're a male virgin, you must be some basement-dwelling, neck-bearded, social outcast.

It's one of the best examples of modern-day sexism.

Of all the examples of sexism in the world, you think that this is one of the best?

OP: I think you do understand it, OP, you just want people to tell you it's silly, which it is.
Society places a lot of importance on sex and virginity. Men are expected to be macho and get bitches or whatever. Particularly by teenage boys, it's seen as almost a rite of passage and if you're the odd one out you're going to be picked on. That's just how teenagers work. Getting picked on over your sexual endeavours, or lack there of, is pretty retarded but the only people who care are probably pretty shallow or haven't had sex themselves.

If you're not getting picked on and your friends are just pointing it out, they probably just don't understand why you don't want to meet a girl. If one of my girl friends had no interest in guys or sex, I'd be pretty curious too.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I know from experience many women find virgin guys hot. Sort of like unopened presents I guess or something.

I've heard this too.

That there's a certain appeal to 'deflowering' your partner for the first time.

Thats exactly it, I saved myself till I was 21 and during those years I learned real quick that women love sex as much as men. I had one absolutely pissed that I wasn't putting out after 6 months in a relationship.

It felt like an accomplishment.

-----

Anyway seriously good things do happen to those who wait.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Apparently if you're a female virgin, you're some sort of holy grail.
Whereas if you're a male virgin, you must be some basement-dwelling, neck-bearded, social outcast.

It's one of the best examples of modern-day sexism.

Of all the examples of sexism in the world, you think that this is one of the best?

Well, it's certainly one of the most common.

The only people who really think female virgins are the holy grail are creepy old men.

Spoiler: They mean this virgin.

[http://www.istudio.com/photoview/124245]

Spoiler: Not this one.

 

[sextus the crazy]

The only people who really think female virgins are the holy grail are creepy old men.

I'm so quoting this in gender class tomorrow. Thank you, you glorious person.

 

[srm79]

Men are depicted as and expected to be aggressors, being sexually aggressive is the "proper" way to be a man. If you aren't, then you are looked down upon by other men. On the off hand, women who have sex with lots of men are seen as disgusting sluts, so really that makes no sense.

It makes perfect sense. Think about this way: if you have a key that can open lots of different locks, you would have to say that's a pretty damn awesome key, right? But if you have a lock that can be opened by lots of different keys, well, that's a pretty shitty lock. Amirite?

Seriously though, I was 20 before I lost my virginity. There was some winding up from mates who had lost theirs but I don't actually remember it being that bad. And I'm still quite proud that I didn't lose mine until I was with someone I had genuinely deep feelings for. Seriously, there's no shame in it.

 

[Palademon]

Because obviously if you can't attarct a mate you must be some weirdo with no social skills.

It can't possibly be that you actually want to find a partner, you have unrelatable interests, and have are not interested in sex for the pure sake of it - no, those males DON'T EXIST.

I am obviously making this up to appease my ego since I didn't manage to attract the one girl I've been interested in so far.

 

[WolfThomas]

I don't want to share too much of the information between my and their relationships. But fact was if they were having fun and we were "Together" in every meaning of the sense and then they just give up when they realize the fact that when I mean "I don't want to have sex" really mean that. There were ok with it at first but after a while they weren't. So why come to me and say "Ah good I am looking just a relationship" then dump me when you realize there wont be sex in it. hell i even told them that I was Ok if they wanted to have sex with others, I just wanted someone who cares and I can are for.
- That is what I found unfair. them saying they were ok - but they weren't.

You can't go and judge the relationships I have had because you know jack shit and even less about them. We had shared interest we did things together, we were partners and in relationship. I find it unfair for someone to take it that far and then around the corner just drop it.

If they would drop me like a hot rock when they realize I am not they are looking for, why did they let it go for so long? Almost an year at best.

If there can be relationships without sex, even marriages. And sex without relationships. Then why the fuck i can not have a just a relationship?

Also isn't social relationships just as important as romantic relationships? Because far as I know even animals have social partners and sexual partners, separated from each other. If animals have such biological need, why don't we? After all we are share the same biological needs.

Don't judge me without knowing my full backstory... Makes you look like total asshole - to be honest.

Well if you're honest with them straight from the get go then it really is their problem later down the track, versus you dropping the bomb after a period of courting.

Some of these young ladies might not believe you're truly asexual or may have misguided notions that they can change this. It's better to be super-duper-brutally clear from the start and risk losing them there then later on.

To non-asexuals (is the term just sexual?) well sex is one of the most important things ever. Sex is also tied heavily into emotion and love. Most people would rather have both their emotional and sexual needs met by the same person than split it between two parties. It's just a sexual person thing.