I just don't get it!

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

Then my advice is this
Talk to her openly, honestly and respectfully. Keep it short but pointful and heartful-

I like you and I care for you (which you do, it is evident in your op), I know you are having a difficult time with this guy right now and I don't want to intrude or disrespect that- you or him. Should you feel comfortable seeing me in the future I would love to give you my number just to start out with a friendship and with the possiblity to build from there. I know I sound like a douche, some guy on the internet gave me this advice.

Well, I'm already friends with her...

But saying the last part to her would be hilarious...

 

[Nouw]

Look at my finger. It's pointing towards the Advice Forum. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/index/538]

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

Well, tell her how you feel, but don't lecture her on her boyfriend. Don't make it seem like you're the better offer because otherwise she won't even want to date you, thinking that you're only trying to make her boyfriend look bad.

Just talk about you and her, keep the boyfriend out of the conversation unless she brings it up.

Never mentioned him to her before... I Don't plan on it either. So you think giving her the note is smart?

I think it would be better to tell her rather than give her a note so that you can properly explain things. If you give her a note, that gives her a chance to possible misinterpret things. That way, you can also answer any questions she has.

Well, I'd have about 10 minuites of being near her after giving her the note, and it's only a pice of filler paper long...

 

[Jim-a-Lim]

Note is bad, talk is good. Want proof? She is a woman, if you want her to understand you (and if she does have arelationship with you - she will want to so this is important stuff) then you need to demonstrate to her you can communicate well enough for her to appreciate how you feel whilst respecting you.

I'm using that word alot in this thread... respect - someone get an Aretha link in here please!

 

[Aprilgold]

I can't think of anything, give her the note when you see trouble bloom in their relationship, if done right you get the girl, he gets pissed off and scurrys away, and she is happy, win.

 

[NickFury90]

Holy crap, why are you putting this chick on a pedestal? "Oh my God she's just sooo perfect and pretty and funny and blah blah blah". You just need to kick that habit, IMMEDIATELY. I see a lot of nerds doing that shit, then wondering why the girl of their dreams goes off to screw some jerk.

Wait, how old are you, exactly? NOTE-PASSING? Is this elementary school?

 

[Mallefunction]

Well, tell her how you feel, but don't lecture her on her boyfriend. Don't make it seem like you're the better offer because otherwise she won't even want to date you, thinking that you're only trying to make her boyfriend look bad.

Just talk about you and her, keep the boyfriend out of the conversation unless she brings it up.

Never mentioned him to her before... I Don't plan on it either. So you think giving her the note is smart?

I think it would be better to tell her rather than give her a note so that you can properly explain things. If you give her a note, that gives her a chance to possible misinterpret things. That way, you can also answer any questions she has.

Well, I'd have about 10 minuites of being near her after giving her the note, and it's only a pice of filler paper long...

Trust me, talk to her. She will appreciate that much more and this way, she knows EXACTLY how you feel. In a situation like this, you don't want her to EVER misinterpret what you want to say. I am a woman and I've seen how a lot of my friends react to notes...unfortunately, people either read into things too much, or just take it completely out of context. This is probably your only chance to tell her your feelings so you really need to make sure that the message gets through loud and clear.

Also, if you talk to her, she can't just ignore it or put it off for later. Think about that.

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

Holy crap, why are you putting this chick on a pedestal? "Oh my God she's just sooo perfect and pretty and funny and blah blah blah". You just need to kick that habit, IMMEDIATELY. I see a lot of nerds doing that shit, then wondering why the girl of their dreams goes off to screw some jerk.

Wait, how old are you, exactly? NOTE-PASSING? Is this elementary school?

It's not note passing, delebirately giving her a note/poem thing I wrote.

All normal people can say what they think about the one they are attracted to. It's not unusual to complement someone.

 

[NickFury90]

Holy crap, why are you putting this chick on a pedestal? "Oh my God she's just sooo perfect and pretty and funny and blah blah blah". You just need to kick that habit, IMMEDIATELY. I see a lot of nerds doing that shit, then wondering why the girl of their dreams goes off to screw some jerk.

Wait, how old are you, exactly? NOTE-PASSING? Is this elementary school?

It's not note passing, delebirately giving her a note/poem thing I wrote.

All normal people can say what they think about the one they are attracted to. It's not unusual to complement someone.

No it isn't an unusual. But there's a line, ya know?

And pleeeeease tell me you aren't giving her a damn poem. What, do you think she's gonna see you for this amazing person and fall into your arms, so you can compliment her and dream about how perfect she is? "Oh MASTACHIEFPWN you're so sweet, I love that you constantly think of how wonderful and amazing I am, that's such an attractive quality in a man!"

I'm just giving you a reality check, fellow escapist. Women like jerks not because they like abuse, but they like mates that will challenge them, that will keep them interested, keep the spark in their relationship going. They don't want a pet who will lap up everything they do.

You just have to get out of this "nice guy" routine you're in. She has a boyfriend, you aren't getting in there, and giving her a poem about how totally awesome she is doesn't help matters. My advice is to just move on until an opportunity presents itself for you to move in on her. There's pleeeeenty of fish in the sea out there.

 

[finecrazydud]

if shes is your friend thats how you get her number just saw " here in case you wanna talk sometime" and if the boy friend starts something try to get him to hit you, dont fight back , stand there and take it. this has worked for me before.

 

[ZeZZZZevy]

I have a feeling that there is more going on behind the scenes. I've seen this kind of thing before, and there is a lot hiding from plain sight.

I really can't give you advice one way or the other, just think that there's a good chance there's more to this whole thing than you know

 

[WouldYouKindly]

Go for it. She might realize he's a dick and more importantly that she's got options, namely you if you're lucky. The reason some girls stick around with dicks is because they think together and miserable is better than alone.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

One of the unfortunate facts of the world, is that sometimes people just don't know what's best for them, and it sounds like this might be one of those cases. That said, you also might ask yourself if you want this girl to see you as the type of guy who would try and interfere with someone else's relationship?

I know being patient can suck. Even more if the result of being patient is that you find that you just need to move on. But I think that in cases where you're going after someone who's already in a relationship, often just letting things take their natural course is better than trying to assert your own notion of how things ought to be.

 

[ThePizzaGuy556]

Her being in a relationship doesn't really have to stop you. I mean you've made it clear you don't care about how the other guy feels so just go for it.

 

[NickFury90]

Seems appropriate.

Spoiler

Damn nice guy threads.

Now see, if I had just had this visual aid of sorts earlier, I wouldn't have to rant.

You are the man. YOU are the prize in the relationship, Chief. She should be chasing you, not the other way around.

 

[Cynimod]

The only thing I can sincerely say is good luck.

 

[Hamish Durie]

toss the dice
give her the note but then be ready

 

[NickFury90]

On reflection, give the note or sonnet or whatever. You'll probably rejected, then you'll hopefully learn from your mistakes. "Golly gee, this poem thing was a bad idea".

I mean, the WORST thing that happens is she is creeped out by your advances and rejects you, and you just move on with your life as a smarter person then you were yesterday, no harm done.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Seems appropriate.

Spoiler

Damn nice guy threads.

Funny thing is, something similiar to that actually worked for me.

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

Holy crap, why are you putting this chick on a pedestal? "Oh my God she's just sooo perfect and pretty and funny and blah blah blah". You just need to kick that habit, IMMEDIATELY. I see a lot of nerds doing that shit, then wondering why the girl of their dreams goes off to screw some jerk.

Wait, how old are you, exactly? NOTE-PASSING? Is this elementary school?

It's not note passing, delebirately giving her a note/poem thing I wrote.

All normal people can say what they think about the one they are attracted to. It's not unusual to complement someone.

No it isn't an unusual. But there's a line, ya know?

And pleeeeease tell me you aren't giving her a damn poem. What, do you think she's gonna see you for this amazing person and fall into your arms, so you can compliment her and dream about how perfect she is? "Oh MASTACHIEFPWN you're so sweet, I love that you constantly think of how wonderful and amazing I am, that's such an attractive quality in a man!"

I'm just giving you a reality check, fellow escapist. Women like jerks not because they like abuse, but they like mates that will challenge them, that will keep them interested, keep the spark in their relationship going. They don't want a pet who will lap up everything they do.

You just have to get out of this "nice guy" routine you're in. She has a boyfriend, you aren't getting in there, and giving her a poem about how totally awesome she is doesn't help matters. My advice is to just move on until an opportunity presents itself for you to move in on her. There's pleeeeenty of fish in the sea out there.

The only advice I truly follow to heart is "Be yourself" I'm not a dick, or a douchebag, or a jerk, I am a nice person. Nothing about me is going to change. This guy isn't abusive to her, he just doesn't really like her. She is diffirent from most every girl I have ever met. I'm not letting you tell me about how the girl I like is- Because she's not. I agree that a huge amount of girls are retards, and enjoy getting aboused by douchebags and such, but she isn't.