I Need Advice
- Thread starter TheRundownRabbit
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Well then here it goes:General_Potatoes said:
About three years ago I met this girl that I instantly fell in love with. She seemed different than the other girls. I acted like a gentleman around her and acted really nice. She got me out of my extreme depression that basically reduced me to a psycopath. Eventually we started dating and everything was going perfect. But everything comes to an end eventually and we broke up. I still had feelings for her and I still acted nice and we remained friends. She then went out with a guy that abused her and cheated on her. Eventually they broke up and I helped her recover from it. Then they started dating again. That is the moment where I snapped and I cut off all contact with her. Then it poped into my head: Girls never date the good guy, they always date the jerks that will eventually cheat on them. Her boyfriend cheated on her again and she was hoping for me to help her recover again. Now guess who is extreme depressed, and it isn't me this time. (Sorry for it being long.)
Okay. Honestly? You're still young, so you may not take what I have to say to heart (I didn't at your age), but here it is:Haseo21 said:
The problem that you face is that- regardless of the maturity levels of you or the lady you are interested in, you're both going to engage in the same bullshit that every other teenager has engaged in (with minor refinements) since the beginning of time. Honestly? There are stereotypes about male/female interactions at the teenage level for good reason: most teenagers act that way, frankly.
Now, that said, what should you do in your situation? Well, if you want to seperate yourself from every other guy, you will be gradually honest with her...
WAIT! What do I mean by 'gradually honest'? Well, that's the rub, my friend: most women (and this doesn't change as you go through life) will freak the fuck out if you come out and say "I Love You" on the first day, regardless of what the movie 'The Terminator' might have you believe. You have to gradually open yourself up.
The first time, you say "hey, you're really cool; let's go hang out." Low pressure, go to a concert, or some other public outing, but still kind of a 'date' situation. Note: inviting her out to see a band she really likes gets you even more well-thought of.
At the end of that, you don't put the moves on her, you say: "Wow, I really had a blast-- you want to do this again {some day in the future}?" and if she says yes, you suggest something a bit more intimate, like a dinner date and a movie-- something more private and intimate, but still not completely alone with her. If she's into you (and you'll know, trust me-- look for her to be licking her lips a lot when you end the night), you kiss her... but that's all; don't be a creep and cop a feel or anything.
You can go from there: it's building blocks. If you just pay attention to her cues, you should be cool. If she ever pulls back, apologize once, and let it go. If you overapologize, you're in essence convincing her that you're a creep.
Of course, this is for a normal, average-adjusted female (or at least close to it). Certain women are going to have hangups and landmines you couldn't possibly predict. I can't help you with those, and frankly, you should probably not try to handle it: dealing with the baggage is rarely, if ever, worth the trouble in the teens.
Feel free to shoot me a message if you'd like to discuss specific issues (or potential issues).
Edit: in light of what the poster below me said, I would have to admit that I'm a bit of an optimist. Although I think he's a bit presumptive (you didn't say she had turned you down in any way), he is right in one aspect: you should only try two, or maybe three times at the most. If she says 'no' each time to the initial proposition, then you should consider moving on, because honestly, it probably ain't going to happen.
Okay... Your situation sounds really familiar to me. If you can bear with me long enough to get through my story, maybe I can give you some decent advice.
I had a thing for this girl back in high school. We'd been friends since kindergarten, but we got really close in freshman year. She was nothing like other girls; she was down-to-earth, smart, quiet, funny, a bit naive, not conventionally pretty (but still beautiful to me). I fell for her, and hard.
I pretty much kept my feelings to myself for most of my freshman year, and it drove me nuts. One night, I was talking to a friend of mine about the whole situation, and she suggested that I just ask this girl out. Well, okay, what she actually said was "You're a gutless loser. Just grow a pair and ask her out." and she hung up on me. So, I called my crush up, and the conversation was as follows:
"What would you say if I asked you out?"
"I don't know."
"Well, let's find out. Will you go out with me?"
"Uh, no, I think we're really good friends."
"Okay. Cool." and I hung up.
We didn't speak to each other for a year after that.
So, toward the end of sophomore year, we started getting close again, and that was cool. We were in a lot of the same classes, and worked on a lot of projects together, letting me spend a lot of time with her in and out of school. Sometime during that year, I took her out to the movies (the American Godzilla, sadly. It was the only thing playing at the one theater in my little town.), but things stayed friendly.
I was feeling a little bit brave after our "date," so I got a friend to ask her in conversation if she'd ever consider going out with me. Her response, burned forever into my mind, was "I've told him no a thousand times. When will he get it?" I don't know if she ever knew that I asked our friend to ask that question, or if she knew that he told me. Needless to say, I was no less in love, so I kept spending as much time with her as I could, and things continued pretty much the same.
Skip forward a bit to junior year. The prom was coming up, and I wasn't even going to go, since I knew I didn't have a shot with my crush. Hell, I'd even tried to help set a mutual friend up with her, since she seemed to like him, but apparently I was wrong about that.
One night, the phone rang. I picked up, and it was my crush. I figured she was calling to ask what that night's Spanish homework was. Well, she asked if I had a date to the prom. I told her no, and she asked if I'd like to go with her. It took me about two seconds to answer, mostly because my brain replayed the question about a million times to make sure that I heard correctly. Obviously, I said yes.
That prom still stands out as one of the best nights of my life. I looked handsome, she looked beautiful. The prom was at a nice country club. The food was good. Most importantly, though, I got to slow dance with her. Several times. Turns out that neither of us had slow danced with a non-relative before.
Let's skip forward again a bit. Senior year went well. We stayed close. We hung out a bit during the summer after graduation. Then, we just sorta drifted apart. We saw each other in town every once in a while, but the conversations were strained and awkward.
I just got in touch with her again about a year ago (I graduated in 2001, by the way), since I wanted to apologize for chasing her around like a lovesick puppy and wanted to know how my friend was doing. I got a very polite- curt, as well- response that she didn't remember me acting like that, and that she never felt any sort of awkwardness. However, she didn't feel the desire to stay in touch, since our lives took us in completely different directions. She briefly mentioned her fiance and her grad studies, and said that if we ever crossed paths again, at least we could probably have a conversation without the awkwardness. Given how much has changed, that's an astronomical "if."
And that's the end of the story.
I spent four years of my life chasing this girl and missing out on so many other opportunities. I spent a few years beyond that pining for her, leaving me unable to fully commit to a real relationship.
Thankfully, I've reached a point now where I can understand all of it for what it was. I'm engaged to a wonderful woman, and she's going to be my wife two years from now.
So, here's my advice to you: If she doesn't want to go out with you, it won't happen. I won't say that you're wasting your time, since her friendship is still something special that you should try to hold on to, but you need to accept that this girl doesn't want your heart. No matter how different she is and no matter how much time you put into it and no matter how great of a guy you are, it won't change anything. You're her friend. If you keep pushing things, you probably won't even be that. Cherish her friendship for what it is, and try to find someone else you like that might actually return the feelings.
I had a thing for this girl back in high school. We'd been friends since kindergarten, but we got really close in freshman year. She was nothing like other girls; she was down-to-earth, smart, quiet, funny, a bit naive, not conventionally pretty (but still beautiful to me). I fell for her, and hard.
I pretty much kept my feelings to myself for most of my freshman year, and it drove me nuts. One night, I was talking to a friend of mine about the whole situation, and she suggested that I just ask this girl out. Well, okay, what she actually said was "You're a gutless loser. Just grow a pair and ask her out." and she hung up on me. So, I called my crush up, and the conversation was as follows:
"What would you say if I asked you out?"
"I don't know."
"Well, let's find out. Will you go out with me?"
"Uh, no, I think we're really good friends."
"Okay. Cool." and I hung up.
We didn't speak to each other for a year after that.
So, toward the end of sophomore year, we started getting close again, and that was cool. We were in a lot of the same classes, and worked on a lot of projects together, letting me spend a lot of time with her in and out of school. Sometime during that year, I took her out to the movies (the American Godzilla, sadly. It was the only thing playing at the one theater in my little town.), but things stayed friendly.
I was feeling a little bit brave after our "date," so I got a friend to ask her in conversation if she'd ever consider going out with me. Her response, burned forever into my mind, was "I've told him no a thousand times. When will he get it?" I don't know if she ever knew that I asked our friend to ask that question, or if she knew that he told me. Needless to say, I was no less in love, so I kept spending as much time with her as I could, and things continued pretty much the same.
Skip forward a bit to junior year. The prom was coming up, and I wasn't even going to go, since I knew I didn't have a shot with my crush. Hell, I'd even tried to help set a mutual friend up with her, since she seemed to like him, but apparently I was wrong about that.
One night, the phone rang. I picked up, and it was my crush. I figured she was calling to ask what that night's Spanish homework was. Well, she asked if I had a date to the prom. I told her no, and she asked if I'd like to go with her. It took me about two seconds to answer, mostly because my brain replayed the question about a million times to make sure that I heard correctly. Obviously, I said yes.
That prom still stands out as one of the best nights of my life. I looked handsome, she looked beautiful. The prom was at a nice country club. The food was good. Most importantly, though, I got to slow dance with her. Several times. Turns out that neither of us had slow danced with a non-relative before.
Let's skip forward again a bit. Senior year went well. We stayed close. We hung out a bit during the summer after graduation. Then, we just sorta drifted apart. We saw each other in town every once in a while, but the conversations were strained and awkward.
I just got in touch with her again about a year ago (I graduated in 2001, by the way), since I wanted to apologize for chasing her around like a lovesick puppy and wanted to know how my friend was doing. I got a very polite- curt, as well- response that she didn't remember me acting like that, and that she never felt any sort of awkwardness. However, she didn't feel the desire to stay in touch, since our lives took us in completely different directions. She briefly mentioned her fiance and her grad studies, and said that if we ever crossed paths again, at least we could probably have a conversation without the awkwardness. Given how much has changed, that's an astronomical "if."
And that's the end of the story.
I spent four years of my life chasing this girl and missing out on so many other opportunities. I spent a few years beyond that pining for her, leaving me unable to fully commit to a real relationship.
Thankfully, I've reached a point now where I can understand all of it for what it was. I'm engaged to a wonderful woman, and she's going to be my wife two years from now.
So, here's my advice to you: If she doesn't want to go out with you, it won't happen. I won't say that you're wasting your time, since her friendship is still something special that you should try to hold on to, but you need to accept that this girl doesn't want your heart. No matter how different she is and no matter how much time you put into it and no matter how great of a guy you are, it won't change anything. You're her friend. If you keep pushing things, you probably won't even be that. Cherish her friendship for what it is, and try to find someone else you like that might actually return the feelings.
Straight full ward is often the most efficient approach. Get things out in the open, save you time and stress
You: hey , so I think your kinda cute, known you for a while. Wanna try that crazy dating thing?
Note: I AM FULLY AWARE that this is easier said then done.
You: hey , so I think your kinda cute, known you for a while. Wanna try that crazy dating thing?
Note: I AM FULLY AWARE that this is easier said then done.
I really hope he says those exact words. If he gets rejected at least it was with a hilarious attempt.blank0000 said:
Solidstateofmind said something similar but I'll echo it. Do not say you love her, that would be freaking stupid, in good part because you don't love her, you like her, a lot, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just ask her to go hang out somewhere, watch a movie or something.Haseo21 said:
Oh don't do that. That is probably the worst thing to say right off the bat. You should still go for it though, just leave that word for another day. If it doesn't work, it won't be the end of the world.Haseo21 said:
...Although, for fair warning, my prom date asked me out after said prom. I didn't really like him that way at all (he was kind of shy and socially awkward, oh lawds) so I said no. We haven't talked since, and I don't really want to see him because I know how fanatical he was about me, and I can't stand the thought of being around him and having him look at me 'that way'. So I'm playing an excellent game of avoid-and-ignore.Haseo21 said:......Thank you, really, thank you very much,child of lileth said:
But no pressure, love is swell, YEEEEEEEAAAAH!
Off topic, and the whole reason I'm posting in this thread:Swollen Goat said:
Thank you for that. That is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. I already set it as my new background.
On topic:
Eh, just go for it and don't let it sit too long. It's best to act fast on these things.
Here's one that always works: Save a child's life.
First you'll have to arrange a place for you and her to spend some time or ride past a planned location where you'll have the prearranged fire. Low-income downtown brick buildings work great for this. Act concerned about the lack of reaction from the fire department, say "Somebody's gotta do something!" and run through the smoke to the planned area away from the fire where the rented child and a bag of soot and ash for appearance are already waiting. Pay the parents, run back through the smoke with the child, and re-join your lady. Start talking about how you've realized how important it is to live every moment to your fullest, and then start to cry a little.
You're golden!!!!
First you'll have to arrange a place for you and her to spend some time or ride past a planned location where you'll have the prearranged fire. Low-income downtown brick buildings work great for this. Act concerned about the lack of reaction from the fire department, say "Somebody's gotta do something!" and run through the smoke to the planned area away from the fire where the rented child and a bag of soot and ash for appearance are already waiting. Pay the parents, run back through the smoke with the child, and re-join your lady. Start talking about how you've realized how important it is to live every moment to your fullest, and then start to cry a little.
You're golden!!!!
We should send this thread to Bonsaik. And to give real advice. Ignore these guys, there is no "friends zone" she either likes you or not. If you already asked her to homecoming and got a response like that then she is not that into you and you should move on. Rejection hurts but dwelling on it for this long when you could've been looking for more girls is a dumb move. And to answer that guy about girls like jerks then you need to know that the "jerks" have the confidence to ask those girls out. Sometimes the girl like them for that and other times they regret it. Just get out of the way and tell her if YOU STILL WANT TO. Move on and remember this, THERE IS NO FRIENDS ZONE OR LADDER THEORY! If you want better information then some I am giving on the spot then go to bonsaik's thread and ask. Though he'll probably say the same thing I said. Just remember not to get too attached and if you do tell her not to go dramatic and over the top about it (Like I really like you or I love you, it's creepy and scary for the girl) or you will blow it.
wow she got what was coming to her. And don't worry you'll find the right girl.Judgement101 said: