I think of you as a friend.
- Thread starter wolfister
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Nah man, see, I think theres probably instances of both occurring in the real world. I think that your misinterpreting it. It is possible to see someone only as a friend, despite how attractive they are, and, it is possible to fall in love with someone, despite how attractive they aren't. See, I think your being close minded.Seldon2639 said:
Consider this scenario: We have a guy. And he's what a person would consider a physically attractive guy. Now, he also has a sister. They are close to the same age. And this sister is also what a person would consider a physically attractive girl. This brother and sister pair are close. they are brother and sister, and sense the grew up at relatively the same pace, they are close, and have emotional bonds to each other. Both the brother and the sister would consider each other to be physically attractive if they thought about it.
Now see, your logic says that if the brother asks the sister out on a date, then she has no good reason for refusing to date her brother. After all, her brother isn't a dick, and is a physically attractive person. So, by your logic she has no reason to not date him. In fact, according to what you said, the sister should accept and start actively dating her brother, because theres no real reason for her to not do it. After all, her brother is attractive, and she'd enjoy the sex right?
Wrong. See, she wouldn't start dating her brother, despite the fact that he's not a douche and is good looking. Her brother is exactly that, her brother, and she has never thought about him in a romantic way before, and to do so would be incredibly uncomfortable for her. She will not start actively dating her brother.
This is the other use of the term friend zone. It does exist, because it is possible for you to present yourself to a girl in such a way that you don't appear interested in her, and as a result, she doesn't have any romantic interest in you either, and as a result, when it's been a year of you two being close friends and you suddenly decide to ask her out, she will not date you, because she can't think of you in that way. It has less to do with you being ugly, and more about with how you present yourself.
It's not about friendly or being an asshole, it's about showing interest. She wont date you if you don't show interest. You have to let her know you are a viable option.
But then again, I'm awful with women, so I have no idea how to show women you are "interested" in them without writing them a cheesy poem. But I'm sure the principle still stands. The friend zone does exist. Both uses of the term work.
No, I don?t think I have. I have heard various people talk about it, and attempt to explain it, but they all seem to contradict one another in at least one aspect, or it sounds like how one would treat a friend.BobDobolina said:
The only difference that I can see between 'love' and 'friends with benefits is that I guess you don?t consider them as close of a friend.
As for saying I had a hostile summary accusing everybody of being a sex fiend? If its the meatbag satement, I threw that in there because I find if funny. On a side note DNA's core function is to replicate, regardless of what form its in (If I remember correctly, I could be wrong here).
Hmmm. I thought that might have been the case.Sheldon2639 said:
My condolences, and a friendly pat on the back... Kinda happened to me too. But your girl was probably... saner. Or, more fair. Mine continuously accused me of violating her friendship with my feelings alone (although I couldn't help feeling the way I did), then accused me of karmically ruining her life (yes, she was persistent with that), and so on.wolfister said:
I tolerated all I could (for months - otherwise this lasted for years), took it all as a man, until one day she really crossed that line. Like, again, I was the fucking-arch-villain! My cardinal sin was that I existed and had feelings for her. Love is evil, you know? (While at the same time I was also her best friend, her "teacher" (her words), the guy who could only answer some questions to her... Whatever.) Then it turned out she was just faking the accusations just to push me into anger and frustration (yeah, don't ask). And she succeeded. And I bombed her ass off the planet (figuratively), broke off all contact with her, ignored her everywhere (including several nights in close physical proximity of 1m, for hours, yeah, had to look through her) and tried to deal with it all...
2 months later, me being the guy that I am (I really can't hold long grudges), I texted her I'm ending the grudge. If just for convenience sake, so I don't waste so much energy on not noticing someone dancing beside me. She agreed, and now it's just "Hi/Hello" when we run into eachother. It will probably best if it remains like that.
So, what's my point? I guess it's this: there's far worse out there, brother. You keep holding on there. I mean, to yourself. If she doesn't want you, she doesn't, and you'll move on. Slowly, but surely. Maybe even faster.
Go on now... breath deep, sail into the free world, and may hopeful wind fill your sails! My heart and mind are with you! *breaks a bottle on your hull (figuratively)*
Godspeed! =)
hahahahaha this has possibly made my summer good sir! and to thank you have an invisible cookie.....very rare indeedNihlex said:Instantly reminded me of thismrpenguinismyhomeboy said:
Caustion: Most likely nsfw
Sorry mods dont mean any offense, if you want met to take it down I will in an instant =]
And to stay on topic, yes I have been there, and yes it hurts T^T
Allow me to translate: "I would like a guy who has some of the qualities that you possess, but who also makes me horny."wolfister said:
If a girl thinks of you as a friend, it's because, for whatever reason, she doesn't want to shag you. That simple. Unless she's just telling you that she'd date someone like you in a misguided attempt to spare your feelings, which is also very possible.
Wouldn't help. Being successful romantically is sometimes correlated with being a jerk, but the causal relationship is reversed. Guys who don't have to work hard to get girls (hot guys) don't tend to work as hard at relationships, and slip into being "jerks". They're jerks because they get girls easily, they don't get girls easily because they're jerks.NotAPie said:
I disagree on both counts. If I am friends with a girl (or a girl is friends with me) the only difference between that and being in a relationship is mutual sexual attraction. Different people are attracted to different things, sure, and one woman's "hideous CHUD" is another woman's diamond in the rough, but then we're getting off topic.mrpenguinismyhomeboy said:
If what you mean is that some girls don't find the usual definition of "hotness" appealing, and some guys don't find the usual definition of "beautiful" appealing, I agree. But, there's no way that it makes sense for a girl to reject a guy (who she likes as a friend, and finds sexually appealing), nor for her to date a guy who she finds sexually unappealing.
The definition of appealing is subjective, not categorical.
I'm not sure that brother is a good analogy, though. We're hard-wired to be unable to find our siblings physically attractive. So, from her perspective, he isn't a viable sexual candidate, and my point remains the same. She doesn't find him attractive, because (while another person might), she is culturally, and even arguably genetically, disposed to find the idea repulsive.mrpenguinismyhomeboy said:
It goes back to my point (which I should have made clear): the question of whether he's "attractive" is dependent on her definition of attractive. Some girls are chubby chasers, they might find me attractive, and reject my good friend who's much more gaunt. If a girl is into the thin indie-rocker look, she'll go for my friend. But, if I ask out a girl and get some variation on the "friend zone" then it's really just "she doesn't find me sexually appealing"
That's simply untrue. It assumes that girls are very simpleminded creatures, who (after enough time spent thinking about someone one way) cannot change their minds forward or back. But that's not how we know either ourselves to be (my feelings about friends change), nor how any other human would be. And, again, you're falling into the trap of putting the entire locus of control of this into male hands, which is sheer crap.mrpenguinismyhomeboy said:
I dare you to find a girl who would verify that claim "well, I liked him at first, but he seemed so aloof that I lost interest, then when he told me he liked me I'd simply stopped liking him", and where there aren't fifteen different confounding variables.
I've been in a fair number of relationships, and excluding two (neither of which went very well), I have never showed direct interest in having a relationship. Mostly since I've always been happy being friends. And these girls have approached me (which is also how I know this experience fro the other wise), expressed their interest in me.mrpenguinismyhomeboy said:
What to make of this? Well, I'd say that there's nothing wrong with asking a girl out, but accept that there's nothing you could have done to change her answer. I've asked out girls who were my friends, and been rejected, I've asked out girls who weren't my friends and been rejected. In no cases have I seen actual instances where the act of being a friend (and nothing more) precludes a girl from wanting to be my girlfriend if she finds me attractive.
That's the god's honest truth.
Just got that.
Fuck it's annoying.
I think it's a huge problem.
It's happened for the past 3 years.
Woman see me as the "Gay Friend" that gives them advice and compliment them.
I however am not gay.
It's fail.
Oh well,2 weeks in turkey will drown my sorrows.
Fuck it's annoying.
I think it's a huge problem.
It's happened for the past 3 years.
Woman see me as the "Gay Friend" that gives them advice and compliment them.
I however am not gay.
It's fail.
Oh well,2 weeks in turkey will drown my sorrows.
You don't know me, please don't pretend that you do. You cannot comment on my character without knowing me. There are many contributing factors as to why I might be the way I am in this thread, none of which reflect on my usual character. For all you know, I've had a bad day today and feel like being a dick, maybe I came here purely to rant about the fact that I'm a sad lonely bastard who gets repeatedly rejected by every girl he's ever been interested in and is a little bit pissed about that fact. Maybe I just don't appreciate being called a "manipulataive douche" by random people on the internet who think they know me.Seldon2639 said:
And if we're gona go down the "throwing needless insults about" path, then you can piss right off you fucking halfwit peice of shit, becuase I do not fucking apreciate it. Ok?
I agree with this. I'm just saying that she might find you sexually unappealing for different reasons other then you not being physically attractive to her.Seldon2639 said:
But then again, neither of us are girls, so how the fuck do we know right?
I will admit, your arguments are well constructed, and it's been a challenge. You seem to your stuff.
and now, I challenge you...
TO A MATH DUEL!
jk.
The man speaks truth. You can be the nicest guy on earth with all the best virtues a man can have, but if you look like a flabby fleshy balloon with a face that looks like it was run over by a truck, AND you smell, you will never, ever get that special someone.Seldon2639 said:
It's truth. We are physical beings. We exist in a physical world, and obviously, have physical wants and needs. Not to say we don't have mental ones, but it is almost impossible to be able to judge someone on their mental aspects alone.
The obvious solution is to take care of yourself. If your face looks like shit, have no fear, just work out. Put on some muscle and I guarantee that even if you are extremely average in the facial region, as long as you have a decent looking body dating will become a hundred times easier.
Go drop 30 bucks. Purchase an iron gym and do 30 pull ups a day. It will do WONDERS for your love life. Just think of it this way... if a woman with an extremely hot body asks you out, chances are that even if she is ugly you will be willing to overlook it because of her body... same thing with most women. At least from what I hear.
Not in those words, but yes, I've been thrown into that depressing situation. I was down for a number of months.
And by then, she'd have a litter of kids, all with different fathers, and of course, she's single and her looks would have atrophied to crap. I've seen this with my own eyes, but it wasn't 15 years ago (I would've been 5), but three. Luckily, I was only observing two of my cousins in their "adventures".RowdyRodimus said:
*For the OP:* Sorry you got friend-zoned. I can understand it's hard to stay friends with a person who'd rather eat her own uterus than see you naked. My advice: Try to date someone of equal (or greater, if you're good-looking or suave enough) attractiveness. If she sees you, she (the friend girl) will likely intervene and ruin your chances with your date. She doesn't want you, but she also wouldn't want you to be with anyone. Harassment at its finest.