If You Were Admin of the Entire Internet ...

[latiasracer]

Ban all fanboys and elitists from everywhere.

Yes, Skyrim is a an amazing game. And i love it.

Then, I think i would shut down all torrents. You wan't something? Bloody well pay for it. Same goes for games, You can pay for those to.

I have a bit of a grudge against pirates, My favourite franchise of all time nearly went under because of them. So yea, to the depths you go you bastards!

And then i'd just troll my freinds on facebook.

Ehehehhe...

 

[FalloutJack]

After causing such havoc as deletine 4chan, making all of Youtube commentless, and removing the motherfucking captchas from the Escapist-

Because the admin of the internet doesn't need to prove that he's not a bot, god-dammit.

-I would deliver my ultimatum to the world:

"People of the world! I own the internet! Start putting the world back together, drop the bullshit insanity, and get your collective asses in gear OR THE PORN GOES NEXT!"

Why yes, I AM evil. I can, will, and have pressed the Armageddon switch. This is MY world and if I have to live in it...then I want it to be better than it is.

 

[breaddough]

zynga would be destroyed. all of it. forever. anybody who posts about nazis more than 10 times a year outside of wwii history forums get banned for a year hence. porn would become free, but only if you allow what you're watching to be automatically posted to your facebook wall (for the lulz) and only once a year per video (cause I love porn stars and I want them to have a job) anyone who posts "first" has to re-register for all of their sites. nobody can be "anonymous" anymore. They can be "cockspank" "johnsmith" "cthuluf'targn" but they must be something. no more hiding, no more passive-aggressive posts like a particularly irritating tumor capable of typing. No. btw 4chan can stay the way it is, though I'm not a fan of where it's going I love the fact that it's changing. all active forums should evolve.

 

[ubersyanyde]

Yet another fool who's view has been skewed by other people's false opinions. Have you ever been to 4chan for longer than a minute. If so you will have realised that there are actually nice people there and really funny posts. Sure there'e a lot of bullshit on that site but do your own research before you say anything, or at least explain your opinion.

But I totally agree with the DRM stuff. Screw EA, SecuROM and all that.

 

[JoJo]

Have dedicated MLP sections for bronies to discuss it. Anyone found mentioning MLP outside of these sections gets instantly banned.

Oh God, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's not so much the fact that they're fans of a show designed around little girls' toys, so much as that they take their love of girly ponies to extremes. I've yet to meet a MLP fan who, on forums, didn't have a MLP avatar and, on TF2, as an example, didn't have an MLP spray.

I'm sure those people exist, but I've yet to meet one.

Hello, you've met one now. I'm sure there's many like me, you just don't realise that we are a MLP fan unless we mention it on a thread.

OT: I'd leave most of the Internet intact, only deleting the parts which cause or profit from human suffering like scammers or snuff or child porn. The rest can stay, even if it's stupid I'll just avoid it. Oh and though I've fixed it for myself, for the sake of everyone-else I'd put back the blue sides on the Escapist to get rid of the "it burns" whiteness (the rest of the update I'm fine with).

 

[Tentickles]

I would create an intelligent database that would connect every internet user to their screen names and rate them on scales of: Trolling, Douche-baggery, Racism, Sexism, (including red flags for amoung other things: pedos and rapists!) ... and so on

Also rate people on their good qualities online: Helpfulness, courteousness, manners... etc.
Giving special flags to those of magnificent quality.

In nerd terms: SW:TOR Light/Dark Side points.

So that when it came down to it employers, potential GF/BF/Spouses, parents, (etc), could search someone's name and see if they really were a good person.

Basically: PEOPLE WOULD BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS ON THE INTERNET.

There are other things I would do, but that's the most important I think

 

[MorganL4]

A real sysadmin would probably do it all through a terminal, not a web-browser control panel, but that said...

- Shut down facebook every day for an hour at the same time, and laugh at how it makes front-page news because of the riots
- Write a script so that every millionth twitter tag was swapped with the millionth and first
- Change the responses on "we the people" in a witty way
- Create a large anonymity network (basically donate more servers to tor), and hamper censorship in opressive regimes
- Impose a mandatory CPU tax of 10% on non-idle computers, and 100% on idle computers, to learn many new things through distributed computing.

And finally, I'd install Linux on EVERYTHING.

If there was a Linux gaming distro.... THAT WAS SUPPORTED BY DEVELOPERS then I think you'd see a ridiculous drop in the number of people using Windows. I would LOVE be able to just forget windows all together. But thats probably not gonna happen because devs don't want to deal with Xbox PS3 Wii Windows AND something else. Case and point..... Apple.

 

[FernandoV]

Charge domain holders WAY more for using MY internet. Yea, I'm all for your first amendment rights bitches, I'm also for taking all your money.

 

[VeneratedWulfen93]

Simple answer for me: Everything I like would stay or improve: The Escapist, youtube, arrow in the knee, MLP, memes, the stereotypicaly cynical British people and wiki's
Everything I dislike would go: The cake is a lie, any mention of Half-Life, idiots in general, people who may resist my selfish and manipulative rule.

Basicaly it would be business as usual on the internet unless but I had a magic dislike button that ended whatever I disliked.

 

[Nouw]

... Um, no. I didn't say that, actually. But I've yet to play with a person below the age of 15 who didn't do write in "textese", wasn't a general pain in the ass, or didn't have that annoying squeaky voice. If they acted mature, I wouldn't mind them.

I'm curious to know, are you saying you understand that people under the age of 15 can be mature and etc but you just want to see one for yourself or are you saying that because you haven't seen one, they all act the same? There's a very heavy implication of the latter but I'm just checking that's all.

Not all users. Who have I insulted? I guy who sticks up for 4Chan, of all places,

I'm also curious to know what caused your loathing of 4chan. Is it Anonymous? Is it /b/? Because not all of 4chan is as bad as you think you know. Boards like /an/, /sci/ and /tg/ are actually decent places to be!

 

[The Virgo]

No Anti-Aliasing, no Anisotropic filtering

I don't even know what those do. I usually disable those based on that fact.

D:

You don't know what they are?! They are actually both very nice features that, once I tell you in plain English what they do, it'll be hard to play a game without them again!

Anti-Aliasing (AA) - Bring up a game (any game, but an FPS would be best) with it turned off and look at the edges of things. You'll notice that they are jagged. The world geometry, the models, your gun ... everything. Anti-Aliasing smooths out the edges and makes the game even more spectacular. It does come at a high performance cost, though, so increase it bits at a time until it's just enough to not be a huge performance hit.

Anisotropic Filtering (AF) - It's effects aren't really that noticeable, but it makes distant objects more clear. It doesn't hit your system that hard, so you can turn it on a bit and not take a real performance hit.

Turn them on and enjoy the features that make it great to be a PC gamer!

 

[Dango]

To be honest, the first thing I'd do is probably ban everyone who complains about religion and/or acts superior because they're atheist.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

After looking at the first page of this thread?
1. Set guidelines for how every forum should work, in order to stop
1a. Suspensions for no reason whatsoever
1b. Reporting out of spite to get people in trouble with overzealous mods
1c. Warnings for being harsh in an argument
all of which happened in one conversation. Seriously, the escapist punishment system has gone to hell.

2. Get a crack team of those guys from the internet who can find me anyone I want so I can go to their house and tell them to grow up in person.

That's all. Not one for abusing power.

 

[imnot]

I hate to say this, but alas I cannot lie.
Troll the shit out of everyone.
Also ban trolls.
OOOOH THE HYPOCRISY!

Forsooth!

 

[MaxwellEdison]

A guy who sticks up for 4Chan, of all places

Just curious, serious question, have you ever been there?

 

[Sethzard]

I'd probably lock the computers of people who go on /b/ regularly so that they can only go on /b/.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

I for one don't appreciate people just going bat shit insane and being able to have basically the freedom to do whatever, when, in real life, they would have gotten the shit kicked out of them by now..

Not supporting the freedom to post things you disagree with on the internet.
Supporting the freedom to kick the shit out of people for saying things you don't like.

I'm not quite sure how to word the distaste I have for statements like that.

 

[michiehoward]

Firstly I would just like to say this is the first thread I have read beginning to end on The Escapist in over a year.

Secondly to The Unworthy Gentleman (lost quote)

I would have to completely disagree, that unless in a purely educational site, that learning on the internet is not easy, but rather fragmented when studying actual topics and trying to follow references.

I think my soul just withered.

Total props to The Virgo for standing ground.

And why the hate on deviantart? I actually post my art on dA.


Pedophiles and Child pornographers, gone, poof. No more safe haven for you.
Anyone who call someone stupid/unintelligent/uncivilized for having beliefs that don't match their own.
Extremist websites
Westboro Bapists site
4chan
huge portions of fanfiction.net
Certain Meme's (that shall remain nameless) gonzo.
Torrents of any movies or games or music that is less then 5 years old.

 

[Psychedelic Spartan]

First of all, take down EVERY screamer on the internet, if you don't know what they are, play the scary maze game and get back to me with your reaction. and then afterwards mod tools for the internet!