If You Were Admin of the Entire Internet ...

[Ashendarei]

ALL the porn sites. Nuff said.

 

[stinkyrobot]

I'd perma ban you for making stupid threads

Wow, not only does you post fit the profile of a low-content post, but the word "threads" (plural), implies that you've been stalking me ... staying up late into the night to read all of my threads. (O)_(O)


I'm watching you. Don't turn around I'l kill you.

 

[Skotavus]

I would run a sweep of all YouTube comments, and any that contained the phrase "thumbs up" would be immediately returned to ±0.

I'd ban a certain someone from ever accessing the internet again, but I won't bore you with details.

I'd probably make it so that if someone downloads a file that isn't free (or free-to-air, like TV shows that run on public networks) it charges their bank account $0.01.

 

[Happy Yay]

Anybody who really fucking pisses me off on the internet would get a two-day ban from use. If I still want to ban them after the two days, they get a permanent ban. This is so I don't become a power-abusing asshole.

Oh, and the WBC's site becomes a gay porn site, and all sites they make suffer the same fate.

 

[Lancer873]

Well... I could always force memes without anyone knowing it.
"In like Bob" would be in like Bob in no time.
I think it'd be difficult to change much in the way of sites like 4chan's /b/ or so. They'd just find a new place to go and it'd be an endless whack-a-mole. That's no fun. I could clean up the trolls of sites like YouTube a bit, but that'd just give them the satisfaction of knowing that I, the great LORD INTERNET was angered at them. That'd totally be my new name.
It would be nice if this allowed me to instantly destroy hackers in online games though. Having fun with your invisible walls on Counterstrike? Well enjoy your free invisible players hack!

Edit: Oh, and anyone who paid one cent for the latest Humble Indie Bundle would have their credit information stolen and charged 100 dollars. Anyone who illegally downloaded it would have that racked up to one thousand with an added "explode your computer" bonus. Because when people are nice to you, the appropriate response is not to be a dick. ^-^
All proceeds would go to Child's Play of course... well, mostly.

And finally, I'd install Linux on EVERYTHING.

Just don't install it on the toilet. I'd appreciate the fileserver but really... it's more valuable as a toilet.

 

[Talvrae]

probably nothing

 

[samsonguy920]

I would make sure every hacker just doing it for the lulz got their comeuppance, but otherwise, nothing else.

The net is supposed to be free. Which means even that Bieber kid and Snooki should get their fair share of it.

 

[Samuel Evans]

Prevent any of the main cast of Jersey shore from using the internet.

 

[MaximumCrux]

You wake up, groggily get yourself out of bed, walk over to your computer and bring it up. As you load up your internet browser, you notice that it's different. There are all kinds of control panels on the screen, giving you IP addresses and a whole host of other things. You then go to a website and see that you basically have all kinds of control options for it. That one and many more ... in fact, ALL of them!

That's when you notice a small notification that reads that you have been giving Admin powers over the entire internet! You can shut down whatever site you like, ban anybody from any website or forum, or even just prevent them from using the internet at all! You could also shut down servers for any game, and nobody on any site could ban you.

So, what would you do?

As for me, I would go to YouTube and do some deep cleaning of the putrefaction that has accumulated there. From there, I would move on to 4Chan. Then, I would take down Origin, so that EA could remove that site and I could play Battlefield 3 without having to sign up for that spyware site. And then, the internet would be that much nicer of a place.

What about YOU? ...

YouTube is lost and 4Chan was designed to be beyond saving. These forums could use a good cleansing though.

 

[JoJo]

Hello, you've met one now. I'm sure there's many like me, you just don't realise that we are a MLP fan unless we mention it on a thread.

Yeah, but it's different for you because you're a Virgo too, and that makes everything you do okay. XD

But on a little more serious note, you're the second person to do say that on this thread and, since we're on the subject, what is it about the show that makes you like it? I have many reasons for hating it, because of ponies, cheery colors, the false idea that "friendship is magic", etc., but I've yet to actually hear from a brony what is so great about the show.

I'm actually interested as to why, and I don't mean that in a sarcastic or derogatory way.

I like it for many of the reasons you list as negative: the cheery colours, cute and quirky ponies, the true idea that friendship is magic (anyone who says otherwise has yet to have had a proper friend), the references etc. It's not deep, it's just light entertainment and good fun. For a long time I didn't watch it, having only seen a few minutes of the first episode and then having given up, however then one of my best friends got into it and he persuaded me to watch an episode with him... and the rest is history!

 

[Zio_IV]

I would do nothing. Acting as a supreme authority figure for the internet undermines the whole concept of the internet to begin with.

I would just fire myself, as it were.

 

[Ithera]

I would clear out Youtube. All those stupid and pesky clips and uploads that are just plain stupid. Like . Stupid and pointless.

Here is an example for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwIphm5wVAs&feature=fvwrel

 

[General Twinkletoes]

3. Given your current health bar and insults, my report will probably give you a nice long suspension/ban. Enjoy.

That's fine. At least I went down fighting for something I believe in, which is the lowering of piracy. Although I really don't see what's so bannable about what I said, considering that everything in there is true.

As for #1, you may not be profiting, but people who sunk millions of dollars and years of effort into something you are flat out stealing aren't.

As for #2, since you obviously don't understand how money flow works, there's no point trying to give you an economics 101 class. That's not my job.

and for #3, As for me, being banned with a little self dignity is at least something to be proud of.

Oh, and one last thing: When our politicians end up passing SOPA and the internet gets one huge CENSORED sign over it, you will have no one to blame but people like yourselves. Good day.

1. So you say something, and then don't explain it? to top it off, you still try to make yourself sound smarter than me. lol.
2. Insulting users over a non-serious thread is dignity? News to me.
3. You think that people won't find a way to get past any internet censor? Really? Do you have any idea how many times they've tried and failed?

You don't know what you're saying do you? He explained himself, he has valid points, and even though people will get past the censorship, it'll be really annoying.
How can you justify pirating? Millions of dollars were spent making it, and you don't give them anything back for it.

 

[Togs]

First thing Id do would be institute mandatory RealID everywhere- remove the anonymity from the internet and suddenly people would stop being dicks (hopefully).
Also any racist, sexist or just plain sick websites would be shut down.

 

[Aurora Firestorm]

I'd keep a close eye on 4Chan.

Kill Livejournal, Friendster, and any other old social network that is on its last legs and is there just to mess with people whose friends are too lazy to upgrade.

Remove all chain letters from all email threads. Anyone who forwards chain letters will have their internet revoked for a while.

I'd shut down every way of downloading porn.

Shut down every porn site. Not just child porn. ALL PORN. Seriously, you have better things to do.

All writing must pass a basic grammar/spelling test, exemptions for non-native speakers of whatever language the site is. If you can't at least use spellcheck, why are you on the Internet?

Fanfiction.net undergoes a huge cleanup.

DeviantART gets combed also, for people who just want to throw up nude pictures that have no artistic merit, only use MSPaint, etc.

Trolls are banned from the Internet forever, unless they demonstrate good enough performance in the rest of their lives that we think they're not going to troll anymore.

Cyberbullies never get their access back. If some kid killed himself because of you, you should never be on the Internet *ever again.*

I'm sure my list gets huge, but 4Chan is probably going down also.

 

[ivarsa15]

Nothing! Maybe make it easier to publish things online and find a way to stop scammers and annoying commercials (popups, commercials before movie clips, etc). There are many other things I would like to remove but that would just take away what makes the internet great.

Prevent any of the main cast of Jersey shore from using the internet.

Oh and also that.

 

[Gluzzbung]

First thing I'd do? I'd run a search across the entire internet to find and punish anyone who made a joke which involved both an arrow and a knee. Obviously then there is the cementing of my power as admin. Assuming that's done, I'd probably shut down EA, perhaps Activision, DEFINATELY Ubisoft, (Assassin's Creed was such a let down after Prince of Persia, the latter being full of action and puzzle platformers with new ideas instituted throughout to keep you interested, the former being set in 3 variations of the same place with all the grind in the world, and yes, that included the second AND third installments, they are the same thing EVERY TIME!) Next, probably destroy all borderlands related content and Attack the block related content...

The list goes on and on to cover everything I hate so much. Then I'd book myself a ticket to Crete, having stolen most of HSBC's money and 'relocated it' to a swiss bank account. I'm not sure if this is possible even with all the power in the internet, but I'd also change soem government policies. A lot of government policies in fact.

 

[The Virgo]

... the true idea that friendship is magic (anyone who says otherwise has yet to have had a proper friend) ...

Throughout the years, I have discovered that "friendship" is based off of three things:

1 - Person B has and, to either get or be closer to , I will hang around this person. (In the case of a male/female relationship, is usually sex. Let's face it, that's why we date: to get laid.)

2 - Person B has done something that I feel that I have to repay in some way, so I will become friends with Person B to show thanks for what Person B has done.

3 - I want to hurt Person B because he's a dick/because he fucked my wife/because I can and befriending him will get me closer to Person B to do so.

There's probably a fourth reason, but I can't think of it off the top of my head. However, getting back to the topic, I do suppose the lightheartedness and cuteness of the show is something that will appeal to some people. And that's fine. Whatever floats your boat. However, there is a problem when Rule 34 creeps into the picture. (I've seen a picture of one of them in a leather sex outfit with stockings. God no.) Thanks for the explanation as to why you like it.

 

[Gerdneek]

I am the admin the the internet

 

[Dogstile]

Lets see, there's a news reporter on here i'd probably give a time out for until he stopped trolling the very people he's reporting to...

Hmmm, I would guess that would either be the guy who posted the article that there was no Half-Life ARG as "VALVE: There is no Half-Life 3" or Jim Sterling ... or is it Serling? Regardless, I do enjoy most of the Jimquisitions ... most of them ...

And actually, taking the internet down for a day would result probably result in a lot of people rioting, especially Anonymous, who would then realize that, now they don't have the internet, they are nothing more than geeky nerds without girlfriends and with too much angst. I don't know, I mean, they do sometimes do good things, but to me it just looks like a bunch of cowards hiding behind the internet who, without it, would be powerless.

Some of us would probably just enjoy not having it for a day and could relax.

I actually like Jim, he steps on toes on purpose, not just because he's a dick. He is a dick of course, but its the funny kind.

And Greg? I was actually kidding but thinking about it he could use a day to reflect on why posting misleading titles on stories is bad. I mean, it used to be ok as it was jokey but lately every article of his i've read has made me go "hang on, somethings not right here". So hey, looks like you were right and I wasn't even being serious

Edit: And of course anon without the internet is powerless. Take guns away from the IRA and they become quite powerless too. Taking away your main weapon usually does that

I object to that post. The IRA will always have home made bombs.

Well then, guns and bombs. Either way, take away the main weapons and they're pretty damn useless.