Holy Wall of Text, Batman.
First of all, here's what I think is a reasonably insightful video on "Niceguys," which I think is what the Friendzone is actually about. They're the ones who are "entitled" and so angry about being there. I just liked seeing something that was openly empathic, instead of "ugh, a gross Nice Guy."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XDb0nxSO4
Now then, many of you have talked about your experience with starting relationships. One guy mentioned his IT class where he talked with some girl, and eventually they both brought up relationships and such.
THIS scenario is utterly foreign to a big chunk of the male population. This chunk of the male population is baffled by many things. Like infidelity. We live in a world where relationships are so uncommon, the idea of having the OPPORTUNITY to cheat is absurd; your existing relationship is so unlikely, what are the chances that some other person is going to come along during that window?
This is the mindset we're talking about here. And you can't just say "man, just ask her out, and if you get rejected, move on." Getting rejected HURTS. And it especially hurts if you've ALWAYS been rejected. If you've had previous success, you know that this rejection doesn't matter, because the next one might succeed. But if you're a pathetic ForeverAlone, then every rejection is just another brutal reminder that you suck. The only people who aren't hurt at all by rejection are people who use a shotgun on the problem and ask out every single girl they can, with a bunch of rote lines, and they're pickup artists. Which most men with any self-respect left refuse to do, because it seems like save-scumming or save-fishing.
So, you try to ask out girls that you think have a decent chance of not immediately rejecting you. You get to know them a bit first, because you're a modern man who cares about personalities and feelings and having a relationship, not just boning them and moving on to the next *****. That means becoming at least an acquaintance, probably a friend. Except that you've gone through all that effort (becoming a friend with a girl TAKES effort. you need to go out of your way to do stuff with them, be around them, talk to them. Because in the world of these guys, women don't ever interact with them of their own accord, and girls simply don't exist in their normal social circles). Now, you say that this effort shouldn't make them feel entitled to sex. Obviously not, but I would phrase it in a different way.
In school, if you put in the work, do you feel entitled to an A? Well, did you do the work? Did you learn the material? Did you do the school-recommended study habits? Because if I turn up to class, pay attention, and put in three hours of study a week, I expect to be able to get at least a B, maybe a C+. But if I go through all that, and then get Failed at the end of the semester, or get a D-, I'd feel pretty fucking bad. Maybe I didn't give it my ALL, but why should I have to expend every iota of my being on something that other human beings seem to manage with a seemingly normal amount of effort? Shit, what if I HAD given it my all, and still failed? Maybe my All still isn't enough. That's terrifying.
So you suspect that the professor's grade was a foregone conclusion, and nothing you could have done would have changed it. you were destined for that D-, not matter what you did. Is it "entitlement" to want a decent GPA for putting in the reasonable ammount of work? Or are people going to tell you that your work was its own reward, and you should be happy that you were even allowed into the room and given the opportunity to buy a textbook? Now bug off, fedora-wearing beta-male.
Yes, you shouldn't think of human beings as courses or schools or things, or whatever, but that's what we do, as human beings. We can't instantly conceptualize everyone we meet as a person, because we don't know them yet.
This mindset is poisonous. It corrodes your personal happiness, your self-esteem, and worst of all, your confidence. Because apparently confidence on men is the only thing women care about, because that's the only advice anyone is willing to give you.
If you tried to start a relationship with someone, and wound up as friends, then that's painful to you. Being around that person just reminds you that they'll never think about you the way you think about them. And they're just another example in a long line of girls that saw you as having all the sexual presence of a signpost. What you should PROBABLY do is just avoid that person. But then you're not their friend anymore, and you come off as shallow and only after sex, and everyone calls you a fedora-wearing nice guy. Or you'll discover that without you putting in the constant effort to maintain the friendship, there's really no give-and-take going on. It was a one-way-street, and it just abruptly ends when you stop working at it.
And this totally leaves out the girls who actively take advantage of their Friendzone. Most of them probably don't relaize they're doing it, they feel "entitled" to have a bunch of guys always available to go out to the club with them and be their DD while they grind on handsomer and more confident guys, or cover their meals, or do their extra work, or listen to ALL their problems and provide emotional support. To have most of the benefits of having a boyfriend while not having to be anyone's girlfriend. That sounds a hell of a lot like entitlement to me.
In my defense, I've never personally felt taken advantage of by a girl whom I was friends with. All those examples were from friends of mine (okay, one friend). Obviously most girls don't do all of that, but most of us knows one that does, and we all remember THAT girl. But the college course analogy does capture my personal feelings.
