Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[Death God]

Because once you lose it the first time, it is hard to never have it again. And once you start having sex a lot, it will eventually lead to a kid.

Wait... what? I mean I would feel uncomfortable about being a woman who has a child to another man, but your train of logic is... what?

You're not after a virgin you're after someone responsible and faithful. You could meet a virgin and full well have glorious sex, only for her to turn around and cheat or not be a virgin at all. Surely virginity would fall behind the two afforementioned traits?

You have got a point there. I guess I am looking for a more faithful and responsible girl than a virgin. I'll go up to my original post and tweak it a bit.

 

[khantron]

So why is it virginity

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I don't think it is dirty and shameful. I think it should have some meaning to it. Almost everyone of my friends have had sex before and I don't mind in the least. My moral doesn't come from any church, it comes from the background of my entire family getting pregnant and having a child before 17. I am the only person in my whole family who is 18 and has not got somebody knocked up which is a major accomplishment for me.

So why is it virginity and not that she has a kid, where you draw the line?

Because once you lose it the first time, it is hard to never have it again. And once you start having sex a lot, it will eventually lead to a kid.

Not if you get an abortion. Problem solved.

Don't believe in abortion unless a woman is raped. Again, not a religious thing; personal belief.

It's a legitimate medical procedure that allows a woman to exert greater control over her own body. I don't think a woman should be forced to have a baby just because she consented to sex, especially since childbirth is fairly dangerous. But maybe I'm the crazy one.

Well, you have your ideals and I have mine. I'll get say, lets agree, to disagree on this one.

Are you sure you're not religious? Because you seem to have morals that are religious, though with a fairly postmodern attitude about them. It's a combination that makes me shudder.

I believe in God, yes. But that is about it. If that makes it that my views are all base on religion, so be it.

You've not addressed your moral foundation so I wouldn't know. It does line up fairly exactly with medieval Christianity. I've not heard of a proper secular ethical system with your moral stances, but perhaps I might learn something new. I don't consider relativism a proper ethical system by the way, just to be clear.

 

[Jovip]

My friend, i am so ridiculously happy to have found someone sharing the same outlook on things as me. minus a few infractions, I've slept with a few people and am currently in high school. but i HATE drinking and drugs even if you are legal aged to do so, it's just stupid. sex doesn't bother me. but the drinking and drugs do. i refuse to date someone if they do that stuff and being surrounded by the stupid teenagers that are practically swimming in it makes me want to puke. I to have been told "your never gonna find ANYONE who doesn't drink or do drugs" to which i usually wanna break down inside because my moral code won't let me get past those things. however i usually shrug.

But don't feel alone man, we shall find our matches, somehow. might be a ***** in this generation. but it will happen.

 

[Dylan Blackler]

mmm I was lucky, because I met my girlfriend when she was yr 10 at school and she was a virgin, but everyone else in her age group up were not, but I know how you feel about the whole dating virgin thing. but as people have said don't lose hope you are bound to find her one day =P

 

[vento 231]

Once you reach a certain age its hard to find a cute one.

 

[A Free Man]

I honestly think that choosing someone based on their ability to avoid "vices" is a horrible way to go about it. This is just my opiniong but I honestly reckon anyone who completely avoid all forms of drugs, alcohol and sex is going to be a fairly boring person to hang around. You need at least a little bit of excitement in your life. I think they are old fashioned ideals built around outdated religions that have no real use in modern times. As long as the aforementioned things are done for fun and aren't addictions to an extreme I have nothing wrong with them.

 

[khantron]

You address me? But on topic, what do you think morals are?

Did it say that I quoted you? I wasn't addressing anyone in particular.

Anyway, I think that far too many people idolize sex and money. So many people are concentrating on the wrong things. They put other, less important things before friends and family.

This isn't just about relationships (boyfriend and girlfriend); it's about a lot of other things, too.

Often, I just catch myself looking at our world, and I go, "Wow." Not a good "Wow," either.

Yeah then I guess that isn't me. I think sex is a fun activity among consenting adults and money is good so long as it is a means to survival and a bit comfort rather than an end in and of itself. I just thought I detected a religious understanding of morals, which my abortion comment would likely trigger.

 

[Double A]

I don't drink, but I don't like the taste of booze.
I don't smoke or do drugs, but I'm both too cheap and too heart/mental health-conscious.
I'm a virgin, but I can attribute that to physical unattractiveness and not actually giving a damn.

 

[Powereaver]

im 25 and still a virgin and dont drink smoke do drugs or even watch porn and im a guy! its a miracle i know im nearly 26 also in a month.. must be some sort of record or something!

 

[BehattedWanderer]

Well, drugs and sex didn't happen until college, really, and alcohol consumption was minimal in high school, so maybe? But, the first day of college included all of that, by luck, and some skillful maneuvering. No point in condemning what you haven't tried, I say, and thus knowledge was gained. But I might advise not to judge a girl out just because she's not a virgin. Ask her about the conditions of it, whether it was in love or lust that it happened, whether he wore a condom, things like that. Not out of moral guidance, but out of facilitation--the longer you wait, and the longer you hold onto those rules in an age where birth control serves multiple purposes, the idea of friends with benefits or fuck buddies is widespread enough to be a thing, and where the concept of hooking up isn't seen as morally dubious, the harder it's going to be to find someone who fits into that category. Not saying you won't, but it'll take a bit more effort.

 

[lizards]

im so tired of this: grow up

women have sex, this is fact, just because one has doesnt make her dirty or unworthy or whatever else you think, some of the best women have just had one stupid night or were decieved into loving someone

furthermore what does it even matter? unless their is some phyiscal or mental mark they have it shouldnt even be taken into account

 

[Char-Nobyl]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs.

That's...quite a thing to have.

Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it.

...wow. I'm not sure how it's possible that you were so out of touch with high school in general that none of this occurred to you.

And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally,

Or been to a country with a lower drinking age. Or had a drink at home, under parental supervision. Or accepted church wine. Or any number of other things that would involve imbibing alcohol that aren't "[drinking] beer illegally."

Oh, or booze that isn't beer. That, too.

smoked pot and chewed,

What, no cigarettes on the list? How did chewing tobacco get on the list and they didn't?

or has had sex multiple times.

Or, you know, possibly just once. Because as you might not know, you stop being a virgin after your first time.

I could not believe it and even my teacher was not shocked in the least to hear that. He was actually agreeing with it.

Yeah. Because he's more in-tune with today's youth than you are. Which is kind of sad, considering that you're supposed to be a member of today's youth.

So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

Look, man, to be entirely honest, this situation is entirely your own fault. It'd be one thing if you wanted someone who didn't smoke. That's not hard to find. It'd be another if you wanted someone who didn't drink. That's not terribly difficult to find, either. It's still not even too big a reach to want someone who had never had sex before.

But here's the two things that screw you: the first is simple demographics. Each time you add another condition, you narrow your dating pool further and further. All three of those combined covers a lot of any given high school population, and some of the people who don't fall into those categories are people you wouldn't want to date anyway.

The second thing: your attitude. You've somehow come to the conclusion that if someone has ever had a drink, ever smoked a cigarette, or been in a relationship before meeting you, it retroactively destroys any desirable traits they might have.

The funniest part? It's only going to get worse. A lot worse. Hilariously worse. You're in highschool, right? I don't think it's a stretch to assume that you won't find your purity-paragon bride until after college, and guess what happens towards the end of college? That's right: alcohol and cigarettes are actually legal. Anyone who didn't partake based on a legal obligation (already a minuscule number) won't even consider a relationship the holier-than-thou weirdo who claims they can never be together because he once saw her drink a glass of wine.

You know, in hindsight, I had similar feelings myself in high school. I didn't drink until after graduation, didn't smoke pot for the first time for another year, and another year later, just this summer, had my first foray into a hallucinogen (shrooms). In high school, I refused to date girls that drank or did anything else, and tried to date virgins where possible.

...look, man, I think I understand your intention, but for most people, you would end up coming across as "The guy who only goes after virgins." And being that guy isn't a good thing.

I'm 20 now, and boy have I changed a lot in just two years, let alone throughout high school. I used to think that dating a girl two grades different was not just strange but abhorrent, but now I realize that age is mostly irrelevant so long as love (or at least, understanding that it's not love but just sex, whichever the case may be) is there.

Yep. That's how getting older works. When you've got more years under your belt, two years is literally a less statistically relevant stretch of time than it was when you were younger. If I remember correctly, the average American male ends up marrying a woman roughly four years his junior.

 

[Death God]

So why is it virginity

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I don't think it is dirty and shameful. I think it should have some meaning to it. Almost everyone of my friends have had sex before and I don't mind in the least. My moral doesn't come from any church, it comes from the background of my entire family getting pregnant and having a child before 17. I am the only person in my whole family who is 18 and has not got somebody knocked up which is a major accomplishment for me.

So why is it virginity and not that she has a kid, where you draw the line?

Because once you lose it the first time, it is hard to never have it again. And once you start having sex a lot, it will eventually lead to a kid.

Not if you get an abortion. Problem solved.

Don't believe in abortion unless a woman is raped. Again, not a religious thing; personal belief.

It's a legitimate medical procedure that allows a woman to exert greater control over her own body. I don't think a woman should be forced to have a baby just because she consented to sex, especially since childbirth is fairly dangerous. But maybe I'm the crazy one.

Well, you have your ideals and I have mine. I'll get say, lets agree, to disagree on this one.

Are you sure you're not religious? Because you seem to have morals that are religious, though with a fairly postmodern attitude about them. It's a combination that makes me shudder.

I believe in God, yes. But that is about it. If that makes it that my views are all base on religion, so be it.

You've not addressed your moral foundation so I wouldn't know. It does line up fairly exactly with medieval Christianity. I've not heard of a proper secular ethical system with your moral stances, but perhaps I might learn something new. I don't consider relativism a proper ethical system by the way, just to be clear.

As of right now, I attend a Catholic church but do not believe in their views. I having found any one church to fit my beliefs yet so I just put myself as christian. I believe in God and Jesus but I think the bible as been tweaked way too much over time. I also believe that churches try looking into things that they believe the bible says but, in reality, what they are quoting and interpreting gives no clear definition. So, I guess what I am saying is I do not believe in organized religion but I believe that everyone has their own beliefs and I accept that.

 

[DanielDeFig]

I'm a 21-year old virgin, who's never smoked anything, and who doesn't drink because my parents slowly introduced me to alcohol ever since I was curious, under their supervision (I got to soak one finger in their wine glass, and slowly moved up from there. Even now I don't really like the taste of Alcohol, I prefer sugary stuff. But at least I know, right?).

Do I realize I'm unusual in every one of those aspects?
Yes.
Do I realize you can't possibly judge a person based solely on "What they have/haven't done"? Yes.

 

[Chrishu]

No. Because jerks like me have sex with them, e.g. my most recent lady friend.

Also, don't get so hung up on purity. Find someone with good morals and nail 'em. Not hard.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

The fact that smoking weed and drinking alcohol somehow fall under "being a virgin" kinda concerns me, but yes.

It's really part of growing up to be completely honest with you. My parents managed to both fall under the category of not doing any of the stuff you mentioned up there before High School (or so I assumed, it's not something I ponder on for long periods of time), and I consider myself lucky that they were only very strict about my childhood. The traits developed by that type of behavior they reinforced (and I do love my both my parents very much) a very passive aggressive behavior, and it ended up kinda screwing with my social life, and helping spiral me into a depression.

It wasn't until I got talked into (or peer pressured) into doing the "bad" things and I actually started living a little. I started smoking weed, and I became very happy (Stopped this summer because of College and jobs)

My point is you're looking for a saint, and you aren't going to find one. And the one you find probably will turn out to be the devil.

Which now that I think about it, the last girl I did date hadn't drank, smoked, or had sex. And she was the Antichrist.

 

[khantron]

So why is it virginity

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I don't think it is dirty and shameful. I think it should have some meaning to it. Almost everyone of my friends have had sex before and I don't mind in the least. My moral doesn't come from any church, it comes from the background of my entire family getting pregnant and having a child before 17. I am the only person in my whole family who is 18 and has not got somebody knocked up which is a major accomplishment for me.

So why is it virginity and not that she has a kid, where you draw the line?

Because once you lose it the first time, it is hard to never have it again. And once you start having sex a lot, it will eventually lead to a kid.

Not if you get an abortion. Problem solved.

Don't believe in abortion unless a woman is raped. Again, not a religious thing; personal belief.

It's a legitimate medical procedure that allows a woman to exert greater control over her own body. I don't think a woman should be forced to have a baby just because she consented to sex, especially since childbirth is fairly dangerous. But maybe I'm the crazy one.

Well, you have your ideals and I have mine. I'll get say, lets agree, to disagree on this one.

Are you sure you're not religious? Because you seem to have morals that are religious, though with a fairly postmodern attitude about them. It's a combination that makes me shudder.

I believe in God, yes. But that is about it. If that makes it that my views are all base on religion, so be it.

You've not addressed your moral foundation so I wouldn't know. It does line up fairly exactly with medieval Christianity. I've not heard of a proper secular ethical system with your moral stances, but perhaps I might learn something new. I don't consider relativism a proper ethical system by the way, just to be clear.

As of right now, I attend a Catholic church but do not believe in their views. I having found any one church to fit my beliefs yet so I just put myself as christian. I believe in God and Jesus but I think the bible as been tweaked way too much over time. I also believe that churches try looking into things that they believe the bible says but, in reality, what they are quoting and interpreting gives no clear definition. So, I guess what I am saying is I do not believe in organized religion but I believe that everyone has their own beliefs and I accept that.

Is there a moral system that you go by that isn't church-based, and if not how do you know that your beliefs about morals weren't tweaked in order to, let's say, preserve gender roles.