Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[Falcon123]

I am pretty similar to the OP in that I have a pretty hard stance against smoking, though not so much on the whole drinking/mild drugs (pot) thing. I really wanted to be with a virgin like me since I wouldn't have to stress about inexperience or being compared to anybody. Turns out, the girl I've been dating for 17 months, who is pretty much perfect for me and I love a lot, is saving herself for marriage like I am. And she's got all the faithful and trustworthy qualities that come with it. Sometimes, things just work out that way. <3

So there you go. We exist. Compromise where you can without losing who you are and all tends to work out

 

[Keepeas]

I'm in college and have not done any of those things...
I've tried alcohol...I don't like it.
I hate the smell of smoke...I won't try smoking.
While I am attracted to women...I haven't had the opportunity guts time to be with a girl.....hmmm....I need to work on that...

BTW, the quiet one that almost never interacts with the opposite sex is probably a virgin. (aka. me)

 

[peruvianskys]

im so tired of this: grow up

women have sex, this is fact, just because one has doesnt make her dirty or unworthy or whatever else you think, some of the best women have just had one stupid night or were decieved into loving someone

furthermore what does it even matter? unless their is some phyiscal or mental mark they have it shouldnt even be taken into account

I'm surprised how few people have responded this way; seriously, what is it about a woman being sexually active in the past that tarnishes her soul in such a way that you would never go for her?

The submissive, sheltered "good girl" is not a standard that you have any right to hold women up to. Treat them like people and accept that sometimes they do adult things whether you can control it or not.

 

[Ensiferum]

To answer your question yes there are people who abstain from all of those things you mentioned, however modern culture has degenerated to a point where it's considered the norm and since doing anything other than the norm makes a person "different," naturally they're ridiculed by said norm. Which is a shame. Then again most people are too lazy or afraid of being ridiculed to try being different.

 

[NightHawk21]

Don't take any offense by what I'm about to say, but I'm dead serious. Why is that your criteria for finding a girl, and honestly the older you get the worse off your odds at that criteria are going to be. Besides, does it really matter? The criteria you set has or rather will likely have almost no relevance to your relationship as you get older. Everyone has stuff they regret, and does knowing that someone once got drunk make them less of a person in your eyes? In all honesty, I think you're closing yourself off, but like always you're free to ignore any advice and find your own way through life. Good luck to you man.

P.S. Also as a side-note, how the hell do you even go about figuring this out, without directly asking them if they ever got drunk, smoked or had sex before.

 

[Syzygy23]

Since I'm sick of editing I'll post again. I'm going to guess it shouldn't be TOO hard up there... although it's kinda leftie there, right? Which means kinda hippie. I dunno man, your drinking age is kinda fucked up there.

Like everyone else said, you'll be able to find someone fitting the criteria, but my personal advice? Don't judge people by shit like that. I don't give a crap how many blokes she's shagged, if she has a great personality she has a great personality. Cheating is a different matter, though.

She has a great personality alright... and she ha some great crabs... and great herpes... and great HIV...

 

[Erana]

I'm in grad school and haven't had sex or abused substances!

...Except I'm a nonsexual asexual, and events in my life have put me so far off drugs that I feel guilty about taking over the counter painkillers more than three times a month.

And I never went to highschool...

You know, I'm probably not a very good representative of the general population of anything.

Still, being a virgin and not abusing substances is not a conscious choice on my part. Its just what makes me most comfortable and happy.

Does that automatically make me a match for you, OP? Well, if there's a degree of compatibility, I would assure you it would have nothing to do with the amount of drugs or sex I partake in.

Yeah, I typically view sexual activity in people in their mid teens and younger to be tasteless at best, people have different needs and lives and have still come out as decent people despite their tastes as kids.
In my vision of an ideal world, being a virgin isn't be a matter of pride nor shame, it is evidence that someone is taking the development of their sexuality at their own pace.
(or, if older, has yet to find a suitable partner for a healthy, happy relationship)

 

[Darkmantle]

Honestly I think you would have better luck if you weren't so extreme about what you want.

now bear with me here

I drank all through high school, gr. 10 and up. but only once every couple of months with 3-4 close pals.

I had sex with one partner, been dating her for 3 years (and counting)

now both of those things would disqualify me from your list, but are they really that bad? I mean neither of those things made me a bad guy, I've been faithful and honest with my partner. why does drinking occasionally and responsibly make me a worse person?

I believe you should amend your expectations a little, but just a bit.

Don't date someone who drinks excessively
don't date someone who does drugs excessively
Don't date someone who smokes (this I agree with you on, makes the smoker taste awful)
Don't date someone who has had sex more than once(maybe twice, up to you though)

the reason I advise this is to avoid absolutes. I've known girls who've lost their virginity to someone who they thought loved them, and regretted it ever since. If you find a girl like that, don't be hard on her, she is already beating up herself enough.

Also, your goals are not unobtainable. Those criteria i listed above were the same criteria I used to pick my girlfriend. I found her at 15, been with her ever since. keep looking.

 

[mega48man]

ok, so, my first gf was pretty much what you're looking for; faithful and responsible, but above all, pure and innocent. she broke up with me, it was hard, REAL HARD, she was my world, all that sobby nonsense. i'm still a virgin, but since then i've smoked pot and illegally drank alcohol.

moral of the story, DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME. even if you do find the girl you're looking for, it's gonna be real cute, but then pain you'll endure when it's over will be SO PAINFUL that you might as well go for a loose girl and have a good time while you're still in high school. although, now that everyone in your class knows you've never stepped outside the world of pre-teen life and into dangerous teenager life of sex drugs and rock n' roll (or is it deadmau5?) that might not happen.

but if you're really intent on finding this girl, it shouldn't be too hard. she'll be in a christan youth group, white, 14-18 w/e your preference you sick bastard, small circle of friends, she'll be very nice and sweet (essentially fluttershy), and if you can see those characteristics from afar, you've found her. BUT HEAD MINE WARNING, she'll put you back in the friend zone when you two are done, and it'll suck after how much you've grown to love her.

 

[Majorlagger]

don't give up or drop your standards, if your like i was then you do want a virgin and i responsible faithful girl. if she is still a virgin because she is saving herself for the right person. like my wife did for me. we got married a year and a half ago and we both fell in your range of parameters there are people out there with similar value's and i want to encourage you not to drop your standards and have faith she will come and it will be so much better.

 

[Koroviev]

Creepiest thread title I've seen in a bit...

Don't worry OP, there are plenty of people who haven't done the things you haven't done yet. Just keep looking. Hell, I bet a lot of people feel awkward for not smoking, drinking, having sex, and probably lied/laughed along with the person who said so in class just to 'fit in'.

I second the creepy thread vibe.

OT: Are you really going to interview people about their virginity? I don't know about anyone else, but I certainly wouldn't appreciate such an inquiry and, moreover, what it suggests about your view of others.

 

[Fai57]

Don't know if someone has already said this, but it's pretty likely that there were other people in that class that hadn't done any of those things. A lot of people, especially in high school, say that they've done those things when they haven't. So don't think that "everyone is doing it," because it really isn't everyone.

 

[SmashingTime]

"(I) Don't smoke
Don't drink
Don't fuck
At least I can fucking think

I can't keep up
Can't keep up
Can't keep up
Out of step with the world"

When I was 15, listening to Minor Threat provided me with a pretty flimsy ideology to cling to, in the guise of "straight-edge", which really only served to blind me from the fact that I was in serious loser-denial. The true reasons behind my abstinence were that I was too lame to have friends who smoked, too young to drink, and too ugly to fuck. Give the Complete Discography CD to any weak-link teenager and it won't be long before they're drawing X's on their hands and wearing Black Flag tees underneath their school uniform.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

im so tired of this: grow up

women have sex, this is fact, just because one has doesnt make her dirty or unworthy or whatever else you think, some of the best women have just had one stupid night or were decieved into loving someone

furthermore what does it even matter? unless their is some phyiscal or mental mark they have it shouldnt even be taken into account

I'm surprised how few people have responded this way; seriously, what is it about a woman being sexually active in the past that tarnishes her soul in such a way that you would never go for her?

The submissive, sheltered "good girl" is not a standard that you have any right to hold women up to. Treat them like people and accept that sometimes they do adult things whether you can control it or not.

"The submissive, sheltered "good girl" is not a standard that you have any right to hold women up to."

I'm fairly sure it is when he maintains (or at least tries to) that same standard himself. At least, it's a standard he can hold them up to for the purpose of choosing someone to date and potentially fall in love with. Why is the immediate assumption that he's looking for a girl to be submissive because they're a virgin? Since he himself intends to remain a virgin, is he not allowed to desire the same thing from his partner? Is it wrong to not start a relationship because you consider each other sexually incompatible, in this case because you want to be with someone who will remain a virgin just as you will?

In this thread I've seen a lot of calls that the OP is judgemental or hypocritcal, but I have seen no signs that he is either of these things. At no point has he said that others should behave the same way as he does or else they'll be 'wrong'.

 

[Majorlagger]

So why is it virginity

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I don't think it is dirty and shameful. I think it should have some meaning to it. Almost everyone of my friends have had sex before and I don't mind in the least. My moral doesn't come from any church, it comes from the background of my entire family getting pregnant and having a child before 17. I am the only person in my whole family who is 18 and has not got somebody knocked up which is a major accomplishment for me.

So why is it virginity and not that she has a kid, where you draw the line?

Because once you lose it the first time, it is hard to never have it again. And once you start having sex a lot, it will eventually lead to a kid.

Not if you get an abortion. Problem solved.

Don't believe in abortion unless a woman is raped. Again, not a religious thing; personal belief.

It's a legitimate medical procedure that allows a woman to exert greater control over her own body. I don't think a woman should be forced to have a baby just because she consented to sex, especially since childbirth is fairly dangerous. But maybe I'm the crazy one.

so not to open a can, but you dont think if she consented that maybe she should have thought about protection of some sort?

 

[Majorlagger]

accidental double post.

 

[drummond13]

There are lots of wonderful people who drink, have sex, and occasionally smoke. I think you should look past these things. You're certainly going to have to more and more once you get through high school.

 

[axlryder]

Hmmm...this sounds a little flawed to me.

Please don't take offence to this, but you not wanting somebody simply for having sex before as part of a 'moral system' comes across as almost a little selfish. What I basically hear is that they're somehow worth less (note: not saying worthless) if they've chosen to sleep with somebody despite the fact this could be before they even knew you as a person. It sounds less about morals and more about, well...almost immaturity, which I don't mean in the personal insult sense.

Again, I don't mean that harshly, I used to be similar. You kind of learn to accept these things though.
I think the problem is that promiscuity, smoking and drinking are three of the most common, if not the three most common vices you'll find in people. Therefore finding someone who resists all three is, well, quite improbable. Not impossible, mind.

I'd say you could be wrong to view it that way (I don't know because I don't know this guys rational for following said moral system). Finding someone who has intentionally maintained their abstinence, to me anyway, is more about looking for someone who shares similar sexual views with me. That is, (in my case) as something sacred to be shared between two people who are in a very serious relationship. Sex, especially the first time, has profound psychological implications and isn't something to be casually trifled about with (imo). To have sex means you probably view sex as something you can do with anyone you're in a relationship with or you didn't have the forethought/patience to realize your relationship might not have lasted. Of course if you've had sex recreationally, than clearly we're not on the same page in terms of values. Maintaining abstinence also says loads about someone's self control (that is, if they believe it is something that SHOULD be maintained). That's not to say that one looking for abstinence in a partner should automatically reject someone just because they HAVE had sex once or so (I mean, if she was in a long term and thought she was going the distance, what do you expect? I certainly made that mistake myself. Or maybe she was emotionally coerced/manipulated. Maybe she got drunk. Maybe she was raped. Point is, there's always exceptions to everything), though I'd also think they're justified in looking for a virgin. I'm sure there are other good reasons as well.

In short, to me sex is powerful, beautiful, dangerous and sacred. It's not something that should be taken lightly and virginity in a partner indicates they most likely share similar views to my own. Of course, TALKING to the person is really the best way to figure out where you stand in relation to one another.

There's also the alternative interpretation. That is, you're concerned about the size of your member and want your girl to have nothing to compare it to.

 

[khantron]

So why is it virginity

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I don't think it is dirty and shameful. I think it should have some meaning to it. Almost everyone of my friends have had sex before and I don't mind in the least. My moral doesn't come from any church, it comes from the background of my entire family getting pregnant and having a child before 17. I am the only person in my whole family who is 18 and has not got somebody knocked up which is a major accomplishment for me.

So why is it virginity and not that she has a kid, where you draw the line?

Because once you lose it the first time, it is hard to never have it again. And once you start having sex a lot, it will eventually lead to a kid.

Not if you get an abortion. Problem solved.

Don't believe in abortion unless a woman is raped. Again, not a religious thing; personal belief.

It's a legitimate medical procedure that allows a woman to exert greater control over her own body. I don't think a woman should be forced to have a baby just because she consented to sex, especially since childbirth is fairly dangerous. But maybe I'm the crazy one.

so not to open a can, but you dont think if she consented that maybe she should have thought about protection of some sort?

Protection fails occasionally. And even if she didn't use protection that doesn't mean she loses the right to her own body does it? And I love open cans.