Is punishing a kid consider abuse?

[lukey94]

Reasonable parenting = suitable punishments/ deserved rewards

Bad parenting = No punishment / crazy absurd punishments / undeserved rewards (i.e you got 4 D's and 3 C's in your GCSES? here have £100 then)

Punishment teaches kids what is wrong, and what is right, if they don't know this they grow up learning that they can do what they like .... this is wrong!

 

[MorganL4]

So, I've been following another thread wherein the original poster argued that Tommy Jordan, the man who shot up his daughter's laptop, is abusing his daughter. Disturbingly, I found that some people had the opinion punishing a child for doing something wrong is considered a form of abuse. Some even going as far as suggesting punishing a child for doing something wrong should be considered on the same level as beating a wife.

So, Escapist, do you think punishing a child is, or should be, considered abuse?

Well, I think taking a revolver to a laptop as a form of punishment, while crazy is not abuse... taking the laptop away........perfectly logical..... children need to learn that there are consequences for their actions, rewards for doing good things punishments for doing bad things.... study hard get A on test...... take kid out to dinner, decide to steal from parent's wallet.....grounded and banned from TV/phone and PC ( excluding homework) for a month. Why so long? because in the real world it means jail time, and the kid needs it firmly planted in their head that certain things have harsh punishments.

 

[MorganL4]

what about people who beat kids for inconsistent things? What about people who hit their kids for no good reason at all? There are other ways to get through to them, hitting them is just primitive. People who beat their kids are just cavemen

...
What the fuck? What was the point of that comment?
That comment was on the same lines as someone saying sex between two consenting adults is fine then you coming in and asking "Well what about rape or paedophiles?"
See, maybe if your parents had hit you a little more you would stop and think about what you are saying.

I was hit plenty as a kid, and Its kept me from ever really developing a close bond with my parents. Its just not right, in fact its fucking cowardly, hitting a tiny defenseless human being just so you can feel more powerful. If you beat your kids, then you are a scum of the earth nothing

Well, to an extent it is a generational thing.... My dad had the tar beaten out of him as a child, but in the 50's that was acceptable.... On the other hand neither he not my mother ever laid a hand on me ( in an agressive fashion) and I'd say I turned out okay. ( but so did my dad) and I have met my grandparents, they are not bad people, it is just a matter of what was acceptable then vs what is acceptable now.

Now, when I have kids, I know that I will adopt my parents method of punishment, time outs and privilege removal, but of course there needs to be positive reinforcement too, as I said in my earlier post.... kid gets an A on a test take em out to their favorite restaurant.

 

[Darkmantle]

I don't think physical punishment works very well. when u hit your kid, they fear your hand, not the action. When you can;t hit anymore, they go right back to the action.

It just makes sense

 

[monkey_man]

A punishment is not abusing the child, it's merely taking away something they were given (by the parent mostly) like a right or object. The child doesn't need that to survive, it merely wants to use said object. However beating a kid is considered abuse, but a slap to the head is a great tool for parents, and should be allowed. Or a good old fashioned butt-spanking. It's a shame people get so butthurt D ) about that, when they were most likely raised to fear them, and thereby learned how to behave.
Some of the little brats scurrying around need to be disciplined. If I hear one more 9-year old call me a motherf*cker or similar, I'm going to stare him into tears. And then I'll slap him perhaps. Ahhh slapping. Seriously, we knew how to behave when we were twelve compared to the little pricks walking around today. And our -semi- generation was already considered badly behaved. *sigh* A lot has changed in the 5 years since I was twelve.

also, a lot of people say that hitting a child is bad, I am basically a kid myself too, but I think different. I was slapped and spanked quite often when I was younger, and it taught me where lines lay. I was disallowed from the pc or consoles when I was slightly bad, but when I had done something really bad, I'd pay. It was a great way to keep in line, because I feared getting hit. A punishment these days is basically shit, You can sneak past them easily. No pc? I-Phone4! A risk of getting slapped is something you'll really consider.

 

[VanTesla]

I feel that many of the baby boomer generation came in thinking that you can spoil the kid and they will learn to not be a menace in time... This became more so with the generation after and has been making each new generation seem more roudy, rude, disrespectful, and think the world owes them everything... This is my perspective as the generation after the baby boomer generation. It seem to be ok to dress like a bum or paint yourself more as a sex object... I feel children need more discipline and parents need to be more involved in a childs development. I don't agree with a person that hits a child in the face or uses a belt, but spanking them on the knee or the fear of being publicly humilated can humble a child and make them think before acting like a fool. Becoming physical should be a last resort, but it should not be considered abuse if it is their own parent doing it and it is to scare the child straight and not to cause harm.

 

[FernandoV]

No it's not abuse to give them a smacked bottom once in a while if you have exhausted all other alternatives.

But there is obviously a fine line between slapping their bum as a form of discipline and out right abuse.
The way I see it, it should be used as a last resort for the unruly.

Someone didn't read the original post and just responded based on an assumption of the thread's topic.

SOMEONE'S FACE SHOULD BE MIGHTY RED RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

 

[Jesus Phish]

God no.

Is punishing anything for doing something wrong abuse? My parents raised four kids up who all turned out to be decent members of society and without any issues. They used to punish us when we were doing things we shouldn't have, thing's that we repeated after being told not to.

There is always the case of "a child doesn't know any better" which for the most part is ok the first time a child does something, like if they get a book and rip it up. They didn't know not to do that. They get told it's wrong. They do it again, punishment time.

That father shooting up his daughters laptop, I think it's a good punishment. She sounds like many of this worlds first world problem teens. Too much belief in self entitlement and not enough get up and go attitude. Thanks MTV, for showing kids the lives of the spoiled brats of the mega-rich.

 

[darksuccubus]

nope. I was punished for a lot of things and I deserved it I actually think that I wasn't punished enough. Usually it was a whipping or a spanking

 

[Rin Little]

I know the video you're talking about and I commend the guy for actually doing something to teach his spoiled little ***** of a daughter exactly what happens when you try to pull shit over on your parents. And he didn't lay a finger on his daughter so how in the hell is that considered abuse in the first place? Personally, I wouldn't jump to spanking a child for doing something wrong, but if they keep pushing it and don't learn from less severe punishments then what else can you do?

 

[anthony87]

more or less those are the reasons why I don't consider it abuse. Only addition I would make is that I was spanked as a child and looking back at it I don't think it was abusive behavior.

You didn't answer my first question: if US laws changed, would your opinion of spanking change?

What do you call a 200 lb man who hits his defenseless 50 lb kid?

Yep, a coward. Now a 200lb man that disciplines his kid by spanking is a normal parent.

Are you claiming that spanking is not hitting, or that kids being spanked are not defenseless?

Yeah. Spanking is technically hitting.

Still doesn't make it abuse though.

 

[Cpu46]

No, spanking a child is not "beating them".

beat·ing
n.
An act of repeated hitting or striking.

How is that not spanking?

Because a spank is generally a single strike to a nonvital area. If someone pulls out a belt and just starts indescriminately whacking a child then yes it is beating and is horrible. Getting smacked once or twice on the rump for doing something wrong is a fair punishment.

 

[SFMB]

I agree, that beating a child without a reason is wrong, but since corporeal punishment became abhorrent, the kids have gone worse. Fear is a good motivator. "Time-out"-benches and similar "you-killed-a-cat-so-no-internet-tonight" solutions do not work. Sure, your little angel might be exemplar of goodness, good for you, but since parents have became too afraid to punish their own progeny and shoving the blame on the society itself, too many kids have lost the ability to behave. Although, they might never had had one in the first place. In my youth, when I knew I`d screwed up, I could hear in my mind the awful bellowing of my father. That was enough to keep me from doing stupid things and acting like a fucking brat to my elders and peers. Mind you, I was slapped by my parents only a couple of times, but after those lessons, I never gave them any reason to repeat the punishment.
Please; slap your children when they fuck up. You`re doing them and yourselves a big favor!

 

[Keybladeking57]

No, and to think otherwise is to make certain your kid turns out to be a worthless, uncivilized, joke of an adult that no one worth their salt would want to be around. There's a significant difference between abuse and punishment, and this thread is completely worthless for that very reason

 

[Upbeat Zombie]

Hell no. I think kids today aren't being punished enough. A parent shouldn't just let a child run rampant and do whatever they want. If a kid doesn't know that they are doing something wrong or bad they will keep on doing it. Then you end up with a bunch of spoiled kids who think they can do anything they want. Which I think there are already to many kids who act like that.

 

[DjinnFor]

No it's not abuse, because unlike a wife, a child has to learn morals in life. They need to learn what's right and what's wrong. If a child isn't disciplined in some way, they'll never get anywhere.

You really think that discipline is the only way to demonstrate morals? By actively harming someone (i.e. the opposite of moral behavior), you attempt to instruct morality?

Ah, but wait, that isn't really a demonstration of morals, is it? That's more like the opposite of a demonstration: behave in the exact opposite way that you want the child to.

Ever see a little brat on the bus while the mother just sits there on her phone? yeah that's what not disciplining a child does.

Not really. It's what bad parenting does, which may or may not have anything to do with the level of discipline the parent metes.

I'll have you know that I have yet to strike, yell at, or speak negatively towards my 6 year old, and amazingly enough, she has yet to do the same to me. Funny how that works out.

If a kid doesn't know that they are doing something wrong or bad they will keep on doing it.

How does punishment change that, exactly?

Either you tell the kid that he or she is doing something wrong and why, and then they know, or you don't, and then they don't know. Punishment won't suddenly change what they know or don't know. What punishment does is cow the child into doing what you want them to, and that's all. Don't try and pretend that punishment is anything more than threats and intimidation, because it isn't. What you can argue is that threats and intimidation are required to change the child's behavior for the better (which flies into the face of the science of the human brain, but whatever).

 

[cdstephens]

There's a thin line between discipline and abuse. Anger helps discipline to cross that line. If discipline is done when you aren't angry but instead are in a rational, calm state of mind, then it won't likely turn into abuse.

At the same time, there are often better ways to encourage a child to behave, like positive reinforcement. Whether punishment or reinforcement should be applied is a case by case basis, since each child and each situation is different.

 

[Upbeat Zombie]

How does punishment change that, exactly?

Either you tell the kid that he or she is doing something wrong and why, and then they know, or you don't, and then they don't know. Punishment won't suddenly change what they know or don't know. What punishment does is cow the child into doing what you want them to, and that's all. Don't try and pretend that punishment is anything more than threats and intimidation, because it isn't. What you can argue is that threats and intimidation are required to change the child's behavior for the better (which flies into the face of the science of the human brain, but whatever).

I'm not saying you don't tell the kid know what they did wrong and just punish them. What I'm saying is if you have told the child on several occasions to not do something, and you have explained it many times why you shouldn't do said thing. Yet if they refuse to listen or do as asked (because kids can be little shits) then they should be punished. If a kid can behave well because you have asked them to not do something that's great. But many kids do not always do want you ask them to do. What your saying is if you have asked a kid to do something and they refuse, your part of the parenting is over at that point? That if a kid is told to not do something, but they do it anyway then you should just let them do whatever they want? I'm sorry but it's that kind of thinking, that kids should just be allowed to do whatever without being punished is a horrible idea (IMO) and actually pretty bad parenting. The idea that children are so special that you shouldn't tell them no or take something away from them, is what leads to those kinds of kids in grocery stores, or other public places screaming at their parents, and throwing tantrums over not getting something they wanted. I don't condone a parent ever hitting their kids, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't discipline them.

 

[Bat Vader]

No it's not abuse, because unlike a wife, a child has to learn morals in life. They need to learn what's right and what's wrong. If a child isn't disciplined in some way, they'll never get anywhere.

You really think that discipline is the only way to demonstrate morals? By actively harming someone (i.e. the opposite of moral behavior), you attempt to instruct morality?

Ah, but wait, that isn't really a demonstration of morals, is it? That's more like the opposite of a demonstration: behave in the exact opposite way that you want the child to.

Ever see a little brat on the bus while the mother just sits there on her phone? yeah that's what not disciplining a child does.

Not really. It's what bad parenting does, which may or may not have anything to do with the level of discipline the parent metes.

I'll have you know that I have yet to strike, yell at, or speak negatively towards my 6 year old, and amazingly enough, she has yet to do the same to me. Funny how that works out.

If a kid doesn't know that they are doing something wrong or bad they will keep on doing it.

How does punishment change that, exactly?

Either you tell the kid that he or she is doing something wrong and why, and then they know, or you don't, and then they don't know. Punishment won't suddenly change what they know or don't know. What punishment does is cow the child into doing what you want them to, and that's all. Don't try and pretend that punishment is anything more than threats and intimidation, because it isn't. What you can argue is that threats and intimidation are required to change the child's behavior for the better (which flies into the face of the science of the human brain, but whatever).

I agree that people need to explain to their kids what they are doing is wrong but I also believe in punishing the child as well. I feel that punishing children helps them understand that there are consequences to the choices they make. The parent should explain to their child why they are being punished instead of just punishing them. At least that way they know what they did was wrong and why they are getting punished for it.

 

[Lilani]

-snip-

I was spanked as a child when the situation called for it, and I remember it happening, and I am personally glad my parents did it. I shudder to think what I would have turned out to be had they not done it. So, you can imagine how I feel about it. Of course it is the "last resort" option, and never given lightly (I mean that figuratively, not literally).