Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Syndrome Conundrum
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No, as stated above infections aren't the same as syndromes. To be honest as much as I like the syndrome system it has some glaring flaws, and the way syndromes spread is one of them. Syndromes are pretty much impossible to destroy if they spread by something like, say, blood. Since dwarves who step in blood create a copy of it on themselves, the syndrome is spread indefinitely. Even a full water purge of the entire fort doesn't help, since splatter doesn't necessarily dissipate in water. The only way to completley eliminate a syndrome spread this way is a magma purge, as magma incinerates all the splatters.SamuelT said:
I'm a bit of a noob at Dwarf Fortress. I know how to operate the UI, and I know roughly how the gameplay works, but every time I try it, I end up giving up because it feels like I've missed something important (e.g. making the fortress in the right place/growing mushrooms to feed my dwarves/understanding the mechanics of trading in time for the caravan etc.)
Can anyone give me a list of things to remember when you first start a game? Is there any specific place where you 'should' build your fortress, and how do you choose a good location on the starting map screen?
Can anyone give me a list of things to remember when you first start a game? Is there any specific place where you 'should' build your fortress, and how do you choose a good location on the starting map screen?
yet another post about my Clown Problem... sorry
ive stationed half my military force within the mine and i have small groups of miners digging away the obsidian slowly. so far ive uncovered 3 Clowns. the first two got killed by my Military... the other had more Fun when got loose. killed all the miners while my military slept then proceded to play Benny Hill with the other half of my military as it rampaged through my fortress slaughtering 14 dwarves before it went for my Queen... big mistake as her chief bodyguard has a MasterWork Adamantine hammer... she smote it good.
one of my dwarves has just had a Fun Mood so ive ordered all dwarves indoors and moved all the items hes asking for indoors too. this includes a lot of adamantine (whicch he took first
) which hes taken as well as a metric butt ton of other stuff.
best part is that hes a weaponsmith who likes swords so its likeley il get a sword out of this... i can only hope the game calls this sword Planepacked.
oh and the field leader of my military is stationed nearby to wait for whatever comes out of this workshop, or deal with the Fun Obsessed Dwarf... whichever comes first.
things are looking up!
ive stationed half my military force within the mine and i have small groups of miners digging away the obsidian slowly. so far ive uncovered 3 Clowns. the first two got killed by my Military... the other had more Fun when got loose. killed all the miners while my military slept then proceded to play Benny Hill with the other half of my military as it rampaged through my fortress slaughtering 14 dwarves before it went for my Queen... big mistake as her chief bodyguard has a MasterWork Adamantine hammer... she smote it good.
one of my dwarves has just had a Fun Mood so ive ordered all dwarves indoors and moved all the items hes asking for indoors too. this includes a lot of adamantine (whicch he took first
) which hes taken as well as a metric butt ton of other stuff.best part is that hes a weaponsmith who likes swords so its likeley il get a sword out of this... i can only hope the game calls this sword Planepacked.
oh and the field leader of my military is stationed nearby to wait for whatever comes out of this workshop, or deal with the Fun Obsessed Dwarf... whichever comes first.
things are looking up!
Well all I'll say about the next update for now is that it's pretty much a disaster, as I lost one of the forts most valuable assets.
Chapter 45: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul
__________________________________________________
19th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
I've been running around trying to find someone who knows what is lurking down there. Pretty much everyone is just as confused about it as me. Nobody knows a thing about whatever's down there, and the bestiary doesn't describe anything like it.
Kraken's notes: Forgotten Beasts are one of the truly unique parts of Dwarf Fortress. Each forgotten beast is a procedurally generated creature, meaning that they are created by the game from thousands of different modifiers. Forgotten Beasts can be anything from a bee made of brass to a towering humanoid made of filth and grime. The randomized nature of forgotten beasts results in it being difficult to gauge their power, as they can be death incarnate or completely harmless depending on what the beast is made out of.
In addition to being a randomized creature made out of a randomized set of materials, forgotten beasts also carry randomized attacks with randomized syndromes associated with them. Syndromes are basically diseases, though they can't be cured and can spread through a variety of different methods. Much like the forgotten beasts themselves, their syndromes can range from benign to murderous.
However, there was someone who knew quite a bit about this beast. I never considered asking her, or even talking to her before now. I wouldn't have had she not approached me herself. It was Moldath, one of the domesticated grubmaids.
Moldath: "You are bad doctor, yes? One who leads the bearded ones?"
Stinthad: "Huh? Who said that? Oh, you're talking to me? I kind of forgot you...um, little grubs can talk."
Moldath: "Don't talk much. Hard to do. Keep to myself. But I can tell bad doctor something important."
Stinthad: "Why are you calling me that?"
Moldath: "Is what master calls you sometimes, so I call you it. Easier to say than bearded one names."
I know I'm not the best doctor, but I think I'm doing a decent job! I mean, Erush is still alive.
Moldath: "You ask about great beast. We grubmen know all beasts of the deep. I tell you about it."
Stinthad: "How do you know what it is?"
Moldath: "Grubmen are weak. We don't fight, but we hide. We listen. We look. We learn many things this. Share knowledge with young grubs. Remember everything."
Stinthad: "Well if you do know what that thing is, please tell me!"
Moldath then told me all about the beast lurking below, which her people had dubbed Rofa. It was difficult to understand her, but from what I gather, Rofa is some kind of nightmarish horned alligator.
Stinthad: "So you're telling me Rofa lives down in the abyss?"
Moldath: "Yes. Might attack. Might not. No way to know. Grubmen run when great beast finds us, but bearded ones don't run. You stay here. How will bearded ones stand up to great beast?"
I honestly don't know how we're going to deal with Rofa. If he does attack, I'll have no choice but to send the entire military down to fight him. I'm worried for their safety, but I think they'll be able to win, though not without casualties. Hopefully it won't come to that. For now, all we can really do is wait for Rofa to make his move.
22nd Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
Trying to keep my mind off the possibility of becoming reptile food, I went to meet with the elf merchants. Given how they were clearly in a hurry to leave, I thought they might be more agreeable than usual. I was wrong. I intended to buy a variety of goods, mainly cloth and elven booze. However, despite my best intentions, the deal did not go as planned.
Stinthad: "Alright, you get everything in this pile in exchange for those goods. Look, it's all stone crafts. No bins to be seen. Are we good?"
Tosace: "Let me see...oh fuck you."
Toscae: "I don't know why we even bothered coming here. I should have expected you savages to try selling us another butchered tree!"
Stinthad: "Wait, what? No! There aren't any dead trees in there! I made sure!"
Toscae: "Then how do you explain THIS!"
Stinthad: "Is...is that a splint?"
Toscae: "It's a WOODEN splint."
Stinthad: "I didn't even mean to sell that! I dropped it in the pile by accident!"
Toscae: "Feh, your pathetic excuses do little to alter you're clear lack of respect for nature. We are leaving once again. Keep your damn splint, butcher."
At this point I was so distraught I just wandered off to get a drink. Apparently Goden and Momuz took that as an opportunity to deal with the elves their own way. Mainly, by stealing all the goods we were originally going to buy. I don't even care anymore. I MEAN COME ON IT WAS A FUCKING SPLINT!!
24th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
Stonsense Version [http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/7568/pumplesssense.png]
Well would you look at that! The two water sources have met in the moat. I think it's safe to say that the moat is going to fill up now. HA! I DIDN'T NEED THOSE DAMN PUMPS!
25th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
Today a terrible thought occurred to me. What if a dwarf went down into the abyss? What if they accidentally lured Rofa back into Reveredtour? I initially rejected this fear because there's no reason for anyone to be down there. I went to Goden to make sure of this.
Stinthad: "Goden, nobody's going down to the abyss right?"
Goden: "There's no reason for anyone to be down there right now."
Stinthad: "Well, I thought that too, but what about working on that "office" like you asked?"
Goden: "Well of course there's that, but I'm sure you ordered all construction on that to end until that foul beast left the area."
Stinthad: "Uh..."
Goden: ?You forgot to do to that, didn't you?"
Oh please tell me nobody is down there. Please tell me nobody is down there.
26th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
AUGH!!! SOMEBODY WAS DOWN THERE!!!
The farmers heard the poor dwarf screaming whilst tending to the plump helmets. He was torn to shreds in seconds. Apparently there were actually two dwarves down there, but the one that managed to get away is to scared to say anything. I don't blame him either, because I'm scared to. Rofa is coming up now. I just know it.
I...I don't have a choice! I have to hope the military can take it down! Otherwise, we're doomed!
27th Feslite, 1054, Late WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE OH GOD
Oh god things just keep getting worse. I was talking to several of the soldiers over the radio, since I was worried about their progress. I was mainly focused on Alath, as he is the fastest and would most likely see Rofa first. I never once thought about the consequences of his haste.
Stinthad: "Alath, are you at haven yet? Remember that's where you are going to fight off Rofa."
Alath: "Yes, I know, I know. Almost there to. You should have sent us down sooner so we could kill this vile creature before it could harm a dwarf."
Stinthad: "You don't need to remind me about that! Just get there as fast as you can, but be careful!"
Alath: "Right, well I made it down to haven and- damn, that thing is fast."
Stinthad: "What? What's wrong?"
Alath: "Rofa's already here."
Stinthad: "IT IS?!? Oh god, where's the rest of the military?!?"
Alath: "Lagging behind as usual. No matter, let's see how this beast likes the sting of my dagger."
Stinthad: "What? DON'T FIGHT IT ALONE! ALATH!!!"
And that's the last I heard from him. He won't answer his radio again. Alath is one of the strongest soldiers in this fort. He might actually be stronger than Momuz. Despite starting as a unskilled civilian, he's somehow become a professional soldier. But...can he really take out Rofa on his own?
28th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
I've been trying to get a hold of Alath ever since he went to fight Rofa. The radio silence was tearing me apart inside. So when I heard the radio crackle back to life, I was overjoyed.
Stinthad: "Alath? Oh thank god, I thought you were dead!"
Zulban: "Huh? This isn't Alath, this is Zulban."
Stinthad: "But I'm calling his radio!"
Zulban: "Yeah I found it over in the corner and picked it up because you were calling it."
Stinthad: "Well, that means you're down in haven then? Right?"
Zulban: "Yep."
Stinthad: "Then why are you standing there?!? Go find Alath and kill Rofa!"
Zulban: "I am doing that! It's just- oh, there they are. Whoa, what is that thing doing to Alath?"
Stinthad: "Alath is still alive?"
Zulban: "Yeah, but Rofa is really beating down on him. Alath is just rolling out of the way and trying to block it. Pretty good for someone in his situa- oh, spoke to soon. It just got him. Man, listen to the sound of those bones crack."
Stinthad: "GO HELP HIM!!!"
Zulban: "But...Momuz ain't here yet. We're supposed to fight this thing without a commander?"
Stinthad: "SAVE ALATH!!!"
Zulban: "Dammit...uh, all right guys! Er, for the Immortal Ra- OH GOD MY FOOT!"
Then there was radio silence again. That obviously didn't sound good...but there's several soldiers down there now. So surely they can overwhelm Rofa? Please let them win.
29th Felsite, Late Spring, 1054
I once again found myself constantly trying to call the soldier's, hoping that someone would tell me it was over. I waited several long hours, wondering how I would know if the soldier's had failed without Rofa climbing to the surface. As much as I tried not to dwell on it, all I could think of was death. Then, much to my relief, Momuz called me on his radio and told me the words I desperately wanted to hear.
Momuz: "It's over. Rofa's dead."
Stinthad: "OH THANK GOD!!! Please, tell me what happened! Who's hurt? Who's...dead?"
Momuz: "Calm down, it could have been a lot worse. I wasn't able to get down to haven as fast as I would have liked. Fortunately, most of my boys are competent enough to know what to do on their own. When I came down, I saw that they were trying to surround Rofa."
Momuz: "The beast was confused, surprised by our bold offense. Once I arrived on the scene, it was time to end Rofa. Everyone pounced on it from all sides. It lashed out at some of the soldiers, but it was simply overwhelmed."
Momuz: "No matter what Rofa tried to do, he couldn't break free from the mob. It was trapped. We now had it surrounded on all sides, and we were just hacking away at it wildly. Such a massive beast does not go done easily even when cornered, so bringing it down was a long and slow process."
Momuz: "And then it was, uh, dead."
Stinthad: "What, that's it? Not very descriptive. Tell me who killed it! They deserve at least a dozen different medals."
Momuz: "That's the thing. We were all so enraged that we just kept beating on Rofa, long after it had probably died. We didn't realize this at first, so we're not sure who killed it. Heck it might have been an earth golem, or even an octopre [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/jump/9.245167.9557133]."
Stinthad: "Uh, okay, as for the wounded?"
Momuz: "Most soldiers are pretty much okay. A few minor injuries, but nothing serious. However, Alath is a mess. I'm going to be honest; I'm not sure he'll make it. He's not even conscious right now. Some of the soldiers are trying to wake him up, but it's not working."
Zulban: "Uh, how about helping me? That thing tore of my foot! And now I can't feel my leg!"
Momuz: "Shut up Zulban! If there's no pain, you don't need someone to carry you like a baby! You have two working arms! Use them! Crawl to the hospital and quit whining!"
That was cruel. But, he's right. I need to help Alath right now! I pray he stays alive long enough for me to get him to the hospital.
__________________________________________________
Yeah, only one death. Might not seem like a big deal, but Alath being incapacitated is a disaster. He was one of my best soldiers.
__________________________________________________
19th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
I've been running around trying to find someone who knows what is lurking down there. Pretty much everyone is just as confused about it as me. Nobody knows a thing about whatever's down there, and the bestiary doesn't describe anything like it.
In addition to being a randomized creature made out of a randomized set of materials, forgotten beasts also carry randomized attacks with randomized syndromes associated with them. Syndromes are basically diseases, though they can't be cured and can spread through a variety of different methods. Much like the forgotten beasts themselves, their syndromes can range from benign to murderous.
However, there was someone who knew quite a bit about this beast. I never considered asking her, or even talking to her before now. I wouldn't have had she not approached me herself. It was Moldath, one of the domesticated grubmaids.
Moldath: "You are bad doctor, yes? One who leads the bearded ones?"
Stinthad: "Huh? Who said that? Oh, you're talking to me? I kind of forgot you...um, little grubs can talk."
Moldath: "Don't talk much. Hard to do. Keep to myself. But I can tell bad doctor something important."
Stinthad: "Why are you calling me that?"
Moldath: "Is what master calls you sometimes, so I call you it. Easier to say than bearded one names."
I know I'm not the best doctor, but I think I'm doing a decent job! I mean, Erush is still alive.
Moldath: "You ask about great beast. We grubmen know all beasts of the deep. I tell you about it."
Stinthad: "How do you know what it is?"
Moldath: "Grubmen are weak. We don't fight, but we hide. We listen. We look. We learn many things this. Share knowledge with young grubs. Remember everything."
Stinthad: "Well if you do know what that thing is, please tell me!"
Moldath then told me all about the beast lurking below, which her people had dubbed Rofa. It was difficult to understand her, but from what I gather, Rofa is some kind of nightmarish horned alligator.
Stinthad: "So you're telling me Rofa lives down in the abyss?"
Moldath: "Yes. Might attack. Might not. No way to know. Grubmen run when great beast finds us, but bearded ones don't run. You stay here. How will bearded ones stand up to great beast?"
I honestly don't know how we're going to deal with Rofa. If he does attack, I'll have no choice but to send the entire military down to fight him. I'm worried for their safety, but I think they'll be able to win, though not without casualties. Hopefully it won't come to that. For now, all we can really do is wait for Rofa to make his move.
22nd Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
Trying to keep my mind off the possibility of becoming reptile food, I went to meet with the elf merchants. Given how they were clearly in a hurry to leave, I thought they might be more agreeable than usual. I was wrong. I intended to buy a variety of goods, mainly cloth and elven booze. However, despite my best intentions, the deal did not go as planned.
Stinthad: "Alright, you get everything in this pile in exchange for those goods. Look, it's all stone crafts. No bins to be seen. Are we good?"
Tosace: "Let me see...oh fuck you."
Toscae: "I don't know why we even bothered coming here. I should have expected you savages to try selling us another butchered tree!"
Stinthad: "Wait, what? No! There aren't any dead trees in there! I made sure!"
Toscae: "Then how do you explain THIS!"
Stinthad: "Is...is that a splint?"
Toscae: "It's a WOODEN splint."
Stinthad: "I didn't even mean to sell that! I dropped it in the pile by accident!"
Toscae: "Feh, your pathetic excuses do little to alter you're clear lack of respect for nature. We are leaving once again. Keep your damn splint, butcher."
At this point I was so distraught I just wandered off to get a drink. Apparently Goden and Momuz took that as an opportunity to deal with the elves their own way. Mainly, by stealing all the goods we were originally going to buy. I don't even care anymore. I MEAN COME ON IT WAS A FUCKING SPLINT!!
24th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
Stonsense Version [http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/7568/pumplesssense.png]
Well would you look at that! The two water sources have met in the moat. I think it's safe to say that the moat is going to fill up now. HA! I DIDN'T NEED THOSE DAMN PUMPS!
25th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
Today a terrible thought occurred to me. What if a dwarf went down into the abyss? What if they accidentally lured Rofa back into Reveredtour? I initially rejected this fear because there's no reason for anyone to be down there. I went to Goden to make sure of this.
Stinthad: "Goden, nobody's going down to the abyss right?"
Goden: "There's no reason for anyone to be down there right now."
Stinthad: "Well, I thought that too, but what about working on that "office" like you asked?"
Goden: "Well of course there's that, but I'm sure you ordered all construction on that to end until that foul beast left the area."
Stinthad: "Uh..."
Goden: ?You forgot to do to that, didn't you?"
Oh please tell me nobody is down there. Please tell me nobody is down there.
26th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
AUGH!!! SOMEBODY WAS DOWN THERE!!!
The farmers heard the poor dwarf screaming whilst tending to the plump helmets. He was torn to shreds in seconds. Apparently there were actually two dwarves down there, but the one that managed to get away is to scared to say anything. I don't blame him either, because I'm scared to. Rofa is coming up now. I just know it.
I...I don't have a choice! I have to hope the military can take it down! Otherwise, we're doomed!
27th Feslite, 1054, Late WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE OH GOD
Oh god things just keep getting worse. I was talking to several of the soldiers over the radio, since I was worried about their progress. I was mainly focused on Alath, as he is the fastest and would most likely see Rofa first. I never once thought about the consequences of his haste.
Stinthad: "Alath, are you at haven yet? Remember that's where you are going to fight off Rofa."
Alath: "Yes, I know, I know. Almost there to. You should have sent us down sooner so we could kill this vile creature before it could harm a dwarf."
Stinthad: "You don't need to remind me about that! Just get there as fast as you can, but be careful!"
Alath: "Right, well I made it down to haven and- damn, that thing is fast."
Stinthad: "What? What's wrong?"
Alath: "Rofa's already here."
Stinthad: "IT IS?!? Oh god, where's the rest of the military?!?"
Alath: "Lagging behind as usual. No matter, let's see how this beast likes the sting of my dagger."
Stinthad: "What? DON'T FIGHT IT ALONE! ALATH!!!"
And that's the last I heard from him. He won't answer his radio again. Alath is one of the strongest soldiers in this fort. He might actually be stronger than Momuz. Despite starting as a unskilled civilian, he's somehow become a professional soldier. But...can he really take out Rofa on his own?
28th Felsite, 1054, Late Spring
I've been trying to get a hold of Alath ever since he went to fight Rofa. The radio silence was tearing me apart inside. So when I heard the radio crackle back to life, I was overjoyed.
Stinthad: "Alath? Oh thank god, I thought you were dead!"
Zulban: "Huh? This isn't Alath, this is Zulban."
Stinthad: "But I'm calling his radio!"
Zulban: "Yeah I found it over in the corner and picked it up because you were calling it."
Stinthad: "Well, that means you're down in haven then? Right?"
Zulban: "Yep."
Stinthad: "Then why are you standing there?!? Go find Alath and kill Rofa!"
Zulban: "I am doing that! It's just- oh, there they are. Whoa, what is that thing doing to Alath?"
Stinthad: "Alath is still alive?"
Zulban: "Yeah, but Rofa is really beating down on him. Alath is just rolling out of the way and trying to block it. Pretty good for someone in his situa- oh, spoke to soon. It just got him. Man, listen to the sound of those bones crack."
Stinthad: "GO HELP HIM!!!"
Zulban: "But...Momuz ain't here yet. We're supposed to fight this thing without a commander?"
Stinthad: "SAVE ALATH!!!"
Zulban: "Dammit...uh, all right guys! Er, for the Immortal Ra- OH GOD MY FOOT!"
Then there was radio silence again. That obviously didn't sound good...but there's several soldiers down there now. So surely they can overwhelm Rofa? Please let them win.
29th Felsite, Late Spring, 1054
I once again found myself constantly trying to call the soldier's, hoping that someone would tell me it was over. I waited several long hours, wondering how I would know if the soldier's had failed without Rofa climbing to the surface. As much as I tried not to dwell on it, all I could think of was death. Then, much to my relief, Momuz called me on his radio and told me the words I desperately wanted to hear.
Momuz: "It's over. Rofa's dead."
Stinthad: "OH THANK GOD!!! Please, tell me what happened! Who's hurt? Who's...dead?"
Momuz: "Calm down, it could have been a lot worse. I wasn't able to get down to haven as fast as I would have liked. Fortunately, most of my boys are competent enough to know what to do on their own. When I came down, I saw that they were trying to surround Rofa."
Momuz: "The beast was confused, surprised by our bold offense. Once I arrived on the scene, it was time to end Rofa. Everyone pounced on it from all sides. It lashed out at some of the soldiers, but it was simply overwhelmed."
Momuz: "No matter what Rofa tried to do, he couldn't break free from the mob. It was trapped. We now had it surrounded on all sides, and we were just hacking away at it wildly. Such a massive beast does not go done easily even when cornered, so bringing it down was a long and slow process."
Momuz: "And then it was, uh, dead."
Stinthad: "What, that's it? Not very descriptive. Tell me who killed it! They deserve at least a dozen different medals."
Momuz: "That's the thing. We were all so enraged that we just kept beating on Rofa, long after it had probably died. We didn't realize this at first, so we're not sure who killed it. Heck it might have been an earth golem, or even an octopre [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/jump/9.245167.9557133]."
Stinthad: "Uh, okay, as for the wounded?"
Momuz: "Most soldiers are pretty much okay. A few minor injuries, but nothing serious. However, Alath is a mess. I'm going to be honest; I'm not sure he'll make it. He's not even conscious right now. Some of the soldiers are trying to wake him up, but it's not working."
Zulban: "Uh, how about helping me? That thing tore of my foot! And now I can't feel my leg!"
Momuz: "Shut up Zulban! If there's no pain, you don't need someone to carry you like a baby! You have two working arms! Use them! Crawl to the hospital and quit whining!"
That was cruel. But, he's right. I need to help Alath right now! I pray he stays alive long enough for me to get him to the hospital.
__________________________________________________
Yeah, only one death. Might not seem like a big deal, but Alath being incapacitated is a disaster. He was one of my best soldiers.
Ouch, foot loss. He's going to rot in his bed until the end of days. I mean, assuming he doesn't rot a great deal faster.
Did anyone get stung?
Did anyone get stung?
if they did we have to hope the Syndrome isnt transferable between dwarves.(name here) said:
whoever got stung is on the next suicide mission.
Also: poor alath... he would have been one of the best candidates for Momuz's replacement if/when Momuz decides to die fighting some Carp.
Oh don't tease us like that -- copy Reveredtour, go into legends mode, string filter on "Rofa" and tell us who killed it!
Next time you get a super fast badass and are fighting a FB, make sure you have your military regroup a z or a room away so they don't loose their foot. Alath is fucking awesome. No offense, but Stinthad is an utterly horrible doctor, and Alath is probably going to die unless he gets saved by his super strength. And even then he's probably just going to sleep for the rest of his life.
That's what I tried to do. I underestimated the speed of Rofa, as he entered haven right when Alath did. It was to late to pull him back. And yeah, if Stinthad actually saves Alath I'll be amazed. But with a missing foot and hand, there's no way he's going to fight again.Double A said:
I'm sure Alath will be ok! As long as infection doesn't set in, any half-witted doctor should be able to save him. Speaking of which, what is the status on crutches. I've had them work for me on the rare occassion, but otherwise it seems my dwarves become hospital greeters.