Lol, Skyrim.

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Agayek

Ravenous Gormandizer
Oct 23, 2008
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TheLoneBeet said:
I used the console to resurrect a dragon that's body had been clogging up my doorstep in Whiterun, ran outside town so I could kill it there and hopefully it'd disappear. Most of the other corpses in the overworld have long since vanished. I thought it'd go away too. To this day it's still cluttering up the gate in Whiterun.
Made it really interesting when I stormed the castle as part of the Stormcloak attack on the city. I didn't realize it was a corpse (because after you resurrect the dragons they don't wither and give you a soul because that'd be a cheap way to farm souls and I'm personally glad the development team thought of that) so my first instinct was to charge it. Should have been a big hint that it was lying motionless on the ground instead of flying around roaring. I was too caught up in the moment to think of that.
I did the same thing almost, except instead of a dragon corpse, it was Odahviing.
For those that don't know, once you finish the main quest, you get a shout to summon the dragon Odahviing who will fight for you. He's a total badass and I summon him in basically every outdoor fight. The only problem is that he can stick around after fast travel sometimes, and if I forgot I had summoned him, I tend to hit him with Dragonrend :(
 

McNinja

New member
Sep 21, 2008
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The ragdoll death physics are freaking hilarious. Really? So when I get killed by a dragon biting my face I get bounced 16 miles into the air? I see.
 

Zanaxal

New member
Nov 14, 2007
297
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Getting knocked over by a shout face down in a puddle from a draugr. Floating very slowly while hes shooting a increasing number of arrows into my back head for a good 30 sec, over to a slightly more shallow part of the puddle before standing up.
 

spacecowboy86

New member
Jan 7, 2010
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That time I shot a chain lightning bolt at that bandit's feet and watched with glee as he flew across the road and got stuck in a tree... good times.
 
Apr 28, 2008
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Went to a cave to be a bard. This cave is buggy as all fuck. Got all the way to the ruby dragon claw door, but it wouldn't let me turn the rings. So I reload, try again, same result. So I reload again, and come back with a companion thinking she'll be able to turn the rings. Well, apparently FULL FUCKING DRAGONPLATE armor doesn't stop her from being hacked to pieces on the EASIEST FUCKING DIFFICULTY. So on top of running the dungeon for the fourth damn time I had to babysit miss dipshit as she ran straight into traps and my sword. Well I get to the end, and it turns out the rings are working, which means I just put up with all that shit with my companion for fucking nothing. But whatever, at least the rings work. So I put in the correct combination, and the door refuses it. It's at this point I'm shouting. Well, I reloaded, same result. Reloaded, but walked outside then walked back in, and everything worked perfectly. I swear to god this game is trolling me.

Oh... you wanted a funny story, I guess. Well, my story could be funny, if you like laughing at other's pains with a video game, I guess.

I don't know. I'm pissed and just needed to vent. Feel better now.
 

Jamesfox849

New member
Dec 31, 2010
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Unlike most others, I did not get killed the first time I tried to talk to a giant, rather the giant simply bashed me on the head, leaving only a tiny sliver of my health left.

And this, the Dohvakin ran his ass out of there, leaving behind a yellow trail as he did so.
 

King of the Sandbox

& His Royal +4 Bucket of Doom
Jan 22, 2010
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kouriichi said:
Not many funny things happen to Raj. Mostly tragic.

Raj get home, and go into living room, try to heal wounds after combat with dragon. Accidentally flame atronach. Certainly, this freak me out, so i proceed to stab it.

Flame Atronach fall over dead. Wife Mjoll come into living room, and scold Khajiit for miscasting. I apologize then "BOOOOOOM!", room bathed in fire!

Did you know Flame Atronach explode after death? Raj did not. Ruin house, sending everything in house off shelves. Make big mess!

Wife Mjoll cant help but laugh. Fire Burn off all of Raj's fur. Look pinker then pomegranate! Raj dislike next week in cold skyrim.

Now Raj see why nords always angry.
You need to stream/capture this and add Raj's voice. I would watch. ^_^
 

Ruedyn

New member
Jun 29, 2011
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Giant aside one of my funniest moments was stalking a target for the dark brotherood in windhelm. I decided I wanted to try my fully upgraded firebreath shout instead of my usual dagger. I forgot however that I was using stormcall after assaulting some fort for the stormcloaks. I used the shout and the storm killed 5 people including my target. Lucky for me I was thane and got out of it somehow. As the gaurd who was about to arrest me walked away, she turned around looked me right in the eyes and said "I know who you are, hail Sithis."
 

Lerasai

New member
Aug 14, 2010
213
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I'm not very far into the game, but I was amused by how if you initiate a conversation with an npc on some stairs, the npc will very slowly slide down them as they are talking. It might've been because it was very late at night, but I was cracking up as the guy just kept getting further and further away from me as he ranted about some other family sucking.
 

Nazulu

They will not take our Fluids
Jun 5, 2008
6,238
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One of the hideouts near the end the leader of the bandits says "Stop! That's enough violence, he has proven himself", then I go to where some of his goons were and cut their heads in one shot. First one says "Hello blaaargghh", second says "I'm going to find whoever blaaargghh", and then third one runs up to me shouting "What have you done!? Blaaargghh". They were all right next to each other! You had to be there.
 

Averant

New member
Jul 6, 2010
452
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I had just successfully dueled a dragon, and was shouting I AM TRIUMPHANT! when a bear charged me and mauled me.

Also, I legitimately saw three bears kill a dragon. I had just entered its territory, and it was flying down to fight me, when it saw a bear and changed aggro. It landed, a couple more bears appeared, and the bear trio proceeded to maul a goddamn dragon to death. Two of them died, but the third survived.

And then he came after me.

...bears are dicks.

Seriously. Dragon? ONWARD! Giant? FORWARD! Draugr Overlord? FOR SKYRIM!

Bear? RUN AWAY!

EDIT: Another bear story, I had just shot a snow bear(stupid stupid stupid) and was trying to hid from it in some rocks. Lo and behold, it finds it way and bursts out in front of me, so I immediately turn around and whirlwind away. Right off of a cliff. D'oh.
 

megapenguinx

New member
Jan 8, 2009
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I was walking along minding my own business, when a bear charges me and decides it wants to fight. Thinking I can take it no problem, I pull out my sword only to have a dragon fly down out of no where and toast us both. After a quick heal, the bear and I team up against the dragon only for an ice wraith to join the dragon and begin to fight me and the bear. Luckily my horse rides in, kills the wraith in a few horse kicks, and begins to wail on the dragon with me and my bear friend. We prevail, but then the bear decides he's too cool for normal bear life and explodes.

Long story short: I had a bear side-kick and he exploded.
 

Trippy Turtle

Elite Member
May 10, 2010
2,119
2
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When a mammoth decides that a dragon has lived long enough. I pity the dragon.
Otherwise I had shadowmere and he fell off a cliff. Twice. :(
 

TheBoulder

New member
Nov 11, 2009
414
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For some reason, dragons love spawning near Dawnstar for me. I've literally killed 6 to 7 dragons there. The funny part is when the townsfolk come to admire the dragon skeleton. They all say that they're amazed by it and that they wouldn't believe it if they hadn't seen, all the while they walk past the skeletons of even more dragons.
I also want to kill that guard that told me to put away my magic. He said it in such a contemptuous tone of voice, and it hurt my feelings. It saved his damned life too.
 

Balls Mandingo

New member
Apr 15, 2009
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Quick travel to a location on the map, couple of Bandits pissed off some giants so they were attacking everything. Giants attacked me and I ran to get away from them, while running from the giants I ran into a dragon, which I also ran away from. While running away from the giants and dragon, I ran into a Liche. That was my "FUUUUUUUUU" skyrim moment.
 

crimson5pheonix

It took 6 months to read my title.
Legacy
Jun 6, 2008
36,822
4,055
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Doing a particular quest (I forgot which), I had to go into a dungeon to get something. The dungeon came to a large arena with quite a few skeletons in it. I thought to myself "okay, I'll just sneak around and murk them all." I stealthed in a couple of feet and a few more summoned in.

It's only a few more, I can still sn-

*rumbling*

wha-

*undead skeleton dragon raises up from the ground and heads straight to me with every skeleton in the room pulling out their bows*

Oh...

I lived because skeletons are pushovers, but that threw me off.
 

Char-Nobyl

New member
May 8, 2009
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teh_Canape said:
>first time seeing Giants
>walk up to one
>try to talk
>smashes me with a bone-club
I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky
Oh God. My first encounter with giants.

The thing is, they look...well, smaller than they are. At least from a reasonable distance. So as I dashed in, sword in hand and shield gleaming, I was confused as the giant appeared to be growing bigger and bigger as I got closer.

And then he smashed be with one blow. Hell, they're still a nuisance with full orcish armor, and rightfully so. With a club that size and muscles that strong, it doesn't matter if my armor is the finest in the land: they're going to pulverize me inside it.
 

Neverhoodian

New member
Apr 2, 2008
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Averant said:
Seriously. Dragon? ONWARD! Giant? FORWARD! Draugr Overlord? FOR SKYRIM!

Bear? RUN AWAY!
Ugh, the bears. The goddamn bears. I'd take a dragon over a bear any day. At least dragons waste time flying around between attacks, which gives my character a chance to pop a few healing potions. Bears just wail on me constantly until I'm dead.

One day I will level up to the point that I'll be able to take on bears easily. When I do, there will be a bloody reckoning.
My Argonian is a stealth/bow/dagger affectionado. One time when dungeon delving I was picking off a group of undead draugr with my bow. I would kill one with a sneak attack, then run out of the room and wait for the rest to stop looking for me before repeating the process. In their efforts to find me, they started inadvertently tripping all the traps in the room.

One draugr did itself in by setting off a wall-mounted flame jet, and the draugr leader was smacked around by a swinging spiked gate. It got up, brushed itself off, turned around...and tripped the exact same trap again (this time with a decidedly more fatal outcome).
 

Creator002

New member
Aug 30, 2010
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I was fighting a dragon when a bandit decided he'd risk being killed by dragon-imperial crossfire just to rob me.
Y'know, bandit, I don't mind you trying to take my gold, especially when you're easy to kill, but do you mind maybe, oh I don't know, helping me kill the very dangerous fire-breathing dragon behind you first!
Needless to say, the dragon didn't like the spotlight being taken off him and preceded to envelop us both with flame, killing the bandit for me.

Ickorus said:
Damn you and your avatar. Everytime I see it, I try wiping my screen.

EDIT - Oh, and another time I was being chased by guards, so I used a shout to call a dragon to help me. I turned around to watch the battle only to see 2 guards on fire and the rest running away. Happy times. :D