Love, why can't you find it?

[Belaam]

I used to no due to low self-esteem and not being secure in my identity. The two were tied together.

As for rejection, Freshman and Sophomore years were full of rejection. I asked out anyone who even remotely caught my eye and was either immediately shot down or didn't have a second date. Don't really bat an eye at rejection anymore. Though we had one guy at our school who trumped even me on that. He asked 34 girls to Homecoming and they all said no, then number 14 felt bad for him and agreed to go. Oddly, he then took two girls to prom. Their prom photos were hilarious.


Senior year of high school and Freshman year of college, I started actively thinking about my beliefs on a variety of topics and feeling more secure about my stance on those topics. I then felt far more comfortable talking about myself and my views on life with other people.

Dated casually here and there, a couple of serious relationships, and eventually started dating my wife 12 years ago.

 

[Drakmorg]

I'll save some time and just say self-esteem issues.

 

[Sparky184]

I'll save some time and just say self-esteem issues.

Pretty much this. And I'm a huge nerd. Girls don't like that apparently.

 

[Wispchamp345]

I think it takes effort to figure out what you really want, and I don't think most people know what they want yet. If they are afraid to find out, then that means they will NEVER find out. When I say effort, I mean experimenting by dating a variety of different people and seeing what kind of person you really enjoy. It may not be your best friend, it may not be the most attractive person, or maybe it will be. It depends on what you truly want. You have to find out for yourself, because you can't just immediately know without some prior experiences.
I personally enjoy meeting women at random places, such as the mall, bookstore, my college campus, etc and dating them. Its a lot of fun. Dating random people means you don't really have to act a certain way or worry about what they think of you too much. You don't even have to worry about how the relationship ends up going. You can just have FUN with them, which is the most valuable thing in the world. When you are having fun, you are the most likely to figure out what you like and don't like. Dating best friends, or people you already know really well has its benefits too, but the downside is that you are already use to acting a certain way around a friend, whereas with a random person, your personality is free to change; you are free to try new and different things. You worry more about what your close friends think of you, then you do about what random people think of you.
I don't believe in "high school sweethearts" or "love at first sight", because people's personalities change as they progress through life, and WHAT as well as WHO they are into will change as well. Who you are into when you are 18yrs old in high school may not be the same as who you will be into when you are 30yrs old, or even older for that matter.

 

[StarStruckStrumpets]

Treat everyone the same, even if I like them, not willing to do the whole "flirty" thing as it takes away from what makes me me. I'm ridiculously friendly, and I always end up being the friend-zone'd guy. It's happened so many times I don't care any more. I've actually given up on love, or any kind of relationship. I'd rather by myself than have to tread on eggshells to get with the girl I'm interested in at the time.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I'm average looking and I don't dress 'girly' at all, pants and a t-shirt is what I always wear and I can't be bothered to change that.

It also doesn't help that I'm a social cripple and I don't talk a whole lot.

But really, my main reason/excuse is that I'm just incredibly jaded about the whole thing.

 

[nin_ninja]

What makes you afraid to try?

Rejection.

There is someone I love, but we're close friends right now and if she doesn't reciprocate that love then that'll be forever between us. So I'm comfortable right now and in no hurry to push the issue.

 

[Mestraal]

Because I usually seem to act just a bit too nice and get thrown straight to BEST FRIEND [High five]
-_-

and now I have to hope that she doesn't read this because she keeps randomly stealing my laptop ._.

 

[Michael Hirst]

Found it I think. I'm not running over hills shouting about it but I feel somewhat humbled by it like I can really enjoy even the most mundane things with this woman. Of course ti happened by complete chance, you can't plan/find love by looking for it really and it's never ever instant it grows on you over time (funny since I'd use those words to describe a tumor)

 

[Brandon237]

I'm engaged to the same girl I met at 15 (I'm 24 on Saturday).

I'd be lying if I said relationships are hard, because they're not.
If you click with someone in just the right way, it's really not hard.

I'm not the stereotypical, socially awkward geek.
The geek part is true, I just don't break out in a cold sweat when it comes to dealing with people. You'd be surprised how just being a funny guy can get you through most situations.

Damn... as far as these things go, you are my Escapist role model.
And the last part is true for me too, people have relied on me to do many things simply because I am confident...

OP: I have not had trouble with this, I am 16 and have been going out with my girlfriend for around a year and three months... and it has been amazing. There have been some external things (ie: parents and her ex) that caused bumps, but otherwise all good. She really is amazing, we also share many ideas and a similarly warped sense of humour which makes for funny times

 

[Guardian of Nekops]

At the moment, this is why.

I found it.

I had a good job, friends, hobbies... stability. The one thing I didn't have was someone to love... there was a girl I knew online, who I'd liked for five years, but she was in another relationship so I kept my mouth shut, lived my life. You know, it was fine. Went out with a couple other people, tried to make the relationships work... no dice. Still, it was fine. I had everything else.

Suddenly, she was available and so was I. We talked, we connected more deeply than ever, we started dating. We talked about something more... everything more. It was great. The only problem was she was finishing up college six hundred miles away. We'd been dating for about a year and a half, and I had to choose between renewing my enlistment or not.

I quit my job. I left my friends. I put everything I owned in a truck and drove it six hundred miles to be with her.

Three months later, I was out on the sidewalk, with the ring I gave her in my pocket. It's been almost a year since then, and the darn thing's still there... I could use the money if I pawned it, and Lord knows it's not doing me any favors to keep finding it there, but... yeah.

That said, at the moment I don't have much of anything left to offer, so there's not much point in looking.

 

[chstens]

Let's see... I guess it's because I just don't really try, but also, most of the girls I have had a crush on have been in a relationship. To be honest, it doesn't really bother me,

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

A good friend and I have a (joking) list of "Why I Don't Have a Boyfriend." Included on my list is:

-Cell phone rings to "Banana Phone" for calls, and...
-Cell phone rings the "Legend of Zelda chest-opening sound" for text messages
-Refusal to simply let anyone beat me in any game, ever
-Secret nerdiness (as defined by the aforementioned friend, I don't look like someone who has any geeky hobbies... but talk to me, and it's suddenly revealed that I game, watch anime/read manga, am a computer geek, et cetera, et cetera...)
-Tomboyishness

...The list goes on...

On a more serious note, though, I've had plenty of guys ask me out. I hang out with an almost exclusively male group, as a matter of fact. So why am I not going out with anyone? It's pretty simple: I don't have anyone I care for in that way, at least at the moment. The last person I was interested in... well, he asked me out at the worst possible time, when I was going through some intense family drama, so I turned him down. Simple as that.

 

[Yopaz]

Now this is a very private question. However no-one here knows me so what the heck.
1: I am not good looking.
2: I am not very good at seeing signals.
3: I feel awkward when someone tries to pick me up (almost at a level of anxiety)
4: I am afraid of taking chances because I've had some bad experiences in the past where everything about me could be used to make me feel bad.
5: I'm not sure how I should feel if I really am in love or if I've ever been in love.

However despite all of the the reasons above I apparently made quite a good impression on this one girl (who was far out of my league) without actually doing something different than what I normally do. That said I do flirt a lot and come up with some really great compliments half the time.

 

[awsome117]

I think it is because they are to busy crying about not being able to find any on the internet. The fact that it would require them to leave their parents basements and possibly talk to an actual person is far to much of a deterrent for them.

Well I would agree with you on most of your points (besides the parents' basement, some people attend college) this isn't about them, it's about you.

So without saying your reasons for believing/not believing in love, or even if you found it or not you didn't really answer the question.

 

[Blow_Pop]

I want to know why, many people give vauge reasons. "I had a horrible relationship, and now I can't love anyone" right... why?

because I've been cheated on way too many times to trust anyone enough to be in a relationship anymore and I'm a cynical ***** now.

When I'm sure most of you have great things to bring to relationships. What makes you afraid to try?

Also, rejection. Plus the only person I'm interested in (and I'm talking more than just a physical "let's jump into bed for a night or two together" way) lives about 5,082 miles away. Long distance doesn't work(from experience tried it, got cheated on, heart broken and the guy eventually turned gay or came out)

Also, I'm too much of a flirt naturally. Meaning I'll just be talking cars or video games with someone and its perceived as flirting by everyone else and to me its a harmless conversation about things that interest me. From experience, guys don't like it when they are in a relationship and their girlfriend flirts (or what they perceive as flirting) with another guy. They get clingy, jealous, and possessive and I have no patience nor tolerance for that kind of shite in my life. Also, the men out here are absolute douche's. I'd like a straight, unmarried man out here to prove me wrong with that one. Oh and be interested in me and have me interested in him. My standards are ridiculously and incredibly high and the guys out here that meet them are very flamboyantly gay so it just doesn't work out. And the girls out here...yeah....two faced backstabbing bitches so... they're fun to sleep with but not for relationships. Or they are too high maintenance. Good enough reasons for you?

 

[Alcamonic]

Because... apparently I don't understand how to make myself liked among others.
I also have trust issues, so I have a hard time letting people get close to me (if they even want to spend time with me in the first place).

The kind of woman I am interested in would have to have brains and an interests for science and/or psychology. And guess what... none to be found where I live.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother trying or just face my destiny that I am and most likely will be "Forever alone".

 

[Duruznik]

Currently I'm in a situation where I have minimal contact with people my age. It's kinda unavoidable.

 

[S-Unleashed]

Every woman I loved so far, does not want me, is with someone else or wants a girl, but I'm still looking.

 

[MarsProbe]

Because I live in a dive. Seriously, this place is a dump. There's nobody decent here!

Nah, but seriously, it's probably because at the moment there just isn't anyone in my current social circles within my age group (or at least what I class as my age group) who one would refer to as "available".

Also, I tend to be just a bit too reticent at the times it would really matter to make any kind of positive impression.

Also, I know a good number of people do this these days if they feel they are stukc in a rut relationship wise, but I blatantly refuse to use any sort of dating/relationship site. No. Just no.