Love, why can't you find it?

[Da Orky Man]

I'm in a very small town in mid Wales with no real means to meet people as I'm not in education and my job has mostly women over 50 and that kind of thing just isn't my bag (baby).

Anywhere near Lampeter? I only ask because I see few other welsh people here.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Plus I often have low self-esteem, and when you think there's no chance of being loved back, you don't feel like trying.

Yeah, same. I go to a small school, and I have at least one class with everyone in my grade, pretty much. If I asked someone out and got rejected (extremely likely, I'll get back to that) it would be incredibly awkward.

Also, I have (justifiably, I think) low self esteem, I'm awkward around girls I like, and I'm not very attractive, as my profile picture will attest.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I consider myself a bit young to get into serious relationships, plus I don't really want a relationship anyway.

I'm friends with a few girls, nothing serious, so I can't pull the social awkwardness card.

 

[MysticToast]

because after two relationships that have ended disastourously (excuse spelling) i just don't see the point in breaking my back over some girl that doesn't really like me that much.

i know this because IT HAS HAPPENED TWICE. from now on, i'm gonna let love come to me. and should that ever happen, i will eat my shoes, because i'm too different from anyone else to have any more than a short list of similarities with the the same gender, let alone the oppisite.

it'll happen when it happens.

You're 16 for fucks sake. You probably don't even know what actual love is yet. Typical Teenager ''Oh woe is me, I am so different, nobody understands me.''

that's not what i'm saying. what i AM saying is i have to many disconnections from the average person to find many friends, let alone love.

and FYI, people do understand me. mostly.

and yes, i do know what love is and i am very much aware what it feels and looks like.

please don't escalate this into an argument.

Why ofcourse you do, how could I question the vast Knowledge of Love that a 16 year old has?

So, how long did these ''Relationships'' last? 2 maybe 3 Days, or were they perhaps even weeks? I mean, you must have a huge amount of experience being at the ripe old age of 16. Especially since you are so different, because you know, everyone else is average, but you, nah, you're something else altogether.

You sound really bitter. Yes, the vast majority of teenagers don't actually know what love is and have never experienced it, but there is a small amount who have.

I've had one relationship in my life, that was when I was around 15. It was great and lasted for almost a year. Then one day she dumped me out of the blue. I sincerely believe I loved her (and still do). So don't be so quick to judge next time. It's rare for someone that young to experience love, but it happens.

XD So and how old are you now?

No, I'm not bitter lol, I just find it funny how many people in this Thread are passing out reasons that have precisely jack shit to do with love. And yes, I find it hilarious when a 16 year old thinks he's made suffcient bad experiences to be able to say that love has to come to him now xD

You can't experience love at that age unless you and your partner are under very special circumstances. You might get the feeling of being IN LOVE. But being IN LOVE and knowing what true Love is are very, very different things.

If you must know, I'm 18 now. And if you would have read my post, you would understand that I said most teenagers don't even experience that feeling. I personally believe it's possible to be in love at that age, if not very rare.

 

[Rockchimp69]

Because basically no one I meet has much in common with me. Seriously even my best friends don't really get me a lot of the time. It's fucking depressing and unfair.

Such is life in moscow.

 

[Togs]

1. bullshit. ive been trying to get rid of my shyness all my life and no stratedgy works. its a mental disease that cannot be cured

Shyness is not a disease, it's not something to be cured, it possible however for it to be a too dominant trait, and I speak from experience when I say its possible to control it.

 

[Wispchamp345]

True. Some fears can be a useful. But you have to realize that some fears are irrational. Fear of rejection and fear of failure are in fact useless. In order to progress through life we NEED to make mistakes, and there in no perfect path to success that is without mistakes. I believe you HAVE to experience some failures and rejections to get where you want, so you might as well learn to deal with them better. You say the girl laughed loudly at your friend? Awesome! That means that he can deal with any rejection that is short of that level now! Good for him!

 

[Rawne1980]

Never had a problem with women.

I'm married with children and happy as a pig in shit.

 

[Hank Wants Pie]

I consider myself a bit young to get into serious relationships, plus I don't really want a relationship anyway.

I'm friends with a few girls, nothing serious, so I can't pull the social awkwardness card.

It's funny though, when I'm in a school meeting with only pretty girls from other classes showing up and me (a guy ) I feel twitchy and it feels kinda hard to breathe. But when I'm in the schoolyard with girls of my class I'm totally fine and pull jokes whenever I can

 

[thylasos]

At the moment, I can't find love because I'm not looking for it.

This is for a number of reasons, those being poor body image, a lack of belief in my own sincerity in the context after maintaining relationships wherein I wasn't happy in order to keep the other person happy, resulting in even more destructive break-ups, the fact I haven't got the money at the moment to treat anyone I was going out with in the way I'd like to, I've got no job, so the financial situation's not getting any better, and due to my having no job, I've had to move back in with my parents, and I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing someone back to their house.

I'm fundamentally not ready for another relationship right now, and I don't even feel worthy of one.

Sorry for that being slightly depressing... things'll get better, I'm sure, once I'm earning and living away from home again.

 

[Don Savik]

I think im a pretty cool guy, my family members think im smart and funny, but.........idk just growing up as the shy nerdy kid never got me much people time. Now I'm feed this bullshit about "oh it just comes to you when your not looking?" Really? WTF does that mean? Am I being encouraged not to date chicks? Is this a big joke?

I don't even know anymore. I'd like a girlfriend, but the world hates me. Just born an unlucky bastard I guess.

 

[Wispchamp345]

I have to say, the biggest problems I see are: fear of rejection and belief in social conditioning. Sorry to break it to you, guys, but fear is never a good excuse not to do anything. Fear can be overcome. It doesn't matter if its fear of spiders, fear of heights, or fear of failure/rejection. All fears can be overcome or controlled. The best way is exposure therapy. Expose yourself to whatever it is you are afraid of, but repeatedly and in controlled circumstances. If you are shy, start out talking to random people, and gradually work it up to actually asking people out. If you are a afraid of failure/rejection, then practice the great art of failing/getting rejected, so that you become desensitized to it. In everyday life, just say things that you know people are going to disagree to, then work it up to asking people out when you know they are going to say no. I use to be both really shy, and terrified of rejection, but now I am not. Anytime my fear of something stands in my way, I use a greater fear, my own fear of death. When you truly remember the fact that you will only live once, and that life is not infinite, can you truly say this measly fear of rejection is strong enough to stop you from moving forward?
The other crappy excuse is things born from social conditioning: "I am ugly", "I am poor", "I am stupid". None of these things truly matter to most people, and the few that that they do matter to, are not worth your time. We believe these things, because of the media, despite the fact that they are honestly not true to real life. No one is perfect, and no one needs to be. With over a trillion people in the world, can you honestly say that everyone is going to dislike you?

A friend of mine once came up to a girl that he had a crush on and went: "I really like you and I want to be together with you." and you know what happened next? "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA" the girl went.

Point is fear is a good thing, but only in a certain measure, it's not right to dismiss it as something to be thrown out the window.

True. Some fears can be a useful. But you have to realize that some fears are irrational. Fear of rejection and fear of failure are in fact useless. In order to progress through life we NEED to make mistakes, and there in no perfect path to success that is without mistakes. I believe you HAVE to experience some failures and rejections to get where you want, so you might as well learn to deal with them better. You say the girl laughed loudly at your friend? Awesome! That means that he can deal with any rejection that is short of that level now! Good for him!

 

[Hank Wants Pie]

True. Some fears can be a useful. But you have to realize that some fears are irrational. Fear of rejection and fear of failure are in fact useless. In order to progress through life we NEED to make mistakes, and there in no perfect path to success that is without mistakes. I believe you HAVE to experience some failures and rejections to get where you want, so you might as well learn to deal with them better. You say the girl laughed loudly at your friend? Awesome! That means that he can deal with any rejection that is short of that level now! Good for him!

Wouldn't consider it awesome... More like sad and diminishing, but also (as you said) enduring

 

[Monkeybald]

For lack of better terms, my level is not high enough. Need to do more social grinding.

 

[The Big Boss]

I haven't the time nor do i see the point in pouring a lot of my lifetime into someone again for them to ultimately blow me out like a snotter after a couple years. Not really a sound investment if you ask me.

 

[Genericjim101]

I'm in a very small town in mid Wales with no real means to meet people as I'm not in education and my job has mostly women over 50 and that kind of thing just isn't my bag (baby).

Anywhere near Lampeter? I only ask because I see few other welsh people here.

LLanidloes, about 40 miles away XD. Being a straight nerdy 21 year old is hell here : P

 

[Hank Wants Pie]

At the moment, I can't find love because I'm not looking for it.

This is for a number of reasons, those being poor body image, a lack of belief in my own sincerity in the context after maintaining relationships wherein I wasn't happy in order to keep the other person happy, resulting in even more destructive break-ups, the fact I haven't got the money at the moment to treat anyone I was going out with in the way I'd like to, I've got no job, so the financial situation's not getting any better, and due to my having no job, I've had to move back in with my parents, and I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing someone back to their house.

I'm fundamentally not ready for another relationship right now, and I don't even feel worthy of one.

Sorry for that being slightly depressing... things'll get better, I'm sure, once I'm earning and living away from home again.

I wish you good luck, as much as things look depressing there is always some way out.

 

[Hank Wants Pie]

For lack of better terms, my level is not high enough. Need to do more social grinding.

You made my night

 

[SanguineScale]

Because I have no goddamn clue what real love feels like.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

I ended up finding it.

The reasons I couldn't find it before are as follows:
1) Bad luck (girls I liked always taken)
2) Mild desperation, because I really wanted to find someone. It was only when I decided "you know what? I don't need a girlfriend in order to be happy. Whenever it happens, it happens, I'm not gonna rush this." that I got lucky and found someone. If I was still in that mindset when I found her, I would likely have become super clingy.


...Although most of it was just bad luck.

FYI, currently in a relationship that's lasted 8 months so far. We're still doing great.