Make baseless assumptions about game characters!

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Super Toast

Supreme Overlord of the Basement
Dec 10, 2009
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Commander Shepard has a deep-seated fear of tomato's. For some reason.
 

Semudara

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Oct 6, 2010
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All of Mario's adventures are a hallucination brought on by "mushroom use", Sonic used performance-enhancing emeralds in the Olympics, and Link is a tree.
 

Dr Snakeman

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Apr 2, 2010
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Brazilianpeanutwar said:
Shepard is a schizophrenic locked in an insane asylum gibbering to his/her self about reapers and a guy called conrad.
OH MY GOD! It all makes sense now!

Sam Fisher and Lambert were lovers.

...

Eeeeewwww! I need me some Brain Bleach.
 

Dr Snakeman

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Apr 2, 2010
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Golem239 said:
FalloutJack said:


I love this image!
I was about ready to say that I love this assumption the best
Son of a... it must be true! They have the same penchant for killing things, and for one-liners. And you never see them in the same place at the same time.
 

Dr Snakeman

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HG131 said:
Commander Shepard regularly hosts Movie and TV nights and got the entire ship hooked on the works of Joss Whedon (and alot of jokes about the Alliance living up to it's name).
In a similar vein, Joker frequently drops by the Washburne's place for beers. Many laughs are had on these evenings.

Edit: It would seem that I have multi posted. I apologize. My failure shames me, and I will go commit seppuku without any delay.
 

dajuberjaber

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Dec 5, 2009
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commander Shepard is actually a seven year old child and the events of mass effect 1, 2 and possibly 3 are just a daydream he is having during a boring maths class
 

Wade-DeadPool

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Oct 13, 2009
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Solid Snake, is a secret agent for the SS and he likes to snuggel with cardboard boxes with make up on.
 

likalaruku

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Nov 29, 2008
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Otacon secretly burns with love for Solid Snake.

Bayonetta's favorite TV series was Aeon Flux.

Serious Sam is captain of the Duke Nukem Fan Club.

Princess Peach is a cold calculating woman who pretends to be sweet.

Lara Croft's lifestyle & lack of soft Charmin Ultra have given her hemroids.

Link is gay & Zelda is just his friend.

Alucard once had a bossy girlfriend named Inaho who made him clip her toenails & hunt for treasures.

Squall is actually only 13 years old.

Caleb Goldman was a robot all along.
 

Sarah Frazier

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Dec 7, 2010
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Frogger is an alcoholic with a failing marriage.

Peach is a voyeur who gets off on watching her two boyfriends fight. Then when they make out afterwards.

All the other toys in Chibi-robo were just prototypes of alien AI and miniaturization. Chibi-Robo is the final perfected form that also includes space compression where it hides its miniature lazer gun. Once enough of these robots are accepted and ignored by humans, the aliens will activate their real programming and enslave the human race.
 

Lolth17

Queen of the Underdark
Nov 10, 2009
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Commander Shepard had a fling with Kalisa bin Sina al-Jalini. It didn't end well.

Dante's first sexual experience was with an apple pie that looked like his mother.

Leon Kennedy never managed to beat Claire B.

Heather Mason, Henry Townshend and Alex Shepherd are all actually imagined alter egos from James Sunderland's schizophrenic delusions.

The Spyro PS2 games never happened, they were all just an elaborate hoax perpetrated by Crash Bandicoot.

Alan Wake's best friend, Barry Wheeler, is actually a Timelord.

Niko Bellic is wearing women's underwear.

Lucy spends her free time writing yaoi fanfiction about Altair and Ezio Auditore.
 

RA92

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Jan 1, 2011
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The G-Man is actually a pervert who stares at unsuspecting people. If spotted, he blushes and runs away shamefacedly.

Also, the Hunter's third leg is actually it's... penis. ( http://images.wikia.com/half-life/en/images/d/df/HuntingAlyx.jpg ). A Hunter once had sex with an A1 Abrams which gave birth to the Metal Gear Gekko.

The Turrets in Portal are remotely manned by 5-year-olds in India: to cut costs, Aperture Labs was outsourcing.

GLaDOS doesn't exist. It was Chell talking to herself all the time, patting herself on the back for solving all those awesome puzzles.

Zoey is actually sixteen. All your boners are going to jail.

Liberty Prime in Fallout had this stamped under its left leg: Made in China.

Master Chief in reality are two kids standing on top of each other pretending to be an adult to join the space marines. When Master Chief receives a head-shot, his confused pair of pants is seen running around in a disoriented fashion till someone makes a crotch-shot.

Kaiden Alenko haunts Shepard's dream, accusing him of 'picking with his boner'.

Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde are actually upholders of law and order, protecting the pac-dot citizens against the menace of the monstrous Pac-Man.
 

GrizzlerBorno

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Sep 2, 2010
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Raiyan 1.0 said:
Haha the Kaiden one was hilarious......and true. I didn't know you played HL2:Episode 2. I didn't :/

And 8 posts already? really, man? anyway welcome to the escapist?

and Don't cock-block me......i know where you live.
 

kettlefirer

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Jan 3, 2011
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Ezio Altidore has a profound love of pencil sharpeners and is an ambassador for world peace.
Between the neck stabbing and poisoning, obviously.
He is also a master at guitar hero.
 

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
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The courier is really the Lone wanderer after she got sick of DC and went on an epic journy in search of the mythical "New Vegas" and a better life

the mysterious stranger is the G-man
 

No-Superman10

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Sep 6, 2008
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tthor said:
No-Superman10 said:
The entire of Resident Evil is a drunken hallucination, the actual situation is a college dorm with the Redfield siblings, Leon Kennedy, Wesker and Sheva. (W and S are exchange students) All locked in a Marijuana-induced haze. (This explains all the healing items being various forms of hempHerbs.)
wait, but are the guns still real? lol
BB Guns and water pistols.