Man caught molesting bicycle

[VladG]

So THAT's what that oval hole in the middle of the saddle is for.


Mmmm...

 

[UBERfionn]

Why did he slash the tires?

All I can come up with he he didn't want it to get away...

 

[revjay]

What a wheelie bad idea that was.

We really need to stop these pedalphiles.

You know people get pretty tired of all the puns. And don't try and backpedal and say it was all in fun or ill get really cranky.

 

[Wintermute_v1legacy]

Looks like he's trying to fix it in a very awkward manner. Look, masturbation is fine and good, everyone does it now and then, but why do you have to be so EXOTIC about it?

 

[Angelblaze]

'Masturbation Bike Attacks'
...
....
......

I'm done for the day. Thanks guys.

 

[Terramax]

Wait, why does he have to puncture the tyres? So that it doesn't get away from him?

Maybe he sees them as condoms, and wants the bikes to give birth to cute baby bikes?

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

First thing I thought about when I read this was the anime "Golden Boy."

Second thing I thought was "spate of masturbation bike attacks?" How is this a thing?!

 

[DishonoredElderSouls]

What a wheelie bad idea that was.

We really need to stop these pedalphiles.

This will be a never-ending cycle. I'm tired of all of these perverts. This sort of news really takes the air out of me. This will be a chain reaction. Soon enough, everyone will be riding bikes.

 

[snakeinthereeds]

Basically, sounds like he's a creep who's into the girl, and is simply masturbating on her bike.
Still creepy and fucked up, but still human based... Which is something, I guess.

How is a guy who damages and molests someone else's bike because he's into that sort of thing more creepy and lock-up wothy than a guy who damages and molests someone else's bike because he's into it's owner? How is someone with a creepily destructive obsession over a living person less nasty that someone who just shanks and shags bikes?

 

[Jadak]

baby

Basically, sounds like he's a creep who's into the girl, and is simply masturbating on her bike.
Still creepy and fucked up, but still human based... Which is something, I guess.

How is a guy who damages and molests someone else's bike because he's into that sort of thing more creepy and lock-up wothy than a guy who damages and molests someone else's bike because he's into it's owner? How is someone with a creepily destructive obsession over a living person less nasty that someone who just shanks and shags bikes?

I never said more 'lock-up' worthy... Just a matter of which is more relatable, not that term could really be applied to either. And in that context, pretty simple really.

Let's have a little point system.

In both case, we have the weird, bike based sexual activity.

+1 for cases, even scores and a fucked up thing to do.

But then,

Sexually attracted to a woman? Sounds normal, it's the action that makes it weird, and he's already got a point for that.
+ 0 points.

Sexually attracted to bikes? What the fuck is that?
+ 1 point.

So, bike lover and bike molester = 2, woman lover and bike molester = 1.

Of course, if escalation comes into player, woman lover might be able to take the lead. Woman based perversion could always lead to sexual assault of some variety, while bike lover can upgrade to what, motorcycles? Whatever.

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

They really missed the opportunity to title this as "Man Caught 'Riding' Bicycle". And thanks, OP, that actually did cheer me up

 

[Spiritmaster]

Heh, guess we know who the village bicycle is now...

Anyway, that's... interesting I suppose. I remember hearing about someone who did something similar with a car a while back but I can't seem to remember the details.

 

[Kyber]

Horrible, that bike will be scarred for life!
I wonder what the owner of the bike thought when he watched the footage? I bet he'll wipe the saddle every time from now on if he goes on a ride in case of more "masturbation bike attacks".

 

[renegade7]

If it's not alive, I don't think it counts as molestation

Harassment. If someone had been jerking off onto something belonging to you on a regular basis you'd be a little uncomfortable as well.

Heh, guess we know who the village bicycle is now...

You win.

 

[General Vagueness]

I like how it specifies the picture in the article doesn't show the bicycle involved in the case. What, are they protecting its identity? Do they think maybe it's so attractive if they show it to people they won't be able to help themselves? Is there some obscure Swedish law about this?

 

[SinisterGehe]

This is absolutely disgusting, what a violation of simple human rights. If someone is sexually attracted to Bicycles that they shouldn't be judged for that. No one should be able to tell you who you can and can't love.

Next he want to marry the bike. SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

But yeah - keep it private, don't hurt anyone and go nuts is my opinion about most kinks out there.

 

[Evil Smurf]

masturbation bike attacks is my punk ska band