Maths and Science Jokes!
- Thread starter MagikMystery
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Damn! Damn! I was about to post that same poem!Radelaide said:You used the one I was gunna use! I'm getting that tee shirt! kudos!!Jobz said:My favorite math joke doesn't work as text, time to scour Google Images for a picture of it...
After a tedious 10 second search, I found it:
EDIT:
Oh well. Lemme see if I can find the other one... Ah. Okay. It's not a joke but it IS hilarious.
Sorry if someone already used these, but I'm too lazy to read every post first before I post.
"My father was a chemist,
He is a chemist no more.
For what he thought was h2o
was really h2so4."
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
"There once was a young lady named bright,
Who traveled much faster then light.
She left one day,
in a relative way,
and returned on the previous night."
"My father was a chemist,
He is a chemist no more.
For what he thought was h2o
was really h2so4."
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
"There once was a young lady named bright,
Who traveled much faster then light.
She left one day,
in a relative way,
and returned on the previous night."
RedDiablo said:
crimson5pheonix said:
nimrandir said:
crimson5pheonix said:
nimrandir said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Dear lord, what have I started! Well anyways, here is another joke.nimrandir said:
The following is a true story about an anatomist.
One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. "Jump frog, jump!" he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, "Frog with four legs jumps two feet."
Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. "Jump, jump!" To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, "Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet."
Next, he removed a second leg. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, "Frog with two legs jumps one foot."
Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. "Jump, jump!" The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, "Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet."
Finally, he eliminated the last leg. "Jump, jump!" he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. "Jump frog, jump!" he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, "Frog with no legs goes deaf."
First, you haven't started anything, read some of my other posts and you'll see it was inevitable. And second, that's a funny joke.RedDiablo said:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/try_try_again.jpg[img]
Bleh, whatever, the image tag isn't working. http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/try_try_again.jpg
Not much of a joke, but I found it amusing.
Bleh, whatever, the image tag isn't working. http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/try_try_again.jpg
Not much of a joke, but I found it amusing.
New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"All that glitters is not gold, but at least it contains free electrons"
"Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
Chemist's recipe for Chocolate Biscuits.
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat-transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr add one, two, and three with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm add four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogeneous.
To reactor #2 add eight followed by three equal portions of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add nine and ten slowly with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.
Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25 deg. C heat-transfer table allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
Hoax email sent to a local High School with petition attached.
Hello students.
I am writing to inform you of a very dangerous substance being used around your school: Dihydrogen Monoxide. This chemical has been involved in every poisoning throughout history, and is a common component of not only cleaning fluids but also various food additives and condiments. Please sign the below petition to get Dihydrogen Monoxide banned in our schools, at it has proven to kill people in sufficient doses, and proves dangerous to life forms of all types.
Sincerely,
[name erased]
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"All that glitters is not gold, but at least it contains free electrons"
"Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
Chemist's recipe for Chocolate Biscuits.
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat-transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr add one, two, and three with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm add four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogeneous.
To reactor #2 add eight followed by three equal portions of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add nine and ten slowly with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.
Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25 deg. C heat-transfer table allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
Hoax email sent to a local High School with petition attached.
Hello students.
I am writing to inform you of a very dangerous substance being used around your school: Dihydrogen Monoxide. This chemical has been involved in every poisoning throughout history, and is a common component of not only cleaning fluids but also various food additives and condiments. Please sign the below petition to get Dihydrogen Monoxide banned in our schools, at it has proven to kill people in sufficient doses, and proves dangerous to life forms of all types.
Sincerely,
[name erased]
