Mojang Crushes Valve, Opens "The Minecraft Store"

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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Mojang Crushes Valve, Opens "The Minecraft Store"


Minecraft [http://www.minecraft.net/] creator Markus "Notch" Persson, who recently defeated the mighty Valve to earn a place in the March Mayhem finals, has opened a brand new "Minecraft Store" with a big range of in-game items for sale.

When Mojang, the studio formed by Persson to handle all things Minecraft, was put up against the behemoth Nintendo in the opening round of Portal [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/tournaments/standings/5]. Surely, little Mojang's luck had finally run out.

Wrong.

Mojang is in the finals and Notch appears to be rather pleased about being there. So much so, in fact, that he's saying a special "thank you" to supporters with the new Minecraft Store, which is currently offering several new in-game items at special introductory prices. Steve Co. Supply Crate Keys are currently available for just $3 or in packs of 5 for $18, miner's helmets are $21 and Creeper saddles can be had for $42. Other items up for grabs include padlocks, enlargement pills and a response from the support department.

The concept of a "Company Store" selling low-priced virtual novelty items for use in a videogame is certainly a fresh one and I think Notch and the rest of the team at Valve [http://www.mojang.com/], who just don't have what it takes to come up with this kind of original idea. Good job, Notch!

The Minecraft Store hasn't been officially unveiled to the public but fans can get an early preview of what's on offer at minecraft.net/store/loot.asp [http://www.minecraft.net/store/loot.jsp]. [Customers are asked to please avoid making single purchases of more than $10,000.]


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Apr 28, 2008
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Dammit... I wanted that Greifer's disguise, but the raptor won't let me have it :(

Damn raptors...

Wait... raptors sounds like creepers... they both end in "rs"...

HOLY SHIT! NOTCH IS ADDING RAPTORS TO THE GAME!

[sub][sub]If anyone takes this seriously, I will derisively laugh at you.[/sub][/sub]
 

Brainst0rm

New member
Apr 8, 2010
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It's not April 1st, guys. Seriously. NOT April 1st.

Guess I need to be skeptical of every article I read both on April 1st and the days adjacent to it. Excellent.
 

Sporky111

Digital Wizard
Dec 17, 2008
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A $42 in-game item is "low priced"? When the game itself cost $10 or $15?

EDIT: oh, just looked at the store. It's totally a fake. "Response from Support: $494"
 

duchaked

New member
Dec 25, 2008
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lol sure thing, who needs other developers and their games? Mojang and Minecraft are all we'll ever need FOREVER!

DIG my slaves! DIIIG and BUILDDD :p hmmm a new machinima idea perhaps?
 

Internet Kraken

Animalia Mollusca Cephalopada
Mar 18, 2009
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I think the best part of this joke is how the website slows down to a crawl when you add more money to the cart, as a result of poor coding.

They didn't mean to do that, but it's quite fitting. Oh also they released an update that adds almost nothing to the game and breaks every mod and multiplayer server. Yay?

EDIT: Oh wait, the lack of content might just be part of the joke. I'm guessing the real patch with all the substantial content will come out tomorrow.
 

hazabaza1

Want Skyrim. Want. Do want.
Nov 26, 2008
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You know the sad thing?
Before I remembered the date, I actually thought Notch would be ballsy enough to do this.
EDIT: Now that I've experimented, this is pretty funny.
RAPTOR
SEIZURE

FUCK YEAAAAAAH
 
Apr 28, 2008
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Also, isn't it the 31st? April Fool's is tomorrow. Unless my calendar is playing a joke on me.

At the time of this posting(3:11 PM Eastern US), it would be about 9:11 PM Notch's time(Sweden, GMT +1). Give a take about an hour.
 

Sixcess

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Feb 27, 2010
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Wait...

Does this mean if when Mojang crushes Bioware in the finals, Notch will mark the occassion by introducing the option to romance Creepers?

Noooooooooooo!

(On the other hand, it'd be pretty much the perfect definition of a one night stand...)
 

Neverhoodian

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Apr 2, 2008
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"Steve Co. Supply Crate Key," eh? This longtime Team Fortress 2 player doesn't POSSIBLY think the name's a reference to anything. Nope, not at all.

I applaud them for a clever April Fool's announcement.