Most laughably absurd plot for a movie you've ever heard in your life?

[Kapol]

I hope this has already been mentioned, but I'm going with The Book Of Eli. [Spoilers] So yea, we've got this guy, who's blind, and he's carrying the last bible through the post-apocalyptic wasteland because GOD told him to. It's the last bible because people decide 'RELIGION MAKE US DO STUPID THINGS, BURNING BIBLES ONLY SOLUTION!' because it was obviously religion that sparked the way. And, oh yea, the blind guy can kick-ass and there's a guy after the bible because HE KNOWS that it will help him rule the world. [/spoilers]

In my opinion, that wins.

 

[falcontwin]

ExistenZ.

To be honest, that movie is awesome (by David Lynch - the master) and has an amazing storyline... but he is so damn good at making it seem like a B-movie that it deserves this compliment.

I think you mean David Cronenberg, David lynch is lost highway, mulholland drive, blue velvet. twin peaks,wild at heart. Cronenberg is the fly and some other stuff that is good but not all trhat great.

 

[Banana Phone Man]

Black sheep. I think it was zobie sheep of death that would rip people apart. I'm not quite sure 'cause i never saw it but I think that the people killed all of the sheep by throwing a lighter at them and lighting the methane in their farts which was the end of the movie.

 

[Girl With One Eye]

Has to be "dumplings"

Spoiler: read if you dare

"Dumplings," by Fruit Chan, is the darkly comic tale of a woman named Aunt Mei (Ling Bai) who has a secret recipe for dumplings that have a rejuvenating effect on the eater. As such, they are sought from far and wide by aging actresses, fading housewives, and others who desire a more youthful appearance. Just one catch: The dumplings' secret ingredient is aborted baby fetuses.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

I think I've got this one beat.

Titanic 2 [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1640571/]

The sequel to Titanic.

Honestly.

No, this is NOT a joke. There have been false ones made, but this shit is real.


They build another Titanic and...guess what?

 

[Kralika]

I think I've got this one beat.

Titanic 2 [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1640571/]

The sequel to Titanic.

Honestly.

No, this is NOT a joke.

Hahahahaha! Awesome. Do you think we even need to hide the spoilers for it?

 

[Amphoteric]

I think I've got this one beat.

Titanic 2 [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1640571/]

The sequel to Titanic.

Honestly.

No, this is NOT a joke. There have been false ones made, but this shit is real.


They build another Titanic and...guess what?

What idiot would name a ship Titanic 2? Ima gonna guess the plot- the ship sinks after hitting an iceberg??

Also the ONLY reason it is known is because it sank, If was still floating nobody would know anything about it.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Especially those other soldiers were portrayed in a way too negative light, they did a lot more.

Absolutely. If the film had been more historically accurate, it would have been called 1300. Along with the 300 Spartans, about 1000 Thespians stayed behind to help fight off the Persians.

What did the Thespians do? A song and dance number?

I figured it was only a matter of time before someone made a joke like that.

It's either Thespians or Thesbians; I couldn't remember which. Not that it makes much difference.

Could it be Thebians? Because the City-State is Thebes after all...

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Ima gonna guess the plot- the ship sinks after hitting an iceberg??

Are you psychic? How could you guess that?

Yes, that is the plot to Titanic 2. I claim my prize.

/thread.

 

[The Root Beer Guy]

If I wasn't a fan, I would say the plot of The Lord of the Rings was laughably absurd.

 

[imnot]

a boy who is half shark and a girl who is half lava go an a magical adventure and have a magical time saving the magical world from the magical villan dressed as a clock.
now replace all the magicals with Crap and you have the plot of SHark boy and Lava girl.

 

[Captain Pirate]

Frankly, Star Wars series.
Also Bioshock gets a mention, even though it's not a film. I mean seriously, imagine an excited five-year-old saying this. "It's set in 1950 with an underwater city where there aren't any rules and people have this magic liquid that lets them do magic like shoot bees out of their arms!". Yet it's still one of the best games, like, ever.

 

[gorfias]

"Earth Girls Are Easy": Some hard up girls meet fur covered aliens, shave them off so they can date them. One of Jim Carrey's first movies.

 

[Mr.Mattress]

Up Sounds ridiculous on paper. Think about it, an Old man uses over 1000 Balloons to lift up his house with an Asian boy to fly to a Jungle because that's what the old mans deceased wife wanted to do as a child? How does that sound good? Thank goodness that Pixar made it awesome.

 

[Fraught]

Second, their movies actually continually perform decently, and exceed the budget, even though they're beyond abysmal.

With the notable exception of Disaster Movie, which completely tanked at the box office.

Only that the movie's budget was 20,000,000$, and the gross revenue it garnered was 34,816,824$. That seems like a success for the infamous duo Friedberg & Seltzer (though a lot smaller than their previous movies, yeah).

Frankly, Star Wars series.
Also Bioshock gets a mention, even though it's not a film. I mean seriously, imagine an excited five-year-old saying this. "It's set in 1950 with an underwater city where there aren't any rules and people have this magic liquid that lets them do magic like shoot bees out of their arms!". Yet it's still one of the best games, like, ever.

A 5-year-old could describe it in such a simplistic manner, yes, but almost every plot can be made seem absurd by using the right wording, and being more vague than the complexity of the plot demands.

 

[P.Tsunami]

Basically just this-


It has my vote by a long shot after the first paragraph, oh and contains spoilers.

Well, the concept of Moonwalker is entire sane. "Michael Jackson is popular. We want to make a lot of money just having him in a film, any film". However, I will entirely agree that the plot is entirely off the rails.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Remember, Michael Myers, the killer in all the Halloween movies? Well he isn't in Halloween III. Why?

The plot to Season of the Witch is terrible, I agree. The choice to not use Myers, however, is the only thing that really makes sense is here; John Carpenter decided early on that Michael Myers was to be the bad guy of Halloween, and no more movies. The idea apparently was to have a new bad guy for each of the movies. After the smashing success of Halloween, Carpenter probably realized he -had- to bring Myers back for an encore. By the time Halloween III was made, the original concept of new bad guys was attempted. Needless to say, it turned into one of the worst dogs of horror cinema history. Or, at least, that's what I've heard.

Only that the movie's budget was 20,000,000$, and the gross revenue it garnered was 34,816,824$. That seems like a success for the infamous duo Friedberg & Seltzer (though a lot smaller than their previous movies, yeah).

Well, while I wouldn't call that bombing, and while I realize this sounds absurd, an income shy of fifteen million dollars is very modest for Hollywood standards. For comparison, the other movies in the same "series" regularly draws in $50-60 million dollars, when the budget has been subtracted. Keep in mind that it's not about breaking even, or making a bit of money. It's about making more money than the movie they passed on to do Disaster Movie. Compared to what it should've been, the movie did perform unsuccessfully. Movie revenues are very much relative. Of course, it's not Gigli (It -lost- 47 million), but then again, what is?

 

[Vigormortis]

Anything by Uwe Boll, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, or just about 95% of all the films to come out in the past 3 decades. Seriously, where the hell did good writing, original concepts, lovable characters, and artistic/directorial skill go?

'and my friends wonder why I love watching old films so much....

[edit] Oh yeah, as far as "bad film ideas" go, I forgot to mention ANY film Will Ferrell has been in for the past 10+ years. Jesus, that guy's a terrible actor AND an even worse writer. Doesn't help he practically sucked the talent right out of John C. Reilly.

 

[Downfall89]

A girl falls in love with a vampire, but get this, he sparkles.... Oh wait.

In all seriousness, Id say a movie based around gaming that isnt a documentary, there is one I just cant remeber the name.

.. Gamer?

OT: The Human Centipede.

 

[P.Tsunami]

Anything by Uwe Boll, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, or just about 95% of all the films to come out in the past 3 decades. Seriously, where the hell did good writing, original concepts, lovable characters, and artistic/directorial skill go?

It all went into making Inception. I'm not sure there was anything left when Christopher Nolan had made his reservations.