Most moronic ways you've ever injured yourself

[Rebel_Raven]

When I was a young'un I stuck my thumb in a soda can's opening. It got stuck. I still have the scars.

Years later, a pellet got stuck in my pellet pistol, so I was using a piece of clothes hanger as a ram rod to get it out. I accidentally pulled it clear of the barrel, and straight into my hand.

That's about all I can think of. I mean I've been injured a lot, but I collect knives, self defense, and archaic weapons. Accidents happen.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

Also anyone who builds computers fairly often might be able to back me up on this. Everything inside that case is waiting to cut your hands up, keep super glue and alcohol pads on hand to disinfect and seal up those wounds.

Definitely this. Also remember to pull out the power cord.
I was about 14 and was building my first computer and not have having a lot of money I went with a cheap PSU, the insulation on the wires must've degraded (I was opening it up to change to a better one). I grabbed all the wires to pull them out and got shocked pretty good, couldn't let go of the wires for like 4 or 5 seconds and ended up with some 1st degree burns.

Superglue on wounds? That sounds painful and... weird?

It doesn't hurt at all actually. As for weird? Any computer tech's best friend is superglue for just this reason. Liquid band-aid, also if you use decent superglue the wound can often heal most of the way before it all flakes off. Also sealing the wound in this way helps prevent infections. It's the alcohol pads that hurt like hell.

 

[Drakmorg]

Only got one instance really. Not even that good a story.
I was skipping along for no reason whatsoever, tried going up some steps, landed wrong and turned my ankle. Hurt too much to walk the next couple of days. That's it.

Yeah, I'm an incredibly boring person.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Biting my cheek while chewing. Somehow that has always felt like the most idiotic thing I could possibly do. I'm taking in sustenance, fueling the engine, aaaaaaaaaand now I've decided to self-cannibalize.

 

[Shadow flame master]

I almost killed myself today at work. I was in the back of the store making a bale at our compactor and I was about to open it up until I tripped forward on a dust mop's handle. It was laying on the ground and I was foolishly standing on it.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

It doesn't hurt at all actually. As for weird? Any computer tech's best friend is superglue for just this reason. Liquid band-aid, also if you use decent superglue the wound can often heal most of the way before it all flakes off. Also sealing the wound in this way helps prevent infections. It's the alcohol pads that hurt like hell.

I don't know, I'll take your word for it. I used to do a ton of visual arts as a kid so I'd end up with cuts and stab marks from stencil knives when sharpening a pencil or piece of art charcoal, or opening up new painting supplies. That would have saved me so much time knowing I could have just used super glue. As then I wouldn't need to bandage my finger to wait till it clotted, before doing fine detail work.

 

[Tiger King]

It doesn't hurt at all actually. As for weird? Any computer tech's best friend is superglue for just this reason. Liquid band-aid, also if you use decent superglue the wound can often heal most of the way before it all flakes off. Also sealing the wound in this way helps prevent infections. It's the alcohol pads that hurt like hell.

I don't know, I'll take your word for it. I used to do a ton of visual arts as a kid so I'd end up with cuts and stab marks from stencil knives when sharpening a pencil or piece of art charcoal, or opening up new painting supplies. That would have saved me so much time knowing I could have just used super glue. As then I wouldn't need to bandage my finger to wait till it clotted, before doing fine detail work.

Not sure if it is true but I read that superglue came from a product that was used in the Vietnam war to treat wounded soldiers wounds when there wasn't enough time to bandage them.

 

[Bad Player]

Toss up between cutting myself on a doorknob and cutting myself on a window.

Still not sure how I did either.

 

[Fijiman]

I can think of three times at the moment. First one was on the 4th of July I had the last sparkler and had the brilliant idea of running down the stair in the dark so I could light it of of my cousin's sparkler before it went out. I tripped, fell, and ended up skinning my left shin from ankle to knee. Next instance I was playing on a scooter while pretending that a house attachment we had was a gun. I came up with the ever so brilliant idea of trying to control the scooter with one hand while using the other to hold and aim the attachment. Suffice to say the idea was an immediate failure and I scraped my hands and knees up pretty bad upon hitting asphalt. The third time was more recent we my brother and I were trying to start an old push mower. At one point I tried yank the pull cord with both hands, which might have been an okay idea had the cord not been located in the middle of the handlebars. Whacked both elbows pretty hard and my arms were numb for about half an hour. I'm sure there are plenty more cases where I hurt myself in a stupid way, but I can't remember any others at the moment.

 

[Ytomyth]

Jumping from the transporter loading bridge, at the back of a moving van (moving house, not a van on the move); hitting my head on a slight alcove'ish construction that was there and getting out of balance because of it and, finally; slipping when coming down, resulting in me landing on my arm, breaking my wrist.
It was the worst move my mother ever had, since she spent most of the big moving day in the hospital with 13-year-old me. xD (Took her a month to find out where everyone helping that day put all her stuff because she wasn't there to micromanage everything.)

 

[kc]

It wasn't me (obviously), but a Padres pitcher sneezed wrong and injured himself. Just thought it was relevant.
http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/story/San-Diego-Padres-pitcher-Mat-Latos-on-DL-for-aborted-sneeze-071610

 

[Ryotknife]

1. When i was working construction, i was screwing drywall into metal studs about 3 stories up (the studs themselves were 4 maybe 5 stories tall), someone accidentally stub it with their toe down on the ground which caused the metal stud to slip right as i was screwing it and ended up screwing it THROUGH my finger. All the way through. Thankfully it went through the side of my finger rather than through the nail, still I had to put the screwgun in reverse to get it out.

2. Also when in construction, we were doing demolition at this site. I was throwing away old metal studs into a dumpster and decided to throw it like a javelin. Bad move, it ricochet right back at me and cut my face up pretty bad.

3. Was helping friends move to a new place. Was carrying an old CRTV when i lost my footing on the second or third last step and flayed the skin completely off my knee. One of my knees was just cut up, the other left a large patch of my skin on the ground. It looked like someone flayed about a half of a foot of my skin off my knee. Took weeks for it to stop discharging puss.

4. The only time i broke a bone in my body. I was in a summer camp and rolled off the top bunk bed while i was asleep and landed butt first onto a metal ventilation grate. Broke my tailbone, which still irritates me 20 years later.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

Some body mentioned the Forth of July and that sparked memories of my some of my favorite Independence Day accidents.

Every single time I've ever had bottle rockets I have managed to burn my thumb on a fuse for one. (Always after running out of punks too.)
I once had a bottle rocket fly off the launcher take a right angle turn and bounce off my forehead. Left a perfect round little bruise.
Once had a mortar tube fall over and launch the shell into my chest knocking me off my feet. No burns, got a nice bruise in the middle of my chest. Also the shell exploded on the ground very loudly, left my ears ringing for days.
I've had several face scorching experiences, from things that exploded in my face right when I got the bucket of water over to douse them when they looked like duds.
One tank firework I had had an energetic little thrust motor in it and it actually took flight, flew past my head, burned my cheek lightly.
One cake repeater mortar I had had it's center tube explode, causing all the rest of the tubs to fall over and fire in various directions. Got burned by a shell that landed between my feet and exploded. (One of the few times I've cursed my self for wearing a skirt.)

There are tons more, and tons from New Years celebrations.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Not sure if it is true but I read that superglue came from a product that was used in the Vietnam war to treat wounded soldiers wounds when there wasn't enough time to bandage them.

Hmm ... I'm guessing it would be overly opimistic for it to help anything more than just gashes and simple penetrating wounds.

 

[Kaymish]

i was showing off and swinging from a beam in the atrium at work when one of my colleagues made a punching motion at me didn't actually hit me but i got surprised and i am a colonel wuss so i fell off and smashed my elbow into the concrete floor it still hasn't come right properly after over a week on top of that it was my left arm and i am mostly left handed

also i was walking down the stairs at home and the ceiling drops down at the bottom and i am about the same height as it with na little spring in my step because it was a happy day that day my head was a bit higher than normal and i smashed it on the corner of the ceiling and i went arse first down the rest of the stairs my hair ended up really red and sticky for the rest of the day head wounds bleed lots

 

[Toejam]

The 1st I was aged about 5, playing in a friends garden when he threw a goosebury at me, i dived out the way, picked myself up off the ground, no problem. My friend looked as white as a sheet whilst pointing at my leg, I look down and noticed the strawberry cane going in 1 side of my leg and out of the other. Cue hysterics. I did actually get to see the inside of my leg when they cut it open, which was pretty cool at that age.

2nd, about the age of 13 I think, I'd been briefly left at home on my own whilst they did some shopping, I wanted lunch so I was going to grill some spam. Being very careful I used the key to open the tin. Once this was done I pulled on the top bit to release the glorious Spam, but suction had caused it to become stuck...so I pulled harder, top came off but I was a little confused as to the blood now all over the wall, it was then that I saw the top of my thumb hanging off. I ran down to my neighbors, she answered door I passed out and smacked my face against the stone floor. She had to run me to A & E. My mum was mortified when she got home and saw the state of me, Had my arm strapped up across my chest and a ruined face. lol

 

[Arshaq13]

I played football(soccer) during a college tryout on my 1st year there with a badly gashed knee from a motorbike accident because I really wanted to make the team (my ego was at stake because I'd been the football team in highschool) so I put my shorts as low as possible to cover the bandage knowing they wouldn't let me play if they saw it, I played for about 15-20 mins, went in for a tackle, the plaster came off, hurt the knee some more, blood started pouring out like it was no tomorrow and ended up getting an infection there.

Did make the team though

 

[thoughtwrangler]

I've got a few of these... mostly when I was in Kung Fu, I made some pretty dumb mistakes that got me busted up.

The first time, I was sparring with this one guy, who was actually the same size as me, so we could be a bit rougher with one another. We both threw kicks at the same time, shins collided, and his was the victor. Meanwhile, I had a grapefruit-sized lump on my shin that took weeks of Rest Ice, Compression and Elevation (and ibuprofen!) to heal.

Second time, I was sparring another bigger guy, dude was about half a foot taller than me. I'm trying to get inside his range because he had freakishly long arms. Meanwhile, he's throwing a punch aimed for my stomach. But because I was trying to be slick, I ducked my head, so the fist landed square on my nose. It bled for a while, and been crooked ever since.

Finally, the last one was the most idiotic. We'd been learning an interesting shuffle-step that I was trying to work into a ridge hand. So I did it, and for the first few fractions of a second, it felt great. Everything felt *right* about that strike. Then I rolled my ankle and had to take a few weeks of downtime while it healed. A few weeks later, the kung fu school closed down due to rent and conflicts with the property owner. So it goes.

 

[kris40k]

When I was a young kid, maybe 6 or 7, I was riding my bike when I decided to see if I could fit my foot in between the spokes of my front wheel while coasting along.[footnote]Yes, yes I could.[/footnote] Got banged up when the bike flipped and twisted my ankle up a bit, but nothing permanent other than an interest in physics.

Older, while at home while heavily inebriated with a bunch of friends. Decided to jump over a couch to tackle one of said friends. Running at the coach from the back, I planted one foot on the back of the couch, jumped forward and up, and managed to headbutt the blades of the ceiling fan. Broke the ceiling fan, and had a bit of a bump, but otherwise OK.

 

[Abbyka]

Oh I remembered another one. I tried playing stunt man with my brother once and we set up a broken table in the backyard as a ramp. It only had two legs left on it so we thought it was perfect. Took a full blown sprint towards it intending to run up it and jump off at the top. Didn't realize my weight would cause it to topple over when I got to the top of it. Landed on my head and the table scraped my ring finger and middle finger from the base all the way up to my finger nails. And picture day at school was like a day or two after this happened but no one thought to have my cover the injury with my other hand so it's perfectly visible in my first grade school photo.