My Bad jokes reserve is running low,

[zz_]

A baby seal walks into a club...

I don't know why, but I found that joke absolutely hilarious. Been laughing for two minutes now.

 

[Viral_Lola]

What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?
.....
....
...
..
.
BA-Nah-Nah-naaaaaa

 

[No_Remainders]

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.

I love that one.

OT: A man walks into a bar looking sad after having come from the doctor's office across the road. The barman asks why he's so sad, and he said "I just realised that my life is a joke"

Edit: Just thought of some more.

Q: What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler

A: A brown stick.

Q: What's white and fluffy?

Spoiler

A: White fluff.

Q: What's pink and fluffy?

Spoiler

A: White fluff dyed pink.

 

[ICantBelieveItGoesBoom]

Just got this off of Sickipedia

Spoiler

Our little hamster is such a laugh!

He just stays in there on that circle thing going round and round and round for ages until:

*DING*

Then I take him out of the microwave.

EDIT:

snippy

Is that the whole joke or are you waiting for someone to ask?

 

[HumpinHop]

My old private school teachers beat this joke to death.

Hey Mr.Marsh did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!

DOHOHOHOHOHOHO.

 

[Doc Theta Sigma]

Why did the lion get lost?
Cause jungle is massive.

 

[The_ModeRazor]

Very, very horrible joke coming up, do not read if you have a shred of human goodness within you.

Spoiler: I mean it, this will hurt your feelings

Hitler goes to concentration camp, picks 3 random ethnicity people, takes them to a pool.
Says:"If you can swim all the way through, you're free".

First guy jumps in, swims about 1/3 of the way, then sinks.
Second guy gets through 2/3 of the pool, sinks.
Last guy jumps in, swims past 1/3, swims past 2/3, almost reaches the end of the pool... but
then sinks.

Hitler says: "Holy shit, I thought he was acidproof."

I'm so going to get my soul eaten by an angry god.

 

[lacktheknack]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A piiig.

 

[lacktheknack]

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.

German comedy is no laughing matter.

...

They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian.
Well who's laughing now?!

Just you, sadly.

 

[Redingold]

-rather large snip-
The three men sat down at the purple table and the purple-robed man brought out Frosted Flakes and Cheerios. George picked Frosted Flakes, Billy Cheerios, and Dan Frosted Flakes. Now, what's the moral of this story?

2 out of 3 people prefer Frosted Flakes for breakfast.

 

[Fishyash]

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler

Red paint

Yeah I the only bad jokes I know are anti-jokes.

Get a penguin bar and look at the joke within a wrapper to find some terrible penguine-themed jokes.

 

[Exmigrant]

A pirate walks into a bar with a massive steering wheel shoved in his pants. The bartender says "Isn't that uncomfortable?" The pirate replies "Yar, it's driving me nuts!"

Thats a great one,

Thanks to all of you for your jokes, And as much as I'd rather not see the racist jokes, to those of you kind enough to put them into a Spoiler with a Disclaimer at the top I thank you.

I also know quite the assortment of dead baby jokes, but I believe the request was to leave them out of this.

Thank you for abiding to my rules.

 

[Dawn Patrol]

These kind of jokes may seem funny...

Then they are. Simple.

Jokes can offend. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be told. If boundaries aren't getting pushed then we're left with the same old crap.

Anyone could find any joke offensive. "Why did the chicken cross the road." "Not cool man, my chicken got hit by a bus yesterday." If we don't tell a joke because it might offend someone, we'll eventually have no jokes left. And who the hell would want to live in that world?

 

[Dawn Patrol]

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.

German comedy is no laughing matter.

...

They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian.
Well who's laughing now?!

Just you, sadly.

Well done there. You took any subtlety that joke had and threw it away. Good job.

 

[PixelKing]

I might not be the best looker here, but im the only one talking to you.
Not really a joke, but yeah.

 

[Booze Zombie]

What does Michael Jackson like to do in an orphanage?

He likes to beat it.

 

[Dawn Patrol]

What's worse than a broken nail? Two broken nails.

What's worse than two broken nails? 9/11.

What's worse than 9/11. Three broken nails.

 

[Dawn Patrol]

A pirate walks into a bar.

He says, "بيرة من فضلك."

 

[lacktheknack]

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.

German comedy is no laughing matter.

...

They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian.
Well who's laughing now?!

Just you, sadly.

Well done there. You took any subtlety that joke had and threw it away. Good job.

I wanted him to know that I caught the joke and that someone loves him! D:

 

[Dawn Patrol]

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.

German comedy is no laughing matter.

...

They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian.
Well who's laughing now?!

Just you, sadly.

Well done there. You took any subtlety that joke had and threw it away. Good job.

I wanted him to know that I caught the joke and that someone loves him! D:

You show your fondness for jokes by explaining them?

"A man walks into a bar. Ow."

"It is funny because the word bar is a homonym. You expect the joke to be about a man entering a drinking facility but he is actually talking about hurting himself by walking into the other kind of bar."

You must be a hoot at parties. I see you take the Mike Myers approach to joke telling.