No Right Answer: Best Animal Ever

[Endocrom]

Spoiler: snip

No the greatest animal ever has god himself showing a documentary about it:

Spoiler

These are the cutest and best things on the planet.

High five fellow middle-of-the-food-chain selector! However, I submit that the pangolin is in fact the best animal. They're like armored aardvarks with prehensile tails, giving them excellent protection from anything non-human and allowing them to climb trees with adorable ease. Also, look at this young pangolin:

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So cute!

Edit: Forgot a / in the image link.

Virtual high-five to you my friend, you are the first person I've ever known to know what a pangolin is. Not to mention how cool they are.

 

[Dollabillyall]

Meanwhile elephants are like: "Oh I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of me trampling your shit. Let me just stomp your predators with this here tree I just pulled out of the damned ground. (ps: now I'm going to paint a picture... of myself.. because I'm all intelligent like that.)"

Also: - Rhinos, the only animals that don't run FROM fire but TO fire. Yeah that's right... rhinos > fire.

Don't even get me started on the hippopotamus... most dangerous animal in Africa. That guy will bite crocodiles in half. Show me a lion that does that.

 

[Azuaron]

What, lions? Lions aren't even the best cat (tigers FTW). But let's move away from cats for just a moment...

Praying mantis? They kill and eat snakes ten times their size. Snakes. Something that, should everything be right in the world, would eat them. They kill up the evolutionary predator ladder.

Tiger sharks have teeth specifically designed to cut through giant sea turtle shells.

Ravens and crows, for their brain size, are smarter than anything (humans included).

Mantis shrimp punch at 10,000g (the acceleration of a .22 bullet) with club fists stronger than any engineered ceramics we've been able to invent. They don't even have to hit; the shockwave alone is enough to boil water and murder their prey.

Peregrine falcons dive at up to 242 mph. Most people never even control a vehicle moving that fast. No other animal can achieve such speeds without mechanical assistance.

And don't even get me started on extinct animals. The ankylosaurus weighed six tonnes, was covered in armor, and grew a stone club on its tale to break predators' kneecaps. Megalodon had teeth bigger than most people's hands (think of a great white shark except five times the size; that's right, Jaws would be a snack for one of these things).

Lions have, what, a goddamn mane? A title they never earned based upon a false understanding of their ecology? Genocidal tendencies towards hyenas? Lions have good PR, and that's about it.

 

[el_kabong]

Cows. They give us steak and hamburger (tastes awesome), leather (looks awesome), and milk (makes my Lucky Charms awesome). Sorry, lions, but you really haven't provided me with anything. Uncool, bro.

Lion steaks make you stronger, lion boots make you look cooler, and lion milk can cure any illness known to man or beast, however I dare you to attempt to milk a lion.

I'm going to have to agree to disagree here. While lion steaks may imbue you with some of the lion's strength, they also cause other lion-like behaviors, as you absorb the essence of the great beast. I went through a lion-steak fad diet phase, but I had to stop because the uncontrollable urge to mark my territory became extremely inconvenient for my roommates. As for lion boots, I admit that they're stylish, but I really only end up bringing them out for formal events. Most of the time, they just sit in my closet. Lastly, the difficulty in procuring lion's milk makes it hard to justify any additional curative properties while my Lucky Charms remain tragically unquenched.

 

[UNHchabo]

Chris, your delivery of this video reminded me heavily of Henry Rollins; have you ever watched one of his spoken word shows?

 

[the December King]

If you look up crocodiles on Google every now and again, they are the only animal still regularly and consistently murdering humans right back. That's gotta count for something. So I'll go with crocodiles, specifically the salties, as they don't seem to take crap from anyone or anything except the late Steve Irwin.

 

[weirdee]

I feel like we're all forgetting about the most utterly terrifying creatures on the planet


there we go, shitting my pants again

 

[DanHibiki]

Bears have been definitively proven to be better then lions.

Of all the times a Bear was pitted against a Lion, the bear just smashed the lion's scull in one blow. It eventually became boring and they went back to pitting the Bears against Bulls and other assorted animals.

 

[Icehearted]

Dogs! Anyone says otherwise is out of their minds. They're loyal, unconditionally loving, they heal and protect us, they don't judge or aren't critical, they'll give you a nuzzle even when you're grumpy are eager to play even when you've hurt them or hollered at them, they just instantly and totally love us back. They are our best companions, they practically live for us, nothing will ever revere you or cherish you like your dog. Richly diverse, culturally integrated around the world, for some of us they're family. Nothing better than a dog.

Chickens are a close second, but only because they're so important to our diet as birds and eggs. I have a lot of respect for chickens, and their noble sacrifice for my extra-crispy needs.

Actually being serious about that last part, I give real thought about the meat I eat and try to never waste it so the creature that died to feed me didn't die trivially.

 

[Mkvenner]

That was amazing! I completely agree! Lions are beast! Also happy birthday

 

[XavierPrice]

Burmecians

'nuff said.