online gaming sexism stories

[EeveeElectro]

The main reason why I don't have an XBL gold account. I'm not paying money to get sexist abuse hurled at me.
Saying that, I've had a few of those "2 months of gold for £2" deals and I've never had a problem with people on xbox. I didn't spend much time online on xbox, but when I had a PS3 I was online most of the time.
I never got abuse (not directed towards my gender at least) but I got countless 'omg u a girl?' 'be my girlfriend?' messages.
Pretty sad. I don't know if things are different now, but make a girl avatar on Playstation Home and just stand in the plain sight. See guys flock you.
Not sure if it's funny or pathetic. Do they seriously think a girl will say 'omg, hi guy I don't know the name of, never met in my life, don't know what you look like! Of course I will send you nude pictures and be your girlfriend!'?

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

It depends.
It can go without happening for ages and then happen several times in the same day.
However, most female gamers learn to avoid it.
I don't use voice (I use a voice program with friends when I play, no strangers), my username isn't overtly feminine and I don't `out` myself unless I have to.
Through this, I can avoid it pretty well.

This is a bit of an annoyance for anyone who isn't a white straight male.

On the whole, I try to keep my ethnicity out of public knowledge. I stupidly once made a black character in Rainbow 6 and group teamed with a few guys. One of player had a girl avatar, and the two other 14 year olds were just going off on the female avatar. Once she spoke up and actually proved that she was a woman, they just kept going on about the size of her "breasts" (chose a different word than they did) and if they could see them. I actually spoke to her defense and that was the first time they noticed my character was black.

but I didn't 'speak' like a black dude. so I was a race traitor. Because no black person can actually speak proper english. I asked the girl if she wanted to leave to play a game by ourselves, we did, and we've been gamer friends ever since.

This is also why I think the f word is used so much. Because it hits everyone, supposedly. The slur for homosexuals, the threat that people feel you are homosexual if you're not. It's a catch all until people find something that can actually sting. For a good long time while I still played live, I never made another Black Character. However, pc gamers seem to be better about that.

 

[clippen05]

I think its terrible that girl gamers have to experience this shit, but I find it odd how many don't use the tools in place to avoid this. Most games have a mute/ignore function; xbox has the ability to ignore messages and mute players for all games through the gamertag. If someone's giving you a hard time, why do you not just mute them? This whole idea of sexism in multiplayer gaming should be a nonissue. The tools are there to protect anyone from online harsassment, yet no one uses them, they just complain about it on an online forum. That's not to say that we shouldn't try to stop the root of the problem, but it will be nearly impossible to eliminate all the jerks in gaming. So in the mean time, why not just mute someone...

 

[runic knight]

I know i cant exactly stop people from debating said issue but Id like to try to keep this more about stories and research than about debate.

Well, that is just it though. You are asking for sexism stories in gaming, but never gave any sort of parameters as to what constitutes actual "sexism". So, obvious going to be a little debate going on about it there. Furthermore, from a research perspective, it seems you are actively seeking the data you want rather then a more overall approach that could give more useful info. Fishing for stories where people have already concluded are sexist, but ignoring those that maybe be but are not thought of as such. I kinda get that you want a lot of stories to dig into and get a perspective on what the more common forms of sexism is or the common perceived idea of it or what not, but still, with the thread labeled as it is, and the way you present it, you are funneling a very specific response your way, which in turns seems to defeat the purpose as anything but a thread of personal testimonies.
The thread is calling for sexism examples in games, a topic most people dislike because of the overdone aspect of it, and one that is presented as vaguely as possible. Thus, you may get people who were legitimately harassed not saying a peep because they don't think it was sexism or you might get people flamed by 12 year olds crying foul for sexism.
I guess I have to ask, what are you seeking out of all of this in the end?

 

[Realitycrash]

I'm an old-school roleplayer, so in every game, I make up small stories for my characters. No matter what kind of game. I also play first a male character, then a female, then male, etc.
Well, my most successful (my "main") ended up being a female in WoW. This got me the occasional weird message and things like "We don't want to Party with you, girls can't play WoW". But that's it.

Still, I ask myself now and again; Has "can I see your b00bs?" actually EVER worked, for ANYONE?

 

[Vrex360]

For the sake of variety once I made my Spartan in Halo: Reach female. Given that my real identity in the game was a mighty Sangheili I felt it was okay to mix and match a bit. Anyway I found myself playing on a social server and fighting in Lone Wolves. I got my arse kicked like there was no tomorrow, my head just wasn't in the game, and wound up being the second lowest scoring player in the match.
Then after the game ended and I decided to move to team battles instead I discovered a message in my inbox by this creepy guy who spoke in what he probably thought was a sexy voice about "hey good game, you're pretty good and we both live in the some country. Wanna friend me?"
Ignoring the fact that I had no idea who this guy was and had never interacted with him or given him any reason to care about me, how condescending is it to say 'hey you did pretty good' when I was among the lowest scoring players on the match? The only reason that I can think he followed me up was because my Spartan Avatar at the time was female and I confirmed this because when I responded, revealing that I was a man, he left me right the hell alone.

Still it made me feel really awkward and uncomfortable and I quickly changed back to male (Despite the fact that I actually prefer a female Noble Six) and I really am forced to wonder if this is what it's like for female gamers all the time.

 

[hazabaza1]

I was playing a game of that shitty cell shaded Battlefield thing a few years back and someone said "I'm a girl."
I promptly responded "Okay" and proceeded to shoot anyone I could, included said (possible) girl.

I don't play online much so that's about all I got.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

snip

Asking someone you don't even know to see a picture of their tits or telling them that you masturbated to a picture of them isn't flirting it's not even close.

Would you go up to a woman in a bar and say that, of course you wouldn't, so why do they think women will respond to it online? It just seems to come from this idea that women are there for men and they are bitches for responding with mirth, anger or confusion when they are treated like online hookers.

We aren't online hookers, we are there to play the bloody game.

Hey that reminds me of a picture I saw recently:

Also regarding the social insecurity, some people are just like that and have no idea how to talk to people, it would seem only natural that they would do it Online instead of in person since they lock up.

A prime example of such a specimen:
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbr0rbvUCz1ribwlro1_1280.jpg

oh god...that picture..just..I really hope whatever doucher had that picture got a swift piece of karma come to them later.

and that link, holy shit...I almost feel bad for the person, but damn that was almost painful to read as it went on.

 

[Teshi]

I'd like to remind people that unless you think flirting in real life is sexist, flirting with people online is not, please don't adopt the witch hunting attitude of www.fatuglyorslutty.com

I've seen posts on there that have blatantly come from confused 10 year olds. Stuff like "Hello there, you're really good on call of duty, will you be my online girlfriend please?" be trashed by people as sexist.
Anyone who feels the need to demonise polite, respectful, socially insecure nerds who can only pluck up the courage to ask out a girl online, are horrible horrible people who have much bigger problems than said insecure nerds.

It may not be, strictly speaking, sexist, but it is inappropriate, and women are on the receiving end of it much more often than men are. It is not flattering, either - when someone who barely knows you says "want to be my girlfriend?" that doesn't indicate interest in you as a person, but that the person is looking for anyone with two X chromosomes, which is pretty objectifying. I mean, if someone came up to a girl in the library and said "You are good at reading! Want to be my girlfriend?" that would be at least as disconcerting, if not more so...doing this online doesn't make it any more acceptable. Being female does not oblige a person to comfort every lonely person out there, nor oblige a person to train boys in the fine art of not being creepers.

 

[PirateRose]

I used to post videos of my game play/funny stuff I find in the games I play/whatever funsies. When I first started it was with KOTOR2 and then some Mass Effect/Dragon Age stuff. I still get crap to this day of people saying I'm playing the game wrong for playing female. Actually, I got a post once of a guy complaining about only finding female Shepard on youtube and not understanding why any guy would do that. Apparently that guy didn't think I or any of the other video game players posting these videos could possibly be female.

I remember really early on, this random guy wrote me this really long private message. I skimmed most of it, but he basically wanted to tell me that the Exile and Commander Shepard could never be women. For a woman to be a General or a Commander, or let alone a soldier, is too unbelievable. Women are to kind and soft to fight, they are not physically or mentally strong enough. He told me how there has never been any woman in history in the military or that were warriors besides Joan of Arc. Everyone else are just myths, legends, and fantasizes.

I responded with a factual link list of historical women involved with wars/battles/fighting type things. Including Ching Shih, the Chinese Pirate who commanded 1800 ships with 80,000 men and terrorized the Qing Dynasty, the British and Portuguese Empires. No one defeated her, her career ended because she wanted to retire and open a gambling house.

I also picked on a random, out of the blue point he raised, where he said it's unrealistic for a woman to enter a room, fight and defeat five men. I told him it's also extremely unrealistic for a man to enter a room, fight, and defeat five men. What makes a person capable of doing that, is being well physically trained and a master at the skills they are trained in. And I linked him some video of professional fighting women, beating some men up in the ring, also a link to a couple of news stories about women who were world champs, fighting off some very surprised muggers.

He never messaged me back.

 

[lokun489]

snip

Asking someone you don't even know to see a picture of their tits or telling them that you masturbated to a picture of them isn't flirting it's not even close.

Would you go up to a woman in a bar and say that, of course you wouldn't, so why do they think women will respond to it online? It just seems to come from this idea that women are there for men and they are bitches for responding with mirth, anger or confusion when they are treated like online hookers.

We aren't online hookers, we are there to play the bloody game.

Hey that reminds me of a picture I saw recently:

Also regarding the social insecurity, some people are just like that and have no idea how to talk to people, it would seem only natural that they would do it Online instead of in person since they lock up.

A prime example of such a specimen:
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbr0rbvUCz1ribwlro1_1280.jpg

Hey sorry but I don't get what's wrong with that picture? It looks kind of like someone signing photographs or is there not something I'm gettting from it?

EDIT Figured it out, oh god! I just didn't see it at first, the fuck is wrong with that guy!?

 

[waj9876]

Eh, I experimented with using female characters. There was this one...I honestly don't know what to call it. Social video game-ish with no combat until recently forum? Gaia-something. Made tons of friends online, never had a problem with sexism. Most were girls who accepted my explanation of "I'm a guy, wanted to see how differently I would be treated."

World of Warcraft, had a female...warlock, I think. Only once asked if I was really a girl, that was it.

I tend to play male characters in video games, I only play as a female if I can't stand looking at my choices for guy characters. (We're not all ugly, bald, and overly muscular, you silly developers...)

 

[runic knight]

snip

A misogynist remark is a misogynist remark, it doesn't matter if the person is actually a misogynist or not, it's eequally harmful either way. So the argument you're making is irrelevant.

If you were to call me a ****** right now just in jest, you're still perpetuating the idea that being a ****** is a bad thing, that i'm somehow less of a man for it. And in doing so, you are doing harm to actual gay people. If you're joking or not doesn't mean jack diddly squat because the damage is done either way.

What you're arguing is an unimportant technicality that is most definately not the focus of the discussion, and certainly does NOT debunk Guppy's primary assertion.

Language is not a stagnant rigidly defined thing. Insults of the past are less so now, and new ones take their place and morph into other things. ****** is in the middle of a change of its own. ****** is another example. The fact that some use such words with intent or meaning beyond the rigid definition of them at the moment is not enough to say that it is a sexist/racist/whatever remark. I have heard gay men using the term ******, does that mean they are homophobic?
I just have a large issue with any argument that stems from the idea that it is how people perceive things that makes it racist, rather then intent behind it. Language is imperfect and people more so, so you will get intent and meaning mixed up from one person to the next. Sexism is a bias and prejudice based on gender. It is not an acknowledgement of gender, nor even an insult making use of ones gender, but a prejudice stemming from one's gender first. When added to the other aspect about intent versus perception, I can't see most as sexist anymore, just asshole behavior.

If someone is being a douche in game because he is upset he is losing so bad, it doesn't matter the gender of who he goes off on, even if he makes use of gender. That is just some ass being a whiny brat. Now this is different then those who actively seek out or repel women. Many cases mentioned here fall under that and from the "we kick you out for being a girl" to any other case where gender is solely what determines how someone acts we do have legitimate cases of misogyny and sexism. At that point it is apparent that the reason they behave as such is fueled by a bias or prejudice rather then the cases that smetza has been mentioning of the socially awkward or I have of the run of the mill loudmouth assholes.

A remark that is an insult is meant to hurt. That is the whole purpose. If I call you a ******, the reason it hurts is based on the one hearing it and their own perception of it as a negative. Similar to people using the word ****** as a more neutral or positive tone, it is not a representation of them that you find it offensive, it is a reflection on the one perceiving it as such. If you find these words offensive, then that perception of them is only a reflection of your own biases and preconceptions. A word alone does not mean the person saying it is racist or sexist as they may have a different definition or intent behind the use. And since sexism and misogyny is defined by the individual with the bias or the hate, and not the people who react to what they say, you can't use JUST word choice to label things as such.

If I might add. Suck, *****, whining, butthurt... all of these have implications that stem back from masculinty and can be said to be misogynist by the way you define it. Is anyone who says "that sucks" really meaning "that is less value because it is only suppose to orally please"? Is someone saying "he is butthurt" really trying to get the idea of "he is upset because he had anal sexy, marking him as inferior for his reaction and for being on the receiving end of anal"? No, I think at this point when we hear those words, most of us understand the intent behind their use and the meaning people are trying to share with us is one of "that is bad or lame" and "they are upset because they were schooled"

 

[Smeatza]

It may not be, strictly speaking, sexist, but it is inappropriate, and women are on the receiving end of it much more often than men are. It is not flattering, either - when someone who barely knows you says "want to be my girlfriend?" that doesn't indicate interest in you as a person, but that the person is looking for anyone with two X chromosomes, which is pretty objectifying. I mean, if someone came up to a girl in the library and said "You are good at reading! Want to be my girlfriend?" that would be at least as disconcerting, if not more so...doing this online doesn't make it any more acceptable. Being female does not oblige a person to comfort every lonely person out there, nor oblige a person to train boys in the fine art of not being creepers.

I like how you said if someone came up to a girl in a library, as I'm sure you realise, when the gender roles are reversed in the situation you describe, the creepyness and inappropriateness is not apparent.
Isn't that sexist?
If a man is looking for the companionship of a woman, any woman, it just means they are heterosexual and desperate, not that they are sexist, or objectifying women.

If you'd read some of the previous discussion (it's a long post I don't blame you) we discussed that the judgement "creepy" is a subjective one, so we are all within our rights to criticise others use of it should we disagree. But the terms sexist and misogynist do not apply to the innocent behavior that has been demonised on fatuglyorslutty and within this thread.

In any case, it's a fact of life that people might show a romantic interest in you, either online or in real life, and if a completely non-offensive, non-aggressive, respectful, if misguided advance can make you feel disconcerted, then the main problem is with you, and not the person who making the advance.

snip

A misogynist remark is a misogynist remark, it doesn't matter if the person is actually a misogynist or not, it's eequally harmful either way. So the argument you're making is irrelevant.

If you were to call me a ****** right now just in jest, you're still perpetuating the idea that being a ****** is a bad thing, that i'm somehow less of a man for it. And in doing so, you are doing harm to actual gay people. If you're joking or not doesn't mean jack diddly squat because the damage is done either way.

What you're arguing is an unimportant technicality that is most definately not the focus of the discussion, and certainly does NOT debunk Guppy's primary assertion.

Because you snipped my post and I was posting in this thread yesterday I don't know exactly what you're referring to.
In any case, Runic Knight has done an excellent job of explaining how language is a fluid, ever-evolving thing and what is offensive once day, is not the next. Obviously the same applies to society, it's expectations and prejudices.

And I would argue that there is a big difference, and the difference matters. Between a genuinely misogynist person, an ignorant person and an angry person that's being malicious. It would be very short sighted to consider these all to be the same thing.

 

[VanQ]

Well, I've never been on the receiving end due to my betesticled status.

I've seen a few other people cop it though. Mostly on TF2 and Killing Floor, once on L4D.

Your basic female-specific insults (*****, slut, **** etc), claims that they were just there because they wanted attention from guys, that sort of thing. One guy started asking a chick to suck his cock (how she was supposed to do that over a game of TF2 I'm not sure) and when she didn't respond he started yelling that he was going to find her and rape her. Judging by his voice he was sixteen at the very oldest.

Anyway, if you really want specific examples, there's this one website that specializes in exactly that. It's called FatUglyOrSlutty.com [http://fatuglyorslutty.com/]. Examples to keep you reading for days, along with pictures and everything. This would have to be my personal favourite [http://fatuglyorslutty.com/2012/05/28/a-cordial-approach/].

It's clear you'd prefer to believe that it's a rare thing done by the occasional jackass, but best assured, this crap happens a great deal.

That website is 99% XBox Live. What is it about XBox Live that draws in these kids of people? I've never seen anything like this on PSN and I've only ever seen things like that said ironically (sometimes by females trying to have a joke) on PC. Mind you, Ive never seen a girl on the PSN now that I think about it, but the overall population seems to be a bit more mature. Could be ignorant though, since I never played CoD on my PS3.

There is of course, that one guy that seemed to follow me in WoW. Whenever a girl spoke into Vent that guy always said the same damn line: "You have a nice voice." I wasn't even on the receiving end of that and it made my skin crawl and my spine curl. I can't imagine how it felt for the receiver. Please, don't be that guy, people!

 

[trollnystan]

The only MMOs I've played for longer than a week are WoW and EQ2 and I've never been harassed on either on them. Mostly European servers in both games. Then again I stuck with my guildies for socialising and tried to solo everything I could - MMOs are really not my thing and I don't play them any more.

Just because it's never really happened to me doesn't mean I don't think it never happens EVER. I will probably never play multiplayer on FPSes like CoD because of the horror stories I've read/heard. I just don't want to put myself through that.