online gaming sexism stories

[Juan Cantu]

I used to play more MMORPGs back in school and I did meet some girls online, i dont remember exactly what game we were playing (maybe cabal or lineage) and they never told me about any big troubles at all, maybe some usual individuals getting mad here and there and people giving them free gifts (I can´t see how that would be bad, stupid flirting, but not bad) in the end they didnt have much trouble, but then again, they didnt talk that much.

Maybe the kind of game has something to do, nowadays in shooters there is a lot more yelling while in rpg's and other things you are kinda focused on what you are doing at least for me...

And well the ocasional talking in games like LoL but thats just funny to read haha.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

In fact, isn't assuming that every online male that makes a polite, respectful and non-aggressive attempt to get to know you romantically, is only interested in entertainment, sexist?

That's the point though isn't it, it's none of those things.

Why not try and get to know a person before you dive in with 'be my girlfriend'. Also I never said that women should react with anger to said non sexual attempts, that's certainly not what I do.

Most of the time I just try to ignore it and carry on a normal conversation and if the guy continues I call him out on how silly he sounds. I never snap at anyone or insult them. Sometimes that stands for sexual stuff too if I like the guy as a person enough.

It's the psychology behind this behaviour that's worrying. The expectation that all it takes to get certain woman to go out with you is one clumsy sentence. Where does that come from? Could it be the constant objectification of women that is drilled into guys by the media?

As for flirting in supermarkets or whatever, like I said saying things like 'I see you like pumpkins, be my girlfriend' is hardly 'flirting'. More like being super creepy, from either sex. Flirting would be more like striking up a conversation about topics in the newspaper at the checkout or rolling your eyes commically at the 80 year old in front of you with 20 coupons.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Flirting would be more like striking up a conversation about topics in the newspaper at the checkout or rolling your eyes commically at the 80 year old in front of you with 20 coupons.

Oh hell naw, I got binders full of coupons to match my binders full of women, you guys are so old school, this is how you REALLY flirt:

Spoiler

all sarcasm/joking, I hope people can see that -_-

 

[hobohazard]

This happened to my little brother a few months back. He was playing COD 5 zombies on xbox live with a friend (He met in game, not IRL) and one of the kids other friends who had a mic as well. So im doing something on my computer and he calls me over laughing. I ask what it is and he hands me his mic and plays a voice message he got from the friend. "Will you go out with me?" Was the message. It was slurred a bit in the way you say something when your nervous about it. The kid in the message couldn't have been older then 11. We have a second mic and a turn it on to hear what the kid says next. My brother tells the kid he's a guy. The kid just says "Oh." and stays completely silent until they finish the game. Once they finish, the kid comes up with some excuse of why he has to go and leaves. The kids friend stays a bit longer to ask my brother what the whole thing was about. He explains it and the other kid laughs and leaves. My brother went off to go do something else at this point and I check his friends list out of curiosity. The kid's already off the list.

 

[phylline]

I've only had experience I've had when it comes to interacting with strangers online during gaming is with League of Legends, and the community is an absolute cesspit so I'm not sure if this is an accurate representation of "sexist abuse in games"...

Usually it's not revealed that I'm female, but if someone refers to me as a male, I will correct them. I have had people telling me to "get back in the kitchen" (endlessly...), "tits or gtfo", if I make a mistake "this is why fucking girls shouldn't play video games", I've also been called a "stupid slut" and have had threats of rape. edit: also had people thinking it's okay to address me with terms of endearment such as "baby" and asking about my relationship status.

I remember a question posed on the LoL forums asking why there were no girls in the top ranks of LoL - you had a flood of kitchen jokes, and people asserting that a female in male teams will cause problems - the men will want to date her and once they find out she's female how will they see her as a "normal person"?

OP, I'm really not sure what you're going to get out of this thread, I'm not sure what a very small amount of anecdotal evidence is going to do.

 

[runic knight]

You keep making the same argument over and over throughout the entire post, when it's something i've already addressed.

I have heard gay men using the term ******, does that mean they are homophobic?

No in fact I said as much myself. You don't need to be a homophobic person to say something homophobic. You can argue that different people will take things differently, but that's just ignoring the fact that they shouldn't have to take anything at all from the get go.

Forgive me for saying, but you strike me as a person who never really had to deal with the world around you using your ethnical, religious, or sexual attributes as a common insult to others. The insult isn't the word "******" so much as it is "You fuck other dudes and that makes you lesser to me by default."

Also, the difference between "Suck, *****, whining, butthurt" is that those are not words specifically used to dehumanize your fellow man. Trying to compare "******" or "******" to those words or to use them in the same context is at it's best, insensitive, and at it's worst, horribly ignorant. "That man? He's not a person, he's a ******, and that is all the justification we need for lynching him for his anti-christian thoughts."

The point I was trying to make was one about how language changes and grows over time and how we are looking at a snapshot now, where people have a scale of interpretation of words. I bring up words from before that have more fully transitioned into newer meanings within popular understanding.
Now, what you describe here is something to the effect of "these words cause more damage" when trying to say I am ignorant. The problem is, that is not universal for one, and for two, it is also untrue in cases, where being called a butt hurt little ***** might be seemed more hurtful to someone then "******" or "******" simply because of the massive overuse of such words to insult or their personal attempts to identify and find pride in the words or whatever else.. It is meaning, tone and who it is coming from and directed at that determines how insulting something is. I know people who are homosexual who can be called a ****** and will laugh along. Who are you to say they are wrong for not feeling offended? And yes, that is pretty much what you come off as saying, that anyone who doesn't agree with your ridged definition is somehow "horribly ignorant".
People will always insult one another. While I agree no one would have to take anything from the get go, I find it ridiculous that seems to only apply when concerning specific insults directed at minority attributes of a person. It is somehow worse when talking about skin color or sexual orientation? Fuck that nonsense. Even if you try to argue that it is only worse because of aspects they can't change, physical features and beauty, point of origin, point of heritage, accents, unconscious mannerisms... there is a ton of shit that people can and are mocked for outside of those aspects, and they should not be allowed either nor should they be undervalued like this.

It is not even the words used but the behavior and driving intent that makes shit bad though, and I can't seem to stress this idea enough to get through. If you get called a fag while playing COD because of some butthurt player on there, you may take offense, you may not. But you know it stems from his own ideals of inadequacy and his need to lash out however he can. Is it any "better" then if he instead calls you a little *****? Is it really? because that is what you seem to be saying here, that word choice trumps intent and meaning. How about if you are homosexual and you have a big burly asshat and his pals coming over to kick your ass in a bar because you are homosexual? Is it somehow less terrible if instead of calling you a ****** when they gang-beat you, they just call you a whiny *****? I just can't find the rational in this mindset.

The only aspect I can partially understand is that the use of the terms with a negative connotation implies an overall idea that the traits are negative themselves. Saying someone is a ****** is bad because it connects them to homosexuals. The problem with this idea though is what I started with here, the changing of language and the lack of intent behind them. How many people call someone a ***** because they know the term applies in a negative way and it gets their goal of sharing that negative aspect to the person they speak with. How many do it because it ties back to a female dog and negative female stereotype of being a nag in general? Is the use of the word "*****" not spreading the negative connotation of women nagging? And yet how many use it purely for the nagging aspect or for the less-then aspect, the female part dropped off and forgotten in most uses.

There is also the aspect that trying to deem any words too powerful means they will instantly be latched on to and overused by the assholes out there seeking to inflict verbal harm, or by anyone in a fit of anger grasping for something they know will sting, or at least believe it will because of how taboo it is.

 

[LiquidGrape]

I will re-iterate, I am no defending those who harass others online. I am criticising the demonisation of the polite, respectful but socially insecure. Those who seek a mutual online relationship and get labeled as "creepy" for doing so.

But that is creepy. It is profoundly creepy. These are people who presume on attraction to an individual they have no concept of outside their sex. They have no idea what kind of person they are approaching; what they think, how they look, nothing of the sort. All they know is that they've encountered a woman online, and therefore they wish to engage in a relationship.

It is the very definition of creepy.

 

[Smeatza]

I will re-iterate, I am no defending those who harass others online. I am criticising the demonisation of the polite, respectful but socially insecure. Those who seek a mutual online relationship and get labeled as "creepy" for doing so.

But that is creepy. It is profoundly creepy. These are people who presume on attraction to an individual they have no concept of outside their sex. They have no idea what kind of person they are approaching; what they think, how they look, nothing of the sort. All they know is that they've encountered a woman online, and therefore they wish to engage in a relationship.

It is the very definition of creepy.

Wow, old thread much?
I've already not bothered replying to one post in this thread it was getting that old.

Creepy is a subjective term, I think you're being overly harsh in using it but it's your right.

It's not sexist though.

In any case I think you could do with a little more compassion and a little less of an urge to condemn.

 

[White Lightning]

Well, I've never been on the receiving end due to my betesticled status.

I've seen a few other people cop it though. Mostly on TF2 and Killing Floor, once on L4D.

Your basic female-specific insults (*****, slut, **** etc), claims that they were just there because they wanted attention from guys, that sort of thing. One guy started asking a chick to suck his cock (how she was supposed to do that over a game of TF2 I'm not sure) and when she didn't respond he started yelling that he was going to find her and rape her. Judging by his voice he was sixteen at the very oldest.

Anyway, if you really want specific examples, there's this one website that specializes in exactly that. It's called FatUglyOrSlutty.com [http://fatuglyorslutty.com/]. Examples to keep you reading for days, along with pictures and everything. This would have to be my personal favourite [http://fatuglyorslutty.com/2012/05/28/a-cordial-approach/].

It's clear you'd prefer to believe that it's a rare thing done by the occasional jackass, but best assured, this crap happens a great deal.

I KNOW THE GUY IN THE SECOND LINK!!! BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! I played Borderlands 2 with him the other day, he's a total tool.

Once in RS I made my male character wear an iron plateskirt, and strutted around town. Some guy offered me many things to be his "gf" so I agreed, upon receiving the items I removed the armor and showed him my manlyness. He just logged off and I lol'd heartily.

 

[Twyce]

Sexism for me in games has been light to non-existent. Maybe a few off color remarks here and there, but nothing offense. I've never been dropped from a party or anything of the like because I'm a chick. I guess I'm lucky? Or maybe I give off a really manly vibe.

I would almost venture as far to say that I've benefited from the fact that I am a girl.