Clearing the Eye said:
Look, I think I see the wavelength you're on now, but that doesn't make it any better, and while I don't agree with much of Rhoda's argument (although it's clear that the virginity thing referred to how people "see" virginity rather than what actually happens) I was pointing out that one particular bit of it is kind of true.
I'll be the first to own up that sometimes experiencing coercion or pain or being pushed to the limits of what you actually want can be incredibly hot sometimes. That doesn't make it sexual harassment. Consent doesn't change its definition or become less important in BDSM practices, it becomes
more important, because otherwise there is no guarantee that you're not just abusing or assaulting someone - and the law will certainly see it as such if they ever come forward.
Guys who hurt, insult, grope at or behave aggressively towards people on the assumption that "they enjoy what they don't enjoy" when there is absolutely no evidence that they do are committing sexual harassment. People whose partners trust them enough to willingly place some measure of responsibility in their hands, who are allowed the ability to hurt, insult, grope at or behave aggressively towards their partners as part of a negotiated and mutually supported exchange of power are not committing sexual harassment. It is an insult to the latter group to pretend that these two things are the same.
There is overlap, there are a lot of guys who use BDSM practices to basically act like jerks and misogynists, who believe that all women are natural submissives who can be sent into knee-trembling orgasm by the sight of a particularly impressive dom-scowl and who generally react very badly when the real world fails to live up to their badly-written Gor fanfiction, but generally it's still pretty obvious where the line is.