Paying parents rent.

[Rogue426]

its moments like these I tend to appreciate how reasonable my parents are. I just pay the Internet bill every month (Which is about $80) and that's it, I help out where needed beyond that, and they help me, but I don't really get charged rent for the moment. Not that I'm against it, but I'm not going to argue either


As for the OPs situation...I'd probably recommend either just toughing it out and paying up, then getting a place of you're own like people have said. it sounds like the more sensible option to me.

 

[Elivercury]

Yeah, I only read about the first two pages of this thread, but it sounds to me like you need a bit of a dose of reality. A REALLY CHEAP rent will be setting you back a minimum of £250 a month, including bills. And even an average student let you're still looking at £300-400 after bills. Note that neither of these are including food costs (£50+ a month depending on how much you eat). I'd also add that most students live off about £5k a year which works out £500 a month if you ignore summer, the same amount you have. Out of that £500, a good 2/3 will go on rent and bills, because they are expensive. So basically the £100 being offered to you is a good deal regardless of who it is with or what your history with them is. Frankly expecting anything less is beyond optimistic and if you were expecting to keep over 80% of your monthly income as "fun money" then you're a little delusional.

As other people have said, either move out (It'll cost more but it's SO worth it, I promise) or suck it up and pay your upkeep. If you spend a lot of time with the TV/PC and food is included then you'll be more or less covering those bills and that's about it with your £100.

As for the £700, I'd just abandon it. You've a long term relationship with this woman (one I presume you'd like to keep on good terms), and in said long term relationship there is a lot of give and take. Unless you've specifically said "you owe me for this" or "this is a loan" or something similar, then she owes you nothing. It's part of the give and take and she won't appreciate that you've been keeping tally of anything you've ever bought for her and are suddenly planning to throw the number in her face and ask for it back.

Regardless of your opinions on how she leads her life, she HAS raised you, which will have cost money (if other peoples) that she could have otherwise spent on herself, and if you're going to uni then she can't have done that bad a job of raising you either.

So yeah, if you want my actual advice I'd suggest moving out. You'll have a much better time, less stress, be more self sufficient, but will have a lighter wallet every month.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

Snip.

Albeit off topic, but do YOU know whats it's like to be young and trying to get into proper employment without any form of inside contacts? I'm stuck living home because of it 3 years later. It's not as simple as going in, handing a resume and getting a career or a basic job handed on a platter.

Although this is Australia, probably much different there. (I hate people who assume finding work is easy, not to be snappy)

 

[nlaq]

I'm about a year older than you, and I pay over 6 times that amount (around 627 GBP or 1,000 USD) for bills and rent per month. That doesn't include food or housekeeping - presumably things that are also included in your deal. You're getting off really, really cheap - trust me.

My government doesn't cut me an $877 check every month, either. Why don't _you_ get a job (if you don't already have one)?

Seriously, what is with people? I'm terribly sorry to break this news to you, but you're an adult now. You shouldn't be a dependent - not on your parents, family or your government.

 

[Rawne1980]

Snip.

Albeit off topic, but do YOU know whats it's like to be young and trying to get into proper employment without any form of inside contacts? I'm stuck living home because of it 3 years later. It's not as simple as going in, handing a resume and getting a career or a basic job handed on a platter.

Although this is Australia, probably much different there. (I hate people who assume finding work is easy, not to be snappy)

I know it's not easy at all to find work.

It's the same here in the UK bud. Not enough jobs and far too many people wanting the few that are available.

However I wasn't referring to the young lad as he already said he was working.

I was referring to the lads mum and step dad who, by the looks of things, have never worked. Not through illness or the like but because they don't want to.

But I do know what it's like to be young and looking for a job. I have kids one of which is 18 as I mentioned. I had to help her find employment.

 

[nlaq]

-

-

I feel like I should clarify a little more, not because I felt like you guys were calling me out on anything.

I realize that it isn't exclusive to the Chinese culture, but it baffles me that North Americans believe that it's ok. In my culture, not supporting your kids is like abandoning your duty as a parent. Yeah, sure, you have to teach your kid to be self sufficient, but is forcing them to pay to live really going to do that? What if they get put into financial crisis? What if they're also the kind of parents that believe that the child should pay for their education? Sure, they're learning to be self sufficient, but that could back fire big time on them and the kind could end up homeless. I guess it depends on the parents, but it still bothers me and feels like you're trying to set them up for failure.

Holy...

I just don't get you. At all. It is impossible for my mind to come to grips with such a... different perspective on life. Since my early teenage years - one thing has driven me. I wanted to be my own person. I wanted absolute and unhindered control over my life. I wanted people to respect my work and my existence, and I wanted to bring value to whatever endeavor that I ended up seeking out. Am I the most mature, responsible or dependable person? No, not by any means. In fact, sometimes I find that I'm being less dependable than the average McD's worker. But I am still driven by a need to... well... be needed. To have others rely on me, instead of the other way around.

To that end, being a dependent is insulting to me. Borrowing money, paying bills late, asking for advances... Those kinds of things happen from time to time - and it kills me. If I in *any* way depended on my parents to feed me or provide shelter - I literally would loose all of my dignity.

In Grade 11 I dropped out of High School because my job was paying me more than what an average college graduate in my field would make, even in a few years after. On my 18th birthday I moved out to my own place. A few pieces of equipment I own were gifts, and my car was paid for though inheritance - but other than that, the food I eat and the computers I use and every other item I own are 100% mine.

If it were any other way, I couldn't live with myself. I would feel like a failure.

And guess what? It's not that hard. I'm not some special person - I have many flaws, perhaps more flaws than the average person here. The difference is that I have chosen to be an adult. Even when I fail, sometimes miserably, it's what I work towards. People who think that they should get help from their parents well into their 20's are disgraceful.

If I lost my job, all of the other opportunities I've gotten presented with over the last few years fell though and I couldn't get another job before my savings dwindled - I would have places to go. My brother, sisters, parents and friends wouldn't automatically shun me. I know they would be there to help me though, and I know that they would be willing to do so because of my track record and attitude. It's not as if they have abandoned me - it's that I am, and always will be, my own person.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Well it's her house and if she's not a legal provider it's a perfectly reasonable request.

That said, I would fucking NEVER pay rent to live with my parents. I pay rent specifically not to live with my parents. I don't know. I have a shitty relationship with mine, so maybe your case is different, but I personally would say "ok mom, give me back the 700 bucks you owe me, and I'll use it to help pay my first and last somewhere else."

 

[Bobbity]

Fair enough if your parents actually need the money to keep supporting both themselves and you, although it always struck me as kind of a last resort.

Actually, it seems fair enough most of the time, at least in relatively low income families - that you should try and pitch in once you can, rather than continuing to enjoy a free ride. That said, while I can most definitely see the logic behind it - and, in an objective sense, tend to agree with it - it's always struck me a tad coldhearted...

Maybe going back to my first point, she should explain to you that she really does need the money, and that she would continue to support you if she could, but that it's simply not possible anymore, and ask you to pitch in. That's as opposed to demanding rent, which seems out of place in the context of a parent interacting with their own child.

 

[Rancid0ffspring]

SNIP

Do you think if you lived anywhere else you'd get a free ride?

Who's paying for your food? Electricity? Gas? Water? Internet? Council tax?

You're getting a taste of the real world.

Also, you may want to give some fair argument from your parents perspective. Why don't / can't they have a job? To me, you sound as though you have your head in the clouds.

I had to pay rent the day I left full time education at the age of 16. Even though I went to college part time, I had to pay most of my part time wages to have a warm place to sleep and eat.

I didn't moan at my parents about that.

EDIT: Also.... £100 sounds to me as though you are getting off lightly.

EDIT AGAIN: £700! What if she suddenly decided to call you out on the god knows how many thousands you have cost her throughout your life time?

 

[nlaq]

Snip.

Albeit off topic, but do YOU know whats it's like to be young and trying to get into proper employment without any form of inside contacts? I'm stuck living home because of it 3 years later. It's not as simple as going in, handing a resume and getting a career or a basic job handed on a platter.

Although this is Australia, probably much different there. (I hate people who assume finding work is easy, not to be snappy)

I'm not trying to be mean here, and I personally know people in your position whom I respect. So don't take my comment as an insult...

But I have a hard time with this sentiment. I am an obese, virtually uneducated, depressed, cigarette smoking, borderline alcoholic social retard with crippling anxiety. Yet I have never had a problem finding work. If you took my individual attributes and summed them, you would get the low end of the lowest societal stereotype. Though dedication and hard work, however, I now work fulltime from home and parttime elsewhere - with at least two other entities asking me every few weeks to come do work for them as well.

I just can't buy it that people, especially the people here who often have technical, marketable skills, can't find work. Hell, there are places in Syndy that I would love to have the opportunity to work towards getting hired at. I live in a freaking retirement town populated almost exclusively by old, rich, people, or kids who haven't left yet - so the "you must live in a big city" retort certainly doesn't apply.

 

[Lord Kloo]

To be honest I'd say either move out or um.. no thats it really.. If parents start charging their kids rent its a bit of a failure really.. should have taken the cash costs into account before yu get into the whole child care business.. for all your parents knew you (no offense meant) could have been disabled (mentally or physically) thus unable to work and they would have had to live some other way other than charging their kids for the cost of being alive..

 

[Particulate]

Tell her to take it out of the money she owes you, or find another place to live.
The second one should be lots more fun.

This

You're 18, that means you're an adult and should be treated as such.

 

[RobCoxxy]

£100 a month is nothing, I was paying £60 a week in student accomodation, then £20 for food (I LIKE TO EAT) then £10/20pm for electricity, £10-15pm for broadband and £10pm for my phone.

So £100pm is a steal for rent.

Wait... What? £20 is considered a lot for food? I spend at least £80, a week. That's me at my most frugal. I own my own flat, next to the Uni, so I suppose I have that expense covered. But, still. £20 a week? That's under £3 a day? I'm desperately confused here. That is Ramen' territory. £1 for each meal. How can people live like that?

I make a lot of meals myself. And that £20 is literally just dinner/tea whatever. I make a damn fine chilli, cheap as chips to make.

 

[k-ossuburb]

Welcome to the real world son, hell, £100 is a pittance compared to everything most other people have to pay. I say be glad with what you've got and stop bitching.

 

[Blow_Pop]

I'm 26 and living at my parents house while trying to find a new job. Oh and I live in California in the second worst county in the US to find a job(lucky me). My parents make me pay $100 a month rent. Which I'd be fine with if my 23 year old brother had to get a job and pay rent. They aren't charging me at the moment since no job=no money and all the money I get on unemployment goes towards gas for me to do job applications and interviews(since public transportation from county to county is god awful) and pay my mobile. What is left goes into savings in the bank. Oh and my car insurance I pay as well. I get why they feel the need to charge me rent however they've also been trying to kick me out since I was 15 and I've been off and on working since I was 11 and all they do to my brother is shelter him and coddle him and tell him that because of his disabilities(which don't prevent him from working mind you. He COULD hold a job if he weren't so lazy)he doesn't ever have to work or pay rent. I don't pay it, I get kicked out. Instead of paying right now, I'm basically my parent's errand *****. Whenever they need my car they get it unless I have an interview. And yes literally MY car. I paid for the damn thing out of MY money that I earned from my last job. I think parents should take in some considerations with their children. If the child has a job and is not in school, yes they should pay rent. If the child is in school and no job, no. If the child is in school and has a job....well it depends on how bad off the family is to begin with and if the child can feasibly pay rent while still paying for whatever they need(school supplies/paying off school etc...).

 

[tharglet]

Yeah, I paid "rent" when I was at home, but that was after uni, and I had a job, so had the option of moving out.
£100/month is a helluva lot cheaper than some people get... some of the people I was with had to pay for accommodation on their own, and anywhere you go it's gonna be more than that.

Yer, it's a bit of bummer the situation you're in, but as you're over 18, she can technically kick you out of the house if she so wants. And she's prolly got you more than £700 of stuff over the years ^^.

You could argue the point, but don't expect to win. Or maybe negotiate like slightly cheaper rent over a longer term until the debt is paid, so she still gets some money. If she really needs the money now, then the lower rate may be enough to tide her over. Sounds a bit of a crowded work-shy place.

Imo you're probably best living with the situation as it is, and then aiming to get employment soon as you can after uni, so you can afford to move out.

 

[archabaddon]

She did raise you for 18 years, diapered your ass when you were crapping yourself as a baby, fed you when you couldn't feed yourself, etc. I think £100 is a trivial fee to pay rent.

If she wasn't prepared to do that then she shouldn't have had a child.

He didn't decide one day that he should just be born and inconvenience her with nappies and crying.

Your logic is flawed, that is what is expected of every parent. Paying upkeep whilst you're studying shouldn't be expected of any child.

Because actually keeping and raising a child is pretty darn easy, amirite?

Of course, people expect parents to take care of their children; sadly, that's not always the case. Not every parent chooses to keep a child. Some have abortions, while others give children away for adoption. Some people shake their babies or hit their kids. Some kids are neglected, etc., etc.

Assumption is the mother of all f-ups, as they say. For example, my mother now takes care of two kids, coming into their teen years, that were so neglected as infants that they are now mentally and physically handicapped to the point of where they need constant nurse care in order to stay alive; they are wards of the state she adopted.

So if I were still young enough to be living with my mother but old enough to be going to college, I'd have no qualms giving her some rent. It's the least that I could do for helping me grow up up healthy and (relatively) defect-free, not suffering from Shaken Baby Syndrom or Fetal Alcohol Syndrom, not mentally scared from child abuse, etc.

Don't have an opinion unless it's informed

 

[HentMas]

I was raised by the principle of "Family First EVERY TIME,EVERY DAY"

If suddenly all my uncles and their wives got killed, my dad would take care of all their kids, even those that are 18, no questions, if they are studying and he needs to work to keep them at school he woud do it, he would of course ask for help of them if needed be, but that would be a last resort, work hard, take care of your family, thats the way we think around here...

I find it extremely weird when parents ask their kids for money... but thats just because i am 25 an still living with my parents because my dad asked me to stay until i could afford a HOME (full home, not, you know an apartment or something like that) his idea is that i will stay until he dies and inherit the house we live in... "it will belong to you in the end son" is what he is always telling me...

 

[Tallim]

It's not unreasonable to ask for the money. However if they intended to do this they should really have informed you when you applied to Uni so you had an option of what to do. As it stands now they kind of have you over a barrel.

In terms of the money you are owed you should bring it up but don't try to offset it against the rent.

If you are paying rent to family members you want at the very least a written confirmation about the amount and what it covers. You only have to look at the recent Extra Credits problem to see how an informal agreement can cause all sorts of problems very quickly. Same thing goes with family. They want to treat you as an adult and that is ok, but you should respond as an adult and know exactly where you stand in the situation.

 

[Darchrow]

Kinds of reminds me of one of my cousins, she got so many benefits from having 4 children she never worked an honest days work for about 18 years. Now she doesn't get benefits from the eldest son so she wants him to pay for rent which is okay if it wasn't for the fact shes been so damn lazy all her life. I know raising kids is hard but for her having kids and raising them was a profession, a profession that the government pays about double the average salary in the UK.

This is why being a teenage mom is actually beneficial because the benefits system just works in their favor. Kind of sickening.