People need to be in a relationship to be "complete"...?

[Doclector]

This is something that has often bothered me, but only recently has been re-brought to my attention by a friend on facebook. To be honest, he ain't really a friend, just someone I knew once, and don't really hate enough to delete. Anyway, recently, he keeps posting about not wanting to be alone, and wanting to get a girlfriend. Reminds me of myself not a million years ago.

Personal backstory

Spoiler

Anyway, when I got over my last and first relationship, I thought to myself, "Why? Why do I want a girlfriend when the torment, and investment of time, effort, emotions, mind-power, and let's be honest here, money, makes such a goal not worth it, to downright impossible?" I realised, Aside from the obvious "male urges", I had no real emotional "want" or "need" for a girlfriend. At the time, I was lonely as hell anyway, a friend would've had just as much value as anything else.

I'm far too fugly to get a girlfriend for a decent amount of time anyway, at least not someone whom my chances of meeting and then being worthy of are over a million to one. I realised, the only people telling me I needed this position in life as someone's second half were the rest of society, who I tend to live a thousand times differently to anyway.

Now, I have an active social life, and more than ever, I don't want to try and get a girlfriend. Like I said, the chances of success are so minute, and the cost of trying incalcuable to my self confidence and already strained free time. I have friends, I'm not lonely, why the hell do I need anything more?

This assumption in society seems to harm so many people. When I think of what it did to me once upon a time, thinking I was worthless and doomed to a joyless life, and what it appears to be doing to my aforementioned friend, well, I wish there was something I could do to shatter this misconception that you NEED a second half to be happy.

TLR; What do you think of this assumption?

PS: Could we please steer away from "You don't understand love!" comments. Maybe I don't. Maybe you don't. Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe you're wearing rose tinted heart glasses. The argument will continue forever and ever and none of us have any real proof to end such a pointless argument. It ain't the debate at hand, and it ain't going anywhere.

 

[DarkArk]

I don't think it's an assumption. I know I feel better when I have a girlfriend versus when I'm single.

Also, this isn't really about love per se. This is about the body's biological desire to reproduce, and when it thinks you aren't doing that properly it gives you shit for it.

 

[Dogstile]

Maybe because satisfying the primal urges to actually be with a mate is still important to society and is indeed important for the survival of a species, therefore great importance is still placed upon said finding of mate.

Just sayin' ;D

 

[GenericPCUser]

I never understood the requirement of a single polar being opposite yourself to feel complete. In fact, I've never understood why people say you can only have one intimate relationship either.

The way I see it, the best way for me to live is to just make friends. Don't cling to people, but don't leave them behind either, and if it feels right why not get intimate. Polyamorous relationships can be just as strong or just as fragile as two person relationships, so why not try to bring love and happiness to as many people as possible?

 

[Loop Stricken]

TLR; What do you think of this assumption?

I'm currently working under it.
So lonely. So unsocial.

 

[SyphonX]

Because misery loves company, that's why.

Join usss, it will be fuuunn. We promissse.

 

[Doclector]

I never understood the requirement of a single polar being opposite yourself to feel complete. In fact, I've never understood why people say you can only have one intimate relationship either.

The way I see it, the best way for me to live is to just make friends. Don't cling to people, but don't leave them behind either, and if it feels right why not get intimate. Polyamorous relationships can be just as strong or just as fragile as two person relationships, so why not try to bring love happiness to as many people as possible?

Heh, because that's far too un-complicated for normal humans? Seriously, I sometimes think normal people go a long way to make things far more complex than they need be.

 

[jacobythehedgehog]

I don't think it is a bad thing to be in a relationship at all. And an other thing my good sir... DONT CALL YOURSELF UGLY! I garentee there are girls out there who find you very good looking

 

[Neonbob]

I certainly felt better when I had my girlfriend. That may be because I have a hard time doing things for myself, what with all my self-loathing, so having her around gave me someone to do things for.
The emotional connection with her was nice too. Just being able to be there for someone was a pretty damn good feeling.
So I guess the assumption is pretty true for me.

 

[DeltaEdge]

When you are satisfied with how your life is, then you are complete. Or at least as close as possible. You just need to be happy and not feel like your missing anything in your life. If you feel that way, then you are complete. If you long for a life partner and feel lonely, then you aren't complete. If you are very happy and satisfied, then even if you don't have a girlfriend or not you are complete. In your case, it sound like you would be dragged down by a partner. If a partner merely drains you emotionally and physically, and serves and an impediment in your life, then you are far from complete. That's what I think at least.

 

[FamoFunk]

Me? Yes.

Everyone else? No. The majority of people do need a partner to fell "complete" and at peace sort of thing, make them who they are. But, a lot of people don't, many people are completely happy being on their own for the rest of their life and being with someone could completely ruin their happiness and who they are.

 

[Paladin Anderson]

To be perfectly blunt, you were in a bad relationship, because no one in a good relationship ever describes it with the word "torment", and now you're very bitter.

Been there. Done that. Gave up on dating for years until I stumbled across my now fiance. I have no grand wisdom. I just stumbled on her on a dating site. Our first date was TERRIBLE but we were bored and kept going out anyway. I honestly didn't think she was "my type" or frankly "up to my standards" But I fell head over heels in love with her. She's my fiance now and we've been together for three years. There is no one I'd rather be with.

I know, bitter people will claim "Well you've just settled. Love is BS!" We're in an open relationship. She likes girls and... so do I. But I have no interest in anyone else so I've never taken advantage of it in these past 3 years.

You're bitter. I respect that. Hell, I'm STILL bitter about most of my previous relationships. There could be any number of reasons why they don't work for you. Your standards are too high. The girls you're attracted to tend to be raging bitches or have a dozen other guys chasing them. You've got the "I'm a "nice guy" who secretly wants to date you please notice me" complex going on that women hate. You've just been unlucky. The list goes on.

But it's not the fault of relationships in general. The vast majority of relationships crash and burn immediately but those that find that "right person" will always tell you it was all worth it.

 

[Blackmagic1515]

I'll admit that at the moment society tends to look at you like a loser unless you have a partner. However, I think it's stupid. Yes being with someone who cares deeply for you is amazing and it does make you happy (depending on whether or not your with the right person). But it's not the most important thing in life.

My view maybe biased as I have just got out of a relationship I was very happy in and am trying to be optimistic about it. You don't really need a partner, if you're lonely that's what your friends and family are for. I guess I'll just go back to waiting until something pops up.

 

[Shakomaru]

Spoiler: spoilered because I dont think I know what Im talking about.

It always boils down to the fact that the one thing everyone is afraid of subconsciously is being alone. We need people to keep us sane. I have a friend who even though has at least twice as many friends as me thinks that there is no one who cares about her save for myself. I don't feel like I'm a help to her, but having someone to talk to is always nice.

 

[Loop Stricken]

I don't think it is a bad thing to be in a relationship at all. And an other thing my good sir... DONT CALL YOURSELF UGLY! I garentee there are girls out there who find you very good looking

Aye, but they're probably ugly.

Spoiler: Though, I'm not one to talk!

 

[Ham_authority95]

This is something that has often bothered me, but only recently has been re-brought to my attention by a friend on facebook. To be honest, he ain't really a friend, just someone I knew once, and don't really hate enough to delete. Anyway, recently, he keeps posting about not wanting to be alone, and wanting to get a girlfriend. Reminds me of myself not a million years ago.

Personal backstory

Spoiler

Anyway, when I got over my last and first relationship, I thought to myself, "Why? Why do I want a girlfriend when the torment, and investment of time, effort, emotions, mind-power, and let's be honest here, money, makes such a goal not worth it, to downright impossible?" I realised, Aside from the obvious "male urges", I had no real emotional "want" or "need" for a girlfriend. At the time, I was lonely as hell anyway, a friend would've had just as much value as anything else.

I'm far too fugly to get a girlfriend for a decent amount of time anyway, at least not someone whom my chances of meeting and then being worthy of are over a million to one. I realised, the only people telling me I needed this position in life as someone's second half were the rest of society, who I tend to live a thousand times differently to anyway.

Now, I have an active social life, and more than ever, I don't want to try and get a girlfriend. Like I said, the chances of success are so minute, and the cost of trying incalcuable to my self confidence and already strained free time. I have friends, I'm not lonely, why the hell do I need anything more?

This assumption in society seems to harm so many people. When I think of what it did to me once upon a time, thinking I was worthless and doomed to a joyless life, and what it appears to be doing to my aforementioned friend, well, I wish there was something I could do to shatter this misconception that you NEED a second half to be happy.

TLR; What do you think of this assumption?

PS: Could we please steer away from "You don't understand love!" comments. Maybe I don't. Maybe you don't. Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe you're wearing rose tinted heart glasses. The argument will continue forever and ever and none of us have any real proof to end such a pointless argument. It ain't the debate at hand, and it ain't going anywhere.

There certainly is something of a stigma towards people who choose not to be in a relationship(romantic ones), but what people need to understand is that relationships don't complete a person, even if you want them to.

A well-rounded individual will have a relationship compliment them and enhance their life, rather than depend on that relationship to make up for what that they lack. A relationship should be wonderful and happy between people, not "I will have nothing without it!"

 

[Valis88]

Hah...you think you have it bad? At least as a man no matter how you look you will eventually find someone to suit you.

Imagine being a woman in her mid 30's and alone. Men want young girls...and as we approach 45 we eventually become invisible. I'm 33 and thats the dating equivalent of being 75 years old.

You have time on your side, and being a man the older you get...well it wont matter because some women find older men attractive.

Believe me your time will come. You don't have to worry about the soul crushing prospect of a life alone like I do.

You men have it easy.

 

[Phlakes]

It's biologically and psychologically unavoidable. Companionship and intimacy are better than being alone.

 

[Necroid_Neko]

Op, I think your statement is valid. Although I have a boyfriend, I'm pretty certain I could go without if I found a close friend instead. Humans are communal creatures, and so long as we have some form of company, established 'relationships' don't have to be important (although they are to me personally)