I don't think it is a bad thing to be in a relationship at all. And an other thing my good sir... DONT CALL YOURSELF UGLY! I garentee there are girls out there who find you very good looking
If you closed your mouth I think you'd be somewhat cute...assuming that's you and not some random person you just kind of found. o3o
OP;
I think people only feel that way because of the whole 'Mate and spread our species >:O' thing. I think it's silly/stupid/pointless myself, granted it's probably because I'm cureently in an awful relationship with the clingiest person alive, and it's driving me up the wall. I don't know, maybe the whole 'OMG I need to be dating someone hurdurdur' thing makes sense when you're in a relationship with someone you can actually tolerate. /RambleRamble
I felt better when I was with my girlfriend than I did before, and better than I do now. I imagine that was because of her, rather than how I would have felt with any girl. I can't yet say for certain though. I'll get to work finding out soon enough.
I don't think anyone does really feel 'complete' when in a relationship that is to say any more complete than they would as a well-ajusted human being. They'll feel loved, wanted, needed, cared for, cherished, nurtured, encouranced et al, but those things that help you feel emotionally 'complete' can come from non-romantic sources, which is what I think the original post was getting at.
From personal experiance there was a hole in my life that I only knew was there after it was filled. As many people have said, it's human nature to not want to be alone. It's also human nature to find someone who is of a like mind and spirit.
I'd also say, that particular space in my life could have only been filled by my boyfriend. It's also the people as much as the emotion that helps you feel like an emotionally rounded person.
Because once you've tasted what it's like to be in a good relationship, being alone can feel decidedly unpleasant. Intimacy is nice. So is companionship. And, lest we forget, so is sex.
Because once you've tasted what it's like to be in a good relationship, being alone can feel decidedly unpleasant. Intimacy is nice. So is companionship. And, lest we forget, so is sex.
Yeah, this really. I've been in a great relationship for four years now and I think I'm much better off than if I was alone all the time left to all my own thoughts. It's nice when you're older when you have someone else to help tackle life's problems or at least give you support. Sure, friends are cool too, but you can't have sex with them, live with them and rely on them all the time. And if you do - you're pretty much in a relationship. It's nice to have a best friend who takes your faults and still loves you.
OP - I don't think you need to be in a relationship to feel complete, but for me there is something empty in the idea of remaining single for life. Barney from How I Met Your Mother is a good example. I find the character hilarious (One of very few things in the show otherwise), but I wouldn't want to live that life. If you're young don't worry about committing to something if you don't want to. But then, when you're young, I don't think you should also worry about spending all your resources - it's not a good basis for a relationship if you feel that way. I certainly don't feel like I'm wasting or spending all my time, effort or money on my fiancee. Mainly because I don't have to. I enjoy the time I spend with her and I don't have to spend all my money to keep her happy. I don't think it matters if you think you're fugly either - I know some hideous looking people and they're in great relationships. It's not all about money and looks - some women are genuinely kind and attracted to more.
It's a mind set people get into right after the end of a long relationship. They don't feel right be alone now, because they were used to having someone else there. He'll either find someone new, which probably won't make the healthiest relatiohship, or he'll get over it.
I think a large part of it stems from the human incapacity to just be happy. Once you convince yourself that life sucks (and there's never a shortage of evidence for that, if you go looking) you start looking for something to fix everything.
Well, if you're single, that's a pretty obvious scapegoat. So you find someone to be with, expecting them to make everything better. Then, when they don't, everything falls apart.
It's sort of like how people figure that everything would be better if they could use magic, or if they had more money, or if they didn't have to work at the horrible place they do now... it probably wouldn't be, or at least not as much as you think, but it's easier to trace all your problems to one source so you can hope things will get better.
So yes, relationships are, or at least can be, good. Great, even. But they're not the solution, and if you go into them looking for the "make everything better" button they can wind up being the next problem.
Not everyone needs to be in a romantic relationship (asexuals don't always need to, for example). But declaring you don't need to be in a relationship just because you can't put your one and only relationship (which sounds like it ended poorly) in perspective's not exactly the same thing as actually not needing to be in a romantic relationship. The probability that you have low self-esteem and got burned in your last relationship is relevant to this discussion because it's dangerous to preach this sort of mentality to vulnerable friends/etc when it obviously results from a lack of maturity. You can't say you don't benefit from romantic relationships until you've had at least a couple other ones which can put your one (obviously bad) experience in perspective. Nor does it make much sense to tell others about "misconceptions" regarding the need to be with someone, when you're only working off of one experience with one person, and when your combined experience is likely not even as varied and/or deep as that of those you mean to educate.
I think you do need deep human relationships, with anybody. Family members, friends or romantic partner. I've had the misfortune of being alone for a time and really hated it. I know some people (well, 1) who seems to be on his own all the time, but he does have strong family ties, and he is always on the internet and we (my friends and I) have no idea how deep his rabbit hole goes (not euphemistic).
Another friend was like yours, always wanting a girlfriend. Most guys who've never had one feel that way. Then some get disappointed, break up, and then carry on like the rest of us. I went the other way, and I'm still happy with who I'm with. It was a great piece of luck we're together. And I would say she makes me very very happy, like nothing else.
Though in a way I suppose it *is* a random person I found. But at least it's me and not, like some bloke I used to know, an ex-girlfriend whose pictures he used to pass himself off as a girl and lead men on.
Oh how I hate him.
I've always realized that I don't need a girlfriend and I'm completely happy with only myself. I wish more people realized this. It's not that I'm not asexual or anything, I do find women attractive but I don't see how a relationship is necessary to achieve happiness. You have to believe in your own happiness to realize it though, I guess, which is something I find a frighteningly small amount of people know how to do...
I don't really have any more to say about the subject, because I've already said all that needs to be said, I guess.
This is something that has often bothered me, but only recently has been re-brought to my attention by a friend on facebook. To be honest, he ain't really a friend, just someone I knew once, and don't really hate enough to delete. Anyway, recently, he keeps posting about not wanting to be alone, and wanting to get a girlfriend. Reminds me of myself not a million years ago.
Personal backstory
Anyway, when I got over my last and first relationship, I thought to myself, "Why? Why do I want a girlfriend when the torment, and investment of time, effort, emotions, mind-power, and let's be honest here, money, makes such a goal not worth it, to downright impossible?" I realised, Aside from the obvious "male urges", I had no real emotional "want" or "need" for a girlfriend. At the time, I was lonely as hell anyway, a friend would've had just as much value as anything else.
I'm far too fugly to get a girlfriend for a decent amount of time anyway, at least not someone whom my chances of meeting and then being worthy of are over a million to one. I realised, the only people telling me I needed this position in life as someone's second half were the rest of society, who I tend to live a thousand times differently to anyway.
Now, I have an active social life, and more than ever, I don't want to try and get a girlfriend. Like I said, the chances of success are so minute, and the cost of trying incalcuable to my self confidence and already strained free time. I have friends, I'm not lonely, why the hell do I need anything more?
This assumption in society seems to harm so many people. When I think of what it did to me once upon a time, thinking I was worthless and doomed to a joyless life, and what it appears to be doing to my aforementioned friend, well, I wish there was something I could do to shatter this misconception that you NEED a second half to be happy.
TLR; What do you think of this assumption?
PS: Could we please steer away from "You don't understand love!" comments. Maybe I don't. Maybe you don't. Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe you're wearing rose tinted heart glasses. The argument will continue forever and ever and none of us have any real proof to end such a pointless argument. It ain't the debate at hand, and it ain't going anywhere.
Nope. Or at least not for me, although I'm sure it could be necessary for some. I've already reasoned that to be in a relationship is really fairly pointless for someone such as myself (ie: unsympathetic, superficially judgmental and desperately insecure). I'd much rather spend my time trying to not f*ck up my life as much.
No. That idea is a crock of crap. I am perfectly content with myself and I love my life. I feel complete, studying what I like and doing what I like. I am perfectly happy and content. And guess what? I am not in, and have never been in, a relationship with a significant other. I have not plans to change that in the immediate future, and, quite frankly, I find it greatly insulting when people insinuate that I am somehow "less" for not wanting or having a romantic relationship.
i like the idea of a relationship but when im in one i feel very... muted. More like I lose part of myself rather than gain something. Maybe that's just my atrocious taste in men/women though.
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