Physical attraction: Some things I've noticed

[blackrave]

You know there's a difference between "fat" and "curvy in all the right places" (like the first picture OP posted, or Christina Hendricks for that matter).

Sadly lately it seems that very few people can tell difference

I personally have a nice scale for body size (I mostly use it for internal classification of women I meet)
"skeleton-starving-thin-fit-average-curvy-plump-obese-fat"
I've noticed that I prefer girls that range from fit to curvy
I have met cute girls that are thin or plump too though.

 

[Julius Terrell]

Well.....being 5'3", I've struggled so badly with women. When I found out that height is something that women absolutely love I felt so devastated.

I mean in other aspects men can get away with a lot when it comes to looks, but being short is something most women hate in a man. Otherwise I am a fairly attractive guy. I've kept myself up and I have an agreeable personality.

Where I work at women rarely look in my direction, or try to have a conversation with me. I have to chase them down just to talk to them.

What I can't understand is why it's acceptable for a guy to be overweight/obese and still be attractive. I always figured that people like that for the most part were slobs, and didn't care about their overall health.

It seems like the longer live, the less I understand women.

Well, having that attitude about it won't help things. If you're insecure about your height, they'll look even less.

You know how to understand women? Imagine them as men, but they prefer to talk a bit more. They're ultimately the same.

Also, there are always shorter women. Go to Asia if you need to find some. Or South America.

The reason a guy can be overweight is this; how does he carry it? Is he confident? Is he attractive even with the weight? Also, a man can lose weight. A man can't get tall.

But seriously, reading the above, the first thing you may want to fix is your attitude. A tall guy with a self-pitying attitude is just as unattractive. Don't let the media fool you; no one likes the miserable brooder.

All the confidence in the world isn't going to change if someone is physically attracted to you or not. I get so sick of hearing that bullshit!

If you knew you had a trait that 99% of women strongly desired, wouldn't you be more confident because of it? Big and Tall guys don't even need confidence because they represent the idea quality that is desired in a mate. On the other hand, I have a quality very,very few women desire in a mate. How the hell am I supposed to confident when I know that?

You see it all around us and in media. Big = good. Little = bad.

For women it's quite easy. There is a man for every body type out there assuming you're at least somewhat attractive. Hell, some men don't even care. They'll fuck a woman just because she has a vagina.

I'm not insecure, I just find it tough coping with the reality that is presented in front of me.

The worst thing you can tell me is just to get rich because only 1% of the population is rich, and I'll never be in that category. I'm more like the bottom 1%.

I'm just angry that I have to work 5x as hard as someone who is conventionally attractive even though I do few myself as quite attractive otherwise.

Sure there are people with far greater problems than I face, but I'm simply just trying to be like every other guy. I want to be desired by the opposite sex. As long as you full-fill the menial expectations of what a man supposed to look like then women will be a lot more lenient on the other areas.

 

[zen5887]

I've never seen a kinda flabby guy with bad psoriasis presented as attractive on TV, so it wouldn't be unfair of me to assume that people don't find kinda flabby guys with bad psoriasis attractive.

I had to do an image search of psoriasis to figure out what exactly that was, and holy shit, big mistake. I think it is very fair to assume that a bad case of that is generally not considered attractive.

Hey hey welcome to about 65% of my body.

Lucky I snagged a girlfriend before it got super bad.

 

[Zhukov]

If you knew you had a trait that 99% of women strongly desired, wouldn't you be more confident because of it? Big and Tall guys don't even need confidence because they represent the idea quality that is desired in a mate. On the other hand, I have a quality very,very few women desire in a mate. How the hell am I supposed to confident when I know that?

You see it all around us and in media. Big = good. Little = bad.

Yeah... no.

Take it from an average looking guy who stands at a comfortable six feet. Being tall is not some kind of automatic sex ticket.

A friendly, cheerful short guy can do just fine for himself. You thinking that your height is a terrible obstacle is itself a greater obstacle than your height will ever be.

 

[Thaluikhain]

You see where this is going? Basically, it seems like both genders think that the opposite genders preferences are much more narrow than they actually are. They tend to think that the opposite sex wants one specific thing, whereas in reality their definition of attractive is fairly broad. To put it succinctly, as long as you weren't extremely skinny, extremely fat, or immensely muscular, you were fine. It seems that no one gives as much of a shit about how you look as you do.

Um...could this not just be a failure of methodology? If you ask people what they personally like, are they going to give you an honest and correct answer? If they don't want to be seen as shallow, or think they aren't, they aren't going to give an answer they think might make them look shallow.

Like that Jimquisition episode where he says people say they want a "rich dark blend" of coffee, because that's the "right" answer, they just don't actually drink coffee like that.

 

[Pieturli]

You see where this is going? Basically, it seems like both genders think that the opposite genders preferences are much more narrow than they actually are. They tend to think that the opposite sex wants one specific thing, whereas in reality their definition of attractive is fairly broad. To put it succinctly, as long as you weren't extremely skinny, extremely fat, or immensely muscular, you were fine. It seems that no one gives as much of a shit about how you look as you do.

Um...could this not just be a failure of methodology? If you ask people what they personally like, are they going to give you an honest and correct answer? If they don't want to be seen as shallow, or think they aren't, they aren't going to give an answer they think might make them look shallow.

Like that Jimquisition episode where he says people say they want a "rich dark blend" of coffee, because that's the "right" answer, they just don't actually drink coffee like that.

This could of course be the case. As I said, I'm not trying to dress this up as some kind of significant scientific study, it is just an area of interest of mine. The reason why this seemed reasonable to me is because it mirrors my own views on physical attractiveness to the point where it is at least a reasonable possibility that others feel this way too.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

For a woman, it doesn?t matter what you do or what the media tells you to do; men will find you attractive, by virtue of you being women. Society near-universally finds femininity sexually desirable; it?s up to the woman to decide which man she wants. For a man, it?s pretty much luck of the draw.

I?ve tried being the confident guy, the cocky guy, the romantic guy, the dark and mysterious guy, and just being myself (which is an awkward black guy with OCD and nothing to say)?none of it?s worked. Girls just ignore me, or give me the minimum amount of attention they?d give you to any other stranger at a social gathering. Perhaps I just have a natural woman repellent, or maybe it?s just that, no matter what I do, they can smell that I?m just faking attempts at social aptitude and I?m just not meant for relationships.

 

[Buffoon1980]

It's so hard to be objective with something like this. When people say they don't mind if the opposite sex has a bit of fat, small breasts or some other factor generally considered somewhat undesirable, they're probably imagining the most attractive variant. I'm sure we all know slightly fat men or women with small breasts who are attractive, and others who most definitely are not.

Honestly, I would say that the face is the most important part of a person's body when it comes to attraction, and I mean physically, not just in terms of personality. Some elements of attraction may be culturally dictated, like the foot-binding and neck rings mentioned above, but the facial features we find attractive are, I suspect, more universal, across cultures and races. Sure, people may have personal preferences with regard to racial attributes, but the fundamental qualities that people find desirable don't change much. Symmetry is probably the most significant of these qualities.

I think attraction is more hard-wired than it is learned (although cultural learning is an important factor, no doubt). The fact is, millions of years of evolution have turned us into breeding machines. We may consciously want certain things, but at an instinctual level we just want the most genetically suitable mate for forming half of our offspring's DNA, and for raising/protecting them. The face, it seems to me, is the best indicator we have of another person's genetic quality, even if we only realise it subconsciously.

 

[Anja Bech]

Why is it that people seem to think that women have it easier when it comes to sex/romance/whatever just because we're in possession of a vagina, and that's somehow enough to make us fuck-able/date-able? Sorry, I'm not buying it. I do no have it easier than a man at the same level of attraction than me simply because I am a woman. When I get lucky I have to remind my sometimes rather ridiculously jealous male friends that it took me years and so many fucking failures to get to a point when I learned to properly flirt. Most of my single friends give up so easily because they see those that know how to pick up girls or guys and think they will never be able to compete. If it doesn't come natural to you, you have to fake it, or you have to deal with the fact that you suck at engaging with the other sex. Faking it 'til you make it is tough and fuck you for thinking that it's all so easy for someone like me, because you never saw all the failures I had, all the rejections and awkwardness, the endless stream of reasons to feel not good enough.

If girls aren't responding to your advances, change your fucking advances. Say something else, do something else, try and get a sense of how they are feeling and why they might not respond to you at all. If you can't pick up social clues, ask a friend or more for help with that. Work on it, because giving up and whining about how women have it easy because they are not piling on you is seriously one of the most unattractive things you could ever do. Ever. Feeling sorry for yourself is okay, blaming others (in this case women) for making you feel sorry for yourself is not. It makes you seem entitled, and that's one of the world's most powerful sex-repellant.

Back to the topic...

It makes sense that we all like different things, because we're all different people. I think that this almost singular view of what men and women want are almost purely media based. Sure, I think Hugh Jackman is sexy, but that doesn't mean his type is the only I find sexy.

It's like Hollywood presented us with brownies, telling us that they are super delicious and that's why everybody loves brownies, and they've been feeding us brownie so long that we forgot that most people love other things than brownies as well. Some people aren't even that big on brownies in the first place. Just because all we see is brownie it doesn't mean that people don't like all kinds of desserts.

Hmm.. that analogy might've gotten away from me. Shouldn't write when I'm craving brownies..

 

[Shock and Awe]

Everyone has their ideal in a partner with its specific attributes both physical and not. We all compromise though for one reason or another. Usually its because we understand that ideal is typically not attainable. My personal ideal is a fit brunette a bit shorter then I am that is in a technical field/tech major and loves hiking, shooting, and travel. Theres even more specifics after that, but its unimportant because thats an ideal, not something I expect in real life. Though of course if I find a girl like that interested in me.....

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

I'm quite cynical in this aspect, physical attraction seems to boil down to:

->compatible genetic match based on physique/your own genetic makeup(based off of parents)
->is match sufficiently healthy to carry a child/produce one, if so, proceed to attraction

For personality:

->Personality is complimentary to yours
->suggests a good pairing for child(survivability, etc) OR endorphin/serotonin intake is preferable in time spent with partner

That's about it really. Yeah, it's obvious, but it's what it always boils down to.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

For a woman, it doesn?t matter what you do or what the media tells you to do; men will find you attractive, by virtue of you being women. Society near-universally finds femininity sexually desirable; it?s up to the woman to decide which man she wants. For a man, it?s pretty much luck of the draw.

Really, I'm appalled by how many guys seem to think that a woman can easily find a sex partner just by virtue of being a woman. I find it very offensive and a sad excuse for men to think women "have it easier". ("That woman didn't choose me only because she can have all the men she wants! It's not because she doesn't like me!")

For the last time, NOT. TRUE.

As I said - what kind of people hit on a woman just because she has a vagina? Ask yourself this question, and then wonder if women really have it easier.

I could say that men have it easier because they can be sexually aggressive and openly show they like someone, while women have to be subtle because if they are sexually open they're bad. I could say men have it easier because they're not required by their gender to always look pretty - at work, with friends, everywhere.

But it wouldn't be true. Because it's not true one gender has it easier than the other, when it comes to finding a partner. So I don't want to hear more of this.

I thought we were talking about physical attraction, not finding a partner. What I meant was that it's much easier for a woman to have someone be attracted to them than for a man to have a woman be attracted to him. There have even been social experiments on this, such as from "whatever" on 'YouTube'. I wasn't claiming that the reason women don't want to date me is because she can just go for any other man. I know some women like me, some women don't like me, and some woman don't think anything of me. Of course, none of them are attracted to me, and that's all on me.

A personal example: a close female friend of mine is quite shy and has asked me on multiple occasions if I think she?s fat. I always say no. Despite her issues with her body image, she?s not at all unsuccessful with boys ? in the time I?ve known her, she?s had about three. I know it?s just an anecdote, but still. In general, men just don?t care if a woman?s shy or, in contrast, outgoing, as long as it?s not to the extreme (e.g. never leaving their house). Some guys actually like it when a woman?s shy, because they know they can exert control over them. But when a man?s shy? A number of women may find that ?cute?, but only a minority of women will find that attractive.

I mean, when girls are younger, they're always told stuff like "you're pretty", right? That's because society expects girls to be pretty by default, regardless of whom they eventually pick as a partner. But boys? They're not called handsome when they're little. You'd have to be at least a teenage boy for the word "handsome" to have any kind of believable effect.

I must reiterate: I?m not ?blaming? women when I state my opinion that I think they have it easier when it comes to being attractive. I?m not claiming flirting comes naturally to them either. I certainly don?t tell women I half-jokingly consider myself to possess a natural ?woman-repellent?. I?m purely talking about attractiveness here, not dating. Again, just my opinion, but I?m open to having my opinion changed with a compelling enough argument.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

For a woman, it doesn?t matter what you do or what the media tells you to do; men will find you attractive, by virtue of you being women. Society near-universally finds femininity sexually desirable; it?s up to the woman to decide which man she wants. For a man, it?s pretty much luck of the draw.

Really, I'm appalled by how many guys seem to think that a woman can easily find a sex partner just by virtue of being a woman. I find it very offensive and a sad excuse for men to think women "have it easier". ("That woman didn't choose me only because she can have all the men she wants! It's not because she doesn't like me!")

For the last time, NOT. TRUE.

As I said - what kind of people hit on a woman just because she has a vagina? Ask yourself this question, and then wonder if women really have it easier.

I could say that men have it easier because they can be sexually aggressive and openly show they like someone, while women have to be subtle because if they are sexually open they're bad. I could say men have it easier because they're not required by their gender to always look pretty - at work, with friends, everywhere.

But it wouldn't be true. Because it's not true one gender has it easier than the other, when it comes to finding a partner. So I don't want to hear more of this.

I thought we were talking about physical attraction, not finding a partner. What I meant was that it's much easier for a woman to have someone be attracted to them than for a man to have a woman be attracted to him. There have even been social experiments on this, such as from "whatever" on 'YouTube'. I wasn't claiming that the reason women don't want to date me is because she can just go for any other man. I know some women like me, some women don't like me, and some woman don't think anything of me. Of course, none of them are attracted to me, and that's all on me.

A personal example: a close female friend of mine is quite shy and has asked me on multiple occasions if I think she?s fat. I always say no. Despite her issues with her body image, she?s not at all unsuccessful with boys ? in the time I?ve known her, she?s had about three. I know it?s just an anecdote, but still. In general, men just don?t care if a woman?s shy or, in contrast, outgoing, as long as it?s not to the extreme (e.g. never leaving their house). Some guys actually like it when a woman?s shy, because they know they can exert control over them. But when a man?s shy? A number of women may find that ?cute?, but only a minority of women will find that attractive.

I mean, when girls are younger, they're always told stuff like "you're pretty", right? That's because society expects girls to be pretty by default, regardless of whom they eventually pick as a partner. But boys? They're not called handsome when they're little. You'd have to be at least a teenage boy for the word "handsome" to have any kind of believable effect.

I must reiterate: I?m not ?blaming? women when I state my opinion that I think they have it easier when it comes to being attractive. I?m not claiming flirting comes naturally to them either. I certainly don?t tell women I half-jokingly consider myself to possess a natural ?woman-repellent?. I?m purely talking about attractiveness here, not dating. Again, just my opinion, but I?m open to having my opinion changed with a compelling enough argument.

 

[Pieturli]

Why is it that people seem to think that women have it easier when it comes to sex/romance/whatever just because we're in possession of a vagina, and that's somehow enough to make us fuck-able/date-able? Sorry, I'm not buying it. I do no have it easier than a man at the same level of attraction than me simply because I am a woman. When I get lucky I have to remind my sometimes rather ridiculously jealous male friends that it took me years and so many fucking failures to get to a point when I learned to properly flirt. Most of my single friends give up so easily because they see those that know how to pick up girls or guys and think they will never be able to compete. If it doesn't come natural to you, you have to fake it, or you have to deal with the fact that you suck at engaging with the other sex. Faking it 'til you make it is tough and fuck you for thinking that it's all so easy for someone like me, because you never saw all the failures I had, all the rejections and awkwardness, the endless stream of reasons to feel not good enough.

If girls aren't responding to your advances, change your fucking advances. Say something else, do something else, try and get a sense of how they are feeling and why they might not respond to you at all. If you can't pick up social clues, ask a friend or more for help with that. Work on it, because giving up and whining about how women have it easy because they are not piling on you is seriously one of the most unattractive things you could ever do. Ever. Feeling sorry for yourself is okay, blaming others (in this case women) for making you feel sorry for yourself is not. It makes you seem entitled, and that's one of the world's most powerful sex-repellant.

Back to the topic...

It makes sense that we all like different things, because we're all different people. I think that this almost singular view of what men and women want are almost purely media based. Sure, I think Hugh Jackman is sexy, but that doesn't mean his type is the only I find sexy.

It's like Hollywood presented us with brownies, telling us that they are super delicious and that's why everybody loves brownies, and they've been feeding us brownie so long that we forgot that most people love other things than brownies as well. Some people aren't even that big on brownies in the first place. Just because all we see is brownie it doesn't mean that people don't like all kinds of desserts.

Hmm.. that analogy might've gotten away from me. Shouldn't write when I'm craving brownies..

I have 5 close female friends, one of them being my ex. I have talked to all of them about this very subject (i.e. the ease of finding sex) and in their experience, it seems to be extremely easy. They are all pretty in my eyes at least, although none of them are remarkably beautiful, with one possible exception. Three of them actually said that they have not once in their entire lives gone into a bar looking for sex and failed to find it. On the other hand, we all share a male friend from high school who is, and I'm not even going to sugar-coat this, absolutely magnificent to behold. The guy is like a greek god, astonishing phsyical condition, funny, intelligent and confident. Still, even he cannot pull every time he wants to.

Now, this is obviously not proof that women have it easier when it comes to finding sexual partners, and it does not devalue your experiences. These are just experiences of a handful of women I know.

There are a number of different explanations for this, only one of which being that maybe these girls are just ridiculously lucky. It could be that men have higher standards, and therefore tend to only hit on the most attractive ones, OR it could be that women have higher standards, and therefore guys have to be pretty goddamn special to warrant attention in a situation of "I want to find someone to bone silly". I don't know.

Again, I'm not saying that this is proof of anything, or that your experiences are invalid, this is just what the people in my immediate circle of friends have experienced.

 

[Lieju]

Well.....being 5'3", I've struggled so badly with women. When I found out that height is something that women absolutely love I felt so devastated.

I'm not sure if it's something women necessarily love as much as it's weird societal expectations.

I mean, my grandma pities very loudly tall women because they 'can't find a man'.
Not because they aren't attractive, but because a woman being taller is 'inappropriate'.

Weird, if you ask me. (and hopefully just a sign of an older generation)

I think it's related to the idea that the man needs to be the physically stronger one in the relationship or something.

For me, just how a woman looks is not the most important thing.
How smart they are is much more important, and how they carry themselves (I used to know a heavily obese woman who I found really attractive because of how she just commanded the whole room with her appearance and confidence) and how they smell.

I'm really oversentitive to certain kinds of smells, if a woman wears a lot of perfume it makes them unattractive to me, the same if they smoke.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I'm really oversentitive to certain kinds of smells, if a woman wears a lot of perfume it makes them unattractive to me, the same if they smoke.

Intriguing. I have virtually no sense of smell, I've never really thought about how it might affect my opinion of someone.

Anyway, on topic, I think the OP is probably right. Most people's preferences are not laser sighted on one specific body shape, skin tone, hair colour, etc. Most people do not expect their partner to look anywhere near what their 'ideal man' or 'ideal woman' would look like.