Physical attraction: Some things I've noticed

[SonOfVoorhees]

How you look dont matter, its who you are. Granted looks are the first things you notice, but if that person is an arsehole then that relationship wont work. As humans we are wired to look at the fittest man/woman as the best person because we want our kids to have the best genes. But as people we want our partner to share what we love. If your a fat person looking at muscled people - then lose weight and be something that the person you want sees as attractive. Some look for figure, some look for a bonding experience over a common thing....eg sport or movies.

 

[Julius Terrell]

Did everyone forget my posts? People don't exactly accept the idea of a male not being Tall. At 5'3" I'm the height of the average woman, and most women don't want anything to do with that. I think we men have it A LOT harder than women. If you fall way off the mark of classical beauty for a male then it's next to impossible to be attractive to women. Thus we are always the losers in the game, because women always have other choices.

Women will always see you as that nice friend, but they'll never treat you like the man you want to be treated like.

 

[L. Declis]

Did everyone forget my posts? People don't exactly accept the idea of a male not being Tall. At 5'3" I'm the height of the average woman, and most women don't want anything to do with that. I think we men have it A LOT harder than women. If you fall way off the mark of classical beauty for a male then it's next to impossible to be attractive to women. Thus we are always the losers in the game, because women always have other choices.

Women will always see you as that nice friend, but they'll never treat you like the man you want to be treated like.

No one has forgotten your posts, but when people try to give advice you have lashed out at them. You also seem to not listen to the opposing side, and simply repeat the same point over and over. This doesn't engender people to talk to you.

Your obsession with your height is very unattractive, and the bad feelings you give out just from this forum post, let alone actual interaction, are not something that I would be attracted to spend time with, and few women would.

There are many ways to go around the height problem.

You have the physical means to find the shorter girls, to go to other countries, to stand taller, so on.

You have the personal means to become interesting, smart, funny, creative, kind and so on.

If you have a good honest look, you will find people who are, frankly, extremely ugly who have girlfriends. You will find the shortest, fattest bloke will have a girlfriend if he is fun to hang out with.

When you display very sexist tones of "Well, women only want this or that", women are not avoiding you because of your height. They are avoiding your sexist attitude towards them, your massive victim complex and your lack of confidence based on a single issue.

As you don't present any reason to date you, as you constantly say how undate-able you are, why should anyone date you? They don't owe you a date, and you're not making it seem a thing to do for fun either.

Do you think that every man in Vietnam or Japan are dateless? They are very short, and yet they have girlfriends a-plenty. Maybe if every attempted relationship you've had has failed, you should consider the common factor may be you.

I have given another post, directly at you in an attempt to try and shake you from this self-aggression and misdirected anger which will only make the next few years suck as you try to figure all this out. But I won't give another one.

 

[L. Declis]

OT: Yeah I thought I had a type but then looked back over the last bunch of girls I slept with. I cannot find the common denominator in that bunch for the life of me, so perhaps attraction is broad as you say.

The common denominator is you, you sexy thing you.

 

[zhoominator]

I think we all have physical things that we find attractive, some from experiences and some that are likely just hard wired into us, but I think these things can be very varied and it isn't like I have some kind of internal checklist or anything, it's just that I naturally just gravitate to certain kinds of people. Although I guess I do have turn-offs. A really skinny ass (like almost non-existent like some proper skinny girls have) is a no-no, I like them a nice squeezable shape/size.

One strange thing me and a friend were discussing was a pattern in women I have been attracted to and while the "tall" and "pretty smile" were fairly generic things, the fact that a wildly disproportionate amount also happened to be from Germany was less so. I first thought that maybe it was just social circles or something and I went out to a dance somewhere totally outwith my normal social circles, danced with some very nice people but ended up gunning for a dance with a very lovely tall lass. And it wasn't until I asked her for a dance that I recognised her accent, three guesses to where she turned out to be from? I told my friend later and she thought it was hilarious. Like, it wasn't even a concious effort to find someone from there, it was just... weird.

On the other hand, I am currently attracted to someone I know who doesn't really fit any of my preferences. She's shorter than I'd normally like and has blues eyes and very light blonde hair where I tend to prefer darker eyes and hair colours, yet I somehow find her to be very cute. It's funny how it works sometimes, and awfully confusing.

and i think this may be related to the fact i'm a "full redhead" complete with "allergic to the sun" complexion, colourless eyebrows and a ridiculous propensity to suffer from things like heatstroke while on holiday...in Dundee...

To be fair, Dundee is considered the sunniest city in Scotland! How do you think I managed to obtain such a beautiful golden complexion?

 

[Julius Terrell]

Did everyone forget my posts? People don't exactly accept the idea of a male not being Tall. At 5'3" I'm the height of the average woman, and most women don't want anything to do with that. I think we men have it A LOT harder than women. If you fall way off the mark of classical beauty for a male then it's next to impossible to be attractive to women. Thus we are always the losers in the game, because women always have other choices.

Women will always see you as that nice friend, but they'll never treat you like the man you want to be treated like.

No one has forgotten your posts, but when people try to give advice you have lashed out at them. You also seem to not listen to the opposing side, and simply repeat the same point over and over. This doesn't engender people to talk to you.

Your obsession with your height is very unattractive, and the bad feelings you give out just from this forum post, let alone actual interaction, are not something that I would be attracted to spend time with, and few women would.

There are many ways to go around the height problem.

You have the physical means to find the shorter girls, to go to other countries, to stand taller, so on.

You have the personal means to become interesting, smart, funny, creative, kind and so on.

If you have a good honest look, you will find people who are, frankly, extremely ugly who have girlfriends. You will find the shortest, fattest bloke will have a girlfriend if he is fun to hang out with.

When you display very sexist tones of "Well, women only want this or that", women are not avoiding you because of your height. They are avoiding your sexist attitude towards them, your massive victim complex and your lack of confidence based on a single issue.

As you don't present any reason to date you, as you constantly say how undate-able you are, why should anyone date you? They don't owe you a date, and you're not making it seem a thing to do for fun either.

Do you think that every man in Vietnam or Japan are dateless? They are very short, and yet they have girlfriends a-plenty. Maybe if every attempted relationship you've had has failed, you should consider the common factor may be you.

I have given another post, directly at you in an attempt to try and shake you from this self-aggression and misdirected anger which will only make the next few years suck as you try to figure all this out. But I won't give another one.

You don't know anything me. Just these words that I type on this forum. If you knew me in IRL you would never have guessed that I would be this angry about the issue. This the only way I can vent my frustrations without being seen as a whiner or complainer. You make it seem like there is some magic formula to getting women when there isn't one.

I'm going to repeat what I said earlier. I'm not insecure and I have loads of confidence. Confidence isn't some magic pill that will instantly make you datable. I'm just trying to deal with the fact that I'm the opposite of what women find attractive. Women say it to my face often enough. No woman brags about short guys. People settle for us IMO.

It's the truth! Men have committed suicide over this issue and people like you would rather just sweep it under the rug as if I've got no reason to complain when there. Tall and average guys will never know what it's like to walk in my shoes. All the advice and pep talks don't mean shit, because most of you will NEVER go through what I've had to go through. It's not about being the claiming the victim card. This is natural selection at work. Even women don't know why they have this preference.

Why don't you think about my feelings before you just tell me to suck it up and deal with it. Is this how we treat all men's problems? Just sucking it up and dealing with it isn't advice.

 

[DarkRawen]

I would not say that woman have it easy or anything, but i do think they have it easier. This is for multitude of reasons. Firstly, the attractive body parts of female are genetically determined meanwhile males have to work for them (were talking looks here, not attitudes).

It goes both ways, though. If a woman is born with the wrong body shape -hourglass, pear, so on- or build - for instance, a heavy build with wider shoulders and larger muscles- they can't do much about it. What they can do would take hard work to do. Not that guys can even work for everything either, though, so I'd say that it depends on the individual. Some are lucky, some aren't, that's it.



OT: For me, a little more is better than too little. Be better to hug someone soft than someone you'd be afraid to break, after all. Not obese, obviously, but if there's some stomach or some round edges, so what? Height isn't that much of an issue either, as long as they're not very tall (like, 190 would be a little too much) or extremely short.

That said, the face and personality is honestly more important to me, as long as someone -man or woman- has a pretty face and an interesting personality, then I could probably be in a relationship with them.

...And as long as I care about them, obviously, that too.

>_>

<_<

Emotions also are important, right?

 

[zhoominator]

I'm going to repeat what I said earlier. I'm not insecure and I have loads of confidence.

I don't doubt that you possess confidence in some areas, but that doesn't say much without context. I'm confident at work, in my hobbies and socialising in certain situations that I feel comfortable in. Stick me in a nightclub or ask me to climb a wind turbine, I suddenly become less so.

So in what sense are you confident? Because...

Confidence isn't some magic pill that will instantly make you datable. I'm just trying to deal with the fact that I'm the opposite of what women find attractive. Women say it to my face often enough. No woman brags about short guys. People settle for us IMO.

...You clearly aren't confident that you can get dates. You clearly aren't confident that women are still capable of being attracted to you despite your height. You clearly aren't confident that you will find a partner who isn't just settling for you. You simply are not confident in the sense that everybody has been trying to tell you that you aren't.

It's the truth! Men have committed suicide over this issue and people like you would rather just sweep it under the rug as if I've got no reason to complain when there. Tall and average guys will never know what it's like to walk in my shoes. All the advice and pep talks don't mean shit, because most of you will NEVER go through what I've had to go through.

And you are trying to tell us that you aren't insecure about your height? Of course it's annoying when you have an unattractive attribute, but somebody who is secure in themselves can simply tell themselves that they are still perfectly datable and loveable regardless and if some are too unwilling to look past that one facet of unattractiveness then that's their loss.

You clearly are not secure in your own height because you are fixated on this being the sole reason women don't date you, despite that being literally only ONE facet of attractiveness.

It isn't as if I've not had hang-ups or worries about attractiveness. There was a time when I was so worried that my condition (autism and dyspraxia for the record) would stop me from ever getting dates: my difficulties in communicating; my anxiousness in loud and/or crowded areas of strangers; the fact that I've needed support in some of the most basic areas of my life such as cooking; my having to work hard at learning many things in life that simply come naturally to almost everyone else. All of these things could be seen as obstacles when it comes to flirting with women and forming romantic relationships. But that's all these things are, obstacles. I am happy with who I am now, I love who I am and always strive to be the best me that I can be. So whenever I hear someone like you moaning about how women "just won't find me attractive" and "no-one else can truly understand", I frankly want to tell then to grow up.

It's not about being the claiming the victim card. This is natural selection at work. Even women don't know why they have this preference.

See, this I think is what gets on many people's nerves about what you are saying. Of all the facets of attractiveness, the one you've fixated on conveniently happens to be one you have no control over. This is a very common method that allows you to not have to look at the things you CAN change and work on them because you can rationalise that it won't matter because women still won't be attracted to you. Again, I could easily blame my condition for all of the rejections that I've had in my life but I see no worth in that, Id rather look at everything else and improve myself.

Why don't you think about my feelings before you just tell me to suck it up and deal with it. Is this how we treat all men's problems? Just sucking it up and dealing with it isn't advice.

That isn't what we're saying. I'm telling you to get over it, which actually isn't the same thing. I'm telling you that it is pointless to dwell on the one thing you can't change when there are plenty facets of attractiveness that you DO have control over, and they aren't just the physical ones (which think several people have said). And I have no intention if giving you a pep talk, I reckon a kick up the arse would be more useful.

 

[Julius Terrell]

I don't doubt that you possess confidence in some areas, but that doesn't say much without context. I'm confident at work, in my hobbies and socialising in certain situations that I feel comfortable in. Stick me in a nightclub or ask me to climb a wind turbine, I suddenly become less so.

So in what sense are you confident? Because...

This right here. I'm confident when I can show people what is unique and special about me(hobbies,talents ect..ect) But I'm far less confident when it comes to women. I just feel so damn powerless. I'm venting because I'm frustrated. Being able to tell someone allows me to feel better about the situation, because that is the true path dealing with one's issues.

and as usual when this subject comes up complaining = whining in most people's book.

This is an area of attractiveness that men have no control over, but most women bemoan us if we don't possess it.

I want to so badly just to say "fuck it, I don't care!", but deep down I do care. It's tough seeing the world brag and celebrate tall and big men. I mean it's an actual status symbol to be tall. I've overcome so much to get to this point, and yet I just want to be accepted for who I am on the inside as well as the outside. I don't walk around going woe is me, but I suffer on the inside. It's me against that little voice that reiterates everything I see.

I keep my head up and I continue to be me. That's all I can do.

 

[Phasmal]

I don't doubt that you possess confidence in some areas, but that doesn't say much without context. I'm confident at work, in my hobbies and socialising in certain situations that I feel comfortable in. Stick me in a nightclub or ask me to climb a wind turbine, I suddenly become less so.

So in what sense are you confident? Because...

This right here. I'm confident when I can show people what is unique and special about me(hobbies,talents ect..ect) But I'm far less confident when it comes to women. I just feel so damn powerless. I'm venting because I'm frustrated. Being able to tell someone allows me to feel better about the situation, because that is the true path dealing with one's issues.

and as usual when this subject comes up complaining = whining in most people's book.

This is an area of attractiveness that men have no control over, but most women bemoan us if we don't possess it.

I want to so badly just to say "fuck it, I don't care!", but deep down I do care. It's tough seeing the world brag and celebrate tall and big men. I mean it's an actual status symbol to be tall. I've overcome so much to get to this point, and yet I just want to be accepted for who I am on the inside as well as the outside. I don't walk around going woe is me, but I suffer on the inside. It's me against that little voice that reiterates everything I see.

I keep my head up and I continue to be me. That's all I can do.

Maybe you could stop insulting women by stereotyping the shit out of us, that's something you could do.

I understand the need to vent, dude, but there are ladies on here who don't particularly agree with or enjoy your sweeping statements about us.

Obviously you view being short as a problem for you, but you must know there are short guys out there with girlfriends, and they aren't all Tom Cruise.

I don't know you in person, but I've known people who struggle with being bitter and hurt about an aspect, and it usually isn't as hidden as they think it is.

I'd advise you to just stop making statements about women as if we're all the same, and try and stop laser-focusing on height like it's the be-all and end-all of dating.
People here have already tried to give you good advice, but I get it if you don't wanna hear it. Hope things work out for you.

 

[giles]

Now, I'm slightly interested in this subtopic so allow me to go on a little tangent here...

A guy twice your age, that you've never ever seen before, that comes up while you're sitting on an empty train to ask a random information - and immediately after that, he grabs your chin and raises your face.

A very big, very fat, very drunk guy stumbling to talk to you and making comments on how cute you are.

Seeing as the original conversation was

The big difference being that women do not aggressively try to flirt with you, making you scared of potential rape.

What [...] sets of possible rapist alarm bells for you???

your rapist alarm is apparently triggered by people who you don't find attractive, but can perceive as intimidating in some way, be it through superior experience or physique. To ascribe willingness to commit heinous crimes to them based on that... well, it's kinda offensive. Even if your head automatically makes the jump from feeling slight discomfort during conversation to attributing villainous motives, you should at least acknowledge that as crazy and not talk about it on a public forum...?
I mean your thoughts are yours alone, but I find it interesting that it's socially acceptable to just openly admit that you think of people as potential rapists with a straight face. I guess that's postmodern feminism at work?

 

[DarkRawen]

I don't doubt that you possess confidence in some areas, but that doesn't say much without context. I'm confident at work, in my hobbies and socialising in certain situations that I feel comfortable in. Stick me in a nightclub or ask me to climb a wind turbine, I suddenly become less so.

So in what sense are you confident? Because...

This right here. I'm confident when I can show people what is unique and special about me(hobbies,talents ect..ect) But I'm far less confident when it comes to women. I just feel so damn powerless. I'm venting because I'm frustrated. Being able to tell someone allows me to feel better about the situation, because that is the true path dealing with one's issues.

and as usual when this subject comes up complaining = whining in most people's book.

This is an area of attractiveness that men have no control over, but most women bemoan us if we don't possess it.

I want to so badly just to say "fuck it, I don't care!", but deep down I do care. It's tough seeing the world brag and celebrate tall and big men. I mean it's an actual status symbol to be tall. I've overcome so much to get to this point, and yet I just want to be accepted for who I am on the inside as well as the outside. I don't walk around going woe is me, but I suffer on the inside. It's me against that little voice that reiterates everything I see.

I keep my head up and I continue to be me. That's all I can do.

In order to make a post that's something else than; "Confidence is the key" and such, here's another thing that might be a good idea. My mother told me about when she was recently divorced, and started going to clubs again. Being a fairly pretty woman and about 27, she realized that, despite being just as pretty as her friends -if not more- and having a good confidence, guys simply wasn't interested in her. They didn't approach her, and they didn't try to talk to her. She's a social woman, can talk to just about anyone, but that really made her feel down.

However, one day one of her friends told her that the issue was that she was sending out the wrong kind of signals, the "not interested" kind. And, while one'd think that you do that by acting cold, the reason she sent out that kind of signals was simply that her body language didn't respond to the body language of the interested guys, they could send her looks or signals, trying to get her attention, but she didn't realize it because she wasn't used to look for it, having been in the same relationship since she was 15. Similarly, she didn't send those kind signals because she didn't consider it.

My point is, you might not be used to looking for signs of interest in women because you feel like they won't be interested either way. It's not because you lack confidence in yourself, but because you haven't really considered it. I obviously wouldn't know for sure, but do you take the time to make eye-contact, smile, show interest in individual women without speaking to them? Do you look for their interest? Or do you assume it won't be there? Because I think there's a lot of people who don't do that, heck, she told me about it because I don't do that kinda thing very often.

Please don't get upset if you don't feel like this is an answer, I'm merely suggesting something that might be helpful, and I'm not assuming anything. This really isn't a confidence thing either, it's more about paying attention to a different kind of body language.

 

[giles]

Wait, let me understand. You're telling me I should find it totally acceptable to receive dick pics from a married man whose wife I know, and even more, I should find it normal for a person I've never seen till two minutes before to lean close to me and grab my chin? And you're telling me I shouldn't feel the slightest worry when a huge mountain of a unknown man, entirely drunk and not thinking straight, is awkwardly trying to hit on me?
I'm sorry, really, next time a guy I've never seen before grabs my chin and tries to kiss me, I should probably let him do it, isn't it. And I should approve of married people sending me dick pics.

Here we have a textbook example of a failure to communicate. Notice, for example, I omitted the part about that dick pic and I never asked you to feel anything. Please respond to what I actually said and we can have a conversation.

 

[Strazdas]

Whether you want to be a "man about town" so to speak, or settle down with one great girl, it'll happen if you try. Even I found someone, and I was virgin until I was 25.

I think this may be a wrong topic to ask, but what did he do to "Try"? Because i for one cant imagine anything that i enjoy doing that also has woman in it in a way that its possible to find girlfriend other than being extremely lucky to the point of finding a girfriend on this forum or something.

Most of the common suggestion like parties, clubs, ect, just dont appeal to me so i dont even know where to start when it comes to "Trying". and going around asking random strangers out is creepy as fuck.