I feel that whoever asked the person out should pay for the first date. If you asked her out, you pay. Only because I feel that if you asked someone out and had them pay, you're a dick. In that situation that makes it so you said please pay for me for this and that is just rude.
Poll: Am I disgusting for not paying for the first date?
- Thread starter Holy_Handgrenade
- Start date
Solution: go somewhere that won't charge too much. Or have a picnic instead of eating out. Or something. Get creative, instead of obsessing over this!
Oh and I personally think either split, or whoever invited pays. And never make plans you're not willing to invest your resources in. So if you want to walk away from your date for free, better plan for some activities that are free.
Oh and I personally think either split, or whoever invited pays. And never make plans you're not willing to invest your resources in. So if you want to walk away from your date for free, better plan for some activities that are free.
Errr, I don't believe you need to no. I don't find it as annoying as a guy racing around the car just to open my door though. They just want to leave a good impression, the poor things.
I am for equality and was raised that way to a point, although I am also a cheap fuck who will gladly accept someone else paying for my dinner. That being said, the few dates I've actually gone on, which isn't many, if they offer to buy dinner, I'll offer to buy drinks afterwards if the date goes well. I've dated both sexes though so I guess it gets a little fuzzy on who pays for what sometimes.
Split half and half kids.
I am for equality and was raised that way to a point, although I am also a cheap fuck who will gladly accept someone else paying for my dinner. That being said, the few dates I've actually gone on, which isn't many, if they offer to buy dinner, I'll offer to buy drinks afterwards if the date goes well. I've dated both sexes though so I guess it gets a little fuzzy on who pays for what sometimes.
Split half and half kids.
And that also makes sense to me.Vegosiux said:
Pay the check? PAY THE CHECK? What are you, a saint??? no no no, when i date, we eat, and i grab the woman by her hand and dash out the restaurant with all the speed of an anti-Semitist in Israel! checks be damned!
OT: in all seriousness, i do always pay the check. the way i see it, and many dont and wont agree, i am the one taking her on a date. I am the one interested in her. Therefore, it is a courtesy passed down to me (tradition is meant to be broken though) that i should pay for the meal. Besides, it makes me look like a gentleman. Although i do have to admit, i was rather sour when i discovered my medical bills meant i couldnt take her out for a while! the woman i pursued made me so nervous when i tried to ask her out that i developed a migraine issue. Thankfully, when she said yes, and i was given a celebretory head bonk by my friends, my migraines were replaced with a concussion.
OT: in all seriousness, i do always pay the check. the way i see it, and many dont and wont agree, i am the one taking her on a date. I am the one interested in her. Therefore, it is a courtesy passed down to me (tradition is meant to be broken though) that i should pay for the meal. Besides, it makes me look like a gentleman. Although i do have to admit, i was rather sour when i discovered my medical bills meant i couldnt take her out for a while! the woman i pursued made me so nervous when i tried to ask her out that i developed a migraine issue. Thankfully, when she said yes, and i was given a celebretory head bonk by my friends, my migraines were replaced with a concussion.
In my experience, if you pay for the first date, and it's at a fancy restaurant or something, then it feels (to the woman) like she's being bribed...as though she owes you something afterward.
That said, I don't think the first date should ever be something super expensive. Instead of a fancy schmancy restaurant, try a coffee joint. That way you can brush it off as "bah, it's more convenient to just put it all on my card is all". That way, it's totally guilt free for her, and you seem more like just a cool dude that's more interested in making life easy than impressing her.
Several small dates like that (pay for some, but let her pay her own way on others)tell her that you're willing to pay sometimes, but not ALL the time if you know what I mean.
Also, if she offers to pay sometimes, she's willing to reciprocate the kindness and she might REALLY be a keeper who's not just interested in your wallet
!
That said, I don't think the first date should ever be something super expensive. Instead of a fancy schmancy restaurant, try a coffee joint. That way you can brush it off as "bah, it's more convenient to just put it all on my card is all". That way, it's totally guilt free for her, and you seem more like just a cool dude that's more interested in making life easy than impressing her.
Several small dates like that (pay for some, but let her pay her own way on others)tell her that you're willing to pay sometimes, but not ALL the time if you know what I mean.
Also, if she offers to pay sometimes, she's willing to reciprocate the kindness and she might REALLY be a keeper who's not just interested in your wallet
!
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I'd use this first date scenario as a test for the girl. I'd pay for my stuff, and she'd pay for hers. That way, I know she's not looking for freebies or just being a plain old gold digger if I get to see her again. Also, it will come off as kind and spontaneous if I pay for the second date.
And if I don't see her again, then nothing lost: I bought myself a nice dinner and had a chat with someone.
And if I don't see her again, then nothing lost: I bought myself a nice dinner and had a chat with someone.
It never really crossed my mind to not pick up the check, dinners aren't all that pricey and I've never been poor.
People who can't afford a meal for two strike me as needing to focus on other priorities than dating. I liked establishing that I was well off enough to not worry about a few drinks and meals on the weekend, it boosted my appeal (seemingly). I should probably add that I never felt like I was owed sex or anything like that for paying either, it's just never seemed that expensive.
Some girls I dated offered to split stuff and that was fine if they wanted but never struck me as something to request or prioritize.
People who can't afford a meal for two strike me as needing to focus on other priorities than dating. I liked establishing that I was well off enough to not worry about a few drinks and meals on the weekend, it boosted my appeal (seemingly). I should probably add that I never felt like I was owed sex or anything like that for paying either, it's just never seemed that expensive.
Some girls I dated offered to split stuff and that was fine if they wanted but never struck me as something to request or prioritize.
I usually offer to pay if I go out with someone. Even if it's just some male friend I'm hanging out with. Usually the other person (female or otherwise) tries to pay for it all or their half and I just say "you can get the next one", setting up the stage to go out again. But yeah, I dunno, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Doesn't really matter either way. If the main thing coming away from a date was who payed, doubt it was much fun to begin with.
Basically this.Queen Michael said:
There are several of my female friends who I'll pay for when it's just the two of us, whether we're dating or not. Not because I expect to get anything in return or anything, but because I don't spend my money on much, and I figure if I'm gonna spend it on something it might as well be the people who mean the most to me.
On a first date I'll pay too, based on the premise that if I've decided to date someone then I've already reached the conclusion that she could potentially be someone important to me.
(That's doubly true because I can't help but only date girls who I already know mean a lot to me.)
hahahaha holy shit that is great. thanks for the laugh.Dirty Hipsters said:Reminds me of something I read
Seriously though, I don't think I've ever not paid on a first date. It's not that I insist on paying, it's just that it's really awkward when the check comes and no one reaches for it, and then it's even more awkward to ask the other person "You got this or...?" So it's not like I feel some sort of obligation I just don't like awkward situations. It's actually the same reason I always answered the professors' questions when I was in college, because if I didn't there was a long awkward silence that annoyed me since no one else wanted to speak.
OT: I don't think anyone should have to pay for anyone but themselves, equality and all that stuffs.
HOWEVER. If you ask a girl out on a date, and take her somewhere that you typically like or something, I would probably pay (offer to pay at least) for her meal/drinks, as I'm the one who initiated everything and (possibly) picked the place. beyond that though shit should probably be equal.
this is depending also on if two people financially make roughly in the same ballpark amount. if someone is ballistically rich while the other is not, I would hope the rich person pays for nights out.
I disagree only slightly with this. First off, when first dating, bill-splitting is VERY cool if both sides are good with it.Bara_no_Hime said:
I disagree that paying for the first date is sexist. Let me explain.
I ask someone out. They are doing me a favor by coming. I'm EXPECTED at that point to cover expenses for that, as I'm organizing the event. Same with inviting people to my house, I'm expected to buy some beer, get the games together, whatever. It doesn't matter that I'm asking out a girl, or going out with the guys. If I'm arranging, and I'm not setting it up as 'dutch' or split bills, I'm paying. Someone else organizes something, I expect that they're paying.
As an aside, my wife paid for our first date. She did, after all, ask me out.
As someone that doesn't really date the opposite sex, I prefer systems that work regardless of the sex/gender of the people going on the date. So generally I have a preference for going dutch on the first date. I also have friends who prefer to have whoever did the inviting or picked the location pay, and some others that just alternate who pays for every date (they still usually go dutch for the first, since they haven't figured out if there's going to be a second yet). For long-term relationships, I'd say people should probably pay according to their income.
You probably should, to start off with. It's not really inherently sexist in my opinion because guys generally have to be the ones putting themselves forward and organising things. It's like you're the demand and she's the supply. Naturally it goes somewhat the other way, but it leans that way. That may be a bit sexist.
After a while though you definitely shouldn't be expected to pay for everything.
After a while though you definitely shouldn't be expected to pay for everything.
If it were me (as a female), no, I'd rather split the bill, or at least partially contribute, if the date is insistent then I'd be okay with it, but i'm happy to pay for my share. I don't think it's fair to foist all the cost onto one person (or hold the expectation of it) for the first date or few dates as most people don't earn huge amounts of money.
Okay, first of: The connection between women being paid less and our societies bizarre norms for romance was supposed to be a joke.DevilWithaHalo said:
With that out of the way: Which point do you think is false? That women are being paid less or that romance usually revolves around the females?
I don't have a problem with it because most girls are happy to go dutch as is my current girlfriend and even if I was single relationships aren't t hat slim that I need to grab one by buying one. Plus the type of girl who is swayed by you paying for her shouldn't really be the sort of girl you want to be in a relationshipLegendaryVKickr said:
For anyone who is wondering if she flat out refuses to go dutch, sure I'll pay out of politeness but I don't really want someone who clings to that sort of social convention so I wouldn't want to see her again anyway.