Poll: Am I disgusting for not paying for the first date?

[Olas]

It is simple:

You should offer to pay. If she declines your offer, that's okay. But you should be mentally and financially prepared to pay.

Yes, romance is very female-centric in regards to the money spending in our society (Weddings, Proposals, Vallentine's Day). Take it as balance for the fact that women are being paid less for the same jobs.

Or how about for the fact that they're forced to haul around a baby for 9 laborious months. I don't envy that.

Well

A. Women are not paid less for the same job. This is a complete fabrication that has been dispelled many times but refuses to die (maybe because it's convenient for the majority of the electorate?).
B. Women are not forced to haul around anything for 9 months. Women aren't forced to do anything in society, let's be honest.

And in a hypothetical fantasy world where men are paid more for doing the same work: would it not then be justifiable for men to be paid more, if we keep us this idea of men having to often pay more for the same things in life?

I don't think anyone has completely proven or disproven whether all women are paid less than men for the exact same work because of the myriad of factors you need to take into account. That being said, I've seen many stats showing women are paid less but none showing women paid more, so even taking scientific inaccuracy into account the bias still seems against women.

Also, women aren't forced to have offspring, but if they do wish to have their own spawn they need to incubate it in their body for a while first, meanwhile men only need to have sex once for the same thing.

Also, periods. . . . . . . . . . . .

We can debate the wage disparity of men and women when it comes to doing the same profession but I still don't think that justify the whole men paying or dates thing unless everyone goes to expensive places for dates that requires a tux and a monacle.

Also using pregnancy and periods as a reason is just as silly and nuts more so than the "cost" for gals to go on a date justification if you want to call it that.

Or maybe your being sarcastic?

Well I wasn't being sarcastic for what it's worth. Somewhat unserious no doubt, but not sarcastic.

Though I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say, so men should only pay if the restaurant is expensive? Wut? Why would that matter?

I'm not trying to make things perfectly balance out dollar for dollar. I'm just saying if women are already getting the short end of the genetic stick in some regards perhaps having men pay for meals isn't the craziest thing ever.

 

[Bellvedere]

When it comes to restaurants - I'm on the "whoever did the asking out pays" side. At least on the first date, subsequently I think it's reasonable to take it in turns.

Splits bills are really awkward. Most places I know won't split the bill. That means you have to take cash, calculate what you each owe and then work out how to split the change, which, you know, just feels so stingy. Especially worse if one person sucks at math, then you might have to correct them on how they calculated something. Alternatively you can split the bill down the middle, but that could also be awkward if someone's meal/drinks was much more expensive than the other's. It's really a situation that would be much better avoided, especially when you're really just starting a relationship. When you're very comfortable with someone, then it doesn't feel that weird, but by time you're in a steady relationship, I just don't see why you wouldn't take it in turns.

For other activities, where it's normal that people just pay for themselves (or cinema where one person can grab tickets, and the other snacks) I think it's more reasonable.

 

[Riot3000]

It is simple:

You should offer to pay. If she declines your offer, that's okay. But you should be mentally and financially prepared to pay.

Yes, romance is very female-centric in regards to the money spending in our society (Weddings, Proposals, Vallentine's Day). Take it as balance for the fact that women are being paid less for the same jobs.

Or how about for the fact that they're forced to haul around a baby for 9 laborious months. I don't envy that.

Well

A. Women are not paid less for the same job. This is a complete fabrication that has been dispelled many times but refuses to die (maybe because it's convenient for the majority of the electorate?).
B. Women are not forced to haul around anything for 9 months. Women aren't forced to do anything in society, let's be honest.

And in a hypothetical fantasy world where men are paid more for doing the same work: would it not then be justifiable for men to be paid more, if we keep us this idea of men having to often pay more for the same things in life?

I don't think anyone has completely proven or disproven whether all women are paid less than men for the exact same work because of the myriad of factors you need to take into account. That being said, I've seen many stats showing women are paid less but none showing women paid more, so even taking scientific inaccuracy into account the bias still seems against women.

Also, women aren't forced to have offspring, but if they do wish to have their own spawn they need to incubate it in their body for a while first, meanwhile men only need to have sex once for the same thing.

Also, periods. . . . . . . . . . . .

We can debate the wage disparity of men and women when it comes to doing the same profession but I still don't think that justify the whole men paying or dates thing unless everyone goes to expensive places for dates that requires a tux and a monacle.

Also using pregnancy and periods as a reason is just as silly and nuts more so than the "cost" for gals to go on a date justification if you want to call it that.

Or maybe your being sarcastic?

Well I wasn't being sarcastic for what it's worth. Somewhat unserious no doubt, but not sarcastic.

Though I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say, so men should only pay if the restaurant is expensive? Wut? Why would that matter?

I'm not trying to make things perfectly balance out dollar for dollar. I'm just saying if women are already getting the short end of the genetic stick in some regards perhaps having men pay for meals isn't the craziest thing ever.

If you hold true to guys paying then fine but the whole women have the short end of "genetic stick" angle seems a bit excessive.

Say you go for coffee as some suggested sure picking it up is nice but if she pays for her own drink I don't think its that bad of a snafu nor just balancing dollar to dollar its just one way to do things.

 

[grey_space]

No, it's not bad of you at all to not pay for the first date. It's not being ungentlemanly and it certainly isn't sexist. When a guy offers me that he'll pay I always say either "If you buy then, then I'll buy us ___" or "No, let me pay or my half". What is more important is that the date went well and that it was fun. For my first date my boyfriend paid for our cinema tickets, I paid for the popcorn and then I paid for our burger king dinner. People aren't made of money, afterall.

I totally agree. It's nice to buy stuff for someone you like but money is hard to come by. I think that say, offering to pay for the food but the girl pays for the drinks after would be ok, Or the example above which I've used myself: "How about I pay for the tickets and you buy the junk food?" every girl I've said that to has agreed straight away, even sometimes going to the trouble of insisting on getting the first round in the pub afterwards to even up things financially.

When I was dating my girlfriend (we live together now) we used to take turns buying the lunches and dinners for each other.

But on thinking about it any girl that wouldn't even offer to put her hand in her pocket to pay for SOME thing on the first date is a girl that I wouldn't want to hang out with too much anyway.

 

[Doom-Slayer]

I always pay for dates/valentines. And I have good reason, my gf cant legally work yet, so she currently lives off funding from her parents until she gets residency. And me essentially getting her parents to pay for stuff like that for us? Not happening.

Where the hell do you live that your girlfriend can't legally work?

I assume it is work visa related.

Bingo. Shes visiting here in NZ and she was born in the States. And to get a work visa you basically need to have a job already organized and in a fairly decent position.

OT:But ya overall, offer if you can, but if you asked for the date you should pay regardless of gender.

 

[Flames66]

I think that say, offering to pay for the food but the girl pays for the drinks after would be ok, Or the example above which I've used myself: "How about I pay for the tickets and you buy the junk food?" every girl I've said that to has agreed straight away, even sometimes going to the trouble of insisting on getting the first round in the pub afterwards to even up things financially.

When I was dating my girlfriend (we live together now) we used to take turns buying the lunches and dinners for each other.

But on thinking about it any girl that wouldn't even offer to put her hand in her pocket to pay for SOME thing on the first date is a girl that I wouldn't want to hang out with too much anyway.

Seems massively over complicated to me. I don't understand why people can't just pay for their own stuff.

 

[lokun489]

I feel that whoever asked the person out should pay for the first date. If you asked her out, you pay. Only because I feel that if you asked someone out and had them pay, you're a dick. In that situation that makes it so you said please pay for me for this and that is just rude.

 

[Jaylo69]

If you don't pay for a first date, then you are human scum!

 

[Vegosiux]

Solution: go somewhere that won't charge too much. Or have a picnic instead of eating out. Or something. Get creative, instead of obsessing over this!

Oh and I personally think either split, or whoever invited pays. And never make plans you're not willing to invest your resources in. So if you want to walk away from your date for free, better plan for some activities that are free.

 

[Rose and Thorn]

Errr, I don't believe you need to no. I don't find it as annoying as a guy racing around the car just to open my door though. They just want to leave a good impression, the poor things.

I am for equality and was raised that way to a point, although I am also a cheap fuck who will gladly accept someone else paying for my dinner. That being said, the few dates I've actually gone on, which isn't many, if they offer to buy dinner, I'll offer to buy drinks afterwards if the date goes well. I've dated both sexes though so I guess it gets a little fuzzy on who pays for what sometimes.

Split half and half kids.

whoever invited pays.

And that also makes sense to me.

 

[bullet_sandw1ch]

Pay the check? PAY THE CHECK? What are you, a saint??? no no no, when i date, we eat, and i grab the woman by her hand and dash out the restaurant with all the speed of an anti-Semitist in Israel! checks be damned!

OT: in all seriousness, i do always pay the check. the way i see it, and many dont and wont agree, i am the one taking her on a date. I am the one interested in her. Therefore, it is a courtesy passed down to me (tradition is meant to be broken though) that i should pay for the meal. Besides, it makes me look like a gentleman. Although i do have to admit, i was rather sour when i discovered my medical bills meant i couldnt take her out for a while! the woman i pursued made me so nervous when i tried to ask her out that i developed a migraine issue. Thankfully, when she said yes, and i was given a celebretory head bonk by my friends, my migraines were replaced with a concussion.

 

[Scappo]

In my experience, if you pay for the first date, and it's at a fancy restaurant or something, then it feels (to the woman) like she's being bribed...as though she owes you something afterward.

That said, I don't think the first date should ever be something super expensive. Instead of a fancy schmancy restaurant, try a coffee joint. That way you can brush it off as "bah, it's more convenient to just put it all on my card is all". That way, it's totally guilt free for her, and you seem more like just a cool dude that's more interested in making life easy than impressing her.

Several small dates like that (pay for some, but let her pay her own way on others)tell her that you're willing to pay sometimes, but not ALL the time if you know what I mean.

Also, if she offers to pay sometimes, she's willing to reciprocate the kindness and she might REALLY be a keeper who's not just interested in your wallet !

 

[Signa]

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I'd use this first date scenario as a test for the girl. I'd pay for my stuff, and she'd pay for hers. That way, I know she's not looking for freebies or just being a plain old gold digger if I get to see her again. Also, it will come off as kind and spontaneous if I pay for the second date.

And if I don't see her again, then nothing lost: I bought myself a nice dinner and had a chat with someone.

 

[Treeinthewoods]

It never really crossed my mind to not pick up the check, dinners aren't all that pricey and I've never been poor.

People who can't afford a meal for two strike me as needing to focus on other priorities than dating. I liked establishing that I was well off enough to not worry about a few drinks and meals on the weekend, it boosted my appeal (seemingly). I should probably add that I never felt like I was owed sex or anything like that for paying either, it's just never seemed that expensive.

Some girls I dated offered to split stuff and that was fine if they wanted but never struck me as something to request or prioritize.

 

[Ghaleon640]

I'm too broke to pay for two. Guess I'll never be able to date again......................

 

[Skoosh]

I usually offer to pay if I go out with someone. Even if it's just some male friend I'm hanging out with. Usually the other person (female or otherwise) tries to pay for it all or their half and I just say "you can get the next one", setting up the stage to go out again. But yeah, I dunno, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Doesn't really matter either way. If the main thing coming away from a date was who payed, doubt it was much fun to begin with.

 

[ecoho]

first date its usually best to split the bill that way no one feels pressured.

 

[Ieyke]

I always offer to pay for the first date, but it's not because of gender; it's because I'm just awesome.

Basically this.
There are several of my female friends who I'll pay for when it's just the two of us, whether we're dating or not. Not because I expect to get anything in return or anything, but because I don't spend my money on much, and I figure if I'm gonna spend it on something it might as well be the people who mean the most to me.

On a first date I'll pay too, based on the premise that if I've decided to date someone then I've already reached the conclusion that she could potentially be someone important to me.
(That's doubly true because I can't help but only date girls who I already know mean a lot to me.)

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Reminds me of something I read

Spoiler

Seriously though, I don't think I've ever not paid on a first date. It's not that I insist on paying, it's just that it's really awkward when the check comes and no one reaches for it, and then it's even more awkward to ask the other person "You got this or...?" So it's not like I feel some sort of obligation I just don't like awkward situations. It's actually the same reason I always answered the professors' questions when I was in college, because if I didn't there was a long awkward silence that annoyed me since no one else wanted to speak.

hahahaha holy shit that is great. thanks for the laugh.


OT: I don't think anyone should have to pay for anyone but themselves, equality and all that stuffs.

HOWEVER. If you ask a girl out on a date, and take her somewhere that you typically like or something, I would probably pay (offer to pay at least) for her meal/drinks, as I'm the one who initiated everything and (possibly) picked the place. beyond that though shit should probably be equal.

this is depending also on if two people financially make roughly in the same ballpark amount. if someone is ballistically rich while the other is not, I would hope the rich person pays for nights out.

 

[prowll]

**snip**

As a woman, I honestly prefer bill-splitting on first dates.

I mean, if the guy insists, I'm not going to say no (free meals are nice) but I'm happy (and expect) to pay my share.

Oh, and is the man paying for the first date sexist? Yes. To the man. Sexism isn't always about being unfair to women, guys. Expecting the man to pay is technically an anti-male sexist stereotype.

Remember: Sexism just means "treating men and women differently based on their sex alone".

I disagree only slightly with this. First off, when first dating, bill-splitting is VERY cool if both sides are good with it.

I disagree that paying for the first date is sexist. Let me explain.

I ask someone out. They are doing me a favor by coming. I'm EXPECTED at that point to cover expenses for that, as I'm organizing the event. Same with inviting people to my house, I'm expected to buy some beer, get the games together, whatever. It doesn't matter that I'm asking out a girl, or going out with the guys. If I'm arranging, and I'm not setting it up as 'dutch' or split bills, I'm paying. Someone else organizes something, I expect that they're paying.

As an aside, my wife paid for our first date. She did, after all, ask me out.