I suggest sticking with the friend. You can find a new lover, hump and dump one every other month (or withdraw when things get too serious), but a real good friend is almost impossible to find once you're an adult.
A true friend wouldn't try and guilt trip you for wanting to move away like that. My best friend from home, for example, was fine with my decision to move away. We don't see each other or talk nearly as often as we used to, but when we meet up it's like I never left, you just pick up straight from where you left off. If your friendship isn't going to be like that, I hate to say it but I guess he wasn't so great a friend to begin with.holy_secret said:I was away on a eurotrip for two months. During the last parts of it, I decided to stay in Paris for the whole month of August.
On the forth day, I met someone. We instantly connected and fell in love immediately.
As time went on, we started to see where this was going. There was a huge obstacle in the way though; I live in Sweden, and he in France.
To make things short, I want to move there in order to give this a shot. A real one. I am not too keen on having a long distance relationship, so that is not an option.
I talked to my closest friend in Sweden about this. After explaining everything, I asked him if it was okay for him that I moved away.
"If you want to move, I will not stop you. It is your life and I want you to do your things. But I am going to be honest with you and say that if you do move, our friendship will change. If things do not work out and you decide to come back, things will not be the same. I don't want to put any pressure on you or to lie to you. I will try my best, but I can't promise we can return to where we were. The thought of losing you is already making me wanting to create a distance in order to be able to survive not having you around."
So I have a choice. An extremly hard one. It is not a choice I have to make yet, but it will show up eventually.
I truly don't know what to do with this. Should I take the shot? Should I move away? Or should I simply stay in Sweden and keep my closest friend? Am I a bad person for even considering abandoning my family in order to be with someone I just met?
I need some input. I need a brainstorm. I would talk to him about this, but he is really not taking this well. If you have any honest opinions, cruel or friendly, I am willing to hear them.
So what will it be? Relationship or Friendship? What is more important in the long run?
Off Topic:I'm sure that they've already made something like it. :3DoW Lowen said:Just off-topic, sell this idea to a studio or something, I can see this being a strong title for a summer rom com.
I too have seen this. Sadly there is a lot of times it doesn't work out. It is your life and your mate is right things would change. I've had mates leave for things like this or other reasons and I know I will never be able to just pick up how we were. So if you do go you are taking a big risk. Best of luck in your decision.Mackheath said:No offence, but holiday romances-even for ones as long as a month or so- are very different from ones where you are around constantly.
I've seen people fall victim to the same premise; they meet someone abroad, fall in love, and when they end up with them they find the 'spark' is long since gone, or their abroad lover already has a family, or a myriad of other things.
I will be blunt; I think you are a bit startstruck. But eh, its your life; I've got no fuckin' right to criticise, so if you want to move, go ahead. If you want to stay, go ahead, find a nice Swedish guy/girl to settle down with.
I think your friend is being rather selfish. It isn't the job of a friend to hold you back from what you want to do for the sake of "holding together the friendship." It's the job of a friend to support you in the decisions you make, and help make it work as best they can. I mean, what if you were just going to school in France or something? Would they expect you to stay back then? What if you got a great job out of the country? You can't stay at home forever. This is your decision to make, and if that's too hard for him, I'm afraid that's his problem. Just make sure he knows you're willing to make it work, but he has to be willing as well in order for that to happen.holy_secret said:-snip-
I rather die than to do that. Seriously. Done it once and I went completely crazy from the lack of intimacy.TrilbyWill said:try long-distance. it sounds bad, but if you can make that work then consider moving. dont lose your friends over this guy. it couldve just been because you were on holiday.
Moving around within the European Union is as easy as moving to a neighboring city in Sweden. No need for getting permission and shit.intheweeds said:Stick with visits and stay where you are for the time being. You can never know how long this relationship will last, you haven't known this person anywhere near long enough to make that kind of move. It will suck, I've been in a long distance relationship for a while and although we are together now, it sucked while it was going on. When/if the move becomes worth it, you won't be asking this question anymore.
Visit France every once in a while and have him visit Sweden. I don't know how the EU works, but it might be very very hard to make it a forever thing anyway. My sister is married to a guy out of the country and has been for two years now. They still can't get him into Canada legally yet. They live in Adu Dhabi for now because it's one of the only places they can both be legally(fortunately my Sister is a teacher and English teachers are needed all over the world. He has managed a work visa for her time there teaching). I've only ever seen pictures of him and talked on the phone. It's really awful and difficult. From a family perspective - my sister hasn't been anywhere near her home area except for short visits in a few years. Relationships are hard enough when conditions are ideal. This kind of stress is huge.
Get to know him for at least a year before uprooting your whole life.
Wow! If that's the case, then I say even harder: stay home and plan visits! If you can visit him for far less than the cost of a video game, then this stops seeming so 'long-distance' to me and I fail to see the issue. Damn, it costs me more to take the train to see my mom and she lives in the same province as me!holy_secret said:Moving around within the European Union is as easy as moving to a neighboring city in Sweden. No need for getting permission and shit.intheweeds said:Stick with visits and stay where you are for the time being. You can never know how long this relationship will last, you haven't known this person anywhere near long enough to make that kind of move. It will suck, I've been in a long distance relationship for a while and although we are together now, it sucked while it was going on. When/if the move becomes worth it, you won't be asking this question anymore.
Visit France every once in a while and have him visit Sweden. I don't know how the EU works, but it might be very very hard to make it a forever thing anyway. My sister is married to a guy out of the country and has been for two years now. They still can't get him into Canada legally yet. They live in Adu Dhabi for now because it's one of the only places they can both be legally(fortunately my Sister is a teacher and English teachers are needed all over the world. He has managed a work visa for her time there teaching). I've only ever seen pictures of him and talked on the phone. It's really awful and difficult. From a family perspective - my sister hasn't been anywhere near her home area except for short visits in a few years. Relationships are hard enough when conditions are ideal. This kind of stress is huge.
Get to know him for at least a year before uprooting your whole life.
And Ryanair revolutionized traveling. I flew there for 15? from Sweden. It is ridiculously cheap.
The point is not the cost. The problem is the fact that I do not want a long distance relationship. I do not want to have to plans visits every now and then. I want to be able to be around the corner and casually ask "hey, wanna hang around today?". I want to be able to let it grow naturally. Having to plan grandious meeting is the opposite of what I want.intheweeds said:Wow! If that's the case, then I say even harder: stay home and plan visits! If you can visit him for far less than the cost of a video game, then this stops seeming so 'long-distance' to me and I fail to see the issue. Damn, it costs me more to take the train to see my mom and she lives in the same province as me!holy_secret said:Moving around within the European Union is as easy as moving to a neighboring city in Sweden. No need for getting permission and shit.intheweeds said:Stick with visits and stay where you are for the time being. You can never know how long this relationship will last, you haven't known this person anywhere near long enough to make that kind of move. It will suck, I've been in a long distance relationship for a while and although we are together now, it sucked while it was going on. When/if the move becomes worth it, you won't be asking this question anymore.
Visit France every once in a while and have him visit Sweden. I don't know how the EU works, but it might be very very hard to make it a forever thing anyway. My sister is married to a guy out of the country and has been for two years now. They still can't get him into Canada legally yet. They live in Adu Dhabi for now because it's one of the only places they can both be legally(fortunately my Sister is a teacher and English teachers are needed all over the world. He has managed a work visa for her time there teaching). I've only ever seen pictures of him and talked on the phone. It's really awful and difficult. From a family perspective - my sister hasn't been anywhere near her home area except for short visits in a few years. Relationships are hard enough when conditions are ideal. This kind of stress is huge.
Get to know him for at least a year before uprooting your whole life.
And Ryanair revolutionized traveling. I flew there for 15? from Sweden. It is ridiculously cheap.