Poll: CoD Dog vs Giant Enemy Crab

[Dryk]

The dog flies a jet into the Giant Enemy Crab's weakpoint, thus saving the president. His sacrifice will never be forgotten.

 

[Childe]

Im going for the crab simply because i don't think the dog could break through the shell of the crab. The grab could just sit there wand wait for the dog to tire itself out and then eat it

 

[Baron_Rouge]

Crab wins, claws down. Plus, Giant Enemy Crabs are historically accurate, if I remember that presentation correctly, while dogs are pure fantasy, so bonus points for the crab there.

 

[The Lugz]

I can see the battlefield now. A wretched wasteland of death. Bodies strewn about like ragdolls. The giant enemy crab has taken down a vast force, seeing as the US Army doesn't have one Japanese dude with a sword in it's standard layout. But lo! From the wreckage doth a competitor stand! A single dog destined to prove his worth as man's best friend. A dog with nothing to lose anymore! A dog, that dances with death. CoD Dog. As the wind whistles across the wastes, the battle begins. Claw vs. Paw, tooth vs. Antennae. The giant enemy grab lunges forward with it's massive pincer, hurling aside a pile of bodies, only to find the dog is not there. For with it's vast military training, it knew to hide in the ditches, as shells of artillery rain from the sky. It lunges out, dashing up the claw, attempting to get an edge on such a fierce opponent. As the crab reaches up to grab CoD dog the dog jumps off it's back. Readying itself for another attack. The dog sees it's opportunity, with both pincers above it, it is clearly off balance. He charges, digging straight into the ground, ready to use the beast's own weight to topple it. As sure as the sun rises, the crab takes a step into the pit. As the Giant Enemy Crab begins to flip over, CoD Dog readies itself for its lunge. It knows. Today is not the day I die. I must die in a soldier's arms, so that the tears of the audience helps to get across the idea that war is a sad affair. It is CoD Dog's duty to become a martyr. But not like this. It rushes forward, ready to take the opening. Ready to strike the weak point for MASSIVE DAMAGE. The dog leaps into the air bringing down the full force of......

Damnit. Internet cut out. I have to restart from the checkpoint? @#$% you Microsoft! Seriously.

Focus groups have found that continued dependable quality gameplay leads to happiness and happiness leads to less game playing, and less gameplaying leads to lower games sales....

yeeeess..... unleash your hate!!!! gooooood gamers... gooooodd.

 

[Kinitawowi]

Because the dog appears to stand no change he's practically guaranteed to win.[footnote]there has to be a tvtrope for this[/footnote]

Million To One Chance [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MillionToOneChance] is the closest, I think.

 

[Souplex]

I'd say Enemy Crab has a much higher level of catastrophe than the dog. It's just that the internet's gotten a lot louder and whinier since then.
You need to update the stats.

 

[WanderingFool]

COD Do0g, as the GEC would be killed outright from the Square/Cube Law [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SquareCubeLaw] going all realality on its ass...

 

[Signa]

I just want to point one thing out: This is the best fucking thread on the entire site right now.

I was going to say the same. It's been months since a thread this good has popped up. Why can't our discussions be more like this all the time?

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

I was going to pick the CoD Dog, but then I remembered his only reason for existence is to be killed dramatically. So if ever there was an opportune time, sacrificing himself to hold back the Giant Enemy Crab would be it.

 

[anthony87]

I'm just wondering how the dog got 1 point in "Is a giant enemy crab."

I'm more interested in how a giant enemy crab got 3 points of military training.

Well if I'm not mistaken, Giant Enemy Crab was around during the warring state period....or one of those wars. Anyways, it was around during a war so it stands to reason that it must've had even basic training before being deployed.

 

[Johnson McGee]

Since there are probably zero new copies of Genji available the COD dog will have to battle in a used game environment, which will be so abhorrent to it that it will be significantly disadvantaged to the point of having no chance in the fight.

 

[Sunrider]

How dare you people imply that I cannot have an emotional attachment to a crab? Stupid crabists.

 

[V da Mighty Taco]

CoD Dog, hands down. If there's one thing I've learned from TF2; it's that the tiny, fast, agile bastard ALWAYS wins - especially when the enemy is resorted to using only melee and non-hitscan, non-explosive projectiles. The Dog also has far better training and experience as well as the ability to do crit damage against the Giant Crab's weak point, so fatty doesn't stand a chance.

Also, this:

I can see the battlefield now. A wretched wasteland of death. Bodies strewn about like ragdolls. The giant enemy crab has taken down a vast force, seeing as the US Army doesn't have one Japanese dude with a sword in it's standard layout. But lo! From the wreckage doth a competitor stand! A single dog destined to prove his worth as man's best friend. A dog with nothing to lose anymore! A dog, that dances with death. CoD Dog. As the wind whistles across the wastes, the battle begins. Claw vs. Paw, tooth vs. Antennae. The giant enemy grab lunges forward with it's massive pincer, hurling aside a pile of bodies, only to find the dog is not there. For with it's vast military training, it knew to hide in the ditches, as shells of artillery rain from the sky. It lunges out, dashing up the claw, attempting to get an edge on such a fierce opponent. As the crab reaches up to grab CoD dog the dog jumps off it's back. Readying itself for another attack. The dog sees it's opportunity, with both pincers above it, it is clearly off balance. He charges, digging straight into the ground, ready to use the beast's own weight to topple it. As sure as the sun rises, the crab takes a step into the pit. As the Giant Enemy Crab begins to flip over, CoD Dog readies itself for its lunge. It knows. Today is not the day I die. I must die in a soldier's arms, so that the tears of the audience helps to get across the idea that war is a sad affair. It is CoD Dog's duty to become a martyr. But not like this. It rushes forward, ready to take the opening. Ready to strike the weak point for MASSIVE DAMAGE. The dog leaps into the air bringing down the full force of......

Damnit. Internet cut out. I have to restart from the checkpoint? @#$% you Microsoft! Seriously.

 

[NightmareExpress]

You know, the amount of Crab votes disgusts me.
You guys aren't humans. It's apparent as of this second.
You are actually...

Plus, where's the hidden third option?
Riiiiiiiidge Racerrrr! Remember that one?

 

[JasonKaotic]

I'd give a response to something, but I don't think mere words could possibly do this thread justice.
I'm just going to leave this post here to become a part of this grand chapter in The Escapist's history.

[sub][sub]Also, Giant Enemy Crab. Not even polygons emotions could overpower those pincers.[/sub][/sub]

 

[Jezzascmezza]

The dog has good agility and speed, so I'm betting on it attacking the giant enemy crab's weak spot in order to cause massive damage.

 

[Lunar Templar]

I'm just wondering how the dog got 1 point in "Is a giant enemy crab."

There is a little 'Giant Enemy Crab' in all of us. I am more surprised people aren't questioning the crab's military training.

of course not! it only makes sense for a giant crap to have gone threw spec ops training, how else did it get that big? nuclear waste? pff I highly doubt it

 

[Sir Pootis]

Giant enemy crab. No contest. Unless the dog has opposable thumbs, of course, then he can shoot the weak point for massive damage.

 

[afroebob]

OK here is what we know for sure:

The Giant Enemy Crab has minor military experience from fighting in famous battles from Japanese history, but that is dated training and the dog outweighs it drastically with its future military training.

The Giant Enemy Crab is exponentially stronger than the CoD Dog, but the CoD Dog outdoes the Giant Enemy Crab in agility and speed, making the Giant Enemy Crab susceptible to being hit in its weak spot for massive damage.

The Dog has an extreme amounts of emotional appeal do to its inevitable death.

So, the most logical way this will play out is this:

The CoD Dog and Giant Enemy Crab engage in combat. Due to the CoD Dogs amount of military training he knows to use his speed and agility to outmaneuver the Giant Enemy Crab long enough to exhaust the Giant Enemy Crab. When this happens, the CoD Dog will run and attack the Giant Enemy Crab's weak point for MASSIVE damage, causing a 1 hit K/O for the Giant Enemy Crab. However, the CoD Dog is not safe yet. Seeing as the Giant Enemy Krab has a significantly higher about of Is A Giant Enemy Crab than the CoD Dog does (the Giant Enemy Crab is 12/12 Is A Giant Enemy Crab, while the CoD Dog is a mere 1/12 Is A Giant Enemy Crab), the Giant Enemy Crab is extremely heavy, possible weighing more than 2500 pounds, making it not only possible but very probable that in its last ditch effort the Giant Enemy Crab will crush the CoD Dog by falling on it as the CoD Dog tries to escape, causing the CoD Dog to survive just long enough for him to die during a scripted cinematic, fulfilling the CoD Dog's 12/12 Emotion statistic.