Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?
- Thread starter Mr S
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I admit I haven't read the full thread but, my answer is this, keep trying, every relationship, now matter how badly it might end is a learning experience, some people just aren't attracted to certain levels of "niceness" and in my experience every relationship I've been in has ended with me being either screwed over, or used and THEN screwed over, but I'm not gonna whine about that, but y'know what I think the most effective solution is?
WAIT!
I'm assuming most of the nice guys here are between their teens and early twenties (I'm 20) but it's my beleif that girls who are attracted to assholes eventually realise that the nice guys just have more to offer, ok it might take til your 30s or hell even 40s but use that time to better yourself, good things come to those who wait
WAIT!
I'm assuming most of the nice guys here are between their teens and early twenties (I'm 20) but it's my beleif that girls who are attracted to assholes eventually realise that the nice guys just have more to offer, ok it might take til your 30s or hell even 40s but use that time to better yourself, good things come to those who wait
In the early stages (age 13 to ~25) girls like the relationships to be a challenge, if you bow to their every whim then you clearly won't be the prime choice.Mr S said:
And in the later stages (age 25+) they want a stable relationship because family becomes the new challenge, so you will do nicely at that point.
Now it's up to you, will you provide a challenge or do the whole 40 year old virgin thing.
Oh and when girls say: "I just want a nice guy" in reality that means: "I want those jerks I date to be a bit nicer"
Nice guys ftw. I despise jerks. However, I don't like over romantic guys.....and strange enough I married one.
The problem is a "nice guy" will focus entirely on one girl and when she doesn't immediately fall in love with him he assumes that means all girls won't like him. It's not that girls love jerks who abuse them, it's often the fact those girls can't tell they're been abused. My sister recently went through it: couldn't see her fiancee was abusing her until after he'd dumped her.Sarkule said:
There's being nice and being too nice.
Somehow I think that the majority of people that complain about girls not liking nice guys fall into the latter category.
Somehow I think that the majority of people that complain about girls not liking nice guys fall into the latter category.
A lot of it depends on what the girl is looking for. I think your not considering secondary personality traits along with this.Mr S said:This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?
It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.
(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.
Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.
Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too
Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.
A girl who is simply out to have meaningless sex, and general fun, is more likely to be interested in the jerk, since it's a throw-away relationship, and by being loud this guy is liable to want to get into more trouble, and be more entertaining. The "jerk factor" acts as a built in excuse for dumping the guy when the time comes.
The "nice guy" is more of a factor when your looking at girls who are interested in stability, settling down, having kids, and wanting to be taken care of and having someone depedable who won't get into trouble.
There has been plenty written on this over the years, and heck women point this out themselves rather directly. Read some relationship advice books, or just listen to talk shows and such based around it. Girls *DO* tend to be rather straightforward about this, and "how do I dump my jerk boyfriend now that I want a serious relationship he's not capable of giving me" as a question from girls who aren't as confident in "pulling the trigger" on a guy they got together with knowing it wasn't good for a long term thing, is a stock question.
It's sort of like how guys looking for superficial relationships will look for trashy girls the same way, that girls look for bad boys. The whole "we're going to find girls who look like trouble and flirt with them shamelessly" and "the girl your mother warned you about" thing.
Now, it can also be noted that members of BOTH genders act differantly when they are young and screwing around. A lot of guys or girls act like jerks/trash and do the bad boy/girl thing until they get older and chill out, and then decide to become responsible and turn into the nice guys/girls.. but generally do so after a change in enviorment, and frequently cutting ties with their old relationships in order to re-invent themselves.
The thing is that when your dealing with nerds and social rejects who are nice guys largely due to being unable to do the whole "bad boy" thing, it doesn't work when they are young. The young girls in high school or college *rarely* want that. This is why the whole teen romance stereotype from things like "Scott Pilgrim" doesn't really work out too well. It's not a matter of girls not realizing that "Mr. Sensitive" is better for them than the macho jerks they usually date, it's a matter of what they actually want, and they don't EXPECT the guys they are dating to be good for them. The problem with such fiction is that they tend to characrerize the girls as being prisoners to those types of relationships and needing to be rescued, which is hardly the case in the overwhelming majority of cases in reality. Guys that smack their girlfriends around casually are actually pretty rare, and situations where it DOES happen and the girl is a victim are even more rare. There being a uncommon middle ground of girls who just like to be dominated getting off on that type of thing, at least temporarly. Read a bit on the whole domination sub-culture... it's not common, but a girl who gets smacked around has a better chance of being there because she wants to be, than being the emotional prisoner of some ogre (which requires her being dysfunctional to some degree, given all the options out there for dealing with such things). This is incidently why all TV melodramas aside "Nice guy to the rescue" has a chance of being an epic backfire. It can be hard to read relationships, especially for socially awkward and unaware nerds, who might very well have picked up everything they know about relationships from Hollywood simply by being the outsiders that they are.
The bottom line is that your typical nerd has a better chance with women as they get older, and girls in their age group look more towards stability. Of course then again your also looking at cases where someone who is really socially crippled, they are NEVER going to be in a relationship simply due to who they are, after a while people like that simply need to understand who they are. It's not common, but it does happen.
If you notice, I said "nice guy" not "a nice guy". "A nice guy" is just a guy who is nice: he may want a girlfriend, he may be interested in a girl, but he understands if she is not interested in him or if there is no one for him at the moment. "Nice guy" is a soul-sucking creature who believes women should be falling at his feet because he is the only one who will truly love and respect them properly and the very notion a woman would not be interested in him is ridiculous.VikingSteve said:
Honestly if a girl prefers you to act like an asshole than be nice you probably don't want her to begin with. At least that's my opinion.
Look at it this way. If you slap her and she likes it - she's weird and anyone who disagrees probably hits their women themselves hence making themselves a women-beater.
Just be nice for gods sake, I've no idea where you live but over here stupid arrogant teen girls like 'the big tough jerk guys who think they're so tough type'. If you want a proper girl and not some whore then be nice, you'll find the right one eventually.
In truth you need confidence more than you need to be a jerk.
Just be nice for gods sake, I've no idea where you live but over here stupid arrogant teen girls like 'the big tough jerk guys who think they're so tough type'. If you want a proper girl and not some whore then be nice, you'll find the right one eventually.
In truth you need confidence more than you need to be a jerk.
About the looks thing, I never really cared for looks really, I'm more about the personality. And I'm a girl. I used to have a looks preference, but people considered my tastes weird. I ended up with someone opposite of what my original preference was, and I am very happy. <3 So yeah, looks mean nothing. We all get old in the end anyhow.
I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.RaikuFA said:
Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.