Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[RaikuFA]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

 

[Therumancer]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.

A lot of it depends on what the girl is looking for. I think your not considering secondary personality traits along with this.

A girl who is simply out to have meaningless sex, and general fun, is more likely to be interested in the jerk, since it's a throw-away relationship, and by being loud this guy is liable to want to get into more trouble, and be more entertaining. The "jerk factor" acts as a built in excuse for dumping the guy when the time comes.

The "nice guy" is more of a factor when your looking at girls who are interested in stability, settling down, having kids, and wanting to be taken care of and having someone depedable who won't get into trouble.

There has been plenty written on this over the years, and heck women point this out themselves rather directly. Read some relationship advice books, or just listen to talk shows and such based around it. Girls *DO* tend to be rather straightforward about this, and "how do I dump my jerk boyfriend now that I want a serious relationship he's not capable of giving me" as a question from girls who aren't as confident in "pulling the trigger" on a guy they got together with knowing it wasn't good for a long term thing, is a stock question.

It's sort of like how guys looking for superficial relationships will look for trashy girls the same way, that girls look for bad boys. The whole "we're going to find girls who look like trouble and flirt with them shamelessly" and "the girl your mother warned you about" thing.

Now, it can also be noted that members of BOTH genders act differantly when they are young and screwing around. A lot of guys or girls act like jerks/trash and do the bad boy/girl thing until they get older and chill out, and then decide to become responsible and turn into the nice guys/girls.. but generally do so after a change in enviorment, and frequently cutting ties with their old relationships in order to re-invent themselves.

The thing is that when your dealing with nerds and social rejects who are nice guys largely due to being unable to do the whole "bad boy" thing, it doesn't work when they are young. The young girls in high school or college *rarely* want that. This is why the whole teen romance stereotype from things like "Scott Pilgrim" doesn't really work out too well. It's not a matter of girls not realizing that "Mr. Sensitive" is better for them than the macho jerks they usually date, it's a matter of what they actually want, and they don't EXPECT the guys they are dating to be good for them. The problem with such fiction is that they tend to characrerize the girls as being prisoners to those types of relationships and needing to be rescued, which is hardly the case in the overwhelming majority of cases in reality. Guys that smack their girlfriends around casually are actually pretty rare, and situations where it DOES happen and the girl is a victim are even more rare. There being a uncommon middle ground of girls who just like to be dominated getting off on that type of thing, at least temporarly. Read a bit on the whole domination sub-culture... it's not common, but a girl who gets smacked around has a better chance of being there because she wants to be, than being the emotional prisoner of some ogre (which requires her being dysfunctional to some degree, given all the options out there for dealing with such things). This is incidently why all TV melodramas aside "Nice guy to the rescue" has a chance of being an epic backfire. It can be hard to read relationships, especially for socially awkward and unaware nerds, who might very well have picked up everything they know about relationships from Hollywood simply by being the outsiders that they are.


The bottom line is that your typical nerd has a better chance with women as they get older, and girls in their age group look more towards stability. Of course then again your also looking at cases where someone who is really socially crippled, they are NEVER going to be in a relationship simply due to who they are, after a while people like that simply need to understand who they are. It's not common, but it does happen.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

No, nice guys do not have a chance because apparently they're all on forums bitching about the fact no girl will ever love them. If you want a girlfriend so badly, get off the computer, go outside, and talk to a girl. If she says no, it's not because you are a "nice guy" it's because she's not interested. Seriously, this whole "girls only go for jerks" is so bloody rediculous and just a piss-poor excuse to cradle these self-proclaimed nice guy's ego.

there wasn't any ignorance in this post at all

I can't tell: are you been sarcastic or not?

I'm saying there's definitely ignorance in that post.

I'd much rather a nice guy over a jerk any day.
And these threads are getting annoying, not all girls like jerks.
Some of us just aren't super vocal about what we want.

well then get vocal, I'm not a damn mind reader.

I'd much rather a nice guy over a jerk any day.
And these threads are getting annoying, not all girls like jerks.
Some of us just aren't super vocal about what we want.

The problem is a "nice guy" will focus entirely on one girl and when she doesn't immediately fall in love with him he assumes that means all girls won't like him. It's not that girls love jerks who abuse them, it's often the fact those girls can't tell they're been abused. My sister recently went through it: couldn't see her fiancee was abusing her until after he'd dumped her.

More generalizing. If you mean a certain group of people, say that. Don't just say "a nice guy" because not everyone is like that. I've been in the situation you described, it still happens, but there are nice men that don't fall into that category.

If you notice, I said "nice guy" not "a nice guy". "A nice guy" is just a guy who is nice: he may want a girlfriend, he may be interested in a girl, but he understands if she is not interested in him or if there is no one for him at the moment. "Nice guy" is a soul-sucking creature who believes women should be falling at his feet because he is the only one who will truly love and respect them properly and the very notion a woman would not be interested in him is ridiculous.

 

[James Raynor]

Honestly if a girl prefers you to act like an asshole than be nice you probably don't want her to begin with. At least that's my opinion.

 

[RaikuFA]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

 

[GraveeKing]

Look at it this way. If you slap her and she likes it - she's weird and anyone who disagrees probably hits their women themselves hence making themselves a women-beater.

Just be nice for gods sake, I've no idea where you live but over here stupid arrogant teen girls like 'the big tough jerk guys who think they're so tough type'. If you want a proper girl and not some whore then be nice, you'll find the right one eventually.
In truth you need confidence more than you need to be a jerk.

 

[NnsNightshade]

About the looks thing, I never really cared for looks really, I'm more about the personality. And I'm a girl. I used to have a looks preference, but people considered my tastes weird. I ended up with someone opposite of what my original preference was, and I am very happy. <3 So yeah, looks mean nothing. We all get old in the end anyhow.

 

[Inglip]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.

Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.

 

[RaikuFA]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.

Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.

did you read where i was bullied by female teachers, stood up by pranksters, accused of rape, cheated on and emotionally abused?

 

[TheAmazingHobo]

did you read where i was bullied by female teachers, stood up by pranksters, accused of rape, cheated on and emotionally abused?

Yes, and the internet is jut a brilliant place to act out the effects of such treatment, because we all here care so very, very much.

Get yourself some therapy.

 

[Inglip]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.

Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.

did you read where i was bullied by female teachers, stood up by pranksters, accused of rape, cheated on and emotionally abused?

Yes. I didn't read the part where 50% of the planet did this to you.

Still not an excuse.

 

[Inglip]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.

Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.

Actually, you're dead wrong, because it does give him every reason to hate them.

It's psychology.

It gives him a reason, it doesn't give him a good or justified one.

 

[katsabas]

Look mac, I am not gonna lie. It is tough. I am 21 and have dated only 2 girls in my 4 years in college, while having dated less than 2 before that. Turning to the dark side and becoming a jerk is a limited time offer. Guys that are jerks around the age of 17 and 20 usually remain that way. I have seen these types of people and I do not like them. Hence, I don't wanna be like them.


There is nothing to do except wait. You are gonna get tripped a lot along the way. And I mean, A LOT. Me, I have almost fallen for a girl, pretty, smart, likes games and is actually looking for a guy like me. Problem is, she is in LA and I am in Greece.


Live your life, get out more, be more confident, meet new people and eventually, it will happen. Don't go looking for it though. It jinxes the whole thing.


And don't change. It makes the rest of us look bad.

 

[370999]

No, nice guys do not have a chance because apparently they're all on forums bitching about the fact no girl will ever love them. If you want a girlfriend so badly, get off the computer, go outside, and talk to a girl. If she says no, it's not because you are a "nice guy" it's because she's not interested. Seriously, this whole "girls only go for jerks" is so bloody rediculous and just a piss-poor excuse to cradle these self-proclaimed nice guy's ego.

there wasn't any ignorance in this post at all

I can't tell: are you been sarcastic or not?

I'm saying there's definitely ignorance in that post.

I'd much rather a nice guy over a jerk any day.
And these threads are getting annoying, not all girls like jerks.
Some of us just aren't super vocal about what we want.

well then get vocal, I'm not a damn mind reader.

I'd much rather a nice guy over a jerk any day.
And these threads are getting annoying, not all girls like jerks.
Some of us just aren't super vocal about what we want.

The problem is a "nice guy" will focus entirely on one girl and when she doesn't immediately fall in love with him he assumes that means all girls won't like him. It's not that girls love jerks who abuse them, it's often the fact those girls can't tell they're been abused. My sister recently went through it: couldn't see her fiancee was abusing her until after he'd dumped her.

More generalizing. If you mean a certain group of people, say that. Don't just say "a nice guy" because not everyone is like that. I've been in the situation you described, it still happens, but there are nice men that don't fall into that category.

If you notice, I said "nice guy" not "a nice guy". "A nice guy" is just a guy who is nice: he may want a girlfriend, he may be interested in a girl, but he understands if she is not interested in him or if there is no one for him at the moment. "Nice guy" is a soul-sucking creature who believes women should be falling at his feet because he is the only one who will truly love and respect them properly and the very notion a woman would not be interested in him is ridiculous.

Agree here. There is a huge difference between saying women like jerks and nice guys are kind of strange. One is gender which while I do beleive it ahs a affect on personality, it is not chosen. The other is a chosen personna. It is a method of acting in a relationship. It's similar to me saying that "All Blacks are rapists",and then we someone reponds along the lines of "that's silly, being a racist seems to be about being willfully ignorant" and me shouting " You should stop generalising!" That's not how it works

 

[Inglip]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.

Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.

Actually, you're dead wrong, because it does give him every reason to hate them.

It's psychology.

It gives him a reason, it doesn't give him a good or justified one.

It does. Read my post, I edited it.

If black people beat up some kid every day on his way home from school for 10 years, he's going to hate black people most likely for the rest of his life. It's justified. It may not be healthy, but it's certainly justified.

Go take a psychology class or two and get back to me afterwards.

I get what your saying, but I still disagree. It's not justified at all no matter what happened, it's still an assholish thing to do to somebody, but decrying an entire race or gender because of it is just wrong and never justified. Your point makes some sense, but the word justified is well out of place.

And try not to sound so condescending when you talk to people. It doesn't exactly come across well.

 

[AVATAR_RAGE]

Oh look, it's thi...

What the picture says.

Anyways, some girls like jerks, but most just like guys who are confident. And some like shy guys, and some even like entitled assholes who complain about the friendzone (not directed at the Op, but the amount of guys on this site which pull this bullshit is astonishing.)

The secret you see, is not all women are the same. I know, crazy, but sweeping generalisations of a gender won't really curry you any favours with said gender.

You know, in general that is.

Ninja'd this has not happened to me in a while

 

[Red Right Hand]

If black people beat up some kid every day on his way home from school for 10 years, he's going to hate black people most likely for the rest of his life. It's justified. It may not be healthy, but it's certainly justified.

Go take a psychology class or two and get back to me afterwards.

I don't think you quite understand what justified means if you think that.

It's most certainly not justified to hate the many due to the actions of a few.

 

[RaikuFA]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.

Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.

Actually, you're dead wrong, because it does give him every reason to hate them.

It's psychology. He's exhibiting learned behavior from a dysfunctional environment. It offends you, so what? There's reasonable cause behind his hate and it is justified based on his life experiences. Sure, he could probably change, but I don't think you really grasp how monumentally difficult that task could really be for him.

ive been trying to learn

 

[DugMachine]

Well are you a "Nice guy" or a nice guy. I read a very interesting article and I consider myself neither. I'm not a huge douche or nice i'm just a guy. "Nice guys" may be nice but they want sex, they just won't be douches about it. If you're so interested in the girls that go for the douches I take it they're fairly attractive and you would like to plow them as much as the douchebags do.

As someone said there are plenty of girls out there who go for "Nice guys" and nice guys. Its the way the world works. Get out there and quit feeling sorry for yourself. What I read in this post was "Why do all these douche bags get to have sex with these beautiful women and I don't?" If you're ONLY interested in boinking them become a douchebag and presto problem solved.


I'm pretty sure you're not a nice guy but a "Nice Guy," or else you wouldn't be asking a silly question like this one.

 

[370999]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Fuck off you sexist ****. Yeah, all women only care about looks. There's absolutely no problem with that statement. Oh wait, there are many, massive problems with it.

1) You just generalized half of the planet. Good job asshole.

2) Looks, are important. Can you honestly say you'd date somebody horribly ugly. No, you're just as shallow as the rest of us.

3) Men care about looks too. It's not specifically for women.

God, and these are the kind of people that call themselves nice. I sincerely hope you're trolling, otherwise you've got one sad, pathetic life ahead of you.

yeah you dont know about me. just go away and watch a lifetime movie

I ain't watching that shite.

And I know enough about you to know you're a sexist asshole.

you havent read anything else besides that post have you?

and you accuse me of generalizing

I've read some of your other posts in this thread. Sorry for not reading them all, there's quite a few.

Anyway, I've read your excuses and they're not good enough. There is no excuse for that. Just because women were mean to you in your life doesn't give you the right to hate them, since I can pretty much guarantee men have as well.

Actually, you're dead wrong, because it does give him every reason to hate them.

It's psychology.

It gives him a reason, it doesn't give him a good or justified one.

It does. Read my post, I edited it.

If black people beat up some kid every day on his way home from school for 10 years, he's going to hate black people most likely for the rest of his life. It's justified. It may not be healthy, but it's certainly justified.

Go take a psychology class or two and get back to me afterwards.

I get what your saying, but I still disagree. It's not justified at all no matter what happened, it's still an assholish thing to do to somebody, but decrying an entire race or gender because of it is just wrong and never justified. Your point makes some sense, but the word justified is well out of place.

And try not to sound so condescending when you talk to people. It doesn't exactly come across well.

Don't worry, it only happens on the internet.

Anywho, I'm pretty sure justified means that someone sees something as okay to do based on what has taken place beforehand. In his case, it is totally justified. Of course he hates women after what's happened to him. He sees it as okay.

Speaking from my own perspective, if someone treated me like shit for 15 years, chances are, I'm going to treat everyone that exhibits behavior similar to that person as the same kind of person. Justified as that's what I've experienced.

Do you agree that justification means as I have defined it? Because if you do not, then I can see why you disagree with me overall.

Don't you beleive justification and understandable are two very different things. Justification inmplies that there is a moral equivalence and reason for the action ie Tom punched me so I was justified in defending myself, while understanable emans that you can be sympathetic to the reasons for the cause of behaviour ie It is understandable that catholics in Northern Ireland would resort to violence.

Of course saying "He feels justified" states that it is his morality rather then your own. Which was the problem I think, it seemed to be that you believed he was right.

ive been trying to learn

Possibly see about seeking out proffesional help. You should try to be as happy as possible and this sounds like it is an impediment for you.