Poll: Do you think spanking is wrong?

[Njoi Fontes]

I´m glad I don´t live in a country in which anyone would get away with pouring a glass on my head because I would be too afraid to hit him. That´s ridiculous because self defense should not just be towards direct violence. As far as i´m concerned hitting someone who , for example, destroyed my car is self defense. It´s self defense against my property.

"If you can't get through to your kid like that then you aren't parenting material and incompetent by default." you are either incredibly naive or you just have never met a child that has so little respect for their parents (and anyone else for that matter) because they have never been hit. No matter how patient and understanding you are when trying to explain to children why he or she should not do whatever, they are always moments in the early years of the child (for 1 to more or less 12 years old) in which you should hit your child if he or she blatantly refuses to listen to you, otherwise they never will. You can only reason with a child after a certain age, and before that age hitting is necessary at times.

 

[AugustFall]

Physical abuse is not a deterrent, you should be able to raise your child without beating them. I am aware a normal spanking is hardly child abuse but the point stands, you should be able to teach your child without hitting them.

Now when two people love each other very much, then spanking is okay.

 

[Swifteye]

It really depends on the situation. And of course the person your spanking. Why are you spanking them? Do they understand why you do it? How often do you do it? How fair are you with spankings and other punishments? How hard do you do it? Do you do it not because you want to discipline them but because your angry and your taking your anger out on them?

Upon personal observation I find that people go way to black and white on dicslpining there children. and while I mention colors I will say that certain peoples of color have there own unique way of doing things. You hear it all the time the most mainstream is the white person way. Discussion. Sending to room and honor system via forbidding and removal of items of value. This method has it's merits as it supports the child in understanding why they are punished and gives them reasons not to get in trouble. However it doesn't work for toddlers as words really don't mean much and if you don't respect your parents/guardians you will only try to sneak around and do other things completely ignoring orders. The black method is dictatorship. They are not allowed to do whatever the authority says and disobeying this will result in physical punishment. Slap on the wrist for talking in church. Beating of the butt for talking back. Hitting with the switch for knocking up the next door neighbors daughter(joke?). Of course this will teach children to fear there parents making them do what's asked of them if they demand it. However being over exposed to such things will usually make them bold and while they are afriad of getting hit they will just work that much harder to not get caught in the act.

Honestly if you want a really good example of how to treat children in this day and age you should go see a goofy movie(the first one) I know that sounds a certain way but watching it again a couple years ago totally made me realize just how relevant and well made that story was. Made it all the worse when they made a really shitty sequal.

 

[lostzombies.com]

I got spanked on the ass a few times, i didn't misbehave in school or at home because I didnt want to get spanked again. A red mark which hurts for 10 seconds never has and never will hurt anyone.

If teachers could do it then western society wouldn't be quickly be taking a one way ride on the turd shoot

Because society and education were so awesome before. We had cool things like 25 percent unemployment and segregation. Oh wait, nevermind. Okay, we had the Vietnam War... Damn, that was bad too. Hippies? Fuck it, this is hopeless.

Spanking on it's own isn't bad, but there's so much potential for abuse and misuse. You can really fuck your kids up if you do it wrong.

Maybe in your country...



the thing here which is damaging society the most is the people who have not been influenced by National Service (a year military service after completing school). It was stopped in the 60's and everything seemed fine as the next generation who didnt go through it were fine.

However they were actually still influenced by it, as their parents when through it and instilled the same values. It is the generations after that influence has gone (today's generation) which is producing a majority of kids that have no respect for anyone.

Here, 24 hour cheap alcohol, no discipline, poor schools combined with the 'blame someone else' culture = our society is fucked.

This turned into a rant lol but yeah, drastic measures needed in the UK. :/

 

[Spacelord]

Wrong or right doesn't enter into it. Thing is that spanking misses the point, supposedly. If you spank your child for doing something wrong the only thing you'll accomplish is that the child will be very sure you're out of earshot when he or she tries the same thing again.

It depends on what the point is, I guess. What's the point of parenting? If it's raising your child to function in accordance with society while privately accepting its values, you probably shouldn't spank him or her. If you want the child to behave properly as long as he or she is within earshot of authority and then do whatever the fuck they want when authority is not present, be sure to spank your child for transgressions.

 

[UberNoodle]

Some misunderstandings about spanking and what it's for:

1) it's NOT to cause pain.
2) it's to show disapproval and reprimand. Again, the goal is not to cause pain.
3) it's NOT 'hitting' the child. It could just be a tap and have a stronger effect.
4) it's how all animals, social ones at least, teach offspring about transgression. You can't reason with a child because children don't know the rules. That's why they play up. They want to know the boundries they have. It's a disservice to a child to treat it like a 'little adult', because it's NOT.

So yes, spanking is okay in these contexts.

 

[ScruffyTheJanitor]

I suspect it's banned in some areas as some people used it as an excuse to get out from domestic abuse. That's why people frown on it in the first place. There's also the lack of honour about inflicting violence to someone who can't fight back which has been grown into our culture. I'd rather have it frowned upon that have parents excessively hitting their kids.

 

[Mozared]

I don't believe it's "wrong", but I do believe there are better ways with dealing with a child.

When you spank them, you teach them to be fearful of the pain, and they won't misbehave because of that fear. They do not really learn why what they did is wrong though, and can end up being more of a problem later on.

If you sit them down and tell them why what they did is wrong, you not only show them more respect, (something they'll appreciate), you'll instil good values in them, and they won't misbehave because they know it's wrong.

This, and I mainly agree because 'wrong' is a very relative and deceptive word. How would you define it? Think about that for a minute.

I've actually been thinking more and more about the "Taking Children Seriously" way of parenting, where you basically treat the child as an equal. Get this; if you can't explain why you do something, or why something is considered 'wrong' or 'right', then how can you confirm it actually is? Obviously, you can take this to extremes if you want to (in the case of murder), but I'm thinking it might be a good thing not to raise our children with the same bullcock we've been raised with about 'right and wrong' and let them figure it out for themselves.

Besides, people argue that you can't take children seriously, but... isn't discussing with them THE way of teaching them? Telling them off for something without an actual good reason is something I'd consider a less effective way of parenting than being objective. As soon as the communication allows it, we can engage children as equals and actually teach them rather than telling them what's "right" and what's "wrong.

That's not to say you can't prevent your children from doing bad stuff, as long as you explain to them why something is bad. If they disagree, let them stumble and fall, and they'll realize it better than ever.

 

[JakBandit2208]

I'm perfectly fine with kids getting spankings it's needed to teach kids right and wrong just as long as you don't go overboard.

 

[Grand_Arcana]

I think it depends on the child and the situation. My parents spanked me and my sister. I think I'm alright, but my sister is still a rude little shit with no concern for other people's feelings. I think it's more important to teach them respect and empathy than fear. She never learned to respect me (or anyone) because our parents, and thus the fear, had always sided with her. /siblinghaterant

But, know that I think about it, it's not the physical pain that gets to you. It never really hurts, but what does is the idea of someone who supposedly cares about you attacking you. It was confusing.

 

[Extraintrovert]

Absolutely. If someone physically attacks their own progeny then they did something very wrong. And if things have progressed to when physical attacks are the only viable resort, then they did something very, very wrong. The ONLY time an adult should get seriously physical with a child is if they are placing their or someone else's lives in danger (for example grabbing their arm if they are about to walk onto a busy street). Otherwise it isn't about punishment, it's about dominance, about the desire to have absolute authority that is never questioned. There's a reason spanking has become a part of BDSM.

Also,

Spanking is unreliable, try making the puke do pushups instead. 50-100 will wear them out, and if it doesnt, make em do another 100. At best, you make your point without being barbaric, at worst, they'll be strong and healthy.

This. It's visceral and effective and doesn't involve violence against someone half your size.

 

[Julianking93]

I don't ever think physical violence or abuse is the right way to discipline children or anyone for that matter.

It does nothing but emotional damage and only teaches your kids to be violent in the future when something angers them.

 

[AugustFall]

No, there is nothing wrong with it. It teaches the kid right then and there that what they are doing is wrong and if they dont stop they are getting smacked about again

No it teaches them to obey you because you are stronger then them, have fun raising a bully.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Depends on the child.

 

[Thamux]

Well im a psychologist and I dont spank my child mainly because it falls under this thing we like to call ¨positive punishment¨, which means your trying to reduce a behavior by introducing a harmful of distressful estimuli. This type of conditioning has been shown to gravely reduce the conduct but only for a short period of time, (He will stop for a week and then go back to it), while studies have shown that a simple punishment like a ground + an explanation of why he´s been grounded to be far more effective in a long term.

 

[LongAndShort]

Spanking is one of those things that has a place as an appropriate punishment, but it shouldn't be an all-encompassing punishment. When a child does something wrong and needs to learn that it is wrong, a good smack on the bum can be a great tool. There's a reason we don't touch the stove.

 

[CanadianWolverine]

I am glad to see a few others have posted here who are obviously parents as well. As a new member to that particular club for three years now (four if you count the pregnancy stage too), I would invite any criticisms (especially constructive) or questions about my parenting. I say this because I don't want to be unaccountable and beyond reproach as a parent, especially from my own beautiful daughter.

That all said, I voted No, sometimes it just needs to be done. But I feel this needs some explaining, spanking is only one tool in an arsenal of tools that are available to give a measured response to behaviour I find either delighted, neutral, or dismayed by. Here are the ways:
The Good
- hugs, kisses, high-fives, "I love you", laughing, air tosses, fruit, tiny candy...
The Neutral
- explanations of the functions of the bits of world around her that I have some understanding of and requests made...
The Bad
- stern talking to and orders given, picking up, sending to room, removal of fun items, single slap on the back of hand, single slap on the bum...
These are conditions my wife and I have agreed upon. Also agreed upon is that when we do well or screw up, we get the same treatment as her so that she sees we are not above our own laws. Also, I highly encourage my daughter to question, expect answers, and puzzle out for herself if what I say is valid. Basicly, we want to treat each other the way we would want to be treated and yes, that means my daughter has slapped me on the hand or bum when she caught me up to no good. Should be noted here that I try to have as few "laws" as possible to enforce, it helps against confusion or forgetfulness.

Also, it should be noted that whining and crying for stuff is not tolerated, uses of "please", "thank you", and "sorry" with a hug as an action to show we meant it replaced that at the first chance I could after she started talking. The amount of possible problems that removed from the equation right then and there have been just wonderful for our relationship.

Look, this is all training for the real world, I would rather she sweat it out and have a sore bit of bum here with me now than have to face off against some brutal violence that can be the result of a misstep here or there in our crazy world, whether that be with the local thug or the institutionalized violence of the state or something so simple as Dysentery / being burned by fire (or the stove or boiling water and so on). I would rather she have learned the skills to be charismatic and diplomatic to reach agreeable compromises and fair deals, have effective self defence for the times when someone tries to have their way by force (which includes effective running away) and know the importance of proper planning to prevent piss poor performance. Sweat with me my daughter, I can't bare the thought of you bleeding out in the real world ... sometimes, its my responsibility as a parent to take on the burden of measured punishment and reward to make sure she doesn't get significantly, permanently hurt, so if I have to use a spanking I know she will heal easily from to avoid that and I am judged poorly for that, so be it, I will bear that burden to know she grows into the person she wants to be securely.

So far, the results have been quite favourable, she is lots of creative and imaginative fun, very healthy, listens and learns well. I only wish I was a better teacher.

 

[Alumit]

I got spanked. I believe I turned out ok.

Same here mate. In fact, a lot of my friends and I all got spanked as young children when we were out of hand. We're now the most diciplined and well behaved out of most kids I see at school, but we can still have a good time

OP: I believe that it's alright in the correct circumstances. When it needs to be done, it needs to be done. People getting arrested for doing so is outrageous, unless they were taking it to the point of domestic abuse. Then it's understandable.


Peace~

 

[Worgen]

I dont think its right or wrong but I will say that really all it does is make the kid more likely to hit someone else altho it will make you feel better for being able to hit someone that was probably pissing you off

 

[toastmaster2k8]

I got spanked but At least I didnt get "The Hat" as a kid.