Poll: Do you want an apology?

[TehCookie]

No, I'd rather never see them again. To people saying it's in the past, the past affects who you are today. Going through 12 years of school with all my classmates hating me killed my ability to care about people. A apology won't fix that so it's pointless.

 

[Murais]

I don't know if this counts as a 'bully' (I was bullied, heavily), but I do want an apology from this girl I had a major crush on who called the cops on me because I sent her a love letter. The people who called me names and beat me up didn't hurt nearly as bad as the person who made me feel like a monster or a predator because of my own feelings. I'm mature. I can be spoken to. Instead, I got treated like something reviled by someone I considered a friend.

The end result has made me a pretty defensive and lonely person. It be nice to get back some of the closure I got robbed of because I couldn't talk to her any more.

Old wounds are old. I've been in the process of moving on for the last three years or so, but I think that apology might help me close that chapter a little easier.

 

[redmoretrout]

While high school had been very bad due to bullying, I do not wish an apology. Things have changed, I am not the same person I was back then, and my bullies aren't either. I harbour no resentment to them in particular, but more to the system that produces teenagers like them.

Now thats an interesting proposition, you blame the "the system" for bullies? Are you referring to the school and teachers? Maybe The media and culture? I'm not attempting to challenge that view at all, I'm only interested in seeing you expand upon it.

Anyways, I was never really bullied in school, nor did I do any bullying myself. I can say that I knew a kid who was bullied everyday, and I did nothing to help him, so yeah I probably could've done better in that department.

 

[game-lover]

Nope, don't think so.

I figure to want an apology, I have to be holding the biggest grudge ever. And while I'm good at holding those, I don't think I'd hold it for this long.

Honestly, I say no because I don't think I'd give a shit. Chances are if they were a bully, I would have made myself rather cold and emotionless inside me. They would be a non entity to me so what do I care. I probably would not accept it.

But then, I don't see myself as a forgiving person. I see my response to an apology just being a neutral: "Okay."

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

Oh boohoo. To me it would seem like the jackass is just indulging in some self-masturbation. I knew how badly words could hurt, even back then, it seriously rankled me how most didn't though. I'd never forgive them, I'd want them to feel as bad now, as I did back then.

 

[saintdane05]

Yes, I want an apology. You still owe me that cookie, Tippy!

 

[TheCommanders]

I wasn't bullied much at school, mostly because of an incident my freshmen year of high school. Couple of juniors had been hassling me pretty badly for a few days in gym class, which I could usually just ignore; as a sociopath I've got pretty thick skin, but I remember one day they must have gotten bored with my lack of reaction and started picking on the guy I was partnered with. Considering I quite like the guy, that wasn't going to fly, and I guess it never crossed their minds that a nerdy kid who liked to read in the back of classrooms might have been studying martial arts since he was 6. After I put them on their asses and served my few days of detention I never got bothered again.

To answer the topic at hand, I think an apology from a bully now, as an adult, would just be insulting. In my mind, it's asking for validation for being a douche. It comes with the implication that you can act however the fuck you want to whomever you want when you're young, so long as you act slightly more mature later. And that's not okay in my book.

 

[Silly Hats]

I have been struggling Anxiety and to a degree Depression for a good chunk of my life. I've been bullied at school and other social events to the point where I would just avoid them if I could. I'll admit that there was a small brief occasion where I would ignore it when I saw other people being bullied. I feel bad about not helping other people in those cases and I still regret not being the bigger person and reaching out to others. I try to address these sort of problems now.

I still get frustrated when I can't communicate with other people or when others are more inclined to stop being jerks.


Though, a pretty significant moment I experienced was when I had to catch 2 buses to and from work, it would take me an hour and $12 in fees each day. When I saw one of my bullies run up to me and asked me how to read the bus time table, I did show him where to go as a silent victory. Bullying is just a life experience and is going to give you emotional intelligence and life skills.

 

[WOPR]

Which got me to thinking: Would you want and/or appreciate an apology from a bully in the past? Am I just being an insensitive ass by wondering why in the hell this would matter to you years after it happened? Do you agree and think that this is just kind of stupid that an apology from your former bully is silly?

EDIT (May 8th, 7:20am): *read and snipped*

I personally do want an apology. But I think my situation may be a little different than most. While I was bullied by students (who can die in a fire for all I care ;P) what I want an apology from is the school, their superintendent, staff, etc etc etc. Why am I so mad at this? Why do I feel it still affects me personally?
Maybe the whole getting expelled, having to move, and dealing with new people thing. Why was I expelled? Because (and I quote) "[Me] is just too much of a hassle and I really don't want to deal with him... ...Yes I punish him more harshly than other students but that's because I'm tired of seeing him in my office!"
Mind you: This was in 1st grade, my first teacher was sexist against males, my second teacher (got switched half way through the year) had just had a baby and would take it out on the class when the baby kept her up all night... You can see why I'd want an apology from that "school"...

...Also 7th grade but that's a much different story... (before them I was reading/doing math 3-4 grades ahead of my own; after them I still need to take Algebra II in college... yes it was a catholic school... which reminds me I need to take biology too...)

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

Couldn't give a damn for their apology, no. They were dicks and they probably still are. If I had a chance though, I'd love to have 5 minutes in a ring with them, if that opportunity ever arose. I know that makes me sound ridiculously immature, being probably of the older demographic on this site, but still. What would an apology mean now anyways? I've moved on fairly soon after it, and I can't say it affected me too badly at all. All I did with my senior years is try and be as nice as possible to my juniors anyways, I thought I'd try and break some of the cycle but in the school I went to, I doubt it went very far.

 

[ShipofFools]

While high school had been very bad due to bullying, I do not wish an apology. Things have changed, I am not the same person I was back then, and my bullies aren't either. I harbour no resentment to them in particular, but more to the system that produces teenagers like them.

Now thats an interesting proposition, you blame the "the system" for bullies? Are you referring to the school and teachers? Maybe The media and culture? I'm not attempting to challenge that view at all, I'm only interested in seeing you expand upon it.

Sure.
When I blame the system, I blame the school that did not care, and the teachers who didn't lift a single finger to even address the problem of bullying.
There where no consequences for bullying, and we were all hormone filled teenagers. There is no way this could have gone right in anyway.

Last year I actually met one of my worst bullies from high school, while my friend and I were sitting on a park bench. He was a completely different person, and so was I. I couldn't harbour a grudge any more. While it hurt me a lot, what helped me even more was letting go of the past.

 

[randomrob]

I neither want nor require an apology from people who have wronged me. I all ready know they were wrong, the fact they've finally worked that out as well is of no consequence to me. What happened happened, and dwelling in the past is unproductive.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

snip

Well I was bullied when I was younger, along with my dad being a terror and I have PTSD and Anxiety Disorder.

So no sometimes it doesn't just go away when you bully someone. Sometimes it effects people really badly and then the perpetrators get to swan off and live their life like they haven't just mentally abused someone to the point of mental illness.

I'm bitter yes but when people say 'Oh it's been years get over it' It just makes it worse rather than better.

No I don't want an apology I'd rather I didn't see them at all.

 

[WarpZone]

Oh, sorry. I thought this thread was about Aliens:Colonial Marines, Mass Effect 3, Final Fantasy Online, Ultimas VII-IX, the Ultima kickstarter that implied that Lord British was somehow OWED an apology from gamers after greenlighting Ultimas VII-IX, Postal III, [Insert name of Sonic The Hedgehog game here,] the early death of the Dreamcast, the early death of the entire current generation of consoles, the entire VIS platform, any 2D sidescroller franchise sequel with 3D in the title, E.T. for the Atari 2600, Duke Nukem Forever, and EA for merely existing. My mistake.

When I was a freshman in high school, they did some kinda retreat thing about introspection and forgiveness. (Catholic school. Long story.) At this retreat, duing some kinda meditation thing, some Senior whose name I don't even know randomly came up to me and hugged me and apologized for some bullshit that I didn't even remember while crying hard enough that I actually believed him.

I felt nothing.

Pfft. High school. Right?

 

[odolwa99]

I know, for a fact, if I were to meet with the people who hassled me in school for 'an apology' it would go the way of River City Ransom. F**k 'em up, that's what I say.

 

[Bvenged]

I either have had an apology already, or I don't want one because I think they are a total prick, or took an apology by my own force.

In my younger years I didn't tolerate bullying and I made that clear to anyone who had that kind of agenda. I was really thin so an easy target, but it didn't stop me from throwing punches at those who tried to bully me anyway. In the latter half of high-school I simply wasn't bullied as I had a finger in most of the social-group pies. A drifter, but not an outsider as I'd simply slip in groups, then out of it to join another one. I would often be invited to social gatherings of a fair few groups too and I'm certainly not an introvert. A minority of people teased or irritated me with a nickname I didn't like in the last year of Sixth Form simply because I expressed how much it annoyed me, but it was all in jest in the end so I let it slide.

I even stood up to bullies who were picking on friends, even though I was quite weedy. Basically if you're friendly and make it known you don't take shit from anybody who tries, you'll make waaaay more friends than enemies and you won't get bullied either. Confidence in yourself and what you like to do outside school is crucial to avoiding bullying, and being social with people - chatting to anybody and everybody - helps too. Everybody knew I gamed or didn't do sports, but I was still invited to play football after school, or go to the pub or cinema, because I would get involved with socialising. If anyone tries to bully you, even if they're twice your size, challenge them in a public area or if they're persistent, take a swing. Worst it gets you is detention or some shit, but then you can explain how the other guy is a bully. In front of him, if you have to.

 

[tippy2k2]

I personally do want an apology. But I think my situation may be a little different than most. While I was bullied by students (who can die in a fire for all I care ;P) what I want an apology from is the school, their superintendent, staff, etc etc etc. Why am I so mad at this? Why do I feel it still affects me personally?
Maybe the whole getting expelled, having to move, and dealing with new people thing. Why was I expelled? Because (and I quote) "[Me] is just too much of a hassle and I really don't want to deal with him... ...Yes I punish him more harshly than other students but that's because I'm tired of seeing him in my office!"
Mind you: This was in 1st grade, my first teacher was sexist against males, my second teacher (got switched half way through the year) had just had a baby and would take it out on the class when the baby kept her up all night... You can see why I'd want an apology from that "school"...

...Also 7th grade but that's a much different story... (before them I was reading/doing math 3-4 grades ahead of my own; after them I still need to take Algebra II in college... yes it was a catholic school... which reminds me I need to take biology too...)

Holy smokes. I've heard about school systems not helping very much (my bully had a talking to repeatedly but unless something could be actually proven, there's not much they could do) but that's just downright shady. That sounds like classic "Blaming the victim" kind of thing and it just piles on top of the bullshit you'd already have to deal with. In school, even if minimal could be done, I at least had an adult authority-figure I could go to who would listen, even if they were neutered in terms of what the school system and laws allowed them to do.

Although that might be one of those "blessings in disguise" for if a school was THAT negligent to it's students, I don't know if it'd be good going to a school like that anyways.

 

[tippy2k2]

Yes, I want an apology. You still owe me that cookie, Tippy!

I owe you a cookie? That's probably true; I tell people I'll give them stuff to make them do something and then I run away before I have to pay! Ha ha!

But I guess since you were able to track me down...

Spoiler: Internet Cookies!