Poll: Do you want an apology?

[DSK-]

As being someone who was bullied in elementary, middle, and high school: I would accept their apologies. I am now 19, in university, leading a successful life where I find past revenge of more than a year to be petty.

I also find it sad how both sides, the bully and the victims, can both become terrible people from the event. While the bully is committing their acts, they deserve to be dealt with appropriately within the law and socially with shunning, being an outcast, and other sociological repercussions for their transgressions. However, for the victims, they usually turn into terrifying people with such hatred and rage that it's saddening they actually believe what they do. Countless victims believe that because they were bullied that the bully deserves to be tortured and killed. Why is it that people want to "make an example" of another by escalating the revenge? In essence, you're wanting to shoot someone over them slapping you.

I'd much rather have revenge instead, preferably in the form of said bully's loved ones being raped, roasted alive in front of him and then ending with him being force-fed their remains until his digestive system gives out.

As I've said in the past: To all bullies, I hope all your dreams never come true, every person you love abandons you, every attempt you make in life fails.

My former high-school bully... hung himself in a cell. Justice, as far as I'm concerned.

No. I'd rather the option to stab them in the face.

If found guilty by strong evidence and in a more realistic court and law system you fucking DIE.

After being bullied myself physically and emotionally, I understand the desire for revenge and for the bullies to get their dues, but I also find it absolutely scary that some would consider the above to be "appropriate" revenge. It is not. And those above and others like you, I am sorry you experienced something so traumatic, but please seek a therapist before you become a danger to others and possibly a bully to others.

Thankfully, not everyone turns out this way way. To the fellow posters, I applaud you and thank you for understanding how to be the better person. I hope your lives continue to prosper:

One of the things that I've taken from this thread is that some bullied people have turned into absolute monsters, far far worse than their former bullies ever were. To see such a widespread lack of basic humanity is quite sickening to say the least.

I would certainly want one. One such person actually did apologize to me years later. It felt really good. I was never really angry at them, since I'm an extremely forgiving person.

I've really forgiven them already. There's usually a reason for bullies to bully. Most of the time they're just a mess of emotional issues and I actually kind of pity them. I hope they are in a better place now.

Have met people who used to bully me after growing up, got apology, talked it out. I think that did both me and them good.

Thank you for reading.

lol, I had to laugh

I wrote it as more of an off-the-cuff comment, but your comment on my post made me smile

 

[gphjr14]

I stabbed my first bully with a fork, so we called it even stevens.
My second to last bully I uppercut and he sulked in a corner.
My last bully ended up getting hooked on meth and killing himself, so everyday I'm alive is +1 for me.

But this is all from middle school so I hardly think about it being 26.

 

[Whateveralot]

Well, I've been bullied through the latter part of elementary and through most of highschool (all but the final year).

Now I'm 23. Back when I was 20-21, I had a very hard time where I realised I couldn't function in an environemnt where people would have expectation of my work, mainly because I was around people that wouldn't treat me in the way that I ought to be treated. I eventually broke down and realised this was because of "back then".

I quit what I was doing back then, rethought most of the things I was planning to do and right now I'm at the apex of my own well being. I have a job as sales rep, starting up a business of my own, have a beautiful girlfriend which has a great perspective on things and she's got a great future ahead of her.


Now about apologies. See, I'm not the kind of person to say "I'm happy for them to make me who I am now", because I am thoroughly happy with who I am and what lies ahead of me. However; I'm going to be narcissistic and say that I have to thank myself for this.

I don't need their apologies in a way that makes me disgust the thought of their apology. They knew what they were doing. If they feel sorry, I want them to suffer through it like I did. If they don't feel sorry, I pity their lack of self-awareness.

In either case, I laugh at their "achievements". They have become weak. At least two of which have had children before the age of 20, each of which are accidents, failing their courses or being flat-out denied entry.

 

[Mersadeon]

Well, my bullies never apologized formally, but most of them kinda did through their behaviour. We all grew up a lot during our last few years together. But those that didn't... I don't really care for an apology. Sure, it made my life a lot harder, but that was so long ago and everyone was kind of a dick back then.

Edit: I don't mean that they don't NEED to apologize, I think it would be the right thing to do. I would appreciate it. But I don't really care.

 

[Strazdas]

Disclaimer: stupid me. i typed in a reply then voted in a poll, thinking this will be like any other forum where it wont refresh the whole damn page to count my vote.... how silly of me.

I do not want to hear or see those people ever again and would not take an apology. They likely dont even remember me and i will be forced to remember them my whole life. An apology would not even come close to a start of what would take them to get me to forgive them.

I think you've clearly demonstrated your insensitivity to other people's feelings and experiences.

Good. The less people care about feelings of people who forgive just because the guy said sorry after 10 years the better.

I see from this thread most people have either not experience bullying or have moved on. Good for you. Not everyone is so lucky to be allowed to move on though.

 

[Zorpheus]

Requiring or wanting an apology merely gives what they did legitimacy. Bullies don't deserve to affect my life in any meaningful manner. If they do, they've won.

 

[zinho73]

Requiring or wanting an apology merely gives what they did legitimacy. Bullies don't deserve to affect my life in any meaningful manner. If they do, they've won.

I understand your point, but I would like to add that most bullies are not even aware of the damage they might cause. They are not evil people with an agenda to break you. Mostly are just misguided and bad adjusted kids with a warped sense of fun.

In that sense they cannot "win", because their objective was not to cause psychological trauma.

That said, it is possible for anyone that suffered bulling to conquer those traumas and effectively be a winner. Most people that suffered serious bulling and are saying that they got over will fall into three categories:
1. They didn't. They just think they did.
2. They did it instinctively, because were fortunate enough to have internal and external factors helping them without they even notice them.
3. They did it with a lot of self-awareness and willpower, most likely with the help of good therapy.

But, as I said, I get your point - moving on when some bad things happened to us sure feels like winning.

 

[zinho73]

Our past is a part of what we are. The more the time passes, the biggest is that part.
There is no such a thing as "forgeting" the past - you can only learn from it.

If it happened, it left an impression on you. The less mature you were, the biggest is the impression. 100% of all psychoanalysis sections will sooner or later deal with childhood or teenage issues.

And you should think about it why you don't cherish your childhood memories. Some blocking issues, maybe? (well, just kidding on this last sentence... mostly).

Blocked memories? I highly doubt that.....OH GOD! UNCLE OWEN WHY!?!?!

Anyway, I don't think anyone should forget their past but I just don't get why people allow it to control their future so much. However, upon thinking about it, a lot of that might have had to do with my Art Major (see the edit in the OP).

Now it wasn't put in the post but most of the artwork I did during college had to do with bullying and the mind of someone who would do a school shooting. The work was...to put it nicely, disturbing enough that I was asked to go to the counselor

The more I think about it, the more I believe that this might be a large contributing factor. I remember being a fairly angry fella in my college days and art really helped break that. Now I'm just a slightly angry fella

Yeah, I can certainly relate to that .

On the point of the past controlling the future. It is not so much control, but a definite and strong influence. Unfortunately, letting go those things is rarely a case of choice.

 

[ShipofFools]

While high school had been very bad due to bullying, I do not wish an apology. Things have changed, I am not the same person I was back then, and my bullies aren't either. I harbour no resentment to them in particular, but more to the system that produces teenagers like them.

 

[canis]

No, but there are a lot of people I wish I could apologize to.

 

[TehCookie]

No, I'd rather never see them again. To people saying it's in the past, the past affects who you are today. Going through 12 years of school with all my classmates hating me killed my ability to care about people. A apology won't fix that so it's pointless.

 

[Murais]

I don't know if this counts as a 'bully' (I was bullied, heavily), but I do want an apology from this girl I had a major crush on who called the cops on me because I sent her a love letter. The people who called me names and beat me up didn't hurt nearly as bad as the person who made me feel like a monster or a predator because of my own feelings. I'm mature. I can be spoken to. Instead, I got treated like something reviled by someone I considered a friend.

The end result has made me a pretty defensive and lonely person. It be nice to get back some of the closure I got robbed of because I couldn't talk to her any more.

Old wounds are old. I've been in the process of moving on for the last three years or so, but I think that apology might help me close that chapter a little easier.

 

[redmoretrout]

While high school had been very bad due to bullying, I do not wish an apology. Things have changed, I am not the same person I was back then, and my bullies aren't either. I harbour no resentment to them in particular, but more to the system that produces teenagers like them.

Now thats an interesting proposition, you blame the "the system" for bullies? Are you referring to the school and teachers? Maybe The media and culture? I'm not attempting to challenge that view at all, I'm only interested in seeing you expand upon it.

Anyways, I was never really bullied in school, nor did I do any bullying myself. I can say that I knew a kid who was bullied everyday, and I did nothing to help him, so yeah I probably could've done better in that department.

 

[game-lover]

Nope, don't think so.

I figure to want an apology, I have to be holding the biggest grudge ever. And while I'm good at holding those, I don't think I'd hold it for this long.

Honestly, I say no because I don't think I'd give a shit. Chances are if they were a bully, I would have made myself rather cold and emotionless inside me. They would be a non entity to me so what do I care. I probably would not accept it.

But then, I don't see myself as a forgiving person. I see my response to an apology just being a neutral: "Okay."

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

Oh boohoo. To me it would seem like the jackass is just indulging in some self-masturbation. I knew how badly words could hurt, even back then, it seriously rankled me how most didn't though. I'd never forgive them, I'd want them to feel as bad now, as I did back then.

 

[saintdane05]

Yes, I want an apology. You still owe me that cookie, Tippy!

 

[TheCommanders]

I wasn't bullied much at school, mostly because of an incident my freshmen year of high school. Couple of juniors had been hassling me pretty badly for a few days in gym class, which I could usually just ignore; as a sociopath I've got pretty thick skin, but I remember one day they must have gotten bored with my lack of reaction and started picking on the guy I was partnered with. Considering I quite like the guy, that wasn't going to fly, and I guess it never crossed their minds that a nerdy kid who liked to read in the back of classrooms might have been studying martial arts since he was 6. After I put them on their asses and served my few days of detention I never got bothered again.

To answer the topic at hand, I think an apology from a bully now, as an adult, would just be insulting. In my mind, it's asking for validation for being a douche. It comes with the implication that you can act however the fuck you want to whomever you want when you're young, so long as you act slightly more mature later. And that's not okay in my book.

 

[Silly Hats]

I have been struggling Anxiety and to a degree Depression for a good chunk of my life. I've been bullied at school and other social events to the point where I would just avoid them if I could. I'll admit that there was a small brief occasion where I would ignore it when I saw other people being bullied. I feel bad about not helping other people in those cases and I still regret not being the bigger person and reaching out to others. I try to address these sort of problems now.

I still get frustrated when I can't communicate with other people or when others are more inclined to stop being jerks.


Though, a pretty significant moment I experienced was when I had to catch 2 buses to and from work, it would take me an hour and $12 in fees each day. When I saw one of my bullies run up to me and asked me how to read the bus time table, I did show him where to go as a silent victory. Bullying is just a life experience and is going to give you emotional intelligence and life skills.

 

[WOPR]

Which got me to thinking: Would you want and/or appreciate an apology from a bully in the past? Am I just being an insensitive ass by wondering why in the hell this would matter to you years after it happened? Do you agree and think that this is just kind of stupid that an apology from your former bully is silly?

EDIT (May 8th, 7:20am): *read and snipped*

I personally do want an apology. But I think my situation may be a little different than most. While I was bullied by students (who can die in a fire for all I care ;P) what I want an apology from is the school, their superintendent, staff, etc etc etc. Why am I so mad at this? Why do I feel it still affects me personally?
Maybe the whole getting expelled, having to move, and dealing with new people thing. Why was I expelled? Because (and I quote) "[Me] is just too much of a hassle and I really don't want to deal with him... ...Yes I punish him more harshly than other students but that's because I'm tired of seeing him in my office!"
Mind you: This was in 1st grade, my first teacher was sexist against males, my second teacher (got switched half way through the year) had just had a baby and would take it out on the class when the baby kept her up all night... You can see why I'd want an apology from that "school"...

...Also 7th grade but that's a much different story... (before them I was reading/doing math 3-4 grades ahead of my own; after them I still need to take Algebra II in college... yes it was a catholic school... which reminds me I need to take biology too...)

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

Couldn't give a damn for their apology, no. They were dicks and they probably still are. If I had a chance though, I'd love to have 5 minutes in a ring with them, if that opportunity ever arose. I know that makes me sound ridiculously immature, being probably of the older demographic on this site, but still. What would an apology mean now anyways? I've moved on fairly soon after it, and I can't say it affected me too badly at all. All I did with my senior years is try and be as nice as possible to my juniors anyways, I thought I'd try and break some of the cycle but in the school I went to, I doubt it went very far.