Poll: Dumped a girl. Help? Please?

[Easton Dark]

the proper course of action would have been to check and see if she was up for a 3some first... you never know unless you ask

We tried that with my fiancee's best friend... best weekend ever.

I simply must try this "asking" thing. It sounds lovely.

 

[somonels]

That's the way of that gender. THE most common thing to happen to a local - my local - guy after terminating a relationship.

 

[Voulan]

Sorry, I accidentally clicked 'No' by mistake. I meant to say what you did was acceptable, and I was answering your last question in your post that you weren't wrong.

Girls always side with their friends, so don't feel like a bad person because of it. Obviously they'll see you as one, but rarely is this the actual case. You would have been unhappy if you'd stayed with her, and it would probably have ended up worse if you ended it much later and confessed to liking someone else for such a long time.

 

[Trivun]

Oddly enough, this is the exact plot (well, almost - there's a lesbian relationship and an indie rock/folk band involved too) to a story I came up with ages ago.

Why's that odd? It sounds like something that probably happens all the time.

Well, yeah, just thought it ws a nice little coincidence . Except the OP's story doesn't involve a band or lesbians, as far as we're aware...

 

[BaronUberstein]

As far as I'm concerned, it's better to tell the truth than to lie. Did she want you to be unhappy with her? You did the logical choice: tell the complete truth and take the happier option.

 

[Right Hook]

Snip

You did nothing wrong, we have about as much control over who we are into as we do over the beating of our heart. You made no permanent commitment to this girl, I think it would be more cruel to simply string her along while having feelings for someone else.

 

[cookyy2k]

the proper course of action would have been to check and see if she was up for a 3some first... you never know unless you ask

We tried that with my fiancee's best friend... best weekend ever.

I simply must try this "asking" thing. It sounds lovely.

It's one hell of a gamble, the potential winnings are large indeed but the losses range from awkwardness to perpetual lonelyness

 

[chadachada123]

I did something similar my sophomore year of high school.

Ended up regretting it a ton, because the new girl kept stringing me along and toying with my emotions, and I ended up doing the same to the old girl. We were all a bunch of immature twats back then.

Still...it'd be wrong to continue dating someone if you have feelings for someone else, and I know how real those feelings can be first-hand. You did the right thing, though I can't speak for your delivery.

As for her friends? Fuck 'em, but recognize that OF COURSE they're going to defend their friend over you, the dumper. That's common sense and says nothing about you as a person.

 

[Dark2003]

it would be unfair to stay in a relationship where your only running through the motions. Dump her and move on so she can too.

 

[Gentleman Adventurer]

It was better that you broke up with the first one without cheating on her. Sometimes relationships just don't work out. And you have been only dating for, what, five months at the most. I think she will get over it.

 

[Astoria]

It's expected no matter how nicely you broke up with her. When she gets over it she'll be glad you told her before anything happened with this new girl. You can't help falling for someone else although I would give yourself a little time before starting a new relationship with her.

 

[floppylobster]

It's not your choices, they're always up to you. It's all in how you handled it. From the brief description it sounds acceptable. And if you're young, then it's more than expected.

 

[krazykidd]

No, you're a horrible person! Stay with someone you don't care much for and be miserable like the rest of us dammit!

No need for that until marriage .

OT: Pat yourself on the back , you did the right thing . I would have done the wrong thing and made sure i had a new girlfriend to replace the old one ... Just in case .

Also right and wron are completly subjective , do want you want ( as long as you don't break any laws ) as long as you are happy ( or happier).

 

[Smiley Face]

I think whether it was the right thing depends on how long the period of time was between suspecting things weren't going to work out, and making the decision to end it. I imagine (and hope) that you spent some amount of time waiting to figure out if it wasn't just a passing thing and it was really what you wanted. I say that not only because that makes it more palatable to most other people, but because I've known people who've dumped their girlfriendsin the past and regretted it - it's something you want to think through - but if you don't like what you see in that future, then you've got to do what you've got to do, and I respect you for having the guts to do it. Also hoping you made an effort to be compassionate, because... that's good and all.

 

[SirDeadly]

Did you do the right thing? Yes
Was it poorly handled? Most likely

Somehow I have stayed friends with both of my exes and their friends, god knows how. My current girlfriend is good friends with both of my exes too. Weird...

It is normal for you to be "hated" by her friends though, all you can really do is suck it up and hope it all blows over soon.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

You are going to hurt her no matter what you do. Might as well get it over with. Also if your that quick to switch girls after just 1 date you didn't like her much to begin with and probably didn't treat her right. I would apologize for that.

Still top thing is to get it out in the open before its too late.

 

[ClanCrusher]

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that you are probably in High School, and the sad truth of the matter there is that nothing you do there will really matter. The girl you date then isn't likely to be the one you end up with, the 'social structures' collapse the minute graduation rolls around, and (to pull a quote from Movie Bob here) the people who say it was great were usually the ones making it miserable for everyone else.

As for your original question? I can't honestly venture an accurate opinion one way or another. Frankly, there's not a whole lot of information to go on and your point is naturally biased. What I will say is that High School eventually ends, and the drama will end with it.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Well, I was dating a girl since December, but yesterday, Monday the blah blah. I decided on the way to school that I was going to end it. I had fallen for another girl. Now, she didn't "seduce me" into taking her over my current date. I was just more attracted to her, and generally happier when I was with her. I told my (ex) girlfriend that I had feelings for other people. She knew who I meant. Immediately, all of her friends who tolerated me as the Mr. Nice Guy lynched me. All my guy friends told me I did what was right. So, my fellow Escapists, is what I did wrong? Should I feel angry over my choices?

Whatever your reasons being honest about how you feel is always better than living a lie, or cheating on someone because you're too much of a coward to end it. With any luck, your ex and her friends will realise that once some time has passed. Don't worry about them at the moment. Right now, it's kinda their job to hate you, even if what you did was justified. They're her friends so they're on her side as a matter of principle, it's just the way people work. It doesn't mean you were wrong to do what you did.

That said, I hope it does work out with you and this new girl, because if it doesn't don't think you'll be able to just slip back into your old relationship like nothing happened.

 

[hawkinsssable]

"I'm breaking up with you because there's somebody better" is pretty much THE WORST possible thing to hear when somebody breaks up with you. It's guaranteed to make the other person feel like shit (moreso than pretty much anything else you can say.) If you didn't actively dislike your current partner, you should have found a classier way to break up with her.

You should have found a better way to break up with your ex and given it at least a little time before hooking up with girl B (which is probably an emotionally healthy thing to do anyway.) So yeah. That was definitely wrong. Not "burn in hell" wrong, but "selfish and thoughtless" wrong.

 

[Hagi]

First, you probably hurt her, and that's a bad thing.

Why is that bad? People get hurt, it happens. Someone else is usually the cause of that, it happens. It's not like he's doing it out of some sick form of enjoyment or anything like that.

Should he have stayed with her then even though he didn't want to?

There's the hurts we can avoid and the hurts we can't. This is a hurt that couldn't be avoided, it's not a bad thing. It's just part of life.

Second, you left her solely for someone prettier. Rebuttal to point 2: that's not necessarily a bad thing if no one was hurt.

He didn't.

I was just more attracted to her, and generally happier when I was with her.

He left her for someone he was more attracted to (which need not be, and usually isn't, based solely on looks) and who made him happier (which rarely is based solely on looks).

Third, no one can say what you did was "right." At best, what you did was morally gray.

What he did was perfectly morally white.

He was honest, true to himself and respectful as can be to all parties involved. He's also still in school and thus likely young and inexperienced.

Now, since this is a forum, my personal bias. You do not specify if sex was involved, but it can be assumed. That being said, I find it morally repugnant when someone is just fine with casually leaving someone you convinced to give you the most personal thing that can be given.

I say I cannot decide simply because I acknowledge I don't have the whole story.

Sex is hardly the most personal thing that can be given.

Sex is whatever the two parties involved want it to be. If they both want it to be a casual thing then that's what it is. If they both want it to be the most personal thing that can be given then that's what it is. You do not get to decide what role sex takes in another person's life.