Poll: Girls Don't Like Assholes.
- Thread starter Panzer_God
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Im loving this kind of discussion because I too have self confidence issues. I had a girl, I did nothing with girl, I lost girl. Simple as that. If I had had confidence(and she said it without saying it) that I we would have been able to continue together but to her it was just a friendship, wether it was a great relationship to me or not I had no control of the situation around her and I noticed her mood until she finally broke up with me...We were somewhat friends after that but it was never the same and recently she began acting really evasive around me like I was the creepy new guy that has been following her but never talked to her. That hurts my confidence even more causing a large cycle of low confidence that seems to affect many fellow computer abusers and it is a depressing one to see(luckily when I try to I can get over someone fairly quickly due to practice however not everyone has this type of ability or control)
Stockholm syndrome is a real thing and I think it could exist on lower levels of intensity. Rememberer, Stockholm Syndrome is not a faked attraction, it is a GENUINE attraction that from an evolutionary biology perspective exists as a self-preservation mechanism.
It works how many women (and men) are so impressed when they get an absolute brute to show any kind of decency, that's exactly how stockholm syndrome works. Abused and threatened hostages latch onto and amplify any kindness their abuser shows towards them, especially if this was in response to a caring thing they did. Like for example the brute drops something and they bend down an pick it up for them... and the brute smiles kindly and genuinely thanks them.
The evolutionary psychology explanation for this is women having an inherent disadvantage in fighting with males from how men are effectively juicing on anabolic steroids with their naturally higher testosterone makes it better to capitulate to ONE abusive man than be victim of multiple ganging up on them.
Maybe it's just nature. Tough guys want fay girls and fay girls want tough guys.
Maybe the personality attributes what women actually value are not the same as what they are actually attracted to. I mean it's accepted that tough bastard guys will be attracted to girls who are nice and kind. But that's because they'd make them easy to live with, the other side shouldn't like the opposite. Cat wants a mouse but a mouse shouldn't want a cat, if you follow.
But if there is such a thing as true love I don't think that is it. You look at the great romance stories ever told, they rarely are about misogynists bullying the target of their attraction into submission. Bastards are powerful. I can see how women are attracted to that power, "confidence" is one aspect. I suppose it takes confidence to be a bully and a drain on society, but if you are his girlfriend then he will dote on you and not be his victim as much.
I think it could be "well if I'm his girlfriend, he'll be nicer to me and he'll protect me from any of his gang of hyenas ever touching me".
I'm not saying this is most relationships but it is not inconsiderably small proportion.
It works how many women (and men) are so impressed when they get an absolute brute to show any kind of decency, that's exactly how stockholm syndrome works. Abused and threatened hostages latch onto and amplify any kindness their abuser shows towards them, especially if this was in response to a caring thing they did. Like for example the brute drops something and they bend down an pick it up for them... and the brute smiles kindly and genuinely thanks them.
The evolutionary psychology explanation for this is women having an inherent disadvantage in fighting with males from how men are effectively juicing on anabolic steroids with their naturally higher testosterone makes it better to capitulate to ONE abusive man than be victim of multiple ganging up on them.
Maybe it's just nature. Tough guys want fay girls and fay girls want tough guys.
Maybe the personality attributes what women actually value are not the same as what they are actually attracted to. I mean it's accepted that tough bastard guys will be attracted to girls who are nice and kind. But that's because they'd make them easy to live with, the other side shouldn't like the opposite. Cat wants a mouse but a mouse shouldn't want a cat, if you follow.
But if there is such a thing as true love I don't think that is it. You look at the great romance stories ever told, they rarely are about misogynists bullying the target of their attraction into submission. Bastards are powerful. I can see how women are attracted to that power, "confidence" is one aspect. I suppose it takes confidence to be a bully and a drain on society, but if you are his girlfriend then he will dote on you and not be his victim as much.
I think it could be "well if I'm his girlfriend, he'll be nicer to me and he'll protect me from any of his gang of hyenas ever touching me".
I'm not saying this is most relationships but it is not inconsiderably small proportion.
Well people are allowed to put on "a right face" and sit there if they're pissed off/upset, I know I can, and I'd probably make a effort to talk to somebody looking miserable as well, it's just kind of weird for somebody to have that as a primary stance and then expect people to throw themselves at them.EeveeElectro said:
Also, just noticed something, isn't your forum name essentially "Jolteon"?
Midgeamoo said:
Pretty much. I understand we can't be happy bunnies all the time but people who are constantly miserable completely turn me off. I don't like surrounding myself with people who just want to bring me down, even after I've tried to help them. I'm just too happy and bouncy, I feel uncomfortable around people who constantly brood and moan about things.
haha. I didn't think of that.Also, just noticed something, isn't your forum name essentially "Jolteon"?
I used to be EmileeElectro on here cause alliteration ftw. Then I took on the nickname Eevee so the electro still had a nice ring to it.
You make being an asshole sound like a good thing believe me its not all its cracked up to be.
If you're too big an asshole girls will definatly hate you but if you are not a big enough asshole you will get skipped right over.
It's incredibly difficult to find that sweet spot where you are an asshole but people love you for it.
If you go to big it's almost a death wish try small and work you're way up is the best advice I can give.
If you're too big an asshole girls will definatly hate you but if you are not a big enough asshole you will get skipped right over.
It's incredibly difficult to find that sweet spot where you are an asshole but people love you for it.
If you go to big it's almost a death wish try small and work you're way up is the best advice I can give.
Ok, this one's real simple.
To answer the age old question "why isn't this girl I like interested in me?", it's not because you lack some magical quality that'll suddenly make you be all over her*, it's because she doesn't like you in that way. Is it really impossible to comprehend that you can enjoy the company of someone of the opposite gender and not want to have sex with them?**
As for the second age-old question "why is this girl I like going out with this guy who's a total fucknut and I hate and I think she would be better off without etc. etc. etc.". In most cases, this guy isn't actually a total fucknut, the people asking this question just believe they are because they're actually a total fucknut who has to believe anyone else with "their girl" (notice the possessive term there) has to be a total fucknut. Even if they've never met the guy and he's actually quite nice. (How do I know this? Well, believe it or not kids, I used to be that total fucknut! I got better, though.)
When he is a total fucknut... well, this one's easy as well. Go to your picture folder, and look at the pictures of women you have saved there*** (don't pretend you don't =\ ). Now, ask yourself, "these women who fuel my sexual fantasies, in reality are they probably nice people?"****, If you haven't figured out what I'm getting at here, you're obvious not particularly smart so I'll spell it out for you: People are dumb and do dumb things when they're near to people they find attractive. Women are no exception to this.
Well, that's two age old questions answered on my cup of coffee today... guess I'll put the kettle on and get to work on the meaning of life...
*actually, speaking as a scientist, it is, but biology and sociology aren't exactly the same thing, so unless you're going to try and change your genetics...
**anyone who says "yes, this is impossible", I refer you to your mother. Do you want to have sex with your mother? If you answered "yes" to this question, I strongly advise you seek psychological help.
***If you find you instead just have a thousand pictures of your crush in there I'd, once again, recommend you seek psychological help.
****Protip: The answer is "no"
Thing is, most 'asshole boyfriends' that people complain about are usually just ordinary successful good looking men. Most of the internets 'nice guys' are just fat, unnattractive or unsuccessul. Often I see guys like this find one negative trait (i.e said guy doesn't laugh at girls jokes) and emphasis the hell out of it to convince themselves that this ordinary man is an asshole and that they must therefore be so much better for said girl.
As for the argument 'women like dating jerks' thing I actually encourage people to look up the site Manboobz and search the 'nice guys' segment. Having read what some of the supposed 'nice guys' of the web write and how they choose to vent their bitter frustrations and how they seem to think opening a door for a woman means she should just sleep with them I have come to the conclusion that these people are not 'nice'.
So maybe girls aren't dating arseholes and avoiding nice guys. Maybe, just maybe they can pick up on a sincere nice person and a person who acts nice expecting reward while stifling some really fucked up misogynistic attitudes and therefore have no desire to date these people.
As for the argument 'women like dating jerks' thing I actually encourage people to look up the site Manboobz and search the 'nice guys' segment. Having read what some of the supposed 'nice guys' of the web write and how they choose to vent their bitter frustrations and how they seem to think opening a door for a woman means she should just sleep with them I have come to the conclusion that these people are not 'nice'.
So maybe girls aren't dating arseholes and avoiding nice guys. Maybe, just maybe they can pick up on a sincere nice person and a person who acts nice expecting reward while stifling some really fucked up misogynistic attitudes and therefore have no desire to date these people.
I'm not one of those assholes who claim to be a nice guy and I don't blame women for not being attracted to me. My problem is that I find myself wallowing with stupidity when I try to talk to girls that I like.
I'll be honest, self-confidence is one of the areas in which I am lacking. Mostly because I tend to be critical of myself. This might not be the best place to ask and I might regret this but, what can I do to improve my self-confidence? Every time I try to approach this girl I like, she is either occupied or (in most cases) my mind freezes and I shamefully get shy and anxious.I don't want to live with the regret of not knowing but it keeps happening. It pisses me off.
I'll be honest, self-confidence is one of the areas in which I am lacking. Mostly because I tend to be critical of myself. This might not be the best place to ask and I might regret this but, what can I do to improve my self-confidence? Every time I try to approach this girl I like, she is either occupied or (in most cases) my mind freezes and I shamefully get shy and anxious.I don't want to live with the regret of not knowing but it keeps happening. It pisses me off.
I have noticed many high school girls are drawn to assholes. They have a bad-boy complex, they are confident, and usually live a semi-adventurous life. These are all traits that fantasy romantic to girls. Of course the whole "I can change him" comes into play. Like taking in a loss puppy and teaching it not to go poo poo all over the floor.
Scientist say its has to do with our instincts. Young females need the best mate possible to create the best offspring possible. However after kids comes motherly instinct. A drive to secure a good nest and a safe environment to raise the offspring. Unfortunately the testosterone filled "lets fuck on the cop car" guy generally isn't the best type when it comes to kids. Thats where "good guys" comes in.
Side note you need to make sure not to make such a narrow generalization. Not all women are attracted to assholes and I found your "internet guys" thing offensive. Now I'm ok with it because its just an opinion and I'm not going to be a flamer just because someone voiced whats in their mind, but I'd watch it others may be less tolerable.
I grew up online. My entire social life is online. Yet I am so confident in myself it borderlines narcissism.
Scientist say its has to do with our instincts. Young females need the best mate possible to create the best offspring possible. However after kids comes motherly instinct. A drive to secure a good nest and a safe environment to raise the offspring. Unfortunately the testosterone filled "lets fuck on the cop car" guy generally isn't the best type when it comes to kids. Thats where "good guys" comes in.
Side note you need to make sure not to make such a narrow generalization. Not all women are attracted to assholes and I found your "internet guys" thing offensive. Now I'm ok with it because its just an opinion and I'm not going to be a flamer just because someone voiced whats in their mind, but I'd watch it others may be less tolerable.
I grew up online. My entire social life is online. Yet I am so confident in myself it borderlines narcissism.
I'm given to understand that the "women love assholes" thing is just basic biology screwing with them. Dominant, aggressive alpha males are appealing to ovulating women. They also tend to be physically stronger/healthier, making them more appealing for reproduction, and more confident, which as noted makes them more appealing in general. When women AREN'T ovulating they prefer nurturing men, which is where the "nice guy/BFF" comes in. If any science majors want to stop by and debunk this go ahead, this is totally a lay person's understanding of how this shit works.Panzer_God said:
Guys also are attracted to predictable physiological and psychological traits. I bet not too many guys here spend a lot of time fantasizing about thick-set, masculine, hairy women, for example. When we're drawn to the traditional hour glass figure, attracted to youth or health, intrigued by strong symmetrical features, we easily admit that we are "slaves to our biology". When women do it, it's all "BLARGLE FARGLE WOMEN LOVE ASSHOLES LIFE IS UNFAIR".
So in general, you are correct that the primary blame lies with us when women don't like us or enjoy our company, but it's not ALWAYS because we're self-pitying weiners. If you had the ill luck to be born a beta male sometimes you're just not going to be packing the pheromones necessary to win a face-off against a manlier competitor, no matter how kick ass your anime collection is. However, women are not utter slaves to their base impulses any more than we are, so often by the time they're in their mid to late 20's they're getting savvy to the whole "beefy guys are weirdly sexy" phenomenon and are getting better at spotting actual assholes and recognizing the value of actual nice guys. Often, not always. We all have dating pathologies, we all have patterns we lapse into. Sometimes those patterns ain't so good for us, but no one has ever been able to fully set the parameters of their own desire. If we could, we'd just get turned on by everything, yeah? The world would be our playground.
I have. I know a naturally charismatic guy that can just walk right up to a girl, casually say, "Hey, you wanna have sex?", and within half an hour or so, she's on the floor giggling while he's feeling her tits. I'll give you a tip. Running after a girl like a maniac screaming, "Please, have sex with me! 3 minutes is all I need!" is exactly the wrong way to approach a female.Midgeamoo said:
Some people have it, some people don?t. It?s not often easy for a mild-mannered nerd to be socially comfortable around the people that you may have already conceived as superior to you, just like it?s not often easy for a confident and boisterous party-man to shut the fuck up for once and stop being awesome. Even if the meek loser in the corner actually tries to hold himself well and be upfront, it probably doesn?t come naturally to him like the other guy and might just end up saying something the wrong way.
If you?re a self-proclaimed ?nice guy? that only acts nice around girls just so you can get in their pants, then you?re not a nice guy.
Humans are complex creatures. Love and attraction isn?t a science. Well, OK, maybe for the latter, it is, but you know what I mean. Our biology is hilariously at war with ourselves. Some girls do dig assholes. Some girls dig weak guys. Some guys dig bimbos. Some guys dig smart girls. Overall, I guess you?ve just got to try be a well-rounded individual.
Very much agreed. It's unreasonable, as most double standards tend to be; some things are simply a matter of genetics, and judging girls for preferring a superior specimen is unfair.BloatedGuppy said:
Also, slammin'-hot girls have to work on their appearance, so why shouldn't we men have to put in some effort as well? I know attraction is based on far more than looks, and there's just not much you can do about lack of symmetry, but regarding purely physical appeal I can understand perfectly well why I'd be passed over for someone who's in better shape.
That's the thing I don't get though, that isn't confidence ... that is mood. Also what does that have to do with how date-able that guy is? Maybe he is one of those brood thoughtful types, just 'cos he is sat "quietly in the corner with his head down low and not speaking with a right face on" doesn't mean he lacks confidence, just a bad dayEeveeElectro said:
I think she's probably referring to people you see regularly and who are always in a "bad mood." And to be fair, while one bad day has very little to do with how dateable you are overall, you're unlikely to get picked up by some random girl (who doesn't know if it's just a one off bad day or not) when you're visibly in a bad mood.omega 616 said:
When I was 15 and 16 I had girls all over me....because I acted like a confident jerk haha. Now days I'm a 'nice guy' but I'm also confident and though I don't have girls 'all over me' anymore, I am still able to get what I want.
Being "friend zoned" isn't really an issue. If a girl doesn't like me like that then I just move on to the next one. I've friend zoned a dozen girls and I'm sure that girls all don't get together and whine about it like boys do.
Being "friend zoned" isn't really an issue. If a girl doesn't like me like that then I just move on to the next one. I've friend zoned a dozen girls and I'm sure that girls all don't get together and whine about it like boys do.
But someone who is constantly like that, it is to do with his confidence. like I was explaining earlier, I've had bad days where if I'm in a social situation I just sit quietly with my head down.omega 616 said:
When my confidence used to be at rock bottom, I'd act like that constantly because I was too scared to speak up. No I only act like that when I'm feeling vulnerable or in a shitty mood.
There's a difference between dark and broody and just plain miserable all the time. Miserable people just bring me down, where I'd probably try to get to know quiet and thoughtful types.