Poll: How do you eat a burger?

[Thespian]

Your experience has also been files into the pointless folder. We thank you for your contribution.

My apologies, I must just have been bitter because I don't get to post how I eat a burger, thus being immortalized in the hallowed halls of fame for evermore, like everyone else in this thread.

What was I thinking.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Cut with a knife and fork if it's a big one. If not I inject it directly into my veins!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehrm, I'll go with the first bit (*snobbish sniff* I only eat beef that costs at least a grand per pound!).

I'm like David Mitchell... never again set foot in a fast food joint. GBK, on the other hand, yes, and full set of cutlery is used, like the petty bourgeois ponce that I am! =P

 

[blankedboy]

Eat the front?
Who eats burgers in different ways

 

[Revolutionary]

Just eat it from the front to the back without spilling any. Like a boss.

 

[awmperry]

I have my burgers plain - sometimes with bacon, but never any plants, goo or other irrelevancies - so there's no ketchup seepage to worry about. I generally just eat the outside first (it has a higher bread-to-burger ratio), saving the part with the higher meat content for last.

 

[SoulSalmon]

I came to this thread with the FULL intention of being the arsehole who says: "I bite, chew and swallow, in that order, until theres no burger left" but looks like I've been beaten to it by all the other arseholes...

Woe is me :/

More on topic, the first option for most burgers, but if I go to McDonalds then I don't really have a choice in the matter and I have to eat at the location where all the insides are falling out from, because the employees like to prepare burgers by throwing burger parts into a box from across the room.

 

[Merkavar]

i bite into it and when i notice cheese or something sqeezing out the other side i turn around and start eating from that end.

 

[MikeyW]

Ever sen the south park episode "red hot catholic love"? Yeah, like that.

 

[Mr. Google]

Back and forth. Take a bite, bite the pointy bit (because my bites are semi-circles, as should yours be) then eat the other pointy bit, then eat the middle once it's all straightened out, and repeat the cycle.



I also have a certain way I eat toast and pies.

My bites are triangles 0_o whats wrong with me!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

[StBishop]

Back and forth. Take a bite, bite the pointy bit (because my bites are semi-circles, as should yours be) then eat the other pointy bit, then eat the middle once it's all straightened out, and repeat the cycle.



I also have a certain way I eat toast and pies.

My bites are triangles 0_o whats wrong with me!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Are you a bird? Birds bite in triangles because they have beaks.
Maybe you have a narrow/pointy mouth?

 

[Mailman]

I cut the burger in half and eat both halves. It keeps it from getting too messy.

 

[RivFader86]

fork/knife i don't touch food after it's prepared especially in public

 

[legion431]

Where's the 'blender' option.

 

[KingofallCosmos]

If it's a good burger, I'll eat in untill it falls apart from too much ingredients. Then it's all caveman style, like I'm eating unlimited spare ribs.

Captcha: curshoo Lucrece.
Yes! Curse you Lucretia!

 

[Wutaiflea]

If I'm eating at Maccy D's or somewhere similar, I just hold it together and eat it in one go, but if I'm in a restaurant having a posh burger, I cut it into halves or quarters to make it a little more elegant.

You haven't, however, included the fashion in which my burger-aholic husband eats his burgers, which is by way of dissection. He takes the top off, cuts the burger meat into triangular pieces, then eat the bottom of the bun, and then the top. He even eats bacon and cheese toppings separately.
He isn't quite so bad at McDonalds, but he'll still sometimes eat both halves of the bun and the burger separately.

 

[AbstractStream]

I eat it in a way so that I avoid anything (lettuce, ketchup, etc.) from falling it.

 

[Mr. Google]

Back and forth. Take a bite, bite the pointy bit (because my bites are semi-circles, as should yours be) then eat the other pointy bit, then eat the middle once it's all straightened out, and repeat the cycle.



I also have a certain way I eat toast and pies.

My bites are triangles 0_o whats wrong with me!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Are you a bird? Birds bite in triangles because they have beaks.
Maybe you have a narrow/pointy mouth?

Haahaha no im just messing around. but that would be awesome if i was a bird

 

[StBishop]

Back and forth. Take a bite, bite the pointy bit (because my bites are semi-circles, as should yours be) then eat the other pointy bit, then eat the middle once it's all straightened out, and repeat the cycle.



I also have a certain way I eat toast and pies.

My bites are triangles 0_o whats wrong with me!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Are you a bird? Birds bite in triangles because they have beaks.
Maybe you have a narrow/pointy mouth?

Haahaha no im just messing around. but that would be awesome if i was a bird

I sorta felt bad for a little bit. My cousin has an unusual jaw shape, he had to get it broken and reset to fix it. So I suppose that should have been, had an unusually shaped jaw. Anyway, yeah he got teased for it a little so I felt bad because I know it can be a soft spot for some people.

After reading my first post I sound like some jaw supremacist.

 

[theheroofaction]

I eat a straight line through mine, then I shove the two pieces down my mouth, Each in one bite.

 

[Con Carne]

It depends on what kind of burger it is and the size. If it's a large burger, I'll eat it in halves. If it's an overly messy burger I'll fork and knife it. If it's a burger that my hand sand mouth can handle without getting it all over me, then I eat whichever "side" looks more appetizing (Like the side with bacon sticking out of it)