Poll: How much older is too old?

[DoomyMcDoom]

I personally think the whole agist bullshit is stupid, it doesn't matter as long as it's legal.
I've dated people my age and nearing my mom's age, it's hard to find people who I can have anything other than casual sex with, as most of the women I've met fall in to the "zero intellectual conversation" zone, where if you start to talk about anything more intellectually stimulating than that hike you took last week, or that night when someone got so drunk they did something stupid, her eyes go blank and she goes into nod and smile mode, and won't/can't contribute, and when ever she opens her mouth it's to talk about fasshion and or shopping... and yeah, I'm not talkin about teenagers, I'm talkin about the mid 20s crowd where I used to live... just moved accross the country, so I hope that it's just the vapid cultureof that city, and not like all of canada now.

To summarize, I'm 26, and 9/10 times every time I've found a woman who I can relate to, they've been upwards of 30,even when i was like 20-23 same thing, it's just that most of em passed me off as a kid because of age, it's always been this way, hell I only lost my virginity at 24, because I wasn't into fucking people I couldn't immagine being with for awhile.

 

[Gatx]

I think as you get older it matters less as long as everyone is a consenting adult, though at the moment I'd prefer someone at least within +/- 3 years.

Love is not a number.

Meanwhile age ain't nothing but.

 

[The Heik]

Before delving in to the crux of this thread, I'll provide some quick background.

A Canadian senator's wife was detained recently for causing a disturbance and uttering threats on a flight. She has since been cleared of the charges and yet her and her husband are still making Canadian news. Why? Because she is 23 and he is 69 [http://www.thestarphoenix.com/7141596.bin]. Here's a link [http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/story/2012/08/28/sk-maygan-sensenberger-in-court-1208.html] if you are interested in reading more about it.

Far be it from me to judge the realities of their marriage, I'm more curious as to how many people would pursue a relationship with someone that much older than themselves.

So my fellow Escapists, how much older is too old for you when looking for a significant other? Do you even care about the age difference? For those of you already in committed relationships, pretend you are single for the sake of this discussion.


EDIT: The captcha ate the 7th poll option, it should say "I don't care about the age difference, only our compatibility".

I'm amazed no one else has linked this picture yet (at time of writing)

This considered to be the general "acceptable" limits of age, though really so long as you're not breaking any laws, it's all good in the eyes of love baby.....

 

[O maestre]

The correct age difference is the one in which the two people in question get along well together and share common interests. Some people of the same age have nothing in common, some people 30 years appart have a lot in common. Depends on the people.

A rule i heard is to have half your age plus seven as your minimum age and it seems like a pretty safe rule.

give this man a prize he just won the thread

I don't think repeating a childhood meme is much of a win.

and thats the reason you are dismissing it? lol, of course everything is circumstantial. but generally that "meme" can be applied. you cant get pedantic about everything especially with something that each person has a different opinion on.

so "generally" speaking something like the seven years rule is safe and "generally" accepted thing to go by..... you understand?

 

[omega 616]

If you are a guy of that age having a partner of that age, you must know that she is a gold digger. She can't be looking at him thinking "he is so attractive", not saying looks are everything but there has to be a physical attraction.

What a load of crap. When you marry your 19 year old girlfriend at 19 do you still think looks will be what matters at 70? When two 70 year olds get together, you think looks is the main factor?

Not every 23 year old is a shallow and short sighted mindless person. Some actually have developed minds and personalities and thus can do more than follow their hormones. While you can't really have sex with people that repulse you and enjoy it, they don't all have to be 10s for you to enjoy it. I find if I like someone, I like having sex with them.

Why was that person interested in the other person that they married at 19? One thought the other was attractive? Yes, that's right! The reason people "get together" is they see the other and think "there attractive" (it might not be attractive but it is a synonym of attractive).

I assume they then talk, bond, start a relationship, bond some more, get married etc. It all starts with first seeing the other person and thinking that the other is attractive, unless of course you are thinking of arranged marriages, then fair enough!

I would assume throughout the relationship you don't notice the other person change, as change is very slow. I also think if you first saw that person as attractive, there wont be a day you wake up, turn to look at your partner and think "fuck me, your ugly!" ... unless your relationship was a 1 night stand and beers goggles were on the previous night.

I would say just about every 23 year old is a short sighted mindless person, to be honest. Hell, I would class a lot of adults that very thing as well ... why do you think pay day loans are so popular? How many people create a 5 year plan, then stick to it? ... Actually how many people make a new years resolution and stick to it? (ok that might be more about discipline but giving up smoking/drinking at the drop of hat is a short sighted goal).

Do you think a smart (like straight A*s) girl, with an energetic and bubbly personality would date an old guy of 69? Keeping in mind that the 23 year old probably likes to party, hang out with people who have a similar taste in music and films etc and the old guys idea of a good time is sitting in a comfy chair, either reading or watching the box and his fav films aren't in colour.

I doubt the old guy is into dubstep/trance/dance or the latest twilight flick.

There is a generation gap and the two would be into really different things, do you think Hugh Hefner is the sexiest man alive and all those playboy models are the smartest and most interesting people on the planet OR is Hugh fine with all the women around him being gold diggers and all the women are shallow gold diggers who are willing to do the dirty so they can be dirty rich when he pops his clogs?

It's like strip clubs, are the men taking advantage of hard on there luck girls, whos last resort is getting naked for cash OR are the women taking advantage of the men who will throw money at (semi) naked women?

Captcha: steam punk ... I must be the only person who doesn't like steam punk but I get the captcha, go figure.

 

[loc978]

So long as both parties are getting what they want out of a sexual relationship, I'd say the cutoff is and should be legal adulthood. The fantasy of lifelong loving romantic relationships is usually just that- a fantasy... so there's no reason to assume any monogamous sexual relationship is going to survive a year, much less 5, 10 or a lifetime. Have fun with it people. If you're safe about it, sex isn't as serious as our societies would have us believe.

 

[JokerboyJordan]

My wife is 27 years younger than me.

My wife is quite a bit older than me as well.

Make up your mind man.

Also, another common cause of marriage breakdowns is lack of attraction (and/or subsequent cheating).

Stereotypes have a base in truth, I don'y see many elderly folk listening to dubstep for example, or going out clubbing. If the younger person's lifestyle suits that of the elder, than obviously they are compatible in that sense, but you can't deny there are some things they wouldn't be likely to do.

I won't even bother to get into the race thing, I can see Godwin's Law looming on the horizon.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

It's only because he's a senator that this is sticking to our news like glue...

Anyway, the half your age plus 7 rule works for me.

 

[Basement Cat]

The problem as far as this poll goes is that I'm already old enough to not want to reveal just how old I am on a site dominated by people in their teens and twenties.

I'm looking for a lady who is YOUNGER than me so we could start a family. Hooking up with one that's older than me completely negates any real chance of starting a family without sweating bullets over whether the kids might be tested positive for some kind of defect because my wife is past her prime childbearing years.

Marrying someone older than me is out of the question unless it's love at first sight.

Which I do believe in, thank you all very much.

 

[O maestre]

Spoiler

The correct age difference is the one in which the two people in question get along well together and share common interests. Some people of the same age have nothing in common, some people 30 years appart have a lot in common. Depends on the people.

A rule i heard is to have half your age plus seven as your minimum age and it seems like a pretty safe rule.

give this man a prize he just won the thread

I don't think repeating a childhood meme is much of a win.

and thats the reason you are dismissing it? lol, of course everything is circumstantial. but generally that "meme" can be applied. you cant get pedantic about everything especially with something that each person has a different opinion on.

so "generally" speaking something like the seven years rule is safe and "generally" accepted thing to go by..... you understand?

No, I gave my reason for dismissing it in my answer. Repeating a non scientific meme as a test of anything is however outright silly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_thumb

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/rule-of-thumb.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Half-age-plus-seven-relationship-rule.svg

 

[Dags90]

The problem as far as this poll goes is that I'm already old enough to not want to reveal just how old I am on a site dominated by people in their teens and twenties.

I'm looking for a lady who is YOUNGER than me so we could start a family. Hooking up with one that's older than me completely negates any real chance of starting a family without sweating bullets over whether the kids might be tested positive for some kind of defect because my wife is past her prime childbearing years.

Marrying someone older than me is out of the question unless it's love at first sight.

Which I do believe in, thank you all very much.

Depending on your age, you may also want to consider someone else's swimmers or adoption. While not as drastic as maternal age effect, increased paternal age is linked to several genetic disorders. [footnote]http://genetics.emory.edu/docs/Emory_Human_Genetics_Paternal_Age_Risks.PDF[/footnote] However, the association is more linear.

OT: I'd feel comfortable up to around 10 years older than me, so that would be 32 right now. I've always been really close to my sister (who is 10 years older), and so I don't think of people that age as being drastically older.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

In terms of what I might put into a dating site to cut down on the thousands of applications I'd obviously be getting I'd probably go 10 years either way....actually, I'd go down 16 years, because 18 year old girls *cough*.

Seriously now, as long as you like each other enough to want some sort of relationship then that's fine, relationships can fail or succeed for a multitude of reasons and deciding to not even try based purely on age seems kind of defeatist to me.

As to "half your age plus 7"... that's more like my first statement, good for cutting down the options on dating sites and will probably give you someone who is more likely to be compatible but it's still stupid to rule out people who fall outside that bracket based on that alone. [edit...also, just realised this is about older than you so umm...that means I could go up to 54 and not seem icky by that "rule"]

I would also like to say my maternal grandfather was 40 when he married my maternal grandmother, who was a 20 year old nurse. Meant little to me when I was a kid, but this days I think "smooth move grandad you pimpin old dude". She also pined away within a couple of years when he died so clearly there was a lot more there than just "mmmm, young nurse", "oooh, older guy with money"

 

[unicron44]

My personal experience alters my opinion on the matter. Normally I would think Once you're past, say 25, then I would say all bets are off and you can date whoever. But I have an aunt that got married in her mid 20's to a man twice her age and is the same age as my grandmother. I never thought anything of it until recently as he is now 70 and experiencing health problems associated with getting older (poor heart, arthritis, diabetes, bad back, etc.)

Another issue is they don't have any kids so my brother and I are constantly called to there house to handle basic household chores that would be done by the children they could have had. It's something that I think about when I think about age gaps.

I'm a teenager and up until the age of 25 I'd follow the half +7 rule. After I'd say I wouldn't go too much older or younger. IE 28 years old I'd go as low as about 21 and as I as mid to late 30s.

 

[omega 616]

My wife is quite a bit older than me as well. Of course she grew up listening to 70s and 80s rock at home because her mother loved the stuff, so we share a lot of oldies music in common. As it happens, we also share tastes in more modern music. I was more of a party animal than she was, so I had to cut back when I was going to marry her. She's also a lot more "traditional" and "old fashioned" than I am, but I'm ok with her choices. We share an outlook to family, and to life in general. We did have some difficulties when she hit her mid 20s and started to really transition into a more mature life outlook, but our core beliefs remained the same and we sorted that out by making some changes in our relationship that worked for both of us. In the end I think I got a better partner for it.

Hugh Hefner and the bunnies are not every older-younger relationship.

It's just like when those black people wanted to marry white people in the US a few decades ago. Everyone knew that they would have nothing in common, I mean different cultures, different lifestyles, different food, the black folks were just doing it to use the white folks for status and money or trophies or...was the it white folk marrying the black folk because it made them feel like powerful slave owners? Either way, just about everyone agreed they were totally incompatible.

Don't worry, you are in good company, well, at least company, when it comes to telling other humans who they can fall in love with and why based on your sterotypes.

Did I say the entire relationship is based on looks? No, I said it starts off with a physical attraction.

I was using stereotypes for a reason, in this case they are true for the general population. Most young people go out and like to party in night clubs, getting shit faced then stumbling home at 4 am ... most old people are in bed for 11 and spend the evening reading the paper or watching the news. How many old people do you see in night clubs and how many 23 year olds do you see sat at home watching the news or reading the paper? Sure some do but they are in the minority.

15 years isn't that much, it's not even a generation gap really. There is also a difference between listening to the radio and going to a night club, radio is more pop music set at a reasonable listening level, dance music is fast and set to a listening level so hearing aids aren't needed.

Wait, your wife is 27 years younger than you but she is "quite a bit older than me as well"? I don't think you're married .... either that or married to two different people.

There is compromise in relationships but out right changing your life style to suit your partner is when shit breaks down 'cos you are going to want to do what you enjoy doing and if that other person doesn't like you doing it a problem is created, which will lead to resentment and sneaking out, maybe even lying about where you are or where you have been, which obviously creates mistrust, arguments happen blah blah blah.

Did I say they where? I was using it as an example. Of course there are couples who have 40 odd year difference but make it work, I am taking about the majority, not the minority!

Who did I tell they can't love who they want to? You're just putting words in my mouth. Like I just said "I am taking about the majority, not the minority!" if you want to marry person with 60 years on you all the power to you, be happy! Wont effect my life in anyway.

 

[Aesir23]

Personally I won't date anyone more than 5 years older than me. So currently the oldest person I would date is 28 years old. I also refuse to date a guy younger than me... again, it's just a bad idea in retrospect.

 

[Raven's Nest]

It depends on the age of the people involved. I think the general rule is "half your age+7" is the acceptable lower limit, since once both of you are over 23ish you're both about as physically mature as you're going to be (that's around when your brain stops developing at least, your body is probably done before then- that's why it's weird when a 19 year old and a 25 year old are together, because the 19 year old is still mentally a child compared to the 25 year old).

Sorry but the bit about a 19 year old being mentally a child is complete horseshit. I've met 16 year old who make better decisions than many people in their mid-twenties.

Its everything to do with individuals, you don't date the average person, there's no such thing. Arbitrary dating rules don't apply to anyone with the sense to realise that.

 

[JokerCrowe]

My rule used to be 3 years in both directions, both younger and older...
Then I started liking someone I thought was 17 (when I was 20), turns out she was 14...

After pretty much destroying myself over this fact, I didn't talk to her for like two years, but then I realized that it was the girl I liked, not her age.

So I kind of threw my 3 years +/- rule out the window.
If it's about the person and not the age, I don't see why I should get in their way.

That MASSIVE age difference Still gives me the creeps though... >.>

 

[omega 616]

You said this "If you are a guy of that age having a partner of that age, you must know that she is a gold digger". That looks pretty absolute. If however you agree that your statement was wrong and that there can be exceptions to your rule, then we have no problem with each other's POV.

Unless you are just desperate or something you have to have a physical attraction at first, otherwise it just comes off as doing it 'cos you can. I don't know many people who think "that person is ugly, I am going to try and get with them!".

I know every young person doesn't like to get shit faced, I have never been drunk and haven't had any alcohol in almost 5 years and I am 23. I don't know a single older person who uses the net for news, they watch the news on TV or read a paper ... that might be more the fact I live in the UK.

"thus is wrong to assume that any genuine older-younger relationship is not possible." if I said anything like that I meant it in the same way people say "everybody drinks", well not everybody drinks alcohol but the minority is so small it's almost like they don't exist.

As for this last point I covered it in the previous 1, there are exceptions to things. I was saying the minority is so small that it might as well not exist.

 

[Angie7F]

It depends on the age of the people involved. I think the general rule is "half your age+7" is the acceptable lower limit, since once both of you are over 23ish you're both about as physically mature as you're going to be (that's around when your brain stops developing at least, your body is probably done before then- that's why it's weird when a 19 year old and a 25 year old are together, because the 19 year old is still mentally a child compared to the 25 year old).

Sorry but the bit about a 19 year old being mentally a child is complete horseshit. I've met 16 year old who make better decisions than many people in their mid-twenties.

Its everything to do with individuals, you don't date the average person, there's no such thing. Arbitrary dating rules don't apply to anyone with the sense to realise that.

I agree to this.

usually people are mentally about the same maturity as people their age.
But a mentally young 50 year old and a mature 20 something year old can get along just fine.

 

[Acton Hank]

Age doesn't mean anything, well once you've reached 18 anyway.

I'm 19 and my... "girlfriend"(I guess) is 42 and you know what? Best sex and longest running relationship of my life... so far.

Although some of the underage debate is silly to me.

Like an 18 year old having a 16 year old girlfriend is technically illegal but not generally a source of concern.