Poll: How often do you masturbate?!

[Headsprouter]

snip

That is the greatest metaphor for chicken-strangling I've ever heard. 10/10. I lol'd.

OT: I only get the urge to whack it when I see this person [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/] around, I just can't help myself.

Did not expect my profile to pop up, there...

Spoiler: snips might be advisable for this thread in case people decide they want to delete this information forever...

2-4 times a week. Very conscious about going over, always using visual aids, seeing as that's the main appeal for me, I guess.

When people have retired to their rooms at night...however if the house is empty during the day I will take advantage if I'm in the mood.

Outside of my own home? Never.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I can do it for an hour and get several orgasms in, because it's fucking awesome to be a woman

This right here. **high fives Not The Bees**

Edit: And this:

The female orgasm is so awesome I'm surprised we don't go around masturbating constantly.

I usually attribute that to the vaginal orgasm. Those are so good. Clitoral orgasms are just nice, but they're so quick, easy, and convenient! Of course, every vagina is different, so I'm sure other women have a different experience.

OT: Anyway, to answer the questions (because I know you all want to know)...

How frequently do fine ladies and gentlemen of the Escapist shuck your oysters, butter your corn, stir your honey pots, or hold the sausage hostage?

Generally speaking, between two to four times a day, depending on other factors. Having a lot of sex with my spouse may or may not affect this number (we typically have sex once or twice a day, so having "a lot" of sex usually means something like having sex four or more times per day).

Do you require visual aid to really whip your cream? Or do you only need your imagination to frost your pastries?

It depends. I like visual aids sometimes - with a preference for comic-based porn (such as hentai). I also enjoy the occasional video.

I also enjoy plain text porn, such as romance novels and other erotic stories. I tend to be pickier about this, so I only go for the top quality erotica (such as the works of Jacqueline Carey).

Finally, I can rely entirely on imagination, but to do so I typically have to put it to paper (or Word doc anyway) by writing my own erotica.

At what time of the day do you baste your ham?

I like to flood the canoe in the mornings when I first wake up, in the afternoon after I get home from work, and in the evening before bed.

Have you ever liquidated your inventory in an inappropriate setting?

Nope. I've done mutual activities in inappropriate locations, but I can't think of any masturbatory incidents in public.

Well, unless you count teenage blunders. I do have a couple of funny stories about trying to have cyber sex on a dialup computer in a room with no doors (open archway to the hallway).

What do you think about while playing some 5v1?

Usually whatever fantasy situation I'm enjoying. If I'm reading a story, then I'm invested in the story. That goes for plain text or comic porn. I don't really go for much porn that lacks a story, so... yeah, pretty much that.

 

[Shadow flame master]

How much? A lot.

I'll leave it to you to decide how many times is "a lot."

 

[Barbas]

(Snip).

Okee-dokee, holyyyyy sheeeeeyut. Um, have you tried reading a comic on DeviantArt called Sunstone? Somebody recommended it to me a while back. Something tells me it'd float your boat and provide a positively smashing visual stimulus if by some chance you haven't heard of it already.

Dial-up internet sucks as well. I smashed that goddamn thing with a hammer when I no longer needed it. Do you find that the below is true for you?

(Snip).

Ah yes, the "shinobi" method. Odd...I didn't expect that the women of the Escapist would be "joykin' the woym" (provided in Willem Dafoe's voice, courtesy of Jim Sterling) more often than the men were. I suppose that when a man does it, it's like firing a single gun shot and then that's them bored for a few hours, but women can just sort of drop the hammer on that shit until it clicks. Er...so to speak.

Oh Jesus...I'll grow up one day. Probably. Maybe.

 

[Skatologist]

Spoiler: Teenager Alert

So, unlike a lot of teens, and apparently a lot of you, I do it rarely, at least in comparison to you.

I do it about once a week or less or 3 times a month because I don't feel I need to act on it. I am kind of going back into a once or twice a week pattern though as of late.

I usually find myself doing it in the afternoons because mornings suck and I hate being in the dark when I do it(can't see a damn thing and I feel like a ninja when doing it).

I like visual aid and usually need it, preference being "mud wrestling" you know, subtract the mud, I heard it was a fetish, not sure how big of one though.

I used to be worse younger, but I definitely slowed down. Weird thing though, and I'm not sure I'm the only one, I sometimes wake up in the middle of well...not touching it but rubbing it in certain ways. Never climax though so I never get wet dreams and I don't get rid of my little visitor when I wake up, I let him recede on his own time. As for that imagination thing, it usually comes up in dreams and unfortunately, I often times regret it not being the real thing, so I guess that's why I both don't finish or do it to often.

I have got caught several times, but it was more often, wrong time than wrong place. Never did it outside the comfort of a home.

Spoiler: EDIT

Also, REALLY not interested in nude bodies or the looks of genitalia. That is all, I think

 

[Vault101]

Okee-dokee, holyyyyy sheeeeeyut. Um, have you tried reading a comic on DeviantArt called Sunstone? Somebody recommended it to me a while back. Something tells me it'd float your boat and provide a positively smashing visual stimulus if by some chance you haven't heard of it already.
.

I like sunstone

expect when it goes into "educational school cartoon" mode, I'm just there for the F/F action the BDSM is nice and all but its kinda pedantic

I also enjoy plain text porn, such as romance novels and other erotic stories. I tend to be pickier about this, so I only go for the top quality erotica (such as the works of Jacqueline Carey).

I've been on literotica except the writing quality is....as you'd expect, so I can only go with the "domination" type stuff,its like....the real nasty shit is for easy guaranteed "inspiration" whereas F/F is like warm and fuzzy feelings

F/F has to be of a certain level of quality if I'm going to enjoy it and that's rare in a lot of mediums both porn/mainstream

[quote/]Finally, I can rely entirely on imagination, but to do so I typically have to put it to paper (or Word doc anyway) by writing my own erotica.[/quote]
I've considered this....not so much erotica but adding romantic elements in my own (poorly written) fiction....but I freeze up with embarrassment and cringe

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Okee-dokee, holyyyyy sheeeeeyut. Um, have you tried reading a comic on DeviantArt called Sunstone? Somebody recommended it to me a while back. Something tells me it'd float your boat and provide a positively smashing visual stimulus if by some chance you haven't heard of it already.

The entirety of Sunstone lives on my hard-drive. I eagerly await page 23 of chapter 4 (due out at the end of the month). When he releases the print version, I may well pick that up as well.

I'm also a fan of the webcomic Curvy - it's cute and sexy, as well as being awesome.

I also love Chaos Life. It isn't a sexy-times comic, but it makes me laugh.

Dial-up internet sucks as well. I smashed that goddamn thing with a hammer when I no longer needed it. Do you find that the below is true for you?

Drop the hammer? ^^ I haven't heard that one before. So many cute masturbation innuendos in this thread.

And... to a degree, yes, I agree. I know a couple of guys who can fire off several rounds (to keep with the firearms metaphor) without resting as well, so it isn't necessarily a female only trait.

As for me, while I can go for several short ones, my usual preference is one really long one. I will sit down with a sexy book or comic and go slowly while I read. No hurry, no rush, just let it slowly build and build. This works best with longer works (particularly romance novels - I can masturbate for hours at a time to a Jacqueline Carey novel).

Of course, I don't always have that kind of time. That's more "evening read" masturbation. For an afternoon quicky, yeah, more "bam-bam-bam" and then back to work.

 

[Inglorious891]

I've been meaning to make a thread like this for awhile now. Ah well, here it goes.

Typically the monkey gets spanked once a day, if not more when I'm feeling particually saucey. Normally the deed is done at night when everyone in the house is asleep and I'm guarenteed privacy, but if I'm desperate enough I'll try to do it whenever. Haven't been caught yet, and I intend to keep it that way.

As for where, I'd never even consider doing it in public due to... shame, mostly. The shame of not being able to control my urges. That and the want for privacy.

I also envy you women being able to orgasam more than once at a time. Lucky bastards...

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I've been on literotica except the writing quality is...as you'd expect

Oh yeah. Not generally a huge fan of literotica the website for that very reason.

I usually rely on published novels (I again mention Jacqueline Carey, the best in historical fantasy/erotic fiction) and on recommendations from friends.

Actually, I was recently pleasantly surprised by the work of Nick Scipio. He writes online erotic on his own domain and it's surprisingly sex-positive. It's also just a really interesting story (about the life of a young architect). I've spent many hours reading about architecture classes and house remodelings with no sex in them at all because they're part of the greater story.

And, of course, for comic porn, I keep a Slipshine membership.

so I can only go with the "domination" type stuff,its like....the real nasty shit is for easy guaranteed "inspiration" whereas F/F is like warm and fuzzy feelings

F/F has to be of a certain level of quality if I'm going to enjoy it and that's rare in a lot of mediums both porn/mainstream

... I have recommended Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey to you before, right?

It's about a girl blessed by the god Kushiel to be a masochist - and how she becomes a courtesan and spy, learns too much about a royal coup, and then has to survive knowing too much.

It is my very favorite novel series EVER, and it is heavily BDSM related, with quite a bit of good F/F as well (one of the two main romantic subplots is between the courtesan and powerful noblewoman who at one point leads her around on a leash).

I've considered this....not so much erotica but adding romantic elements in my own (poorly written) fiction....but I freeze up with embarrassment and cringe

You think that's bad - try turning in a graphic sex scene for a peer-review writer's workshop class in Grad School. Been there, done that.

 

[Vault101]

And, of course, for comic porn, I keep a Slipshine membership.

I've heard of slipshine it seems good but I'm worried I could waste waaaaaay too much time digging through trying to find the perfect comic

[quote/]

... I have recommended Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey to you before, right?[/quote]
yes and I will read it at some point!

[quote/]
You think that's bad - try turning in a graphic sex scene for a peer-review writer's workshop class in Grad School. Been there, done that.[/quote]
well a sex scene is a perfectly legit thing to have in a story but....yeeah

 

[Chris Moses]

I do the deed once a day to every other day. I've slowed down a bit now that I am 39...

I usually use a visual aid but I am quite capable of coming up with vivid and amazingly detailed fantasies, some of which are like other worlds I retreat into for a time.

I usually do it in the evening.

The most inappropriate setting I was involved in was when I was 16-17 years old on a family camping trip in my dad's 25 ft. travel trailer while myself, my dad, and step mom were all trying to sleep. Here is a little excerpt from that experience.
ME: (trying to be slow and gentle)
Dad: "Why is the trailer shaking?!"
Me: "I'm scratching an itch" (proceeds to finish myself off while being extremely and PAINFULLY slow and gentle)
To this day I would be absolutely mortified if my dad ever figured out what I was really up to (maybe he did, just let me have my fantasy that my lie worked!). Other than that I've actually had sex in more in appropriate settings than I've tugged it. (The beach while cars where driving by with us in full view, the showers of a park visitor center, the steps of a convention center and getting caught by security and various other secluded but still public areas)

This next question... What do you think about? You wanna know how sick and twisted I can be?

Spoiler: you asked for it!

Well there's various castration and genital torture fantasies. There is the Christian all boys school where the school masters use machines to make sure the students don't spill their seed on the ground and waste it. And, then there is the post apocalyptic tribe of women that keep men as sex slaves (with castration being a common form of punishment should the slaves displease their masters).

 

[Anti Nudist Cupcake]

I binge-fap about once a week where I do it several times in one day.

You know, for lost time.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I've heard of slipshine it seems good but I'm worried I could waste waaaaaay too much time digging through trying to find the perfect comic

I just read em all. ^^

yes and I will read it at some point!

Yay!

well a sex scene is a perfectly legit thing to have in a story but....yeeah

Yup. Had artistic merit and everything. Good times.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Sorry to just kinda jump in, but if you're looking for comic porn, and you don't know what exhentai is, you should check it out.

I generally prefer Fakku. No login required and everything is freshly fan translated.

Although I haven't been there since I got the Slipshine account.

 

[SonOfAnarchy91]

I'm a bit of a sex addict so yeah. I'm at the point where I don't even get pleasure from it anymore I just have an urge to do it.

 

[Roxas1359]

I generally prefer Fakku. No login required and everything is freshly fan translated.

Although I haven't been there since I got the Slipshine account.

Since the crackdown from Japan on anime and manga, Fakku got hit hard with DMCA claims and ended up having to take down a lot of stuff, and over time more stuff is getting taken down. However, due to this whole debacle Jacob, the site founder, was able to negotiate with the main people doing the DMCA take downs and Fakku now legally can publish and translate works from authors published by Wani Books, while also distributing them uncensored unlike the original scans which were the censored Japanese versions only translated. They apparently upload it to the site and you can buy a digital copy from their and read it on their site, and download it as much as you want. A lot of fan translators were also hit hard during that, being forced to actually disband or face legal actions, but the most prominent one that uploaded a lot, Lusty Lady Project, reformed under a new name.

OT: From that response to Bara, should be obvious what I do sometimes. In all honestly it's not really a daily thing, just every once and a while when I decide to. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go die of embarrassment for typing this out.

 

[NeutralDrow]

Once or twice daily, minimum. Helps me sleep at night.

...not that that explains why the thread title question is so emphatic.

Sorry to just kinda jump in, but if you're looking for comic porn, and you don't know what exhentai is, you should check it out.

I generally prefer Fakku. No login required and everything is freshly fan translated.

Although I haven't been there since I got the Slipshine account.

HOLY SHIT! It even has VNs (albiet a rather limited library). FAKKU wins.

Oh, seriously? I'll have to check and see if it has anything on my "to-play" list.

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