Poll: How often do you masturbate?!

[Vendor-Lazarus]

I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

Spoiler

...what am I doing with my life...

*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god

Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.

If it's any consolation, I'm also a 25 year old virgin posting on a message board about video games. Just without the pony avatar.

We should start a club.

Can I join? I'm nearing 30 though, is that a problem?

 

[King of Asgaard]

Umm... Never?
Strange, I know, but I don't get the urge to, and yes I have many attractive female friends.
19 year old straight, single (never been in a relationship) male, just for context's sake.

 

[Casual Shinji]

I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."

 

[Teoes]

Perhaps you're a naturally slothful person, sluggish and indolent. A dawdling flaneur, content to waste his life spread-eagled on a pillow, forever indulging himself in the pleasures of the palm.

Think of the difficulties a son would provide! The nightmare of puberty, endless sojourns in the bathroom as junior shakes hot white coconuts from the veiny love-tree..

:>

Myself, couple of times a week. As the mood takes me. Generally with something on to watch or the Escapist forums to browse through unf unf unf and generally at night. I have never bounced solo in an inappropriate setting. I have bounced duo in an inappropriate setting, but that's for another thread and details might be warning-worthy. I don't know.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Constantly while debating people on the escapist.

UnfGamergateunghhhh....

used to be everyday unless something happened to stop me but I guess my libido is slowing down because I might only do it once a week. Usually I go twice when I decide to do it, the second time is always best IMO, perfect balance of time to enjoy it before it just gets awkward and boring.

 

[Euryalus]

I do not.

...

...One day, I'm going to be crowned King Prude of this website, despite the fact that I keep posting in these threads to comment on how much of a prude I am. xD

The more you protest the more and more I start picturing you as the kinkiest most vile person here. You can fool the others but not me!

OT: Be honest, was I the one who gave you the idea for this thread? Because that's what I expected to happen when I made that comment xD

Also I don't know... 5 times a week? Less? More? I certainly don't abuse the muse as often as some of you guys.

 

[EeveeElectro]

The female orgasm is so awesome I'm surprised we don't go around masturbating constantly.


OT: it varies. One thing I have realized is a few days before my period I got MONSTER LEVELS OF HORNY. Damn troll body. I assume it's to do with the hormones. When that, it can be everyday, like 3 times a day. If I'm with my boyfriend around that time, he thinks Christmas has come early xD

Non hormonal times, every other day? Sometimes I go on a date with Rosie and her 5 friends every day. I don't always need visual aid but sometimes I do. Sexting always helps me too. I see my boyfriend at weekends so not then unless I incorporate it into our sexy time.
I typically think about him, sometimes a famous person.

I've not done it anywhere interesting because I'm boring. I've done it to others in non conventional places if that counts...

 

[Caiphus]

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1j1cPG3fNtJ

Uh, I dunno. Not quite everyday?

Let's make it 5 per week, give or take. Not so much recently. Exams are coming up, and there is absolutely nothing sexy about statistical theory.

Edit: Don't click that link if you're at work/around kids/at a funeral

 

[Timmaaaah]

Sometimes once a week, sometimes several... Depends on the situation. Went 2 weeks without a wank recently. Eventually your subconscious does it for you in your sleep and if not when you back to it - porn and 6 pumps and done

 

[lacktheknack]

I do not.

...

...One day, I'm going to be crowned King Prude of this website, despite the fact that I keep posting in these threads to comment on how much of a prude I am. xD

The more you protest the more and more I start picturing you as the kinkiest most vile person here. You can fool the others but not me!

Me? Kinky? Perish the thought!

...But seriously, I find these threads fascinating because I'm not very sexual, which I'm told is very weird, so I'm assuming the weirdness I read in here is actually normal. Is this a bad sample?

 

[Barbas]

(Snip).

http://vocaroo.com/i/s06IBAB1TnQt

Statistical theory? I'm getting slippy floors at the mere thought!

...But seriously, I find these threads fascinating because I'm not very sexual, which I'm told is very weird, so I'm assuming the weirdness I read in here is actually normal. Is this a bad sample?

Well, it's pretty close to the equator for here. Does that reassure you?

OT: Not much recently, with other stuff on my mind and occupying my time. I've been going for walks instead. It's not really something you should do in the woods, I've always thought.

 

[Someone Depressing]

Not actually that often. Only ever in times of sexual frustration or in the deep, forsaken tunnels of total misery.

I now have something to be proud of: "I don't masturbate that much". The quote of my life.

 

[Caiphus]

http://vocaroo.com/i/s06IBAB1TnQt

Statistical theory? I'm getting slippy floors at the mere thought!

Hit me up, my good man, I can turn those slippery floors into sticky ceilings.

 

[Alex Baas]

I do it every morning. I am not a morning person so 'cranking the shaft' is the only thing that wakes me up. As for inappropriate places, I once needed to do the deed during school to keep myself awake to write a test.

 

[Fappy]

I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."

I usually would be all over this kind of topic, but I have to be careful about these threads... my sister lurks this site from time to time >.>

Whatever, fuck it. I see her goddamn condom wrappers at the top of her trashcan every goddamn time I walk into her room. She can eat a dick (figuratively)!

OT: Roughly (lel) 3-4 times a week maybe? Depends, really. When was the last time I got laid? When will be the next time? Does the dwarf need a week-long nap (you can take that any way you want)? So many factors to consider.

As for methodology? The internet is for porn!

 

[Tsun Tzu]

Ehhhhhhhhhhh.

I've gone way, way, way down in the last couple years. Used to be an erryday sort of thing, but now it's, maybe, once a week, if that. Longest I've gone is a few weeks without really thinking about it...and I'm a dude, which apparently makes that weird?

My sex drive has kinda spiraled down into oblivion, I guess. Need to get me some human interaction.

As for odd places?

Er.

Surprisingly, I'm vanilla as hell in that respect. I only ever do that sorta thing at home. Sex? Lotsa places, public or otherwise. Self love? Don't feel comfortable doing it anywhere strange.

...Why in fuck's name am I replying to this!?

As for methods?

Porn! All of the porn! Since my imagination is horrible.

 

[geK0]

I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."

I usually would be all over this kind of topic, but I have to be careful about these threads... my sister lurks this site from time to time >.>

Whatever, fuck it. I see her goddamn condom wrappers at the top of her trashcan every goddamn time I walk into her room. She can eat a dick (figuratively)!

OT: Roughly (lel) 3-4 times a week maybe? Depends, really. When was the last time I got laid? When will be the next time? Does the dwarf need a week-long nap (you can take that any way you want)? So many factors to consider.

As for methodology? The internet is for porn!

I'd have figured that with a name like "Fappy" you'd have picked the last option.

 

[Fappy]

I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."

I usually would be all over this kind of topic, but I have to be careful about these threads... my sister lurks this site from time to time >.>

Whatever, fuck it. I see her goddamn condom wrappers at the top of her trashcan every goddamn time I walk into her room. She can eat a dick (figuratively)!

OT: Roughly (lel) 3-4 times a week maybe? Depends, really. When was the last time I got laid? When will be the next time? Does the dwarf need a week-long nap (you can take that any way you want)? So many factors to consider.

As for methodology? The internet is for porn!

I'd have figured that with a name like "Fappy" you'd have picked the last option.

Despite what some may assume, the name actually wasn't inspired by spankin' it but something a lot more convoluted. Still, I knew how people would interpret it when I used the name for the first time in WoW XD

 

[geK0]

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1j1cPG3fNtJ

Uh, I dunno. Not quite everyday?

Let's make it 5 per week, give or take. Not so much recently. Exams are coming up, and there is absolutely nothing sexy about statistical theory.

Edit: Don't click that link if you're at work/around kids/at a funeral

My room mates found it very amusing