Poll: If you were spanked as a child, do you think it made you a better person?

[Malkavian]

I was a very quiet kid and my actions didn't warrant spanking, but I support it. This is going to be tricky to explain, so please bear with me and by all means, I'd be very glad if someone chose to discuss this with me further.

I support a bit of well-timed and entirely justified spanking because I personally feel that there are pitfalls to the "let's reason with him" method that are very hard to foresee. For example: my mother and my grandmother applied this method extensively with me - but as I said before, I was an ok kid, so I guess that makes sense. Throughout the years I learned many many techniques and triggers to manipulate and talk people into getting what I want, when I want it, be it parents, friends, teachers, you name it. You know Jeff Winger from Community? I'm like that, just not good looking, not a lawyer and not the owner of a Lexus.

I feel like the necessary discipline and respect for authority that would've probably made me a more focused, more responsible person would probably have sunk in way better if there had been less compromise and negotiation and more spanking. I'm not saying I'm a jerk and a loose cannon now, because I'm not. But I do have a very low threshold for long-term assignment, I lose interest and patience with projects that take a lot of time because I'm used to quick, easy and efficient results with minimal effort, which in turn gives me very little and short-lasting satisfaction, which makes me a miserable and depressed guy that can no longer see any value in anything he does.

Am I grossly over-analyzing this, searching for things to explain my situation in the wrong places, or is there any sort of truth in my little expose here? I'm genuinely curious of you guys' opinions.

You just typed out me. I could have written the excact same thing. Quiet kid, who was oftened reasoned with, now manipulative and lying if it serves me, and stuck in depression and lack of motivation to accomplish large goals.
Damn.

So ontopic: I was not spanked. There ws, however, a time in my childhood where my stepfather would occasionally communicate his displeasure trhough pain. It did not happen often though, and was mostly the frustrated efforts of a man who too early in his life was put in the role of parent way before he was ready. He didn't know better.

 

[Koroviev]

Well I was spanked, smacked around, abandoned...

Well I now have homicidal tendencies that I can't control, and when hit I respond with far more violence then normal

You guys do the math

does beating the crap out of your kid every time they mess up and spanking them every time they cry because they screwed something small up under the excuse "I'll give you something to cry about"

...I lost track of where I was going with this

Violence begets violence. It is hypocritical to demand civility from children when a society deems it permissible to deny those children civility.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

No. Violence breeds more violence. If my parents could get through to me without using physical force, a good parent can get through to their child.

 

[WOPR]

Well I was spanked, smacked around, abandoned...

Well I now have homicidal tendencies that I can't control, and when hit I respond with far more violence then normal

You guys do the math

does beating the crap out of your kid every time they mess up and spanking them every time they cry because they screwed something small up under the excuse "I'll give you something to cry about"

...I lost track of where I was going with this

Violence begets violence. It is hypocritical to demand civility from children when a society deems it permissible to deny those children civility.

I do find it funny that this was very common

"Your child hit another kid at school today"
Parent: HEY! **smack me upside the head... hard** WE DON'T HIT!

 

[Red Rum]

My grandpa spanked me when I was a newborn, and that's why I have Aspergers.

 

[Koroviev]

Well I was spanked, smacked around, abandoned...

Well I now have homicidal tendencies that I can't control, and when hit I respond with far more violence then normal

You guys do the math

does beating the crap out of your kid every time they mess up and spanking them every time they cry because they screwed something small up under the excuse "I'll give you something to cry about"

...I lost track of where I was going with this

Violence begets violence. It is hypocritical to demand civility from children when a society deems it permissible to deny those children civility.

I do find it funny that this was very common

"Your child hit another kid at school today"
Parent: HEY! **smack me upside the head... hard** WE DON'T HIT!

The whole thing is illogical. If you hit another adult, it's assault. If you smack another adult on the bottom, it might even be sexual harassment. And yet, you can do those things to a child and few people will object to it.

 

[GrizzlerBorno]

WHAT?! That many people voted Yes!?! What is wrong with you people! Beating kids is a sloppy excuse to let anger, not reason and caring, grow a child!

That's just pathetic, Escapists. I am Disappoint

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Blatantly and provably untrue.

Yes, it's provable untrue in one case. When the one who beats you is stronger than you. This is why you don't use corporal punishment on teenagers because if you hit them then they're bound to hit by.

Most parents ask themselves that every time something goes wrong.
"What could we have done better?"

Of course once you use violence violence will be the only way. My dad never used violence and never had to.

What they don't do is pick on one insignificant part of the upbringing and blame it squarely on that.

Insignificant. If you're unable to keep your calm and you end up having to hit your child then how are you going to handle teenagehood, arguably the hardest part of a persons life.

That's what the tabloids do. Because if your "violence creates violence" spiel exists, how come that even Dr Benjamin Spock said that spanking is usually not the case?

Studies and even scientists are contradicting each other.

You are basing your entire philosophy on what your family did, and then putting it across as the only way to live. The level of egotism there is extraordinary, and strictly offensive to any of us that have had parents who have spanked us in the past.

And you're doing the same which is offensive to the ones who did not get spanked.

As I'm sure you can ascertain, in the past, children were treated more poorly. Had your spiel been truthful we would have grown more violent as a species. We have provably grown less violent and more caring, and how? I won't say spanking is the cause, but there's a strong correlation that it could be beneficial or neutral - if used in moderation.

There's a strong correlation? Proof?

You have literally seconds to act. Do you:
A) Spring across, pull the child/cup away and admonish a sharp shock so that he knows it's dangerous (even though he wasn't truly in the wrong)
B) Spring across, pull the child/cup away (scaring the child) and then lie to say that it's Daddies fault.
C) Pause to consider your options and then take the child to hospital with third degree burns.

Why is there need for violence here? Why not just pull the child away and tell him/her that it's dangerous? There's absolutely no need for violence here.

Personally, I think it depends on how you define violence. I define it "malicious intent to cause substantial harm to another human being."

And that might be your definition, but I define it as any sort of attempt to harm a person deliberately. Maybe your intentions are to discipline your child but your second intention is to hurt.

Spanking does not fall under that definition because it doesn't have malicious intent behind it, nor does it cause pain that lasts any more than a few seconds. I don't think spanking should be used all the time, but if the child simply cannot be reasoned with, then a couple swats on the butt or back of the leg is fine.

Under that definition it might not fall unto, but that's YOUR definition.

Also, if you use violence once then of course violence will be the only way.

 

[SilverUchiha]

Well... since I can't do that thing racing games do (i.e. make a ghost of myself that does different things through one trial run of my life while I do something different to see which results are better), I honestly can't say if I turned out better or not.

I guess I didn't turn out worse for being spanked, if that helps.

 

[Lilani]

Fascinating. According to the poll so far, roughly 58% who were spanked believe they are better because of it, over the 42% who believe the opposite. (given my math is correct, it's been a while since I've had to use percentages in a practical setting).

On the other hand, roughly 85% who were not spanked do not support it, compared to the 15% who do.

That's just fascinating to me. Personally, I think what's happening here is that those who were and weren't spanked see it in two completely different ways. On a fundamental level, "spanking" to someone who has experienced it means something completely different to someone who has never experienced it.

And that is why I think the choice of parenting methods should be left up to the parent. I have never seen any solid, unbiased evidence that proves periodic spanking to supplement discipline directly causes any sort of mental, social, or developmental abnormalities. And until I see such a study, my feet are firmly planted here.

And, in case you were wondering, yes I was spanked as a child and yes I believe I greatly benefited from it.

 

[RandV80]

To me, spanking is an alternative for parents who are unable to actually be parents.

Let me just get this straight...you condemn all parents who have ever used spanking as useless parents?

No. I'm saying that violence will lead only to more violence. That violence is never the answer and that if you're unable to face the hardships of raising a child without the use of violence then you should ask yourself why you became a parent in the first place.

You violence will lead to more violence yet it looks like half the people on here will tell you from personal experience that it wasn't the case.

 

[Varya]

I find the idea of inflicting pain to obtain compliance to be morally reprehensible. If a child obeys an adult out of fear, then that child is not learning to be an empathic being. If inflicting pain on children is permitted in some form, then how can a society prohibit such punishment? Where is the measuring stick for harm?

Word

 

[AndyFromMonday]

To me, spanking is an alternative for parents who are unable to actually be parents.

Let me just get this straight...you condemn all parents who have ever used spanking as useless parents?

No. I'm saying that violence will lead only to more violence. That violence is never the answer and that if you're unable to face the hardships of raising a child without the use of violence then you should ask yourself why you became a parent in the first place.

You violence will lead to more violence yet it looks like half the people on here will tell you from personal experience that it wasn't the case.

And the reason for this is because when they were spanked they were small children. They did not have the power to fight back. This is why you don't spank teenagers. If spanking was a good form of discipline then it would make sense to continue using it through teenagehood. But it's not used through teenagehood. We use variants of grounding or not use punishments at all. The moment the "child" can fight back is the moment parents stop using violence against him/her as they know they can fight back.

 

[Raregolddragon]

My dad whipped my ass anytime I screwed up.

It thought me discipline and I will most likely spank my kids when they screw up also.

 

[Jackhorse]

I was spanked a few times as a child and I turned out as a near sociopathic boy who behaves very well and never acts out his violent fantasies towards the mother he abhors. I suppose it made me better behaved but I doubt it made me a better person.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

And you're doing the same which is offensive to the ones who did not get spanked.

No. I quite clearly stated

I won't say spanking is the cause, but there's a strong correlation that it could be beneficial or neutral - if used in moderation.

There's a strong correlation? Proof?

51% of those polled have had it done and agree. 55% agree with it.

but I define it as any sort of attempt to harm a person deliberately

Then, by your definition, scolding a child is as bad as spanking him.

If you wish to use non-violent methods on your children (and I'll be amazed if you manage) then fair enough, but don't make sweeping statements about 300 different sets of parents just because you don't believe in it. That, by definition, is trolling.

 

[Varya]

You violence will lead to more violence yet it looks like half the people on here will tell you from personal experience that it wasn't the case.

Except, it is the case. From the people who were spanked, a greater number of them approve of spanking. They were exposed to violence, and approve of it as a method. However, the people who wasn't spanked generally disapproves of spanking. And let's be clear, spanking is not only violence, it is violence against a child. So yeah, violence does lead to more violence

 

[CoL0sS]

Hmmm rly made me think back. While I was younger my parents always threatened to spank me when I did something wrong, but I don't remember if they ever did. Most of the time they would reason with me. Then again I was a good little boy, who always behaved and kept good grades. I eventually became fed up with our fucked up school system which concentrates more on theoretical studies than on practical application, but that's a whole different story. Today I maintain a healthy dose of respect for everyone, am accepting and will deal with my problems and responsibilities (eventually ). Maybe regular spankings could have made me more disciplined but then respect I know have for my parents would probably be replaced with fear.