Poll: Is Not Dating a Certain Race Racist?

[Milanezi]

Only if you... refuse to date, say a Chinese woman, who has beautiful looks, is a very nice person, in short someone you do feel attracted to (whatever that might mean to you) but you refuse to date her solely because she is Chinese. That is racism.

Keeping with the example... It is not racism if you don't feel attracted to Chinese women because, for instance, the general Chinese "looks" are not in conformity with your concept of beauty (and in this case we're obviously assuming, as an example, that beauty would be a major factor, but it could be anything else). The difference being, if it was a white girl with facial features you didn't like, you ALSO would not date.

 

[DRTJR]

Well, yes it is.

But as long as you don't reject someone who's otherwise attractive entirely because of their race, it's a pretty harmless racism.

I personally don't want to cut my dating pool, so I'd never be that picky.

That depends on what you find attractive, Some people think tans are not sexy as such the darker the skin the more that could distract from the overall package. Personally I don't think Brazilian supermodels are hot because of their tanned skin, like wise with black women.

Also since "Sexiness" is a superficial judgement anyway then the colour of their skin is an important factor, It's similar to saying that it is sexist to like women with HUGE TRACKS OF LAND, or homophobic for being strait. Whom so ever you find hot does not reflect of your higher thinking.

 

[EMWISE94]

Well, technically it is racist, its not exactly "I don't like any of those gas sniffing, gang banging, drug selling jungle bunnies!" racist, but its still racist, very small scale racism mind, it won't start fires but it'll get you a glance or two. It should also be noted that his wording might have made him sound really racist because I've seen this guys ad-post before and he did say that he'll date any race (latinos, europians, italians, asians etc) but not not anyone black without any clear justification, he also did say it doesn't matter if she's a "Halle Berry", he won't date a black girl, from this I'm assuming its a visual thing based on darker skin tones because lets face it Halle Berry is a successful and beautiful woman.

So I'm assuming that when he said he won't date a black girl he means he won't date any girl with a dark skin tone. On a personal note, being black myself I'm more attracted to girls who have lighter skin tones, not because I hate my own ethnicity but because I grew up around black people all my life so visually it does nothing for me really, not to say I find all dark skinned people unattractive, there are beautiful people who I've seen that are dark skinned, its just a the way my mind is wired.

On a realistic note, even though this guy has a very specific criteria of who he'll date, he will get a girlfriend who meets that criteria, because that's how the world works. So the feminists may demonize him as much as they want, he'll still get his girl... 'cause he offered a $1500 reward for whoever finds him said girl.

 

[Caiphus]

I don't know the post you're talking about, but anyone who tells you humans are meant/designed for anything is a liar with an agenda.

Sure, I was struggling to come up with a proper word for it. You managed to do so much more eloquently than I did. The "people are more bisexual than they admit" was what I was aiming for, and missed.

It means sexuality isn't a switch with 3 settings and "off", it's a line with an infinite number of points along the way. So most people aren't 100% straight, but they are at one end of the line so there are very few people of their own sex that they might find attractive. It may be so few that they never meet the person of the same sex that gets them all hot and bothered, or they can easily hide it. But that's not quite the same thing as learning your sexual orientation.

And yes, this is the oft-mentioned Kinsey Scale when people talk about these kinds of things. And I guess this is what I was trying to drill at: How similar is someone "learning" to hide/ignore their sexual orientation to learning to prefer white/black/whatever race. And I suppose, as you're alluding to, it really isn't. I was slightly confused because some posts have suggested that a person's upbringing would determine if they were homosexual or not, but then again it would be difficult to explain gay people in the Middle East, or in more conservative parts of America, if that were the case.


I don't know if there are studies. If a white girl grows up in China, for example, is she more likely to find white men attractive than a Chinese girl growing up in China? Because if the answer is "no" then one imagines that preferring a certain race is purely down to learning, as you put it.
Although if the answer is "yes" that could still be caused by the white girl being around a white family growing up (assuming she isn't adopted). I guess.

I mean, I'm not trying to push any agenda here. I know when people ask these kinds of questions, it is often the case that they are trying to subtly undermine some sort of argument; I'm genuinely curious if you know, or if anyone knows, frankly.

 

[Abomination]

I was on a feminist website recently and came across a post that blasted some white guy's website devoted to finding him the perfect girl. They took issue with his high standards on appearrance and education, which really doesn't seem like something big enough to warrant public shaming by a large website such as this one, but I could understand their distaste, if not their blazing ire. One thing they said, however, really got under my skin: he said he would date any race but "Black girls." And they called him a racist for that.

Now, he allegedly has said elsewhere on his site or on Reddit things that paint him to be a dyed-in-the-wool racist, but the mere proclamation of this preference was enough to get him the label on this site (I'm not linking to it because it's not really the point of the discussion I want to start here). So my question is: Does not wanting to date people from a certain race or races make you racist?

Who you choose to date is personal, private and up to your own discretition.

Having high standards isn't bad or good in itself. Although I personally believe trying to find 'a perfect person' of any kind is an excercise in futility, I can appreciate when someone puts in work to make their dreams come true. That's basically what life is about.

Back to the point though... is it a bad thing that he said: "I would date any race but 'black girls'".

It's a very inconsiderate and rude thing. Not that he has this personal prefference, but that he chooses to list that publically. It wouldn't require much work to filter out any black girls, simply by requiring a photo and then not choosing to persue a date.

Because by posting it publically and singling out a single race.... especially since race is something people don't choose for themselves is an insensitive choice.

It's a bit foot in mouth but not inherently bad.

I guess a better way to word it would have been "A pale skinned girl would be my ultimate preference"... I guess?

Sounds better than "No nigga bitches" or whatever he's being painted as saying.

 

[caselj01]

Its not racist to not go out with someone because you don't find them attractive or you don't like them, even if those traits are directly or indirectly as a result of their race. However it IS racist to put a blanket ban on dating people of a particular race. The real test of whether the guy in question is racist is, would he go out with a black girl if she was super-hot and also was a great person to be around? If he still wouldn't go out with her just because she is black and no other reason, then he is racist.

 

[Jamieson 90]

Can you choose who you're attracted to? And if not is it really racism if you don't have any control over it? I mean it's not a conscious decision, right? I mean I don't even think about it; I either like the person or I don't, their race doesn't even come into it.

 

[TheKangaroos]

Well, yes it is.

But as long as you don't reject someone who's otherwise attractive entirely because of their race, it's a pretty harmless racism.

I personally don't want to cut my dating pool, so I'd never be that picky.

How is it racist? If you're not attracted to people of a particular race that's not a judgement against who they are as a person. You're not making a judgement about the people of that race past "I personally don't find them physically attractive". That shouldn't offend anyone let alone be considered racism. Racism is a judgement you make about the characteristics of a particular group based solely on the fact that they are a certain race.

As an interesting point, I have a friend who is well into his 40's and has only dated women of African heritage, whether English, American, African etc. and he's dated a lot. We've discussed it with him in the past and he simply finds black women very attractive and thinks white women in particular are not. We've never accused him of racism however, how could he be, he's a white Croatian.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Can you choose who you're attracted to? And if not is it really racism if you don't have any control over it? I mean it's not a conscious decision, right? I mean I don't even think about it; I either like the person or I don't, their race doesn't even come into it.

Why does it being a conscious decision matter?

Surely nobody wakes up in the morning and says "Today I will consider other races to be inferior to my own". It's a belief or attitude that person holds which affects how they act, which they may or may not recognise and try to minimise.

 

[Illithidae]

Well, yes it is.

But as long as you don't reject someone who's otherwise attractive entirely because of their race, it's a pretty harmless racism.

I personally don't want to cut my dating pool, so I'd never be that picky.

Basically this. It's pretty clear-cut that racism is being prejudiced towards a select race or group of races, so yes, he is racist. In this case, I don't see it as much of an issue; it's a benign kind of racism, purely towards their physical traits.

It he wasn't going to date people with a specific type of nose, he'd just be picky.

 

[Jamieson 90]

Can you choose who you're attracted to? And if not is it really racism if you don't have any control over it? I mean it's not a conscious decision, right? I mean I don't even think about it; I either like the person or I don't, their race doesn't even come into it.

Why does it being a conscious decision matter?

Surely nobody wakes up in the morning and says "Today I will consider other races to be inferior to my own". It's a belief or attitude that person holds which affects how they act, which they may or may not recognise and try to minimise.

It matters because I believe intent is important in judging someone's actions, rather than judging their actions and their consequences alone.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

I'm gonna say no, it's not racist. What arouses me isn't my choice, and just because I don't want to stick my noodle in someone doesn't mean that I hate/think less of them.

 

[2HF]

I don't date Mexican women. Does that make me a racist? I should hope not, I'm Mexican. Not to say Mexicans can't be racist, they can, but I'm certainly not racist against my own people. I find pale skin to be extremely attractive. That means that I don't tend to date black women too. I don't generally find Indian women attractive either. Does that make me racist? Possibly if you're going by a websters dictionary definition but fuck you if you are, you know damn well that isn't the intention of the thread.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I don't want to date fat people.

Therefore I must hate fat people.

Nope. Change the adjective to whatever you want, I don't think it works like that. You can treat someone as an equal and still not want to bump uglies with them. Simple as.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I don't want to date fat people.

Therefore I must hate fat people.

Nope. I don't think it works like that. You can treat someone as an equal and still not want to bump uglies with them. Simple as.

Oh, looks like you're touching on the "cotton ceiling". Lots and lots of arguments over that.

 

[Something Amyss]

No. It's not racist. Unless preference in the looks of your mate is somehow discriminatory now. Hasn't been for thousands of years at least.

By its nature, preference in your mate is discriminatory. Seems weird to act like this is a sudden thing. That also doesn't equal racism. Though refusing to date black people is probably racist.

The issue here is "who cares?"

You hurt nobody through your actions, so whatever, right? People are still free to self-determination.

It was NOT racism that started the riots in capetown? It was NOT racism that made slaves out of men and women and after they were freed still had to suffer for decades from restricted education and people rights? And then there was germany.

So...Not dating black people...Will lead to the Holocaust?

 

[someonehairy-ish]

Oh, looks like you're touching on the "cotton ceiling". Lots and lots of arguments over that.

I can imagine. But whatever, that's my 2 cents, I think I'll jump thread now...

 

[Strazdas]

As far as relationship based on intelligence wits whatever i dont care about race.

As far as sexual appeal, i personally do not find black or latinos atractive at all. i however have extra ttraction to asian girls. However i shoudl stress that this is solely sexual appeal and is equal to some people not liking fat people. I do not consider that racist. Their race has certain physical qualities that my brains are not wired to have sexual appeal to, nothing i or them can control. They can still be friends or whatever, all other qualities remain independant of race, however as far pas spysical appeal goes you cant defy biology no matter how much you want. and to blame people for that is absurd.

I firmly believe it has to be learned (even if subconsciously) because otherwise, how else would it happen?

So people learn to sexualy prefer skinny/fat people too you think?

 

[Ihateregistering1]

Not in the slightest.

Now, if you asked this guy "why won't you date black women?" and he says "because they are descended from Monkeys and less intelligent than other races" then yes, he's a racist, but having physical preferences doesn't make one a racist. Maybe he simply likes lighter skin, maybe he like long flowing hair, it could be anything.

I hope I've communicated my thoughts in such a way that no one picks up a racist vibe from these words themselves. It's not my intention to denigrate any race with this question.

Ugh, sorry but this just irks the hell out of me whenever we try and have any sorts of discussions like this. People are so damn paranoid about being called a racist that they have to caveat everything they say to make sure to cover their ass. Sorry to jump on my high horse OP, I just think that people's paranoia holds back the race debate instead of pushing it forward.

 

[Thaluikhain]

So people learn to sexualy prefer skinny/fat people too you think?

Actually, yes. It's only relatively recently that the ideal body shape (in the west) is skinny. A few hundred years ago, larger bodies were popular, because it showed you had enough money to have adequate food.

Once starvation stopped being such an issue, the beauty standard changed to a much slimmer figure. It's only really been skinny recently, as recently as the 20th century, a fuller figure was considered beautiful. Certain actresses around WW2 come to mind.