Poll: Isn't crying about the deceased pointless?
- Thread starter Kirex
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You answered your own question. We cry because WE'RE sad, because we won't have the pleasure of that person's company anymore. We'll miss them.Kirex said:
Your question begs another - you say that "crying won't help them" but... when does crying ever help anything other than making the cryer feel better? That's crying's function - to allow the person crying to express and vent their sadness.
Case in point - if you have a fight with your sig other, crying afterwards doesn't make the fight go away. It doesn't lead to a discussion. It just allows you to be sad about it.
If you're asking why we feel sad after someone dies, then again, see above (missing them). If you're saying that sadness serves no function, then A) it is a very important psychological coping mechanism and B) people who don't feel sadness are sociopaths. Possibly high-functioning, non-homicidal sociopaths, but still psychos by definition. (note - I'm not including people who hide their sadness or disguise it - those people still feel sad, they just don't wish to admit it. You're only a sociopath if you feel nothing).
When I was a kid, I cried if I didn't get what I wanted. I cried when I lost something I liked a lot. When I was a teen, I cried when I lost the love of my life. I cried when I felt an utter loss of control over my life.
As an adult, you know what, I can honestly say I am quite similar. I lose something dear to me, I may cry. It's particularly bad when it's someone close to me--even if it's just them going away for a while. Add death to that, and...well...the finality of the loss in death is horrifying. Even if you believe in an afterlife, you're looking at perhaps YEARS without ever seeing the person again and even then you have no idea in what form you'll see them. I think, if there ever was a reason to cry, it's to cry over the loss of a loved one
I also find that I can be deeply moved by the prospect of others' sorrow. I see others going through a horrible time struggling with the loss and it tears me up inside too. Sometimes, then, I cry over a death not because I've lost someone, but because I know other people's lives have been thrown into shambles.
Does it have a literal, practical, application? Perhaps not (one may argue inter-personal connection, stress relief, etc as some have here). But most other emotions are pretty worthless on a totally practical level too. Love makes you do such stupid things, one could argue love is actually counter-productive and to be avoided entirely.
Incidentally, people talk about "this culture" as somehow emphasizing mourning. We emphasize mourning over tragedy here in America moreso than many other cultures (I can't stand how, sometimes decades after an event we're still mourning and commemorating it). However, many other cultures have much more elaborate and hysterical mourning processes after a person dies (screaming, bizarre rituals, hiring mourners, hysterics...). Interestingly, Americans often seem remarkably subdued at funerals by comparison
As an adult, you know what, I can honestly say I am quite similar. I lose something dear to me, I may cry. It's particularly bad when it's someone close to me--even if it's just them going away for a while. Add death to that, and...well...the finality of the loss in death is horrifying. Even if you believe in an afterlife, you're looking at perhaps YEARS without ever seeing the person again and even then you have no idea in what form you'll see them. I think, if there ever was a reason to cry, it's to cry over the loss of a loved one
I also find that I can be deeply moved by the prospect of others' sorrow. I see others going through a horrible time struggling with the loss and it tears me up inside too. Sometimes, then, I cry over a death not because I've lost someone, but because I know other people's lives have been thrown into shambles.
Does it have a literal, practical, application? Perhaps not (one may argue inter-personal connection, stress relief, etc as some have here). But most other emotions are pretty worthless on a totally practical level too. Love makes you do such stupid things, one could argue love is actually counter-productive and to be avoided entirely.
Incidentally, people talk about "this culture" as somehow emphasizing mourning. We emphasize mourning over tragedy here in America moreso than many other cultures (I can't stand how, sometimes decades after an event we're still mourning and commemorating it). However, many other cultures have much more elaborate and hysterical mourning processes after a person dies (screaming, bizarre rituals, hiring mourners, hysterics...). Interestingly, Americans often seem remarkably subdued at funerals by comparison
Kinda, here, allow me to share these epic words:
[HEADING=1]He's dead, Jim.[/HEADING]
Despite popular opinion, humans don't really cry about the deceased, they cry about the life they have to lead without them. It's all egoistical, but then again so is breathing.
And no, i did not read the OP.
[HEADING=1]He's dead, Jim.[/HEADING]
Despite popular opinion, humans don't really cry about the deceased, they cry about the life they have to lead without them. It's all egoistical, but then again so is breathing.
And no, i did not read the OP.
I don't think any of your options quite fit what I feel. Is crying over the deceased pointless? Not usually... and here's why.
Crying is part of the grieving process. Once you're able to accept your loss and the tears come, you have to let them out. If you just shut the pain away and don't bother acknowledging it emotionally, then you'll probably never truly recover from the experience (not that you can completely recover, but you can return to normalcy).
However, if you DON'T know them, then I don't see the point. I guess I'm just not that empathetic.
Crying is part of the grieving process. Once you're able to accept your loss and the tears come, you have to let them out. If you just shut the pain away and don't bother acknowledging it emotionally, then you'll probably never truly recover from the experience (not that you can completely recover, but you can return to normalcy).
However, if you DON'T know them, then I don't see the point. I guess I'm just not that empathetic.
I doubt there's much logic; people cry due some sort of instinctual felling along the lines of "I have been permanently separated from someone important to me" rather than as a conscious act of catharsis.
Objectively speaking, crying does serve some purposes. Though most of it's related discourse is wishy-washy bullshit.
For one, it's an effective kickstart to the grieving process; think of it as the antithesis to denial. Secondly, a surprising amount of endorphins are released when crying, helping 'clear' your head and allowing your head to feel it's made a psychological reaction to sadness.
However, as a cultural obligation it serves only the purpose of face, which is ludicrous. For some reason people assign special qualities to a dead person that they weren't given during life, thus you are OBLIGATED to feel sad and revered if you don't shed a tear or so.
If I ever had any hassle as a funeral I remained dry-eyed at, I'd just tell them crying is a stress reaction that gives me no benefit, and that I grieve in different ways.
For one, it's an effective kickstart to the grieving process; think of it as the antithesis to denial. Secondly, a surprising amount of endorphins are released when crying, helping 'clear' your head and allowing your head to feel it's made a psychological reaction to sadness.
However, as a cultural obligation it serves only the purpose of face, which is ludicrous. For some reason people assign special qualities to a dead person that they weren't given during life, thus you are OBLIGATED to feel sad and revered if you don't shed a tear or so.
If I ever had any hassle as a funeral I remained dry-eyed at, I'd just tell them crying is a stress reaction that gives me no benefit, and that I grieve in different ways.
Is there good cause to cry? Of course, there is a presence in your life that helped define who you are, and gave you a consistent experience for which you can never truly get back. That's major. That's lamentable. That's really all there is to truly lament on, though I'm being overly broad.Kirex said:
Should people be considered heartless if they don't cry? Absolutely not. That is simply a cultural standard, many other cultures actually CELEBRATE when someone dies, sometimes because they think they've got to a better place, but mostly they celebrate the previous existence of said individual.
Now if you feel nothing for this person that did all of these things for you and helped you define you life, then yes, I think definitionally you are a heartless person in the metaphorical sense.
So being emotional is OK but crying is not...
And crying is an extension of what?
I'll give you a hint, the answer is in the first sentence.
And crying is an extension of what?
I'll give you a hint, the answer is in the first sentence.
As for pointless, will crying change anything? No. So I guess it is "pointless".
Yet, I feel that it is unavoidable. Basic human emotion. I would cry if my mom died.
Yet, I feel that it is unavoidable. Basic human emotion. I would cry if my mom died.