Poll: Paying for dates

[artanis_neravar]

I'm curious about what everyone here thinks about a guy paying for a girl's meal when you go out on a date. Especially for guys who are in college and really have a tight budget. But also pertaining to people of all ages.

I have had a lot of heated debates with my friends recently and would like to know what you guys think. Is it a silly tradition or does it show that a guy doesn't have a "stingy heart"?

On a first date, whom ever does the asking out should do the paying. In a relationship, well this was apparently a source of contention between me and my ex. Won't go into details unless people want me too, mostly because I am playing Rayman right now and don't want to be away from it for too long .

 

[artanis_neravar]

snip

I'm not sure how serious you are about these, but I'm gonna approach them one at a time as if you are serious.

There are rules dude, alot of em. Put the toilet seat down.

Moot point, the entire toilet seat should be put down before you flush, otherwise you get urine and fecal matter on everything around the toilet

Always remember anniversaries.

True, Just like you should remember your friends birthdays

Don't ask to hang out with her friends, EVER.

Not true at all, in a relationship her friends and your friends are one in the same, even if you don't like them

Don't look at other women when you're with her.

You can look, just don't leer/doubletake/watch her leave, but I assume that's what you were talking about anyway

Don't talk about other women you've been with, even if she talks about her ex's.

Just like you don't want her talking about guys she's been with, and not true if she asks

If you're both doing something together, and she say's shes a. bored b. tired. or c. has a head ache, that means she wants you to take her somewhere else.

Apologize twice a day, even if you haven't done anything wrong. You have, and she knows about it.

Completely wrong, appologizing when you haven't done anything wrong will just anger her

If your friends want to have a guy's night out, and your girl doesn't have any reason to go out, you are staying in and watching Sex in the City.

Wrong, you have a life outside of her

If your girl has recently had a really bad episode with a friend, do NOT insult the friend. Even if she provokes a insulting conversation, you just stare at the floor and say "I dunno."

True, but just like you don't want her insulting your friends

And the most important lesson, You are never right in an argument. If you happen to win an argument, she will resent you for it, and you will pay for it later. If you don't accept the fact that she is right, she will resent you for it. If you make the cardinal sin of proving why she is wrong, she will not only resent you for it, but you will likely be talked about during her meetings with her friends, which will result in them urging her to break up with you.

Nope, girls don't like it when you always agree with them, and thier friends will never tell her to break up with you unless she is obviously unhappy, or you are obviously a bad person.

 

[TehCookie]

If you are taking them out, you pay. If you are going out together, you split it. In my circle of friends whoever had the idea has to get the tip and I would hold guys to that same standard. Though it's usually my idea...

 

[artanis_neravar]

Hey, it's stereotypical gender reinforcement, but if you wanna get on base, you gotta play by the umpire's rules. Or you can wage a mini gender political war, not do anything minutely related to gender roles, and get that nice firm handshake after the date. That's almost better then the first date kiss. Except not really.

See, that bothers me with that attitude. Basically your action doesn't say "i pay for her because i'm feeling nice" but "i pay for her so she better puts out"
Am I the only one who thinks that's pretty insulting?

Also i can't understand the attitude "you asked her/him out, you pay"
Most people don't ask the partner if they want to have free stuff, they ask
if they want to hang out and enjoy each others company.
And if both parties had a good time they can also both pay.
Of course you can ask to pay for all of it, but it should only be a question,
never an expectation.

I completely agree with the first part. As for the second part, it's because it's tradition, when you ask a girl out (i'm only doing this from a hetero males view, 'cause that's all I know) it's not that she is expecting you to pay nessicarily, it's that she might not be prepared to pay. Since our society makes the man paying so common place it's an assumption that most people don't even stop to think about. Imagine if you brought a girl out with only the intention of paying for your self and she didn't bring any money because she assumed you were going to pay. It would turn out well

 

[latenightapplepie]

...

Do gay couples have to pay twice...?

Kind of [http://www.theawl.com/2011/03/how-gays-split-a-check-at-a-restaurant].

On topic: Men should offer to pay, regardless of circumstances, it's simply polite. Women, however, have the ultimate say.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Never pay for the girl on the first date, unless you want to look like an under-confident doormat that has to throw money at women in order for them to spend time with you.

This is how I've always seen it.

And how many long term relationships have you been able to find?

I've never had any trouble with relationships (and I'm married at 28) and I've never paid for the first date. If you think that spending money on a woman is a good way to get her interested in you then you'll end up with a gold digger. The whole point of going on a date is that you both have fun in each other's company, by insisting on paying you're implying that you need to sweeten the deal for her to make it worth her while. Not to mention, you don't even really know this person, so why are you so eager to throw money at her?

(I know you quoted the other guy but he agreed with my comment)

Hey, I'm just giving your the female perspective. A lot of us still believe men should be men. That doesn't make us "gold diggers" or mean we are "after your money". I have a good job, I make good money, I don't need yours. That isn't the point.

If you ask us out, PAY. If we ask you out, at least OFFER to pay when the bill comes. It separates you from all the punk boys and makes a good first impression. It also is a small Alpha display that demonstrates you like to and are capable of controlling situations.

I agree, men should be men, but we differ substantially on what being a man involves. How does paying (or offering to pay) make someone a man? Because it's tradition?

It's funny that you say it's an "alpha" display when going down the whole "provider" route by spending money on a woman at an early stage in the relationship is a typical beta trait in my view. I know several of my female friends find that guys who insist on paying are a turn off as it comes across as being needy and too eager to please, and can find it quite offensive to them.

I see you are a brit, it could be there is a different culture where you live than here. From what I've heard on these boards the british dating scene seems to have degenerated into little more than a fuck partner scene, which is a shame.

The ability to provide food and protection have however been a key male trait since we were in caves. That's simply a fact. That's why we developed into the distinct physical (but non sexual) traits we have.

Betas are second fiddle, they settle for leftovers. Alphas take charge, put on their show (for every animal except very recent humans the males put on the display of attraction) and then take what they want the way they want it. Saying "let's go to dinner tonight" and then actually taking me out and providing the dinner if manly (doesn't matter if you pay or cook it). Asking to take me out and then say "hey, can you cover half of dinner that I invited you to?" is weak, sniveling, and cheap. I wouldn't invite a business colleague out without offering to pay.

I agree with this completely, except the "Alpha" and "Beta" comparisons, humans are not pack animals, we are herd animals

 

[Phasmal]

I see you are a brit, it could be there is a different culture where you live than here. From what I've heard on these boards the british dating scene seems to have degenerated into little more than a fuck partner scene, which is a shame.

Bluuuuuhhhh... what? British people don't date any more?
British lady here (howdy). Just pointing out that's clearly not true.

The ability to provide food and protection have however been a key male trait since we were in caves. That's simply a fact. That's why we developed into the distinct physical (but non sexual) traits we have.

Betas are second fiddle, they settle for leftovers. Alphas take charge, put on their show (for every animal except very recent humans the males put on the display of attraction) and then take what they want the way they want it. Saying "let's go to dinner tonight" and then actually taking me out and providing the dinner if manly (doesn't matter if you pay or cook it). Asking to take me out and then say "hey, can you cover half of dinner that I invited you to?" is weak, sniveling, and cheap. I wouldn't invite a business colleague out without offering to pay.

You're obviously entitled to your opinion, but I prefer to view my boyfriend as my equal, my partner. Not in a Tarzan/Jane way. It may have evolved that way but I'm a grown-up, and wont get offended if someone wants me to pay for my own dinner.

 

[RomanceIsDead]

Never pay for the girl on the first date, unless you want to look like an under-confident doormat that has to throw money at women in order for them to spend time with you.

This is how I've always seen it.

And how many long term relationships have you been able to find?

I mean your point is pretty irrefutable. I'm just a firm believer that long term relationships are unnatural.

 

[Brandon237]

My girlfriend and I split it according to what we order really, I tried to pay for her at first but she very quickly said she would pay for her own food Something for which I am very grateful, because food is expensive, and we wouldn't go out any-more if I had to pay XP
The same goes for anything really, I haven't the money to pay for her and she hasn't the money to pay for me. And damnit do I get annoyed when other people say that I should pay for her or we should pay for each-other's stuff, particularly when said people telling me this are in rich families -.-