Poll: Paying for dates

[AngloDoom]

It does happen in a surprising amount of people. I assumed that, since a lot of the girls I knew were all for equality amongst the sexes, they'd be fine with paying half for their meal.

Nooope.

They would say they didn't want to be paid for, but if I didn't I'd hear about it in a month's time in an argument telling me 'I'm cheap'. The fact that I wasn't springing surprise holidays and meals out on my ex girlfriend every other day was one of the reasons she gave when she broke up with me. It's...oddly important with some people.

Just seems strange to me.
I've always been raised to be independant and fair, so all my dates are either on 50/50 basis, or `I'll get this one, you get the next one`.

Oddly, at least one of the women who are as I mentioned (they expect a man to pay) were raised similarly, and they would preach the idea, but when it came to a meal they thought it was "less romantic" if the man didn't pay. They felt as if the man "didn't care enough" if he didn't pay.

Naturally, they all revealed later on to be mostly horrible people, but it got to the point where I used to try and pay for everything even with girls I was convinced don't care - just in case they turn around and throw it in my face later on. Thankfully, I've realised those women aren't the type for me and I shouldn't bother with them, but there are a lot of issues that have arisen like that in a few areas I've lived in.

Hell, half my girlfriends have tried to hit me when angry and when I told them I'd hit them back they burst out crying. Some people are still going through the growing-pains of cultural change, I guess.

 

[Knight Captain Kerr]

You pay for your food, I pay for mine. Simple.

 

[darksakul]

I like to point out that it is now 2012.
Yes it is tradition for the men in the relationship to pay the bill. Then Tradition went down the toilet long ago.

But keep in mind in the 21 century where empowerment is a big issue. Depending on the woman; you might insult her by refusing to let her pay.

There is nothing wrong with going "Dutch" or both people paying their own way at a date, especially with this economy.

Or if you are in a situation where the woman in the relationship makes/has-access-to more money, there nothing wrong with accepting the fact that she will cover the bill.

 

[emeraldrafael]

I will say this, while its right to be a gentleman and all that jazz, the girl does eventually have to repay in some way or another.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

I vote sometimes, Because in my experience if you pay for her every meal, it shows her that you think you have to buy her love, and that you have less confidence in yourself... I tend to split it 50/50 90% of the time, sometimes alternate, they get me dinner next time kinda thing, but usually that's a financially based issue, not trying to be gallant.

Birthday dinners are something I would pay for, but mainly as part of the gift, because of the occasion, not because I'm the guy.

But hey what do I know, I just have an active dating life, a small budget, and 3 women competing for me at the moment.

 

[Cale Lively]

Im thinking that a meal is a bad way to go to begin with. With that amount of time, you might find out you hate her and now have to wait for your food. Food is never a good idea, spring for coffee so you have an out if she ticks you off.

great advice, I also find meeting up for drinks after work is a good way to go. The nice thing about this is that if things go well you can hi dinner or do something else. As for paying I prefer to split the tab on the first couple of dates. Why? because i think its a sign of respect, if you expect me to pay for everything I see it as having total disregard for who I am, you see me as a wallet and free meal.

 

[Phasmal]

Snip.

That's kind of mental.
Threatening or trying to hit your partner is a huge no-no, male or female.
In general, I can't deal with aggressive people, and I'm not aggressive myself. (Sometimes it bothers my boyfriend I never actually seem to get properly angry).

 

[AngloDoom]

Snip.

That's kind of mental.
Threatening or trying to hit your partner is a huge no-no, male or female.
In general, I can't deal with aggressive people, and I'm not aggressive myself. (Sometimes it bothers my boyfriend I never actually seem to get properly angry).

A big problem lies in the double-standards people have toward that sort of thing. I'm not saying by any means that men or women have it worse (because I can only rely on anecdotal evidence from person experience) but a close friend of mine used to be regularly beaten black and blue by his girlfriend, and the one time he resisted (by holding her by the wrists so hard they bruised) she showed it off to all his friends, who promptly tried to kick the crap out of him again. It would have normally been a case of 'manipulative dickhead', but every one of the guys who raged at my friend had seen him being beaten by his girlfriend. She never made any attempt to hide it - she used to punch him in the face and kick him in the ribs when he was laying on the floor anywhere from at home to parties.

The problem doesn't just lie in the individual, it's the people around them who enable such a thing to go on without calling them out on it.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

You ask the person out; you pay for it all; me I don't mind paying since I make more than enough to not hurt footing a cheque or two. Whatever works for you I guess.

It's funny to see how everyone suggesting you are a cheap bastard for not paying, here in Sweden you pay for what you order individually. Isn't that the logical thing to do?

One could also for example show, that traditionally its logical to show a woman you ask out, that you are indeed able to provide, sustainable income being one of those things sorta necessary to create a family, if that is what you're looking for.

Or it could logical that the woman would want to pay to prove to a man that she didn't need to be taken care of and if they got together the pooling of resources would result in a more economically proficient family.

Or better yet it could be logical to pay for a meal on a date because you asked someone out and its considered the polite thing to do in many Western nations.

Its easy enough to say this is the logical way, but in reality, logic is varied from person to person and culture to culture. Some people think its logical that a God made the world, some people think its logical to believe that evolution did it.

Perhaps I'm overthinking what you just said, but it is a pet peeve of mine when people say that "X" is the logical way to do things.

Damn, i just got served. Don't worry, you are definitely the correct one in this matter. Perspective is everything.

That was my Swedish-ness talking, our national policy is more or less: "Equality for all, but mind your own buisness". You can see how that fits well with the bill policy i mentioned.

 

[chadachada123]

I generally offer to pay, especially if I'm not in a full relationship with her. In my last real relationship, she had way more disposable income, and ended up throwing money at me all of the time, but for damn-near everyone else, I offer to pay even if I really don't have the money to spare.

It's like, the more broke I am, the more I want to not appear broke. Of course, when I have a bunch of spare money, I offer to pay with that too. I guess whenever I'm nearing an extreme for wealth, I decide to pay for everything.

 

[Guffe]

You can make a deal to split it.
Or then the one asking to buy dinner pais, not harder than that for me.

 

[Phasmal]

The problem doesn't just lie in the individual, it's the people around them who enable such a thing to go on without calling them out on it.

Agreed, and thats seriously messed up.
There was violence in my parents relationship from my dad, and it carried on for years. It's impossible no-one knew about it.
I look forward to the day its socially unacceptable to raise your hand to your partner regardless of your or their gender.
I hate the stereotype of the woman smacking the guy about being funny, that's just disgusting to me.

 

[Yopaz]

If you ask someone out to dinner, you pay the bill. If they ask you out, they pay the bill. It's one person treating the other. Gender is a nonissue.

This. If you ask someone out then you wont be making a good impression if you don't pay.

 

[Hatter]

The male is putting on a demonstration that he can care for a female (we're talking about a date here, not going out as friends). It's a biological thing that extends into society. I always pay without any mention or discussion, kinda sets in her subconscious I do what I want and projects a leadership strength that's not to be questioned.

Saying it like that makes it sound primitive but we are animals like any other and that's generally how it goes.

I wish there were more like you around these parts, I'm used to disagreeing with every single poster.

 

[Ieyke]

I'm old fashioned, so yes. Always.
(Unless she's just stupid retarded rich and paying for stuff simply doesn't impact her at all...then she can pay for everything, for all I care.)

Hell, my best friend lives with me and I pay for basically all of her food just as a regular course of things.

I hear people whine about equality and crap as reasons not to hold open a door, or pay for a date, etc etc etc nowadays and I think they're all idiots.
It's not an act to show you don't think she's capable or whatever, it's just hardwired into guys' brains to protect women they care about and lessen the stuff they have to do.
At least it used to be hardwired.

Nowadays people are just turning into assholes across the board... If only society itself were something I could beat some sense into.....

 

[RomanceIsDead]

Never pay for the girl on the first date, unless you want to look like an under-confident doormat that has to throw money at women in order for them to spend time with you.

This is how I've always seen it.